Thread: Dating
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Old 2007-11-24, 14:19   Link #208
ChibiMenos
Gillian-class Chibi
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Utah
Age: 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sakura_Kinomoto View Post
*sigh*well im only 16 years old and ive had my heart broken many times just the other week my Best friend Jamie asked me out and well i said yes because we were always spending time with each other and i thought we were perfect for each other things went welll at first but then she started acting funny annd a few weeks later just after her birthday she broke up with me for 2 reasons A) beacause i was moving to fast *all i had done was held her hand we hadnt even kissed except for cheek pek*and B) becasue a guy i thought was a friend told her i only went out with because i wanted sexual relations with her, now i dont even talk to her.....My heart was broken...again and whats worse is that the one girl ive always loved secretly, Jess is in a relationship from which she will never leave... Im 16 my back and chest is covered with acne scars im really skinny i watch Star Trek and Stargate and i absolutley love Anime/manga it seems that the only chance i get at happiness to do with love is from watching love in Anime....I just dont know wether to give up on love forever , ive been hurt that many times
Well, first of all I think 16 might be a little young to be giving up entirely. I know at least for me 16 was a very moody time... and if I'd given up on guys at that point, I never would have gotten to date anyone at all. (My first time going out with a guy wasn't even until this spring--and I had to ask him. But that's getting a little off-topic.) Just keep in mind that at this point, as a teenager, it doesn't matter so much--after all, hardly anyone ever ends up marrying the person they were with in high school, thanks to going to different colleges and stuff. So the most important thing to remember is to have fun and practice interacting with girls so that when you get a bit older and if you ever decide you want a permanent relationship, you'll be able to make that one work.

Okay, second, I can think of a couple of things you might have done wrong. You didn't give too many details, but here are my theories of why Jamie may have decided she didn't want to go out with you anymore. "Moving too fast" doesn't only extend to physical relations--it can als be a number of other things. Like wanting to see the girl too often, or talking to her every day on the phone, or calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend too early, or asking her too many questions about what she's doing, or being extremely jealous and posessive around other guys. All of these can be overwhelming for a girl, who may feel that you're smothering her and trying to take over her life. If you come across as controlling and demanding, or needy, she's not likely to want to stay with you. (Actually this is true for both guys and girls... imagine a girl who wouldn't give you any time to be yourself.) Also, giving gifts--especially expensive ones--or refusing to let her pay for dates (though you should never expect her to), can be somewhat of a turnoff for some girls...they might feel as if they are not being given respect, or as if you feel you have to "buy" the time you spend with them. Or worse, you might start worrying the same thing (does she really like me or is she just spending time with me because I guy her stuff). And to top it all off, for a guy at your age, spending money on a girl is really not the best idea financially...you should instead be saving for college, or if that is not in your plans, at least save your income towards an apartment when you are old enough to move out. If you must give a girl a gift, keep it small and thoughtful--nothing over $25 is a pretty good rule when you're starting out. (But don't be obviously cheap, either, another problem...)

Also, you say that because a friend told her something (was it true, btw?), you have not been talking to her? Obviously if she asked you out, she felt some attraction towards you--it's just as hard for girls to ask guys out as the other way around, maybe a little harder because the opposite is usually the expectation... she wouldn't do that if she didn't care about you and want to spend time with you, especially since it sounds like you guys were already friends. So WHY in the world are you not talking to her now? Is it embarassment? Put it this way.... do you really want to lose that friendship you have had with her? She has already risked her feelings once to ask you out...she's not going to do it again. She may even think that you are upset with her, despite the fact that it should be the other way around... Girls are complicated creatures, but just put yourself in her shoes and try to figure out what she's thinking right now. It's possible (and I think likely) that even if she doesn't see you as anything like a potential boyfriend right now, she may at least want to still be friends. I would suggest trying to be friends with her again--just keep things moving slow, and don't seem desperate. Maybe if you are having a party or something with a lot of friends, make sure she is invited too. Simple stuff.

As for the acne...that's not such a big deal. It can be a turnoff for some, but there are plenty of girls who have horrible acne--myself included. Bacne and a bit on my face, with some nasty scarring. Luckily I discovered coverup early on, but even though I am a confident person, I still hate being seen in a swimsuit. It seems like acne is a bigger problem for the people who have it, though, than for the people they think will care. After all, most people have acne at one time or another, even if you can't see the results. I personally think that you're pretty lucky to have it only on your back and chest and not your face. (And yes, pills from the dermatologist work wonders--I haven't been taking mine, though, because I really don't care anymore. It's just not a big deal for me after nearly 8 years, ya know?) What's really important isn't the acne or scarring, but whether or not you are fit and healthy, and a kind person. If someone is a bad-tempered blob of lard (not saying you are of course, just as an example) then the most perfect skin in the world can't save him. On the other hand, a nice guy with a good body, who just happens to have some bad acne scars, is much more likely to get the girl.

With the Stargate and Star Trek and anime and manga thing... I'm not sure what you're trying to say, but it sounds as if maybe you are worried that girls won't like you because of your interests? 'Cause that is totally, totally wrong. Some girls might be a little weirded out--but do you really want to be spending time with a girl who can't understand the stuff you like? There are plenty of girls who are into the exact same stuff, and in my experience they will actually tend to gravitate toward guys with similar interests. After all, there's nothing more fun than having that same background so when you're out walking around, and one of you goes "OMG that lady's walking a Tribble!" the other knows exactly what you're talking about, and finds it just as funny as you do.^^

So, don't worry, don't stress out, and don't give up too easily. Best of luck to you!
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