[nathalie112689]

Well, I guess I might as well get started and tell my story since this thread is on the subject lol.

I don't know if I really am afraid of men like I am phobic towards them, but I think I am. When I was in 5th grade, this guy was being so mean to me. He bullied me so much, but I was only scared of him and not of other guys. The cruelest thing he did was cut strands of my hair. I hated him after that. But, in junior high school, guys noticed me more. I was very shy and quiet. I hardly spoke to anybody. So they bullied me. Even in class or in the lunchroom when one of them was bothering me, I wouldn't call for anyone to help me. All I could think about was not being able to defend myself, and felt thoroughly miserable for simply letting myself be attacked and attacked. I was bullied nearly everyday in 6th grade, and I endured a lot of verbal abuse. Sometimes people would watch what was going on and feel sorry for me. I can say some of them tried to tell them to stop it, at first, until the bullying kept going on and on. And I still wouldn't defend myself.

6th grade was also the first time a guy tried to sexually harass me. After that event, my eyes opened a bit more to the differences between guys and girls and why things were not the same as elementary school anymore. But it was 7th grade when I really understood when I was sexually harassed a second time the sudden reason why I should be afraid men -- their capabilities. Realizing this, I wanted to avoid men as much as possible. None of the guys at school had positive influences on me. They were lewd and perverted enough in junior high school talking about doing it and using slang terms for this and that. Even some of the girls would joke around with them. Other times the guys would try to cope a feel at a girl.

I was so scared they would try to touch me, too, but I was terrified enough of when one of them would poke or prod me in the shoulder or arm when purposely bugging me.

Since high school, I've minimized my contact with men. Even the nicest guys I've met, I had doubt in my mind thinking about the consequences if they turn on me and try to do something to me. I've never had a guy friend since elementary school. That was before I got myself into this big mess of a fear of guys.

Every time I see a guy, I think about something of the past when I started being afraid of men and the things that happened. So naturally I am cautious. I am relieved when guys don't look at me or find me uninteresting so I can calm down.

My fear of men sounds a little extreme when I've already sweared off ever trying to find love, or marry, or have children. I just don't think it's possible. Along with my fear of men, my fear of intimacy is associated with this.

I was wondering if anyone else feels the way I do about men. =/