A Laugh A Day

[Aoie_Emesai]

Yup this still is the best gif ^_^

[Pendevous]

Some reasons for you to smile:

Spoiler for pictures:

Edit: MOAR -->

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service.

I hope I didn't offend anyone with the joke.

[User65554]

Originally Posted by Omfgbbqwtf

A few funny Pictures~~

Spoiler for space:

Thanks for posting that, I've been trying to get backwards bs for ages.
dddd!

[laughoutloud]

http://makesyoulaugh.blogspot.com/20...ar-factor.html

People getting the bejesus scared out of them in very funny circumstances.

[anti-random]

Originally Posted by Pendevous

Some reasons for you to smile:

Spoiler for pictures:

Edit: MOAR -->



I hope I didn't offend anyone with the joke.

That's great. Secret Service. Pah

[Pendevous]

Pendy's Daily Dosage Of Jokes.

Spoiler for Airplane jokes:

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Quantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one saved for last......

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

Spoiler for A MUST READ:

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney construction site.
The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shoveling."
To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.
He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."
Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.
The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, that ye did, but I couldn't get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese fella in charge of supplies, but I couldn't fin' him."
The foreman is really angry now, and storms off looking for the Chinese guy.
He can't find him anywhere and is getting angrier by the minute.
Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells... "Supplies!!"

[Silasj]

Originally Posted by Pendevous

Spoiler:

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney construction site.
The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shoveling."
To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.
He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."
Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.
The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, that ye did, but I couldn't get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese fella in charge of supplies, but I couldn't fin' him."
The foreman is really angry now, and storms off looking for the Chinese guy.
He can't find him anywhere and is getting angrier by the minute.
Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells... "Supplies!!"

Awesome joke

[Spectacular_Insanity]

Originally Posted by Omfgbbqwtf

Speaking of which....

Spoiler for A bit gory:

[Pendevous]

Spoiler for picture:

+ 1 joke:

A retired gentlemen went into the social security office to apply for Social Security.

After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "Will I have to go home and come back now?" he asks. The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt."

So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed his Social Security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too."

--> OWNED!

[anti-random]

Pendevous that is a really stupid joke that is incredible dumb that I actually smiled. I am hereby ashamed of myself and I blame you.

[Pendevous]

Originally Posted by anti-random

Pendevous that is a really stupid joke that is incredible dumb that I actually smiled. I am hereby ashamed of myself and I blame you.

ROFL! Some of the jokes that can make a person smile are the dumbest jokes.

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus's in the garage and no more yacht club.But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.

[jedinat]

Originally Posted by Pendevous

Spoiler:

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus's in the garage and no more yacht club.But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.

lol, I like that joke very much. Such an understanding wife.

[Thrasher187]

Spoiler for to save room for pictures (^_^):

[anti-random]

Originally Posted by jedinat

lol, I like that joke very much. Such an understanding wife.

so true, so true. But wait, if she divorced him wouldn't she get like half his fortune. All right its a joke, i reading into it too much.

[Spectacular_Insanity]

Awwww... I just realized my image links got blocked.... oh well. I'll repost them later once I figure out to get around those pesky hotlinking blockers...

For now, here are the hyperlinks to those images. They are quite funny!

HP

Clue Bat

Leadership

Blood

[jedinat]

Originally Posted by Spectacular_Insanity

Awwww... I just realized my image links got blocked.... oh well. I'll repost them later once I figure out to get around those pesky hotlinking blockers...

For now, here are the hyperlinks to those images. They are quite funny!

HP

Clue Bat

Leadership

Blood

lol, those are considered hotlinks as well. It really isn't that time consuming to upload pictures to photobucket or similar.

[Pendevous]

Originally Posted by Thrasher187

Spoiler for to save room for pictures (^_^):

This last picture is scary!

More jokes:

Spoiler:

A man is fishing in a lake for a long time...He gets tired and calls out to God, "God...Please send me at least 1 big fish today..."

A tiger shark surfaces beside the boat and asks, "You called??"

Spoiler:

John decided he needed a day off. So he climbed to he cieling and shouted, "I'm a light bulb...I'm a light bulb!!!!" The boss deciding John was too stressed said, "I think you need the day off...Go home right now!" Ted was watching this...He got an idea...He too followed John out. The boss asked him, "And where do you think you're going??" Ted replied, "You can't expect me to work in the dark..."

Spoiler:

A company decided it was time for a change in management style and appointed a new director, who arrived determined to cause a stir and make the company more productive.
On his first day of work, accompanied by assistants, he carried out an inspection of the facilities. In one of the sections he visited, everybody except a young man was working. He was standing against the entrance wall with his hands in his pockets. Recognizing this as an opportunity to demonstrate his new work philosophy, the director asked the young man: “How much do you earn a month?”
“Ten thousand rupees,” answered the young man, not understanding the reason for the question.
The director took Rs10,000 from his pocket and gave it to the young man, saying: “Here is your ten thousand. Now, get out of here and don’t come back again!”
The young man took the money and left quickly, scarcely believing his luck. The director, puffing out his chest, turned to the group of employees and asked, “What the hell was his job here?”
“He came to deliver a pizza,” one of them said.

[anti-random]

Originally Posted by Pendevous

Spoiler:

A company decided it was time for a change in management style and appointed a new director, who arrived determined to cause a stir and make the company more productive.
On his first day of work, accompanied by assistants, he carried out an inspection of the facilities. In one of the sections he visited, everybody except a young man was working. He was standing against the entrance wall with his hands in his pockets. Recognizing this as an opportunity to demonstrate his new work philosophy, the director asked the young man: “How much do you earn a month?”
“Ten thousand rupees,” answered the young man, not understanding the reason for the question.
The director took Rs10,000 from his pocket and gave it to the young man, saying: “Here is your ten thousand. Now, get out of here and don’t come back again!”
The young man took the money and left quickly, scarcely believing his luck. The director, puffing out his chest, turned to the group of employees and asked, “What the hell was his job here?”
“He came to deliver a pizza,” one of them said.

Dumbest director ever. But good work philosophy.

[Spectacular_Insanity]

Originally Posted by jedinat

lol, those are considered hotlinks as well. It really isn't that time consuming to upload pictures to photobucket or similar.

Darn. Foiled again. I will be successful...one day.

[Thrasher187]

Spoiler for more funny pikz!: