[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by Discreet

My immediate solution to both those problems would be to change pretty much every major edit and keep it closer to the original.

However, I know that won't go.

Honestly, on your first point, I was thinking the exact same thing while I was reading your edit and Bliss's. From the way it was written, as if Kyonko was finally letting out all her anger and frustration at once, it didn't seem appropriate for it to be weak-hearted shouting match. And I even think that Kyonko summing up the situation like Kyon did doesn't go very well with the fact that they had such a huge fight. So to cut it short, what I'm trying to say is that if they're going to have a fight, I think it should be a full-blown fight or not have one at all.

If you're referring to my last edit concerning the subtlety of the situation, it's still kind of the same idea. If you want Kyonko to regret having fought with Haruki like that that I don't think it should be a side thought like it was in the original edit but full-out lamentation. Not-at-all or all-the-way.

As for Haruki's anger, it seemed like the only appropriate response from him after such humiliation. The original edit seemed like he kinda gave up too easy, bent backwards for Kyonko in contradiction to his personality. And I was very hesitant in making Haruki a physically intimidating person, but I thought that I didn't do it too much...

Guess not.

But I still think it's important to show an extremely angry response from Haruki after that moment.

Right then, I'll use your edit.