Dear Ladies and Gentlemen.
The following topic has enjoyed some moderate success on the Mai Hime/Otome boards, that of discussing various appeal/lack of appeal of Suzumiya Haruhi characters as (fantasy) life partners.
Until this actually gets a thread of its own, this is more or less a "Beta Test."
Each entry should include the following categories:
Name:
Looks:
Personality:
Intelligence:
Economics:
Competition:
Warrior Skills:
Housekeeping Skills:
Sex:
Father/Mother Material:
Overall:
Ready, Steady, Let's Kick it off!!
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Name: Asahina Mikuru
Looks: To quote from the novel, with a little personal spin:
"YOWZA!! What a Looker!! Her head is crowned with a cascading waterfall of rich chesnut colored hair, beneath which is an adorable face that can have her easily mistaken for a grade schooler. Dead center are a pair of big, watery puppy-dog eyes that cry out "Please Protect Me." This appearance alone is enough to make most men hug her and say "Of course I'll take you home", even when you do
not put her abundant mammery capacity into consideration.
It should be noted that her future adult counterpart, though more beautiful and somewhat mature, is no less adorable.
Personality: Innocence, thy name is Mikuru. Trusting, polite, kind and above all considerate, this constituent of purity is therefore quite helpless against forceful personalities of deities like Suzumiya Haruhi. Painfully shy, she has an endearing tendency to weep when her appeal to the males of our species garners less than wanted and more than excessive attention. Warm and honest, it is a rare friend you can find who you can confide in better than her. Thankfully, though more experienced in life and less sexually-shy, her adult counterpart is no less sweet and kind. The sight of her nostalgically hugging her "old" Maid Costume really brings a warm breeze into one's heart. Her moral and loyal nature ensures that unlike many other time travellers, she would never bend the past to selfishly accomodate to personal needs and agendas.
Intelligence: Mikuru is an adequate secret agent in the fact that she does what she is told and follows textbook procedures to the letter. However, adequate hardly equates to competent. Any intelligence she may possess is eclipsed by her unassertive and considerate nature. Unlike Haruhi, Mikuru-Chan would never assert, and therefore carry out, any opinion at the detriment of other people's well being. Mikuru-Oneesan on the other hand, carrys herself a dignity and confidence that implies that she has learnt much more, and is quite capable of handling the complexities of life.
Economics: It is quite certain that by today's standards, Special Agents like Mikuru-Chan are paid an arm and a leg. Forget about asking her to tell you future lottery numbers though, first of all its mean and second of all "It's Classified Information."
Competition: An entire
legion of adolescent males that is the population of her school. It has been noted that there is an unspoken oath amongst all the boys for collective vengeance should any single male dare to "have his way" with her. Of course, Mikuru being Mikuru, is scared off by such excessive attention. Kyon's affections, on the other-hand, being moderate and genuine, is fully reciprocated by her. It is quite clear on both sides that their feelings for each other are a hair's-width of crossing from platonic-respect into romantic-love, if only the necessity of sating Haruhi's rage and boredom was not in the way. Oh, and note that Haruhi's overbearing affections can be interpreted (especially amongst Yuri fans) of repressed "feelings" for our adorable sempai.
Warrior Skills: Oh deary me. She is such a soft and kind girl that to quote Kyon when the SOS was attacked by the giant cricket
"I doubt she will be of any use even if she had a ray-gun from the future." Besides, if you REALLY love Mikuru-Chan, it is YOUR duty to protect her, oh Gallant Sir-Knight!!
Housekeeping Skills: Through Haruhi's grueling routine of enforcing a Maid Personality unto her, Mikuru-Chan is said to make one smashing cup of green tea, one of Kyon's few true genuine delights in the SOS.
Sex: For a girl who so easily incites feelings to perform such acts, to even
approach Mikuru-Chan about such a matter would quite likely drive her into tears of terror, not to mention earn the collective wrath of 300 boys. Even if you
somehow manage to initiate the act, her frailty would ensure that for both to be satisfied, you have to be nothing but slow, gentle and considerate.
Father/Mother Material: If it is the Mikuru-Chan of the "present" she has so much growing-up to do that quite likely by the time her children can walk, THEY will be the parents of the relationship. The futuristic Mikuru-Oneesan, on the other-hand, is an endless resevoir of love, warmth, care, consideration and strength that will ensure your children to grow up to be just and kind, sweet and cute as she is.
Overall: In the ragtag collection of misfits that is the SOS, Asahina Mikuru-Chan is easily the best catch of all. Incomparably sweet and endlessly huggable, protecting her from the harsh world will be a full time job, though it will be one that most men would gladly perform. Wait a few years however (who knows how long, as Mikuru-Oneesan stated that her "current" age is "classified information"
and YOWZA you'll have a lady and a half by your side for the rest of your life.... no matter what timeline you're on.
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Let the Fun Begin.