Dating

[Ledgem]

Ombrenuit posted, and with excellent advice! I remember seeing you around the forums before, nice to see you back.

Originally Posted by Shinoto

To be frank and upfront about it. "Truth will be found in those who want to believe it to be Truth" From the sound of it...It looks want she wanted it to be the truth hence then a reason to break up guilt free.

Maybe, maybe not. I think all of us here have been guilty of acting incorrectly based on believing false information, even though at the time we thought that we were doing what was right. If this girl honestly believed that Sakura_Kinomoto was, say, some raving sex fiend who wanted to turn her into a sex slave and didn't care for anything else, then her actions seem somewhat more justifiable. I'm not even discussing what she wanted to believe. Some people are rather good at manipulating others, and we don't know what Beau was telling her, or what anyone else may have been telling her. Before passing a judgement on her, I'd rather know what she was really thinking. If she wanted to create a breakup and seem like she was not the one to blame (or worse yet, she was the victim) then I believe we'd all be in agreement and say that she did something pretty trashy.

Originally Posted by Sakura_Kinomoto

I honestly cant say why she left me other than the reasons she gave which were That i was moving to fast in our relationship...I guess it did kinda hold her hand and hug her within a 2 week period of us first going out. Maybe girls dont like that sorta thing happening so early? but besides that i honestly did not do nething wrong.What she heard was Completly false as i said earlier sex didnt even cross my mind.

If she felt that you were moving too fast, it was her responsibility to tell you. I already ranted about the importance of communcation - this is an example of where it applies.

In this case, there's no real right or wrong. You did nothing wrong by escalating the relationship to being more affectionate. We all have different levels of expression affection - maybe this girl isn't big on them. If so, good to know, because it sounds like you are. You need to pair with someone who wants to be held, who wants to hold hands, and all that. If not, you'll be frustrated. Note that this has nothing to do with sex.

If we want to place blame, place it on her. She chose not to communicate with you about her feelings, and then broke the relationship. A relationship is a very fragile thing, and it can be the source of a lot of happiness. Who was it that let the relationship down? It wasn't you. So think about this one, and if you feel up to it write out your answer here: why did you feel responsible? You're not sure why, but think about it long and hard. You mentioned your acne, the fact that you're skinny, like Star Trek, Stargate, and anime as if it were something shameful - that may be a sign of low self confidence. If so, it could explain why you felt that you should be the one taking blame - you're just in that mindset. I don't think all of us replying to this thread are saying that you did nothing wrong because we're rooting for you as if this were some sporting event. By the information that you presented, you've really done nothing wrong. Further, you sound like a very thoughtful individual who wants to have a relationship made up of substance and feeling. That's very commendable. So have some self respect, realize your worth, and just accept that you likely have a very bright future ahead of you, no matter how it feels now. Move forward with your head held high.

[Darkman.exe213]

I'm kinda lost about what to do here. I like a girl(a good friend), but I haven't seen or talked her in about 8 weeks now. I could find her on MySpace and talk to her there if I wanted to, though. Anyway, my church is going to go to a local mall on Sunday for Christmas shopping, and I'm thinking about asking her if she'd like to go if I do talk to her. But I'm afraid I might be moving too fast, though I'm not sure. I don't want to accidentally ruin our friendship in the process, so I want to make sure I go at just the right pace. Any suggestions on what I should do? Thanks!

[Fome]

Originally Posted by Darkman.exe213

I'm kinda lost about what to do here. I like a girl(a good friend), but I haven't seen or talked her in about 8 weeks now. I could find her on MySpace and talk to her there if I wanted to, though. Anyway, my church is going to go to a local mall on Sunday for Christmas shopping, and I'm thinking about asking her if she'd like to go if I do talk to her. But I'm afraid I might be moving too fast, though I'm not sure. I don't want to accidentally ruin our friendship in the process, so I want to make sure I go at just the right pace. Any suggestions on what I should do? Thanks!

Signs of mutual romantic interest are usually obvious. If you don't sense that she probably likes you too, it's likely that she just wants to be friends. I'm not saying that people are straightforward, I'm just saying that, when one person notices the other liking him/her, they either reciprocate or try to back off.

In, in my honest opinion, friendships are just so much nicer. I usually don't get into a relationship unless there is very strong mutual interest.

[Domo-Chan]

Well im my situation I resently broke up with my BF of 2 years and im sorta glad and sad at the same time. He was a bit controling and his whole identity was wrapped up in me. He would say things like "i'm her husband" and "she's mine". He had no identity of his own.
Now that im single again I'm enjoying myself but im suck in some situation.
I'm currently in college and I just met two guys this semester(manny and aris). They both have a crush on me and one even says it's love. But to me that's a awful big step for just having to meet me.
And there is one more guy i knew him for about 1 year now(david). He asked me out and i like him but it's confusing because all 3 of these guys are friends.
David told aris that he liked me since me and him became friends a year ago and Aris told him that david was wrong to feel that way cause he likes me.
I want to go after the guy i like but i don't want to ruin people's friendships along the way
So what should I do?

[psycho bolt]

My advice is pick who you want the most. It's tough in a situation you're in. I can tell that no matter what choice you make someone will be upset. People generally don't want others to feel bad. But sometimes you gotta pick a choice that will result in hurting someone. So your best effort is to make the decision and move on, that is the best for your situation. I can't predict if you will stay friends or not; maybe they will recover quickly or not.

[Domo-Chan]

Well i'll try anyway thanks

[Darkman.exe213]

Originally Posted by Fome

Signs of mutual romantic interest are usually obvious. If you don't sense that she probably likes you too, it's likely that she just wants to be friends. I'm not saying that people are straightforward, I'm just saying that, when one person notices the other liking him/her, they either reciprocate or try to back off.

In, in my honest opinion, friendships are just so much nicer. I usually don't get into a relationship unless there is very strong mutual interest.

I'm getting the idea that she does have at least a bit of interest in me. She took a couple of pictures with just me and her in it, and last time we saw each other, she said her goodbye with a really suddden hug.(which, to me, seemed kinda unusual) She even stayed with me for quite a while just to talk at a picnic while I was volunteering with a carnival game, when she could've gone and talked to someone else. Maybe I'm just really dense.

Anyway, I'm not friends with her just so I could get a girlfriend, in case you're wondering. I enjoy the time we spend together as friends.

[Fome]

Originally Posted by Darkman.exe213

I'm getting the idea that she does have at least a bit of interest in me. She took a couple of pictures with just me and her in it, and last time we saw each other, she said her goodbye with a really suddden hug.(which, to me, seemed kinda unusual) She even stayed with me for quite a while just to talk at a picnic while I was volunteering with a carnival game, when she could've gone and talked to someone else. Maybe I'm just really dense.

From my experience, actions like that don't reveal a great deal, but of course, everyone is different. What is more reliable to me is that gushy feeling whenever you guys are together, like there is just chemistry. You both start feeling vibes from each other but you aren't willing to make the leap yet, so you get this odd kind of give-and-take sensation. Then you move a little closer to test the waters, and she doesn't back away, and she starts doing it too, and then you both start talking funny because you are getting butterflies, etc...

But you should know her better than I do. I'm pretty laid back, so maybe my advice isn't the best.

Ok, here's the plan. Find an opportunity to go out somewhere. It can be anywhere: restaurant, park, ice cream shop, (although I prefer not going to movies). The only thing is, it's got to be completely natural when you ask, like you just suddenly feel hungry or have a craving. And when you go there, make sure it's not going into "date" territory. As in, if she's about to pay, let her. And just chill out and have a nice time. This will be a good time to see how she feels about you. If you don't feel those "romance" vibes after a few times out, it's probably not going to happen, because she appears to view you as a friend.

[NightShade]

And we never got the pics!

[Darkman.exe213]

Originally Posted by NightShade

And we never got the pics!

Spoiler for Us! D::

Anyway...

Originally Posted by Fome

From my experience, actions like that don't reveal a great deal, but of course, everyone is different. What is more reliable to me is that gushy feeling whenever you guys are together, like there is just chemistry. You both start feeling vibes from each other but you aren't willing to make the leap yet, so you get this odd kind of give-and-take sensation. Then you move a little closer to test the waters, and she doesn't back away, and she starts doing it too, and then you both start talking funny because you are getting butterflies, etc...

I don't know about her, but I actually started getting vibes last time we saw each other. We started talking about random stupid stuff.(like her spending five minutes telling me to get her candy XD) Not sure if that really counts as vibes, but I thought I felt something for a while there. I don't think asking her out for lunch or something would work for a while, though. Like I said, I haven't talked to her in about 8 weeks now. Thanks for all the advice so far, guys.

Any further suggestions? Thanx a bunch!

[Sakura_Kinomoto]

Originally Posted by Darkman.exe213

Spoiler for Us! D::

Anyway...


I don't know about her, but I actually started getting vibes last time we saw each other. We started talking about random stupid stuff.(like her spending five minutes telling me to get her candy XD) Not sure if that really counts as vibes, but I thought I felt something for a while there. I don't think asking her out for lunch or something would work for a while, though. Like I said, I haven't talked to her in about 8 weeks now. Thanks for all the advice so far, guys.

Any further suggestions? Thanx a bunch!

hehe Talking about candy is always a good sign ^^ and i like Fomes idea you should try casualy asking her out someplace even if it is just for a walk and spend some quality time with her. Talk about things you are both interested in. I say if you havent talked to her in a while ring her and just catch up with her a bit. Dont make it sound like you desperatley wanna see her just do it friend to friend, but thats just how i would do it u do what u think is best. PS you look so kawaii together ^^

Ombrenuit posted, and with excellent advice! I remember seeing you around the forums before, nice to see you back.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shinoto View Post
To be frank and upfront about it. "Truth will be found in those who want to believe it to be Truth" From the sound of it...It looks want she wanted it to be the truth hence then a reason to break up guilt free.
Maybe, maybe not. I think all of us here have been guilty of acting incorrectly based on believing false information, even though at the time we thought that we were doing what was right. If this girl honestly believed that Sakura_Kinomoto was, say, some raving sex fiend who wanted to turn her into a sex slave and didn't care for anything else, then her actions seem somewhat more justifiable. I'm not even discussing what she wanted to believe. Some people are rather good at manipulating others, and we don't know what Beau was telling her, or what anyone else may have been telling her. Before passing a judgement on her, I'd rather know what she was really thinking. If she wanted to create a breakup and seem like she was not the one to blame (or worse yet, she was the victim) then I believe we'd all be in agreement and say that she did something pretty trashy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sakura_Kinomoto
I honestly cant say why she left me other than the reasons she gave which were That i was moving to fast in our relationship...I guess it did kinda hold her hand and hug her within a 2 week period of us first going out. Maybe girls dont like that sorta thing happening so early? but besides that i honestly did not do nething wrong.What she heard was Completly false as i said earlier sex didnt even cross my mind.
If she felt that you were moving too fast, it was her responsibility to tell you. I already ranted about the importance of communcation - this is an example of where it applies.

In this case, there's no real right or wrong. You did nothing wrong by escalating the relationship to being more affectionate. We all have different levels of expression affection - maybe this girl isn't big on them. If so, good to know, because it sounds like you are. You need to pair with someone who wants to be held, who wants to hold hands, and all that. If not, you'll be frustrated. Note that this has nothing to do with sex.

If we want to place blame, place it on her. She chose not to communicate with you about her feelings, and then broke the relationship. A relationship is a very fragile thing, and it can be the source of a lot of happiness. Who was it that let the relationship down? It wasn't you. So think about this one, and if you feel up to it write out your answer here: why did you feel responsible? You're not sure why, but think about it long and hard. You mentioned your acne, the fact that you're skinny, like Star Trek, Stargate, and anime as if it were something shameful - that may be a sign of low self confidence. If so, it could explain why you felt that you should be the one taking blame - you're just in that mindset. I don't think all of us replying to this thread are saying that you did nothing wrong because we're rooting for you as if this were some sporting event. By the information that you presented, you've really done nothing wrong. Further, you sound like a very thoughtful individual who wants to have a relationship made up of substance and feeling. That's very commendable. So have some self respect, realize your worth, and just accept that you likely have a very bright future ahead of you, no matter how it feels now. Move forward with your head held high.

Thank you thats a very admirable speech it really means alot ^^. Im already trying to improve communication with her i was talking with her today ^^ it went well. I guess i am the person who wants to be able to hold a girl show affection on a non sexual level, cradle her in my arms and tell her how much i love her. I wanna thank all you guys especially you Ledgem and Fome you have really boosted my confidence and gave me great advice you should be very proud of yourself, you are great people full of wonderful advice. I truly thank you. Ill keep you updated on how things are going she hasnt replied but im staking alot on that she will ^^ once again thanks ill see you all later

[psycho bolt]

Ok I got a question that got nothing to do with dating. How do you know if a girl wants you to hit on her?

[Fome]

Originally Posted by psycho bolt

Ok I got a question that got nothing to do with dating. How do you know if a girl wants you to hit on her?

If she hits on you. Otherwise, you don't know.

[High_Lord_Demonix]

Im in a relationship going on about 1 and 1/2 years We came out toghether and im just trying not to mess it up.........wish us luck

Spoiler for The happy couple:

[ChibiMenos]

A comment somewhat related to the topic at hand, that is, dating:

There can be a problem with dating people with similar interests and social life. Namely, that there's a good chance neither one has ever really kissed anyone before. Which leads to awkwardness.

*has just experienced this, and is not quite sure what to do*

[Marina]

Originally Posted by ChibiMenos

A comment somewhat related to the topic at hand, that is, dating:

There can be a problem with dating people with similar interests and social life. Namely, that there's a good chance neither one has ever really kissed anyone before. Which leads to awkwardness.

*has just experienced this, and is not quite sure what to do*

Hehehe, cute :P Well, how did you feel about the kiss? Did you like it and want more, or was it too weird and you want to stay "friends?" If you liked it, then ask the other person how they felt and if they want to continue on that path. Don't be embarrassed to ask and talk about it, the best relationships are open and honest.

[Syaoran]

Originally Posted by High_Lord_Demonix

Im in a relationship going on about 1 and 1/2 years We came out toghether and im just trying not to mess it up.........wish us luck

I wish you luck! Guess you're into guys huh ^^' Well I envy you.
It's like 1 year and 2 months now that I can't stop thinking about that guy and I still don't know if he's into boys or girls *sigh* just starting to be friends. Guess I'll figure it out sooner or later... but damn .. this is tough
At least I'm so grateful I see him every day ^^

[Aka]

I really like how our relationship is going, although.... (read the spoiler)

Spoiler for likes privacy:

She confessed to me after 2 years of being friends. About to reach our first year together soon. Everything has worked out better than I though at first. It took me about a few days at first to start falling in love with her more and more(especially our first kiss which just... wow ). She got the "teasing-ness" from me(we like to tease each other often). We've never had any arguments, fights, short-breakups so I'm glad there between us two respecting each other. Basically, she's more open-minded than she has ever been being with her for 3 years ever since we got together. Is this a good sign or a bad one? I know, it might be a stupid question to ask thats pretty much the only thing I've been questioning myself a couple of times, she's even told me she likes how everything is going out now - even admitting of her changing since we got attached. It's not really bothering me - We love each other a lot, but I'd like to ask those more experienced ones out there.

Would appreciate any comments.

[deathreape98]

Of course its good that she's being more open-minded. Sounds like your relationship is going great, could quite possibly be for life.

[High_Lord_Demonix]

Originally Posted by Aka

I really like how our relationship is going, although.... (read the spoiler)

Spoiler for likes privacy:

She confessed to me after 2 years of being friends. About to reach our first year together soon. Everything has worked out better than I though at first. It took me about a few days at first to start falling in love with her more and more(especially our first kiss which just... wow ). She got the "teasing-ness" from me(we like to tease each other often). We've never had any arguments, fights, short-breakups so I'm glad there between us two respecting each other. Basically, she's more open-minded than she has ever been being with her for 3 years ever since we got together. Is this a good sign or a bad one? I know, it might be a stupid question to ask thats pretty much the only thing I've been questioning myself a couple of times, she's even told me she likes how everything is going out now - even admitting of her changing since we got attached. It's not really bothering me - We love each other a lot, but I'd like to ask those more experienced ones out there.

Would appreciate any comments.

Thats nothing but a good thing.......mabye she is even the one

I LOVE YOU TOBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!