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Old 2008-10-16, 22:43   Link #10029
markesellus
Undercover Mole
*Graphic Designer
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: ~Floating on the edge
Quote:
Originally Posted by TerranReaper View Post
Here is the second chapter of Alpha Outbreak. Hopefully it's better than the first.
Spoiler for Chapter 2: Decision:
Let the party begin.
Well that's interesting. WHAT HAPPENED TO VITA! Lol, jk. I just hope she'll be ok. I agree with laith you should put in breaks to show change in scene and separate what people say in different paragraphs. Also this kind of stuck out and bothered me so I'll point it out
Quote:
“Me think so too.” answered Subaru.
It should be "I think so too. " Anyways, I was so busy talking about you're story I forgot to welcome you! So welcome! Don't reject the crack, just breathe deeply and take it in. Btw, yay for people in the pacific!
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