Crontica said:
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Hei is practically fighting for a reason to live otherwise he'd committed suicide long time ago.
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Hei
is suicidal for much of S1 and S2. He chooses death over switching sides to MI-6 in the showdown with November 11 in the Havoc episode from S1. For that matter, Hei is suicidally reckless in his fights. He is constantly getting cut up, shot, and bashed around while unnecessarily putting himself in danger for the sake of other people.
If Amber (in S1) and Yin (in the OVAs and S2) weren't looking out for him, he would have died several times. The first set of opening credits in S1 showed Hei dying in Amber's arms, which implies that she changed the time-line and saved him.
Hei is an extremely conflicted character with a serious self-esteem problem. He even compares himself to a cockroach in S2. He never seemed close to deliberate suicide but I thought he was looking for a bullet with his name on it.