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Old 2008-02-13, 23:31   Link #1761
Quzor
It's the year 3030...
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Spaceport Colony Sicilia
Age: 29
A man suffering from alcoholism was sitting at home lamenting his situation. He had recently gone through a divorce, his children had decided to live with their mother, and he had lost his job. Glancing at the garbage, he noticed a case of empty beer bottles resting on top. He walked over to the trash, picked up an empty and smashed it, yelling "You are the reason I lost my wife!" Picking up and smashing a second, he screamed "You are the reason I lost my kids!" After smashing a third bottle, he cried "You are the reason I lost my job!" Suddenly, the man looked down to see a full, unopened bottle of beer in the trash. Picking it up, he placed it in his pocket and said, "Stand aside friend, I know you were not involved."
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Old 2008-02-14, 00:37   Link #1762
Spectacular_Insanity
Ha ha ha ha ha...
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Right behind you.
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Here they are, more parody motivational posters, hot off the presses. I hope you like these as much as I liked making them. ^_^

Spoiler for Mai-HiME:


Spoiler for D34th N0t3:
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Old 2008-02-14, 01:08   Link #1763
Archontic
Power of the Damager
 
 
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Did you hear the one about the woman who didn't know that her husband was an alcoholic until her husband came home sober?
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Old 2008-02-14, 04:11   Link #1764
Rookie103
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Spoiler for Time Paradox:

Last edited by Rookie103; 2008-02-14 at 04:26.
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Old 2008-02-14, 10:20   Link #1765
Dxon
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Holland,Zuid-holland,Capelle aan den IJssel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DetectiveA View Post
Radio Show (I just found this & I had to post this joke, its long but its worth it)

Just keep in mind this was on live radio....
On the morning show at WBAM FM in Chicago, IL, they call someone at work and ask if they're married or in a serious relationship. If yes, then this person is asked three very personal questions and the significant other's name and work phone number. If the significant other answers correctly, then they are winners.

This particular day it got interesting:

DJ: HEY! This is Edgar on WBAM. Do you know "Mate Match"?
Contestant: (laughing) Yes I do.
DJ: What is your name? First name only please.
Contestant: Brian.
DJ: Are you married or what Brian?
Brian: Yes.
DJ: "Yes"? Does this mean your are "married" or what, Brian?
Brian: (laughing nervously) Yes I am married.
DJ: Thank you, Brian. Okay, now, what is your wife's name? First only please, Brian.
Brian: Sara.
DJ: Is Sara at work Brian?
Brian: She is gonna kill me.
DJ: Stay with me here Brian! Is she at work?
Brian: (laughing) Yes she is.
DJ: All right then, first question: When was the last time you had sex?
Brian: She is gonna kill me.
DJ: BRIAN! Stay with me here man.
Brian: About 8 this morning.
DJ: Atta boy.
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) Well...
DJ: Number 2: How long did it last?
Brian: About 10 minutes.
DJ: Wow! You really want that trip huh? No one would ever have said that if it there weren't a trip at stake.
Brian: Yeah, it would be really nice.
DJ: Okay, final question: where was it that you had sex at 8 this morning?
Brian: (laughing hard) I ummmmm...
DJ: This sounds good Brian; where was it?
Brian: Not that it was all that great, just that her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks and she was taking a shower at the time.
DJ: Ooooooh, sneaky boy!
Brian: On the kitchen table.
DJ: "Not that great"? That is more adventurous than the last hundred times I have done it. Anyway, (to audience) I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this.(Advertisements)
DJ: (to audience) Let's call Sara, shall we? (touch tones...*ringing*)
DJ: Hey, is Sara around there somewhere? Clerk: This is she.
DJ: Sara, this is Edgar with WBAM. I have been speaking with Brian for a couple of hours now.
Sara: (laughing) A couple of hours?
DJ: Well, a while anyway. He is also on the line with us. Brian knows not to give away any answers or you lose, soooooooo, do you know the rules of "Mate Match"?
Sara: No.
DJ: Good.
Brian: (laughing)
Sara: (laughing) Brian, what the hell are you up to?
Brian: (laughing) Just answer his questions honestly, Okay? Sara: Oh, Brian.
DJ: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sara I will now ask you three questions and if you answer exactly what Brian has said, then the two of you are off to Orlando, Florida at our expense. This does include tickets to Disney World and Sea World.
Sara: All right.
Brian: (laughing)
DJ: All right, when did you have sex last Sara?
Sara: Oh God, Brian...this morning before Brian went to work.
DJ: What time?
Sara: About 8, I think. (sound effect) DING DING DING.
DJ: Great! That's one. Now! How long did it last?
Sara: Oh God! Brian...ummm, about 12, 14 minutes I think DING DING DING.
DJ: Okay, the judges say that's close enough, I guess she's trying not to harm his manhood.
DJ: Last question: where did you do it?
Sara: OH MY GOD, BRIAN! You did not tell them did you?!?!
Brian: Just tell him honey.
DJ: What is bothering you so much Sara?
Sara: Well, it's just ... just that my mom is vacationing with us and...
DJ: SHE SAW?!?!
Sara: BRIAN?!?! Jesus?!?!
Brian: NO, no she didn't.
DJ: Ease up there sister. Just messin' with your head. Your answer?
Sara: Dear Lord... Brian, I cannot believe you told them this.
Brian: Come on honey it's for a trip to Florida.
DJ: Let's go Sara, we ain't got all day. Where did you do it?
Sara: In the ass. (long pause)
DJ: We will be right back. (advertisements)
DJ: I am sorry for that ladies and gentlemen. This is live radio and these things do happen. anyway, Brian and Sara are off to lovely Orlando, Florida.
She COMPLETELY MISUNDERSTOOD that question!

I rofled. ^_^
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Old 2008-02-14, 10:22   Link #1766
Archontic
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dxon View Post
She COMPLETELY MISUNDERSTOOD that question!

I rofled. ^_^
That was, indeed the joke. The village idiot thanks you, though.
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Old 2008-02-14, 10:24   Link #1767
Dxon
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Holland,Zuid-holland,Capelle aan den IJssel
Age: 21
^_^

www.icanhascheezburger.com

All you need for every day..

Every day, is Caturday.
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Old 2008-02-14, 11:05   Link #1768
Archontic
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http://cristgaming.com/pirate.swf
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Old 2008-02-14, 14:34   Link #1769
DetectiveA
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The Amish Boy

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, old lady went up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady passed between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out. The father said quietly to his son...

"Go get your mother."
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Old 2008-02-14, 17:45   Link #1770
koffy
beggar
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
^ Hehe, good one, thx
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Old 2008-02-14, 18:03   Link #1771
teachopvutru
Urusai~Urusai~Urusai~
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Location
Age: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by DetectiveA View Post
The Amish Boy

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, old lady went up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady passed between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out. The father said quietly to his son...

"Go get your mother."
Haha, very good joke, and pretty funny too.
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Old 2008-02-14, 21:39   Link #1772
ApostleOfGod
^.^
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Toronto
A blonde is driving recklessly down the highway. The police on duty notices her insane driving, and quickly decides to pull her over.

Once he gets to the window, he asks,

"Ma'am, can you PLEASE explain to me why you're driving so crazily on the highway?"

She replies, "Sorry sir, but I just can't seem to get rid of this tree infront of my car. It follows me everywhere I go!"

The police looks over to the front, and says,

"Ma'am, that's not a tree. That's your air freshener."




Chris Tucker comedy, there's mature subject matter, watch and laugh at your own risk.
*Might I add that his Stand up Comedy is truly one of a kind.

P.S. if I'm not allowed to put this material because it's too explicit in anyone's opinion, or if mods/admins find this too explicit, let me know, or you can just remove it, but I don't think it has any *offensive* material to a subject group or person.
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Last edited by ApostleOfGod; 2008-02-14 at 21:54.
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Old 2008-02-15, 00:26   Link #1773
Generic Asian Guy
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Old 2008-02-15, 15:49   Link #1774
Dxon
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Holland,Zuid-holland,Capelle aan den IJssel
Age: 21
IMMA FIRIN MA LAZORS!!!
Part 1:

Part 2:


Other times I would say I rofled.. But then I didn't most of them time.

But this time.. THIS TIME I ACTUALLY ROFLED!!!

Well actually...

FOCROFLMAO!!!!
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Old 2008-02-15, 15:51   Link #1775
DetectiveA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Generic Asian Guy View Post
Could you feel me in on what he is saying?
This is how I understand it.. This edison is being internet bullied and this guy has his back lol


here is my joke of the day.

Late night out

A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out however , that it's closed. So the guy ends up going down to the local bar to use the vending machine. While there he had a few beer and began talking to this beautiful girl.

He had a few more beer and the next thing he knew he was in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he knew it was 3:00 AM.

"Oh my, god , my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"

She got him some and he rubbed it all over his hands. When he got home his wife was up waiting for him and she was furious. "Where the hell have you been!"

He said, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her."

"Let me see your hands!" she demanded. He showed his wife his powdery hands. "Damn liar, You were out bowling again!"
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Old 2008-02-15, 16:13   Link #1776
Dxon
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Holland,Zuid-holland,Capelle aan den IJssel
Age: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by DetectiveA View Post
Could you feel me in on what he is saying?
This is how I understand it.. This edison is being internet bullied and this guy has his back lol


here is my joke of the day.

Late night out

A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out however , that it's closed. So the guy ends up going down to the local bar to use the vending machine. While there he had a few beer and began talking to this beautiful girl.

He had a few more beer and the next thing he knew he was in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he knew it was 3:00 AM.

"Oh my, god , my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"

She got him some and he rubbed it all over his hands. When he got home his wife was up waiting for him and she was furious. "Where the hell have you been!"

He said, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her."

"Let me see your hands!" she demanded. He showed his wife his powdery hands. "Damn liar, You were out bowling again!"
Would that work??
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Old 2008-02-15, 18:38   Link #1777
JustInn14
moo
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
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OMG! I love the "LAZORS" video! It's funny to watch the end credit music, and the dacing avatar, at the same time! :-p
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Old 2008-02-15, 20:17   Link #1778
Spectacular_Insanity
Ha ha ha ha ha...
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Join Date: Apr 2006
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Age: 25
Lol, thanks Dxon, that was hilarious. "IM FIRING MAH LAZER!!"

It was funny because you absolutely KNEW it was coming, but half the time it was from an unexpected source.
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Old 2008-02-15, 23:33   Link #1779
Sister Princess
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http://komica.dyndns.org/wiki/?%E8%A...80%9D%E4%B8%AD

For cantonese/mandarin users only.
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Old 2008-02-16, 00:44   Link #1780
cicido
I'm so moe I kill myself
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Join Date: Jun 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Princess View Post
This was spammed everywhere recently and I seriously laughed SO HARD when I first saw it. Although I'm still not sure is it real or just a scam, funny either way though.
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