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Old 2008-01-23, 01:27   Link #481
Evangelion Xgouki
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Well, seems like some people in the OC thread want me to post this here, so...


A Day at the Amusement Park, a GenerationS side story
Spoiler for A Day at the Amusement Park:


I got 'volunteered' to write this up after they read GenerationS Chapter 1a

Last edited by Evangelion Xgouki; 2008-01-23 at 12:24.
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Old 2008-01-23, 02:57   Link #482
Gillian
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
Well, seems like some people in the OC thread want me to post this here, so...


A Day at the Amusement Park, a GenerationS side story
Spoiler for A Day at the Amusement Park:


I got 'volunteered' to write this up after they read GenerationS Chapter 1a
sounds good, even though I prefer NxF storys

edit:
after I read Satashi-samas Review of Road of Love, I think, I'll hide everything from him
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Old 2008-01-23, 03:00   Link #483
ghazghkull
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gillian View Post
after I read Satashi-samas Review of Road of Love, I think, I'll hide everything from him
don't remind me...that's still hampering my inspiration to write.
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Old 2008-01-23, 03:49   Link #484
SpaceBrotha
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gillian View Post
sounds good, even though I prefer NxF storys

edit:
after I read Satashi-samas Review of Road of Love, I think, I'll hide everything from him
Quote:
Originally Posted by ghazghkull View Post
don't remind me...that's still hampering my inspiration to write.
Holy crap!
That's not satashi's 5 cents, that's a full blown dollar and a half!

certainly, if you correct all that, you'd have a far better fic, but a wall of critique is still one hell of a inspiration killer...
...take it as a challenge to improve yourself, i'm pretty sure that's how she wanted to portray her critique, instead of the shotgun blast to the head as it came out.
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"Life is the only game in which the object of the game is to learn the rules." Unknown
"The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it." Norman Schwarzkopf
"Whoever stands by a just cause cannot possibly be called a terrorist." Yassar Arafat
Sayings and quotes hold wisdom in them. Either the wisdom is found in the correctness of the quote, or in the lesson learned from the error.
Hard part is figuring out who's making the errors...
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Old 2008-01-23, 03:51   Link #485
Gillian
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Originally Posted by ghazghkull View Post
don't remind me...that's still hampering my inspiration to write.
I'm sorry to bring it back

Last edited by Gillian; 2008-01-23 at 08:58.
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Old 2008-01-23, 08:10   Link #486
Satashi
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-.-; Come on, it was just one person's look on it. There's NO reason to be so down about it or let it hinder you >< You don't have to change anything. Taking reviews like that with a grain of salt is something you'll have to get used to as an author. I'm sorry I bummed you out but while reviewing I always look at it from a neutral view as best I can so I can offer a little advice and just generally say things I thought or saw. It's saying a lot that I would go through the trouble of doing it. If you look at the reviews I leave I've only reviews like.....three...... Nanoha fics. I try to avoid it all together but yours was enough to make me honestly want to do it. Although, I know, it was a little harsh and straight forward I really hope you can look past that and see that your story was good enough to make someone who doesn't even really read fanfiction to take all that time and comment on it.

But still, it was only one person. Lots said they liked it. Take the bad with the good and get off your butt and write more

Quote:
Originally Posted by SpaceBrotha View Post
Holy crap!
That's not satashi's 5 cents, that's a full blown dollar and a half!
more like three-fifty

Last edited by Satashi; 2008-01-23 at 08:25.
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Old 2008-01-23, 08:51   Link #487
Liingo
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Got struck by the hammer of inspiration today and have started writing a new fic. Figured I better at least get some of it down first. Hopefully this'll make me want to get a move on with my OC work, which has been stalled for over a month now.. T__T

For people who haven't read any of my works before,
' ~ ' = thoughts
" ~ " = speech

Spoiler for Our Mistress:


It's quite short I know, but I think it's a good place to leave it for now. It could probably be a little longer if I had a bit more description, but I'm happy with the lenght at the moment for it.

Comments, critiques welcome since this is my first attempt at just using canon characters as the focus to the story.

Liingo

Satashi, It'll get posted to FF.net shortly, once I figure out how to... and also once I've had the time to read through and catch any minor errors.

Last edited by Liingo; 2008-01-25 at 08:54.
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Old 2008-01-23, 09:08   Link #488
SpaceBrotha
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liingo View Post
Got struck by the hammer of inspiration today and have started writing a new fic. Figured I better at least get some of it down first. Hopefully this'll make me want to get a move on with my OC work, which has been stalled for over a month now.. T__T

For people who haven't read any of my works before,
' ~ ' = thoughts
" ~ " = speech

Spoiler for Our Mistress:


It's quite short I know, but I think it's a good place to leave it for now. It could probably be a little longer if I had a bit more description, but I'm happy with the lenght at the moment for it.

Comments, critiques welcome since this is my first attempt at just using canon characters as the focus to the story.
Well, that certainly got my attention,
Spoiler for can't spoil this:

...but it's only a personal opinion, so don't mind that, keep on writing.
__________________
"Life is the only game in which the object of the game is to learn the rules." Unknown
"The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it." Norman Schwarzkopf
"Whoever stands by a just cause cannot possibly be called a terrorist." Yassar Arafat
Sayings and quotes hold wisdom in them. Either the wisdom is found in the correctness of the quote, or in the lesson learned from the error.
Hard part is figuring out who's making the errors...

Last edited by SpaceBrotha; 2008-01-23 at 09:24. Reason: creater->greater
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Old 2008-01-23, 09:22   Link #489
Liingo
Love Hina?
 
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SpaceBrotha View Post
Well, that certainly got my attention,
Spoiler for can't spoil this:

...but it's only a personal opinion, so don't mind that, keep on writing.
Hmmm, you raise some good points there....
Spoiler for response:


Thanks alot for the comments. Oh and don't expect the next part for at least a week.. or two...
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Old 2008-01-23, 09:23   Link #490
Estavali
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liingo View Post
Got struck by the hammer of inspiration today and have started writing a new fic. Figured I better at least get some of it down first. Hopefully this'll make me want to get a move on with my OC work, which has been stalled for over a month now.. T__T

For people who haven't read any of my works before,
' ~ ' = thoughts
" ~ " = speech

Spoiler for Our Mistress:


It's quite short I know, but I think it's a good place to leave it for now. It could probably be a little longer if I had a bit more description, but I'm happy with the lenght at the moment for it.

Comments, critiques welcome since this is my first attempt at just using canon characters as the focus to the story.

Liingo

Satashi, It'll get posted to FF.net shortly, once I figure out how to... and also once I've had the time to read through and catch any minor errors.
Hmm.......

I hope rape isn't included in your plans, my friend....

And why are you always thinking about sexual violence, hmm, Estavali? Wash that filthy brain of yours, now!

This smells of heavy CC casualties, especially from the Yagami-ke. Not to mention some very serious mental breakdown.

More, please.
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Old 2008-01-23, 09:27   Link #491
Aaron008R
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
Well, seems like some people in the OC thread want me to post this here, so...


A Day at the Amusement Park, a GenerationS side story
Spoiler for A Day at the Amusement Park:


I got 'volunteered' to write this up after they read GenerationS Chapter 1a
FieryAeon and Tormenk were right in picking you! I loved how they interacted and reading Yuuno's reflections! The insert from my fic got me surprised though. Thanks for doing it!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liingo View Post
Got struck by the hammer of inspiration today and have started writing a new fic. Figured I better at least get some of it down first. Hopefully this'll make me want to get a move on with my OC work, which has been stalled for over a month now.. T__T

For people who haven't read any of my works before,
' ~ ' = thoughts
" ~ " = speech

Spoiler for Our Mistress:


It's quite short I know, but I think it's a good place to leave it for now. It could probably be a little longer if I had a bit more description, but I'm happy with the lenght at the moment for it.

Comments, critiques welcome since this is my first attempt at just using canon characters as the focus to the story.

Liingo

Satashi, It'll get posted to FF.net shortly, once I figure out how to... and also once I've had the time to read through and catch any minor errors.
Sorry, but your warning in the OC thread piqued my interest. I'm glad I read it though. The premise is very interesting. Though at the damage. Will wait for more. XD
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Old 2008-01-23, 09:48   Link #492
Liingo
Love Hina?
 
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Estavali View Post
Hmm.......

I hope rape isn't included in your plans, my friend....

And why are you always thinking about sexual violence, hmm, Estavali? Wash that filthy brain of yours, now!

This smells of heavy CC casualties, especially from the Yagami-ke. Not to mention some very serious mental breakdown.

More, please.
No, no rape..... that's an issue that I'd like to not touch at all for a good number of years if even at that.

Like I said... it might take a while..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aaron008R View Post
Sorry, but your warning in the OC thread piqued my interest. I'm glad I read it though. The premise is very interesting. Though at the damage. Will wait for more. XD
The damage is bad, but worse things happen in the fic outline that's in my head.

Now to just take the outline and write it up in such a manner that people know what's going on.
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Old 2008-01-23, 11:06   Link #493
Kourin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liingo View Post

Spoiler for Our Mistress:

this has a great start... it's easy to follow, the suspense kept throughout. I like that the end part had Agito... but, some dark times ahead it seems... hope you write more soon. it was an evil place to stop and not have more to read.

just two very small things in the first two paragraphs
EDIT:
Spoiler:

Last edited by Kourin; 2008-01-23 at 11:17.
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Old 2008-01-23, 11:06   Link #494
Ryand-Smith
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I go to study, and I find all of this large ammount of NanohaXFate, Sigum and Shamal, and other assorted Fanfictions! I feel very happy, and in my next post, I'll have to start commenting
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Old 2008-01-23, 11:25   Link #495
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Comment 1. Our Mistress. Its a nice look from the point of view of The Meisters, and the end scene gives me vibes almost like Hostel, or the propagation scene in the movie Pulp fiction. Its a well done preview for the background, and later scenes. Tell me, is Signum going to start... breaking the target?

Comment The Second. A Day at the Amusement Park. I was wondering if someone could use Vivo as a central binding force in a story, and you have made me happy to say, proved me right. The relationship between Yuuno and Nanoha seems how it should logically develop, conceding how close they were in A's and MGLN, The addition of Vivo makes it have the daily recommended amount of moeblob, not to much, and its... so damn.. cute..

Comment III ghazghkull's mini story

Oh fuck, its so good... I mean Vivio with both Zamber form and Raging Heart... I must find a artist... And the story seems like a nice summary of what I hope 7arcs does with Vivo's Character

Comment Quatre

Satashi's Mini Story

More Nanoha X Fate. I wasn't a shipper when I started with StrikerS (Subaru FTW!) but now I have been converted to Legion... We are many, after all, and its nice fluff. Always a good thing
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Old 2008-01-23, 11:26   Link #496
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Spoiler for Riders:
[/QUOTE]

Riders? In my Nanoha! Lords of Kobol I am going to die from the sheer amount of Awesome today
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Old 2008-01-23, 12:03   Link #497
arkhangelsk
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liingo View Post
It's quite short I know, but I think it's a good place to leave it for now. It could probably be a little longer if I had a bit more description, but I'm happy with the lenght at the moment for it.
Frankly I hate this kind of setup. They leave me going WTF. Mostly I prefer the chronological style of storytelling, not the "Let's do Ep10, then jump back to Ep1" kind of storytelling.

Not your fault though - the writing is OK (my sensitivity only really allows for two reliable grades here, Pass and Fail, so for all I could tell you could have gotten a 80), so tell me when you've written Ch1, and I'll read the two together and probably enjoy it.
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Old 2008-01-23, 12:25   Link #498
SpaceBrotha
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arkhangelsk View Post
Frankly I hate this kind of setup. They leave me going WTF. Mostly I prefer the chronological style of storytelling, not the "Let's do Ep10, then jump back to Ep1" kind of storytelling.

Not your fault though - the writing is OK (my sensitivity only really allows for two reliable grades here, Pass and Fail, so for all I could tell you could have gotten a 80), so tell me when you've written Ch1, and I'll read the two together and probably enjoy it.
err... it's more like "let's give a teaser/trailer of things to come and then start the story for real", and not something out of haruhi where someone scrambled the entire timeline...

Personally i find it grasps the audiences/readers attention far better this way, and gives the author leeway for writing some boring parts and explanations without losing focus of the audience right away...
__________________
"Life is the only game in which the object of the game is to learn the rules." Unknown
"The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it." Norman Schwarzkopf
"Whoever stands by a just cause cannot possibly be called a terrorist." Yassar Arafat
Sayings and quotes hold wisdom in them. Either the wisdom is found in the correctness of the quote, or in the lesson learned from the error.
Hard part is figuring out who's making the errors...
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Old 2008-01-23, 12:32   Link #499
krisslanza
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I heard something about rape... That again falls into my category. At least in No.47's past anyway... I'll peek at that writing in a bit (Having to catch up on stuff right now) and see what everyone is all saying about "damage". No one seems to react that much to the fact in Arc-en-Ciel the capital city of Mid-Childa is a massive wasteland more or less
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Old 2008-01-23, 12:39   Link #500
ghazghkull
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wow...I go to bed and this is what I get....the basically a whole new page of confusion...
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