I've posted
Chapter 2 of "Love and Duty Come in Chains" on Fanfiction.net ^^. From the feedback I got, I edited some parts with a few extra words here and there to hopefully make the events a little bit clearer!
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam
Well, maybe I just misread it.  But to me, it comes across less as something horrible that's happened and Konoka and Setsuna happened to be in the wrong place doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, but more as something horrible that happened because Setsuna didn't act on her gut instinct of getting out of there and Konoka decided to throw a hissy fit over being just friends with Setsuna. Not a good impression of the events. ^^;;;; |
Ouch, I can see how you could see it that way!
Well, hopefully later chapters will clear that up.....
Quote:
Originally Posted by isagrimorie
It... doesn't inspire me with confidence that Kyo's guards are not as skilled as Setsuna and Mana. Then again, I suppose that's only in relation to Setsuna and Mana? Perhaps when compared to other mages they are very skilled? After all, its hard to measure up to the adventures of the Ala Alba.
Like everyone here I like that Kyo's a good man and you've shown that Hazan's also a good person so it would be hard to root for Setsuna. Also her thick wall of angst and broodiness is making it challenging to root for her.
I chuckled at Mana's overtime line because that would be so Mana!
Hmm... so now there's an escaped demon who knows about the wards? Plot ensued! Although it makes me wonder why the wards didn't have guards in the first place if they knew how delicate the wards were. An oversight on the Wallawards part?
|
A bit of a sneak peek, but the Wallwards were a smaller family originating from England, who aren't incredibly powerful in mages but have great resources for research and information gathering. So they're less of a "need bodyguards to protect our heirs!" as Konoka's family is, and more of "Guard? You've got a hand free? Come take this stack of books for me please!"
. So in Setsuna's point of view, they're pretty useless in a fight even if they are relatively competent.
I'm trying to write this in a different order than "Angel", by throwing the plot in first and working the characters second.....but it doesn't seem to be working well either
......
That'll be answered in the next chapter
.