Quote:
Originally Posted by zebra
The conflict might not be so obvious, but the ideas I had that fit it to a T ... I didn't like them so much and didn't finish 'em. So here!
Spoiler for Flickering Light v1.1:
Flickering Light
It's cold. I take a deep breath and exhale with all my might. I can see the air escaping my mouth at full speed; it's like smoke. It only takes seconds until it turns into colourless air again.
I hate the cold. And I hate the dark. I hate days like this.
I get up when the sun has yet to rise and I return when it's already hiding beyond the horizon. The lack of light depresses me. I want to feel the sun on my skin; I miss the warmth filling my body.
The few people on the street look at me funny. Do I look so out of place?
I'm tired, so I trudge forward at a slow pace. Maybe I should take a bath once I get home? But it always takes so long. I always prefer to shower in the end.
I clench my hands into fists – harder and harder. Until the knuckles turn white. I let go and stretch them out and then clench them again. I really should have brought gloves today.
I finally arrive at the bridge. Just a little more and I'm home. Maybe I should have some tea once I get home; or maybe a coffee would be better? One of the street lights flickers. I stop in front of it and watch it for a bit, wondering if the smoke ascending from my mouth reaches the light bulb up there; even when invisible. It reminds me of my youth, when I roamed the neighbourhood with my classmates. We hit the street lamps until they went off. My lips want to curl into a grin, but they give up half way. I rise my foot and kick the flickering street lamp with all my might. The scream I let out echoes through the nothingness surrounding the bridge.
The light bulb stops flickering. And I stand in the dark.
I somehow feel like I should scold myself. I slowly turn around and want to continue my way. But then I spot him-
A man.
He's standing on the railing of the bridge on the other side. His back is facing me.
It suddenly hits me: he's looking down into the river. He wants to jump.
I stand there in the sole dark spot on the bridge that I created with my attack on the streetlight; I'm petrified. A whole torrent of words whirl up inside of me, but none make it out of my mouth.
Only the smoke continues to leave me.
The man suddenly lifts his head up to the sky and raises his arms as if they were wings.
No.
No.
I can't just watch.
I have to-
Someone-
“NO!”
The word finally bursts out my mouth as I run over to his side. I grab the fabric of his coat before giving it a thought.
“Don't do it!”
The man slowly turns his head to look at me. My stomach clenches as I realize that he's about the same age as me. He only raises an eyebrow at me.
“Let go.”
His voice is a lot lower than I would have expected. He is looking at the river again.
“But-”
I stop, but he hasn't interrupted me. I just don't know what to say. 'I understand how you feel'? No, he would just laugh at me.
“Let go. I don't want to jump if that's what you think.”
He faces me again, smiling broadly. I let go slowly; surprised by the gesture.
The man grins and waves and attempts to jump- I scream so loud and high pitched my ears ring. But he didn't jump; he had stopped right before taking off. He looks at me wide eyed, before he starts to break into laugher. He slowly sinks down to the railing and sits down.
But he doesn't stop laughing. He even holds his belly as if he had no care in the world and being shocked by someone wanting to jump off the bridge was the most absurd thing in the world.
I want to shove him down now.
“YOU!” My silence finally ends. I can feel that my face has heated up. “What do you think you're doing?!”
My screaming makes him stop finally. He looks at me surprised.
“I was just standing here, you're the one who approached me.”
“Because I thought you were going to jump, you idiot!” I huff.
“Oh really? So you came to save me then?” He locks eyes with me. I want to slap him to wipe the smug grin off his face.
“So what?! It's what you do when you see someone attempting suicide!”
“Hmm, is that so?” He hums; his eyes aren't leaving me.
I look down at my feet. I did the right thing, so why is he making fun of me?
“Do you want a pat on the back for being so heroic?” He mocks me.
“Do whatever you want, you lunatic!” I turn to leave.
But he isn't done with me yet: “Wasn't very heroic to be honest. If I had really wanted to kill myself you'd been way too late.”
I jerk to a halt and glance over my shoulder. He's standing again, facing the dark water of the river.
“Way too slow. Once you noticed me you froze up.”
I want to ignore him. To just go home. But I stand still.
“What were you afraid of?” He asks. I hear him chuckle.
“It's normal to be shocked when seeing something like that.”
“Always the same excuse.” The man shakes his head.
I can't help but turn around. I open my mouth, but stay silent.
“What I'm doing here?” He grins at me from over his shoulder. “Just wondering.”
“About what?” I nearly shout, because I don't want to step any closer.
“If you'd die from such a height. If it'd hurt.”
He has smoke coming out of his mouth, too.
“So you want to die?”
“Sometimes.” He kneels down and starts to drum on the stone railing. There's barely any sound. “At least I wonder about it from time to time.”
“... you should go to a therapist.” I mutter and start to walk away. I’ve had enough.
THUD. He jumped down the railing – onto the bridge.
My kneels feel weak suddenly. I'm afraid; please don't be dangerous, Mr. Lunatic! I start to walk faster but he catches up to me immediatly.
“I don't need therapy.”
I just want to walk past him, but he doesn't let me.
“It'd be weird to never wonder, don't you think?”
“I never thought about it before!” I shout and look around, but the only person I spot makes sure not to look this way.
“You're lying.” He grins at me again.
Just when I start to think about how I could defend myself, he suddenly walks past me and goes the other way. He stops in front of the turned off street lamp.
“My thirst for life is greater than yours.” He says and kicks the pole with such force the metal starts ringing. The street light flickers two times – then it stays on, illuminating the darkness around the weird man.
He leaves without saying another word. Leaving me in the shine of the street lamps, feeling petrified yet again.
Words: 1150
Thanks to Moczo for going error hunting <3
Knowing me I'll still rework it, so critique and suggestions are welcomed of course. I left many things ambigious on purpose, but maybe it doesn't make as much sense to others.
Dialogues are my enemy in English so I always try to write them to improve 
(I raised an eyebrow at the ban of italics and bold btw  ) |
Man, I really, really love the feeling going on here. It's great, especially right now; there's this slight rumbling of thunder going on outside and the sky is a sort of ruddy yellow, and it all seems to just fit. It's far too perfect.
I've also always liked these sort of stories, too. I like the idea of one person passing on some sort of higher wisdom to another simply in how they act, rather than through a lecture or something. It really hits home for me.
There are one or two slight spelling mistakes ("laugher" and "immediatly" specifically), but no big deal. Be damned if I didn't say that the way the story flowed pulled me right in, though.
Great stuff, all in all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by papermario13689
Quite an adventurous little tale; you're one of the first people I've seen use such an extensive vocabulary at your supposed age.  Everyone still looks at me like I'm insane when I use the word "sepulchral". Well done |
That's right, I'm really a 34-year old salaryman.
