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Link #1741 |
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New Hearing Aid
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty." BLONDE A cop was driving down a country road when he saw a car in the ditch. He got out of his car to see if anyone was in the car. A blonde popped her head out the window and said "Thank god officer! I got in an accident!" The officer replied with "Well I can see that! Are you okay?" The blonde looked forward and said "Well yeah... I think so." Then the officer looked around and said "Miss.... your car looks like an elephant stepped on it. How did you crash?" The blonde looked at him and said "It was so strange. I was driving down the road and out of nowhere a tree jumped infront of me, so I swerved to the other side and another tree was in the way, so I swerved again, but another one was there again, so one last time I swerved to the other side, but the damn tree got me, and caused me to go in this ditch!" The officer started to laugh hard. "Whats so funny?" The blonde asked. The officer took a second to catch his breath then said "Miss, theres no trees on this road for miles ahead. That was your car air freshner swinging back and forth!" From Alabama It was the first day of Third Grade in a new town for Little Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20. Johnny, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes. He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done. His Dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son." The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. It's Grade Three, so most could make it half way through without much trouble. Some made it to S or T, but Little Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son." The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well-endowed". This confused him. That night he told his dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Alabama?" he asked. "No, Son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18." Spoiler for olympics:
Spoiler for Dildo:
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Link #1743 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: England
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Spoiler for Cyanide and Happiness:
Spoiler for Stupid Cat:
Spoiler for Blah Blah:
Spoiler for Jesus:
Spoiler for Jesus:
Spoiler for Jesus:
Spoiler for Screen or it didn't happen:
Spoiler for Nice candy friend:
Spoiler for Blasphemy:
Spoiler for Yahoo:
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Link #1744 |
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(; ,;) fthagn
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since no one could read the myspace one, i divided the pics so it'll be see-able:
Spoiler for myspace take two!:
and since you practically have to look very hard to read it, here's a text version of shit happens(below the pic): Spoiler for shit:
damn, that was long. weird, but this wasn't in the shit-list: Spoiler for one extra:
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Link #1746 |
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(; ,;) fthagn
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this is for all the lolcats!!!
teh bible, lolcat edition: http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Main_Page
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Link #1747 | |
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Ha ha ha ha ha...
Graphic DesignerJoin Date: Apr 2006
Location: Right behind you.
Age: 24
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Quote:
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Link #1748 | |
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Inactive user
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Holland,Zuid-holland,Capelle aan den IJssel
Age: 20
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Quote:
Love his gun. ^_^ It's an umm.. What was it again?? LK-72?? Something like that. ^_^ Shoots just fine in BF2. ![]() I like guns. ![]() I looked it up. It's an L85A1. How could I ever forget that?!
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Link #1754 |
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Member
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Radio Show (I just found this & I had to post this joke, its long but its worth it)
Just keep in mind this was on live radio.... On the morning show at WBAM FM in Chicago, IL, they call someone at work and ask if they're married or in a serious relationship. If yes, then this person is asked three very personal questions and the significant other's name and work phone number. If the significant other answers correctly, then they are winners. This particular day it got interesting: DJ: HEY! This is Edgar on WBAM. Do you know "Mate Match"? Contestant: (laughing) Yes I do. DJ: What is your name? First name only please. Contestant: Brian. DJ: Are you married or what Brian? Brian: Yes. DJ: "Yes"? Does this mean your are "married" or what, Brian? Brian: (laughing nervously) Yes I am married. DJ: Thank you, Brian. Okay, now, what is your wife's name? First only please, Brian. Brian: Sara. DJ: Is Sara at work Brian? Brian: She is gonna kill me. DJ: Stay with me here Brian! Is she at work? Brian: (laughing) Yes she is. DJ: All right then, first question: When was the last time you had sex? Brian: She is gonna kill me. DJ: BRIAN! Stay with me here man. Brian: About 8 this morning. DJ: Atta boy. Brian: (laughing sheepishly) Well... DJ: Number 2: How long did it last? Brian: About 10 minutes. DJ: Wow! You really want that trip huh? No one would ever have said that if it there weren't a trip at stake. Brian: Yeah, it would be really nice. DJ: Okay, final question: where was it that you had sex at 8 this morning? Brian: (laughing hard) I ummmmm... DJ: This sounds good Brian; where was it? Brian: Not that it was all that great, just that her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks and she was taking a shower at the time. DJ: Ooooooh, sneaky boy! Brian: On the kitchen table. DJ: "Not that great"? That is more adventurous than the last hundred times I have done it. Anyway, (to audience) I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this.(Advertisements) DJ: (to audience) Let's call Sara, shall we? (touch tones...*ringing*) DJ: Hey, is Sara around there somewhere? Clerk: This is she. DJ: Sara, this is Edgar with WBAM. I have been speaking with Brian for a couple of hours now. Sara: (laughing) A couple of hours? DJ: Well, a while anyway. He is also on the line with us. Brian knows not to give away any answers or you lose, soooooooo, do you know the rules of "Mate Match"? Sara: No. DJ: Good. Brian: (laughing) Sara: (laughing) Brian, what the hell are you up to? Brian: (laughing) Just answer his questions honestly, Okay? Sara: Oh, Brian. DJ: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sara I will now ask you three questions and if you answer exactly what Brian has said, then the two of you are off to Orlando, Florida at our expense. This does include tickets to Disney World and Sea World. Sara: All right. Brian: (laughing) DJ: All right, when did you have sex last Sara? Sara: Oh God, Brian...this morning before Brian went to work. DJ: What time? Sara: About 8, I think. (sound effect) DING DING DING. DJ: Great! That's one. Now! How long did it last? Sara: Oh God! Brian...ummm, about 12, 14 minutes I think DING DING DING. DJ: Okay, the judges say that's close enough, I guess she's trying not to harm his manhood. DJ: Last question: where did you do it? Sara: OH MY GOD, BRIAN! You did not tell them did you?!?! Brian: Just tell him honey. DJ: What is bothering you so much Sara? Sara: Well, it's just ... just that my mom is vacationing with us and... DJ: SHE SAW?!?! Sara: BRIAN?!?! Jesus?!?! Brian: NO, no she didn't. DJ: Ease up there sister. Just messin' with your head. Your answer? Sara: Dear Lord... Brian, I cannot believe you told them this. Brian: Come on honey it's for a trip to Florida. DJ: Let's go Sara, we ain't got all day. Where did you do it? Sara: In the ass. (long pause) DJ: We will be right back. (advertisements) DJ: I am sorry for that ladies and gentlemen. This is live radio and these things do happen. anyway, Brian and Sara are off to lovely Orlando, Florida.
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Last edited by DetectiveA; 2008-02-13 at 16:40. |
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Link #1759 | |
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(; ,;) fthagn
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Quote:
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