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Old 2008-07-31, 00:27   Link #120
Worriors1
Spontaneous Retirement.
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: United States
Quote:
Originally Posted by miroku2192 View Post
Alright, after seeing episode 16 of SEASON 2, and after reading some really good fanfictions (like karuma's, man that was good, im waiting for the new ones hehe :X), i've decided to write one of my own based off of what could happen after episode 16. I'm going to try to write a lot if i get some good/constructive feedback, not stuff like "it sucks, or it's really good", but something along the lines of "you should work on this or that".

I've never really written one before, and thought it'd be cool to share my ideas.

THE ONLY THING IS, the one i just wrote a few min ago, was written really fast, but contains spoilers FROM episode 16 and is basically a speculation of what might happen in episode 17. If you guys DON"T mind reading it, please leave some feedback. The ONLY problem is that the fanfiction site doesn't allow me to post a new story until two days after registering...and i just registered. So i'm going to go ahead and post my story under a spoiler tag.

BEWARE - THIS FANFICTION OF MINE IS WRITTEN AFTER WATCHING EPISODE 16 OF SEASON 2, THAT MEANS THERE ARE SPOILERS CONTAINING THE LAST PARTS OF THIS EPISODE, AND IT COVERS WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN IN THE NEXT...PLEASE LEAVE CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK:
Spoiler for fanfiction contains spoiler from episode 16 of S2 and talks about what might happen:


please help me .
I liked the point it gave and I can understand you were in a hurry, half the time you have to to be able to get the base and deep details of the story down before you forget them. It does feel rushed, but that's to be expected. I think it could be improved if you added greater detail to how the two of them felt. Like their thoughts and emotions. So I think rewriting it to be longer and explaining things just a tad more would make it alot better. The idea is pretty good, but I think it would be good if you made them argue for a bit before Suzaku finally flipped his lid and punched Lelouch. Hopefully a deep arguement?
On a complimentary note, I don't know if you intended for it to be funny or not, but the whole "Make sure Rolo doesn't hurt Cornelia" thing made me grin. The way it was phrased just made it sound funny.

On another note, my own story, but it is full of spectulations and slight spoilers for R2, you've been warned.
Devotion Upon Death
Chapters: 1 (three planned, depends on if I decided to carry on with it.)
Length: 1,686 (currently)
Summary: Well, assuming the Black Knights DID turn on Lelouch, would he be able to save himself before someone had to save him? And if he couldn't, could he make up for his death?
Minor notes are listed at the begining of the story, but I doubt they're important enough to list here. The biggest one is the fact it's in R2 and based off of spoilers and spectulation as stated above.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4426047/...ion_Upon_Death
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