A Laugh A Day

[Thrasher187]

Originally Posted by Stephanie

OMG!! lol, they are

Spoiler for THIS IS SPARTA!!:

Spoiler for kidsexchange:

Spoiler for Bushy Jokes:

Spoiler for Teh Italiano:

I am an Italiano. One day ima gonna L.A. to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pisses toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to t he toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma b****. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma b****. Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings m e a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma b****. So I go back to my room ina hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. I call the manager and tella him I wanna s***. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna s*** on my bed. He say you better not s*** onna bed, you sonna ma b****. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "Peace on you." I say piss on you too, you sonna ma b****, I gonna back to Italy!''

These are my favorites out of them all!
I love the Bush jokes!

[RavenHawk]

You know one of my favorite phenomenon jokes would be, "Chuck Norris Facts". Here're some of my favorites that I found and mind you, I laugh at each and everyone of them:

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.


I made some myself. Keep in mind these are my originals:

Spoiler for My original Chuck Norris Facts:

Chuck Norris invented the letter "V". He got pissed off by the letter "W" that he just gave it a roundhouse kick to the side.

Who needs a meat tenderizer mallet when you can have Chuck Norris? Heck, it only takes one well placed roundhouse kick to tenderize your meats.

Chuck Norris can milk a cow and make steaks out of it by squeezing its torso.

One stare from Chuck Norris can turn a bunch of grapes into raisins. They just shrivel in fear.

[Thrasher187]

Spoiler for For funny Bush Piks (^_-)v:

[Stephanie]

lol at Bushy jokes..
Wow, didn't know Americans see him as ignorant empty headed.. *hurray*



Will it blend? That is the question:

Spoiler for Craziness!!:

Spoiler for Thanks Giving:

Eww.. lol

Spoiler for Ipod:

Teh Ipod!! Nooo!! D:

Spoiler for Rake Handle:

This guy uses his super power blender to make silly juices..

Eww-ness..

Spoiler:

Spoiler for World's Largest Zit is Popped!:

Spoiler for info, do not open until video is watched:

Unfortunately, this is fake, so laugh at you!

Spoiler for Bionic Burger:

McDonald's Immortal Burger!

Spoiler for SUPER GROSS!! SKIP IT IF I WERE YOU:

Spoiler for I said do NOT open for weak of heart!:

Spoiler for I warned you!!:

Elephant Eating Poop

[User65554]

Originally Posted by LastRaven

Spoiler for Space and Chuck Norris Facts:

You know one of my favorite phenomenon jokes would be, "Chuck Norris Facts". Here're some of my favorites that I found and mind you, I laugh at each and everyone of them:

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.


I made some myself. Keep in mind these are my originals:

Spoiler for My original Chuck Norris Facts:

Chuck Norris invented the letter "V". He got pissed off by the letter "W" that he just gave it a roundhouse kick to the side.

Who needs a meat tenderizer mallet when you can have Chuck Norris? Heck, it only takes one well placed roundhouse kick to tenderize your meats.

Chuck Norris can milk a cow and make steaks out of it by squeezing its torso.

One stare from Chuck Norris can turn a bunch of grapes into raisins. They just shrivel in fear.

Nice, but I still prefer Jack Bauer facts.

Edit

Spoiler for Some Facts:

The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef, then it's goddamn beef.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Jack Bauer would meanwhile do something important.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.

...and on the seventh day Jack Bauer said, "I'll take it from here."

Jack Bauer was nominated for an Emmy for playing Kiefer Sutherland.

Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.

Jack Bauer always tests positive for steroids. Not that he uses steroids. It's because steroids are made from Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer doesn't have a refresh button on his web browser. All events take place in real time.

James Bond has a license to kill. Jack Bauer was his instructor.

When 24 airs on the Spanish channel everyones lines are translated except for Jack's. This is because nobody speaks for Jack Bauer.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.

When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.

Jack Bauer has never caught a cold. How do we know? Colds still exist.

If everyone on 24 followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called 12. Seconds.

When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."

[RavenHawk]

Originally Posted by VK-Pitt

Nice, but I still prefer Jack Bauer facts.

Edit

Spoiler for Some Facts:

The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef, then it's goddamn beef.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Jack Bauer would meanwhile do something important.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.

...and on the seventh day Jack Bauer said, "I'll take it from here."

Jack Bauer was nominated for an Emmy for playing Kiefer Sutherland.

Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.

Jack Bauer always tests positive for steroids. Not that he uses steroids. It's because steroids are made from Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer doesn't have a refresh button on his web browser. All events take place in real time.

James Bond has a license to kill. Jack Bauer was his instructor.

When 24 airs on the Spanish channel everyones lines are translated except for Jack's. This is because nobody speaks for Jack Bauer.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.

When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.

Jack Bauer has never caught a cold. How do we know? Colds still exist.

If everyone on 24 followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called 12. Seconds.

When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."

Yeah I like Jack Bauer Facts too.

[Thrasher187]

Some Engrish for ya:

Spoiler for Engrish xD:

[anti-random]

Î heard about that two. It seems what i heard was for restaurant menus but I have to admit the toilet one was just stupid.

[Pendevous]

Here are even more jokes

Spoiler for bit long joke:

A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis.

Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General's office. "Since we weren't actually at war," the General began, "I can't give out any medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated.

What we've decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body. You will be given two pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those parts. We'll start on the left, boys, so what'll it be?"

Soldier 1: "The tip of me head to me toes, sahr!" General: "Very good son, that's 70 inches which comes to 140 pounds"

Soldier 2: "The tip of the finger on one outstretched hand to the tip of the other, sir!"

General: "Even better son, that's 72 inches which comes to 144 pounds"

Soldier 3: "The palm of me hand to the tip of me left pinky, sahr!"

General: "That's a strange but fair request, son!

As the general begins the measurement: "What! Son, where is your left pinky?"

Soldier 3: "Falkland Island, sahr!"

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."

"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."

The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.

When he returns, he is covered with blood.

The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"

The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"

"Yes," the other bat answers.

"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."

[Kisuke06]

Now this video is hilarious:

Spoiler for Master Chief sux at Halo 3:

[EXEs]

@Kisuke06: Hahahaha, shit, the beginning dialogue before the game was fucking funny!

[Aoie_Emesai]

This is funny ^_^, Bush is such a celeb ^_^

[NoSanninWa]

Originally Posted by Thrasher187

Some Engrish for ya:

I've eaten that! I saw it once and just had to find out what "Mutant Coconut" meant.
Don't ask. It isn't as much fun as it sounds.

[Stephanie]

@NoSanninWa
What did it taste like?

[NoSanninWa]

Don't ask. It really is not as much fun as it sounds. It didn't have taste as much as... texture.

[User65554]

Originally Posted by NoSanninWa

Don't ask. It really is not as much fun as it sounds.

Eating mutant anything doesn't really sound fun

[anti-random]

Originally Posted by NoSanninWa

Don't ask. It really is not as much fun as it sounds. It didn't have taste as much as... texture.

LOL. Texture to the max.

[Stephanie]

Tada! I'm backsh!

Spoiler for Watermelons:

A couple of homeless guys were walking around in a rural area. It was getting dark and it was cold outside, so they decided to go to the nearest house and ask to spend the night.
The first that they came to, a farmer answered the door. He was a nice fellow, and let them sleep over under one condition: They wouldn't go into his daughter's room or there will be trouble.
The next morning, he finds both of them not only in his daughters room, but in her bed with her!
He gets his shotgun and tells each bum to pick 50 of his favorite fruits from the garden.
The first guy comes back with 50 cherries. The farmer says: "Pull down your pants." and points the shotgun at the guy. The guy obliges. Then the farmer starts stuffing the cherries up the guys @$$.
After the first 10 cherries, the guy starts laughing. The farmer continues. 20. The guy it still laughing. 30. The guy laughs harder. 40. The guy laughs even harder. 50. The guy falls down on the floor from laughter. The farmer can't stand it anymore: "Why are you laughing?"
Guy:"My friend is picking watermelons."

Spoiler for Proposing:

Spoiler for No cat is as fat as:

SUMO CAT!!

Spoiler for Bacon:

Spoiler:

Spoiler for Huge Cock!:

This man has a Huge cock!

Spoiler for Jussi_P:

Ever tried eating a Jussy Puss

Spoiler for Azumanga Daioh:

Spoiler for Food Fight!:

Spoiler for Spork!:

[RavenHawk]

Spoiler for And I thought I had a hangover.:

Spoiler for Well...:

[Thrasher187]

Originally Posted by NoSanninWa

I've eaten that! I saw it once and just had to find out what "Mutant Coconut" meant.
Don't ask. It isn't as much fun as it sounds.

I would've done the same thing! Too bad it doesn't seem to taste too good or I'd have wanted to try some :-/

Originally Posted by Stephanie

Tada! I'm backsh!

Spoiler for Bacon:

Spoiler:

I've actually seen that scratched into one of the hand dryer instructions a couple years ago...omg's I just couldn't stop laughing!


Now for some funny piks:

Spoiler for suicidal shirt:

Spoiler for more piks...:

<--The hard part is putting your soul in the box



<--Don't mind if I do!