Quote:
Originally Posted by willyvereb
Of course!
I will edit that post when i done...in exchange i need the same thing tomorrow. 
Edit: It seems that you already volunteered for it...
Ok my rewiev about the introduction chapter:
-Somehow Rick's motivation of joining Kataron isseems to me cliche...perhaps it shouldn't be a big problem if it's just remains background and the story never mentions it.
-the customised Overflag: It's good but remember that conventional weapons had little effect on the Gundams...same with the GN-X III's. There's only one option that it can defeat some GN-X's:If it has some kind of beam weaponry! Remember: the Union and AEU resarched beam weapons and they were close to completiotion at S1...perhaps it's not GNP-based beams but if it has some kind of beam weaponry then i guess it have a chance against a GN-X.
Chapter One:
the fight was pretty fighting shounenesque, but then showed some tactics.
Problems:
-The start of battle was somewhat confusing...at first i thought the Mission was at atmosphere:P
-The blade of Raven's rifle has no chance to cut through the GN-X's armor. In practicular only a beam saber or GN blade can do that cleanly in melee(probably a plasma blade do the work too, but it's not jwith just one lazy swing)...
Anyways exept the things i mentioned the fighting scenes were well commented...but i think sometimes the conversation was a bit misty sometimes and i even have problems indentifing who speaks(red suits, black Flag...first i don't recognised who you meant with them...)
Chapter Two:
A cliffhanger with Aeolia...welli think it'll continues.
-You could add some response from Rick when he sees Exia...he once fighted against them so it's quite stunning to see a "relic from the past"
It may seems that it's a negative critique, but just i have a habit to point out the errors mostly. I think the errors what's important...the places where we should improve.
Anyways: Good work with it. I'm quite interested how you connect Rick's story to the main happenings. |
Sure, will do! (will make teh corrections) I always thought the Overflag's weapons were beams (oh well, guess I was wrong). Was conventional weapons useless against GNXIIIs, I was sure in one of the latest eps, I saw an Ahead being destroyed by Kataron Enacts.
send me the link (or post your FF here once first chapter is done)
About the Aeolia scenes, (it was a bit influenced by the HOTD series where it shows the mastermind's motives and how he progressed and as such, I believed if I did something similar would be better that way as I found it disappointing that Gundam 00 lacked the development of Aeolia's theories.)
The idea of Rick/Raven (if you are an AC player, you would know why I picked that code name ^_^) I always thought Kataron was the cannon fodder of everything, yea old suits and everything, so I thought what would happen if I had a person with Graham skills in kataron? (and so, Rick was born)
O-gundam (before Lasse uses it), I thought it was scrapped, so might as well put it to use. (I like it in black colors with red lens, again similar to a raven)