I slowly open the curtains the dry agitating fabric grated against the wrinkles of my fingers. My eyes squinted as I stared blankly out onto the streets. Another day has started. I would stand there for sometime watching the world interact. I was locked there, only shifting for the aching cries of my feet. I clenched my teeth, swallowed hard, but I was not out there with them… in there falseness. I was safe here. Out there in the light, I would be judged, looked upon as some creature to be pitied. Why must I see their false sympathies, while with my back turned they would grin with the smiles of harpies gossiping that my illness had made me hideous, made me wretched.
To there amazement, I lived past my expiry, a new one would be told to me by the village doctor, but I would live past that too. I had once cried out in lonely agony to have the illness take me. This world of duality where light and dark seemed to exist in all people. I hated that about people, you never knew who was kind… or who was false. I close the curtains shading my eyes from the brilliance of their light. Shielded myself from their scrutinizing eyes. I shuffled from room to room, but the misery I was brought in my loneliness was not on my mind. Rather, a companion, danced about in my thoughts.
I could not live alone forever, I had resolved to make a girl created by man without the judgemental nature of ones created by god. She would accept me. She would love all of me without judging my weaknesses, free of… avarices… I take up a book it’s dusty pages explain to me that it had been neglected like I, forgotten like I. I flip the pages the dirt between them staining my white fingers. To create a person, how must one do so. What was it that made a human? It was flesh, bone, blood, and soul. I grinned to myself knowing how I might get flesh, bone, and blood. However, a soul… how was it that the devil acquired souls? Did he need to wait until that person died? I do not have such time! I mulled over the book longer until it’s pages would give me no clues. I set it down on the side table to my chair and sat in front of an empty fire place.
My eyes fluttered closed briefly then opened once more. Within my dreams I could see her moving about in a field of green with me. She is youthful, playful, sweet and her eyes glow with a blue brilliance that even the sky would envy. I smile in my sleep rub an affliction from the sweat on my cheeks. She would be perfect for me. She would be free of the vile taint that we god children have placed ourselves in. Her voice is bright and gentle. “I adore you… whomever you shall be.” I said out loud, but my daydream would be rattled awake by a jarring knock at my door.
My eyes opened sharply. I gaze upon the door a human body was unfortunately on the other side. Would I answer it? Should I answer it? Was it a tax collector seeking payment… No it was not time for that. I groaned and rose from my seat and quietly made my way over to the door. I listened carefully. There was surely someone on the other side. Another knock came just as jarring as the other the wood within my door seemed to groan in the same displeasure as I. We were being invaded upon. I looked at the clock on the wall gritted my teeth at it. How dare someone disturb me so early in the morning. My hands shook. My eyes lost focus. I had to reach the handle… or would he go away.
Yes! He will go away, if I just move from here he shall think I am not home. Despite my hopes the knock came again. I paused frozen in my tracks. I wait hoping he had not heard me, until the voice of a woman came through the door.
“Mr. Winston…” the voice was unsure… or perhaps that was my wishful thinking. I stay quite still for a long time. The invader would not leave. I prayed, but realized I should not do so. I was forsaken no god would answer my prayers. I leaned closer to the door as things grew silent. Had she left? Again loud invasive knocks rattled my ear and my being along with it. “Mr. Winston, I know you are home you are always home.” How invasive, the sheer lack of propriety of this woman! I commit to simply leaving, but the knock came again so loud I found myself tearing the door open with my eyes a flame.
Seeing a person face to face… I shrunk. I shrunk quickly my flame put out in an instant. I smoothed down the mess that was my hair and grinned weakly interlocking my fingers innocently.
“Why if it isn’t Mrs. Cooper.” She was the worst of all people in this town. There was not a sneeze that escaped her gossip if she saw it. I force the best smile that I could, but she simply sized me up in disgust.
“Your garden, it’s over grown, your house is unsightly, and…” she looked me up and down I knew what she wanted to say, but her beliefs kept her from insulting me directly. Oh no she would rather do so to her friends, but I knew it would eventually come to my knowledge. I was much like my house I am sure. I simply nodded and apologised explaining to her that I would get right to it. She simply crossed her arms and sized me up one last time before turning rapidly and making her way. I cursed her… oh I cursed the back of her self centered head. I would enjoy watching her suffer. One who lives in the light, but has the forked tongue of a devil.
I slammed my door shutting their world from mine. I would have to do chores to satisfy the whim of an outsider. How disgusting. I just wanted to work on my beauty… then her and I we could manage this house. I would not feel this nagging of my heart… I could live again. I could… I looked briefly out pass my curtains. Venture into their world again. I paced about my house. I needed something anything to get started before I became crazy. I would need a vessel, what is more I would need a way to preserve that vessel. So many ideas crossed my mind, but I had to be sure it would work. I clenched my fist before my mouth and bit down on my index finger closing my eyes tightly.
I needed a vessel, do I make it? Do I collect it? How does one make a human body? I could not weave sand and wind and make a body as god had done. So… how would a mortal man make a body.