A Laugh A Day

[Diaboso]

Spoiler for above vid:

yeah KasumiGirl you can do fun stuff by running vid backwards

[Green²]

[Thrasher187]

TV News Bloopers!

[JustInn14]

LOL! At the "News Bloopers" film.

[Aoie_Emesai]

Well... I'm back to fill up this thread, once again.

This time it's bar jokes ^_^

Bar Challenge -

Spoiler:

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar.

FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST!

So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. The Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her."

The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.

The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

Bar Food -

Spoiler:

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $5.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"

"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

"Yes" she purrs "I am."

The man replies "Well wash your fucking hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

I found these two to be quite funny even though they only recieved a 7.0 - 7.4 rating.

[jedinat]

Originally Posted by Aoie_Emesai

I found these two to be quite funny even though they only recieved a 7.0 - 7.4 rating.

The Bar Challenge joke gave me chuckles.

Scrounged some old .txt files for something amusing... and only found geeky Chuck Norris...but oh well, I still find it funny.

Spoiler for A Couple of Facts About Chuck Norris:

1. Chuck Norris is the only man that can slam a revolving door.
2. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
3. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
4. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
5. Chuck Norris went on vacation to the Virgin Islands. When he came back it was just called the Islands.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
7. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
8. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
9. Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman lives.

Oh, I also found some ingame quotes from WoW...

Spoiler for quotes:

Player1: That was so stupid! Almost as stupid as voting for GW Bush!
Player2: Oh crap. A liberal.
Player3: Not as stupid as you Player1.
Player1: Well, if want to live in a fasicst state then go ahead!
Player4: Oh crap. A *dumb* liberal.
Player1: Just because I'm a liberal that means I'm dumb?
Player5: Yes
Player6: yes
Player7: yup
Player8: Of course.
Player9: yes

'I found a guard that tells you where everything is!'

'Any mages want a butload of milk?'

'Im so mad right now Im going to go to Ashenvale and gay some elves...'

'Be there in a bit, dying.'

SomeGuy: NE1 WANT 2 HELP W RFC???????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: WTB Question Marks and Exclamation points - someone used them all up.

'I owned you with easy!'

"We need to get the aggro off of Kareli!"
Kareli dies.
"Ok, Aggro is off me."

'I WANT THOSE PANTS!! Don't touch that corpse!!'

[anti-random]

Chuck Norris jokes are always good. I remember one thats like "Chunk Norris's tears can cure cancer. To bad he's

[Kinny Riddle]

Classic pirate joke

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"

"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."

The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."

"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."

"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."

"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."

"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"

"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

[Miko Miko]

Originally Posted by Thrasher187;

Spoiler for ppl getting pwned ^_^:

aww poor thing hahahaha

[Knightmare213]

Originally Posted by Aoie_Emesai

Bar Challenge -

Spoiler:

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar.

FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST!

So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. The Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her."

The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.

The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

Ha! Things you'd do for free beer.

[User65554]

And on the subject of bars

A man walks into a bar and sits down next to another man. The man next to him orders a glass of 'special ale'. He drinks it in one go, jumps through the window, flies round the building twice and comes back to his seat. The first man, amazed, also orders a glass of 'special ale'. He drinks it in one go, jumps through the window, and falls to his death. The barman turns to the second man, and says 'Superman, you're a jerk when you're drunk.'

And off the subject of bars

There was an Irishman, an Englishman and an American wrecked on an island. One day, they found a bottle, and when they opened it, a genie came out and offered them each a wish.

However, even though they wished for different stuff, nothing happened, as the three guys of varying nationalities were just hallucinating from hunger.

Also,

Spoiler for How NOT to tell a joke:

[JustInn14]

[Aoie_Emesai]

God/Religion jokes now ^_^

Spoiler for No Title >.<:

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish". The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to."

The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me".

The man thought for a long time and finally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy?"
After a few minutes God said, "How many lanes did you want on that bridge?"

Spoiler for No title:

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

[JustInn14]

[anti-random]

^Thats so true. The was weird

[darkjester]

lol @ koolaid man....

[Kyuusai]

While this could be considered politics, I think the funniest political campaign commercial ever belongs here.

No matter what one's politics are, whether they found that meme amusing, or even if one finds fusing internet memes with politics appalling, surely all can appreciate the humor.

[User65554]

LOL!

Its nice to be able to laugh at politics when it's not trying to be serious

[aohige]

Originally Posted by Green²

I salute the writers.
I have worked for a company belonging to Viacom in the past, and I have to tell you... it's a great example of "evil greedy corrupt corportation" mold.

This video shows what's REALLY behind the talents that makes TDS shine.
As much as I love John Stewart, the show is nothing without the creative team.

I hope VIACOM and other networks give in before the writers.

[teachopvutru]

Originally Posted by cicido

and of couse, the most classic of them all

Spoiler for ultimate stupidity:

LOL, that was a good laugh. Now, what episode is it from?