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View Poll Results: Can a Man and a Women be Just Friends?
Yes 269 83.02%
No 55 16.98%
Voters: 324. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 2008-05-04, 06:33   Link #21
Happy_Chip
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HayashiTakara View Post
I've seen this discussion many times over for years now, and recently I've gotten into a debate with someone, who insist that a man and a women cannot stay just friends, that it'll always lead into something further. I disagree with him whole heartedly as it felt like it was an insult on my own personal experience, that I'm with my female friends just to get in their panties in the future.

Anyway, I wanted to see what the people of these boards think, can a man and a woman be just friends?
This is something that I've tried to resolve in my own mind.

I suppose what complicates it for me (as a male) is I've seen cases where a very attractive and friendly female, gets lots of male "friends". Even if there's no chance of physical activity, the men still get to enjoy her attention and beauty (and then offline discuss among themselves how hot and desireable said female is). Honestly, I don't think anyone can really call this 'friendship', even though the woman feels she's surrounded by male friends.

I've also seen many cases where (a) single girl has single male friend, (b) then single male friend expresses a desire for more than friendship, (c) girl then is hurt and disgusted that the friendship was 'ruined' by guy. And then when viewing this at a distance, I'm shaking my head in disbelief that the girl couldn't see this coming from miles away.

I'm not sure I've ever seen a genuine male-female friendship that wasn't tainted by something else.

These observations have pretty well jaundiced me to historically answer 'no', but I'm trying to understand if this is 100% true in 100% of all cases...

Last edited by Happy_Chip; 2008-05-04 at 06:44.
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Old 2008-05-04, 07:42   Link #22
piyochama
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I see where the people who say no are coming from... But at the same time, its totally different from actually getting into a relationship.

A man and a woman can simply be friends - its not like they always want to have sex or something. Its like suggesting that a gay guy and any other guy or any random woman and a lesbian can't have a platonic relationship simply because one would be attracted to the other in a non-platonic way. Following this logic, bisexual people would have a pretty hard time...
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Old 2008-05-04, 08:02   Link #23
HayashiTakara
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Experiences of every individual in this world is so different and unique that that saying "no" is jaded, its when you won't look past your own personal experiences and accept that everyone is different. The fact is, everyone IS different, and therefore everyones relationship is different, to give the explicit "no" means you're close minded and refuse to believe otherwise for whatever reason, at least thats how I see it.
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Old 2008-05-04, 11:59   Link #24
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Without reading any post so far. I'd say yes. I know many people like you state that it seems that no matter what, you and her will just simply get closer. Not true. When I'm with the opposite sex, we can joke around like where we're simply co-workers or friends and not in any kind of relationship.

So yes you can. You just have to take the initiative and keep your distance, that's all. Keep urself one step away from that place and stay and stand firm on your current "friend" position where you are now.

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Old 2008-05-04, 12:26   Link #25
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Sure. Women don't have what it takes to have spontantenous sex, so it's quite safe even after a long while. She will think he is a good friend and he will think she is a log of wood.
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Old 2008-05-04, 12:55   Link #26
Reckoner
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Although I voted "No" in this poll let me explain my point of view on this matter.

First of all, I don't think a man and a woman can easily becomes friends. Perhaps my definition of a friend is different than other people, I do believe a man and a woman can be acquaintances though and to me there is a big distinction between that.

A friend is someone who will always be there when you're in trouble, a friend is someone someone who listens, someone who tells the truth about yourself and you appreciate it, someone who arrives unexpectedly, as you are going out and you want with all your heart to take them with you.

An acquaintance is someone you are just on friendly terms with, you may spend time outside of the work place or school here and there, you may talk here and there with some little friendly chit chat. But after you leave the workplace or after you leave your college, those acquaintances disappear from your life.

A woman is usually a friend when they're your lover. I would it find it highly unusual otherwise. And when you become older and get married and happen to actually be friends with someone of the opposite gender, I don't think your wife or husband will appreciate you hanging out with the opposite sex.

Society deems its unusual, therefor it is wrong. Many of the modern countries today, I have not been to lal countries of course so I can't speak for everybody, may be technologically more advanced that its neighbors, but they are from a sociological standpoint too immature.

So I will stick with my answer of no, coming from someone who lives in California, but a truly ideal world it should be yes, we as people are not there yet. As long as we still have government issues like gay marriage, we are definitely not there yet.
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Old 2008-05-04, 13:05   Link #27
kayos
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I voted yes, there are such a thing called "homosexual men" who aren't sexually attracted to the opposite sex but finds comfort being surrounded by other females.
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Old 2008-05-04, 14:05   Link #28
HayashiTakara
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my definition of a friend is the same, and as mentioned in an earlier post I have 4 female friends who are my best friends. What does that mean? There are always exceptions, its best that you realize that at a young age, before you end up closing your mind as you get older.
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Old 2008-05-04, 14:48   Link #29
Reckoner
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Originally Posted by HayashiTakara View Post
my definition of a friend is the same, and as mentioned in an earlier post I have 4 female friends who are my best friends. What does that mean? There are always exceptions, its best that you realize that at a young age, before you end up closing your mind as you get older.
But are you single? If you are single, getting in a relationship might drastically change your life. People are naturally jealous and suspicious, you will find it hard to just hang out with those friends of the opposite gender if you have an intimate girl friend or a wife. It is really difficult to actually be friends with the opposite gender past the days when you are young. The closest you might be able to get is a co-worker relationship.
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Old 2008-05-04, 14:54   Link #30
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I would say yes but with exceptions. I only say this because the human mind has a tendency to wonder into the oddest thoughts and subjects. Even if you don't want to think about something you probably will sooner or later, especially something about a friend that you meet often.
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Old 2008-05-04, 16:32   Link #31
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No, not single, but I was friends with them from before I got engaged, 15 ~ 20 years have we known each other and grew up with each other.

The nature of the question is very easy, just pick yes if you agree that there are cases where friends don't become something more, and there are cases where they do. Pick no if you think there is no way in hell can a man and women be friends/whatever no matter what.
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Old 2008-05-04, 16:34   Link #32
tripperazn
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Originally Posted by Reckoner View Post
A friend is someone who will always be there when you're in trouble, a friend is someone someone who listens, someone who tells the truth about yourself and you appreciate it, someone who arrives unexpectedly, as you are going out and you want with all your heart to take them with you.

A woman is usually a friend when they're your lover. I would it find it highly unusual otherwise. And when you become older and get married and happen to actually be friends with someone of the opposite gender, I don't think your wife or husband will appreciate you hanging out with the opposite sex.
Someone here obviously hasn't seen this video. Note: This was posted quite recently on the predominantly female www.soompi.com and was met with whole-hearted agreement. Just FYI, since AS is predominantly male.

Even when people fulfill your very specific definition of a friend, they are NOT necessarily going out. In fact, it is exceedingly common with these "nice guys".
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Old 2008-05-04, 16:43   Link #33
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I do think there's a problem maintaining a friendship after breaking up with someone you've had a romantic relationship with. I went through that with someone I dated a few years' ago. She wanted us to stay friends, but at the time it was too difficult for me to maintain a more distant relationship with someone I had been so close to. Now, years later, we can have dinner or talk on the phone from time to time.

Being friends with women yet not having a romantic relationship with them is something I've done most of my life.
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Old 2008-05-04, 16:46   Link #34
Deathkillz
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Well I don't know how females feel but as a male we do tend to let our minds wander whenever we are near people of the opposite sex (and old statistic states that men thinks about sex 5 times more than women).

But I do believe that there are such things as "just friends", right until the point where your male friends point out that you make a great couple and you, letting your mind wander again
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Old 2008-05-04, 17:07   Link #35
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Can they? Yes. If they couldn't, how would brothers and sisters get along?

I can certainly see where there is reason to be wary, though. Attraction and emotion are multi-faceted, fuzzy scales and not on-off switches. The same parts of our brain that process emotion and sexuality are used not only in selecting a mate but also things like goal setting and car shopping. I don't expect 90% of the population to use their capacity to remain aware of the goings-on in their heads and hearts, though, nor to have the foresight or willpower to do anything but give in to their fleeting desires.

About half of my closest friends are female. Some of those have always been, without question, just friends, and with some there has been attraction of varying levels one way or the other (and occasionally mutual). That's worked around by setting boundaries. That's worked out well, because I've been able to become friends with husbands acquired, be an "uncle" to children produced, and be a friend to single young women who needed a reliable friend and not a "threat".

So, yes, men and women can be friends. I would say, though, that most close friendships would not last long-term without awareness and boundary setting.
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Old 2008-05-04, 17:42   Link #36
Kang Seung Jae
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This reminds me of what Kyou said about Tomoya.....


Anyway, my answer: Yes, they can.
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Old 2008-05-04, 17:44   Link #37
KholdStare
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Instead of using "always," we should change that word to "generally" and we have a discussion.

Last edited by KholdStare; 2008-05-04 at 23:46.
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Old 2008-05-04, 23:38   Link #38
Reckoner
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tripperazn View Post
Someone here obviously hasn't seen this video. Note: This was posted quite recently on the predominantly female www.soompi.com and was met with whole-hearted agreement. Just FYI, since AS is predominantly male.

Even when people fulfill your very specific definition of a friend, they are NOT necessarily going out. In fact, it is exceedingly common with these "nice guys".
I've never seen those videos, but it is something I know all too well, being one of these nice guy personalities myself. Only difference is that I'm not actively pursuing a relationship with anyone.

Still though, guys don't truly become friends with girls unless they in a relationship, in my opinion. A guy will tell a guy friend about his dirty secrets, but not "usually" will a guy ever tell a girl about his dirty secrets. I think this creates a boundary that cannot be surpassed since genders are not equal. Genders are treated differently, this is just natural for humans do so. But like Hayashi Takara here, I guess there can be exceptions, but from what I see it's pretty rare.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HayashiTakara View Post
No, not single, but I was friends with them from before I got engaged, 15 ~ 20 years have we known each other and grew up with each other.
I wish more people in society could be like you then.
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Old 2008-05-05, 01:25   Link #39
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Despite voting yes, I do have some qualms about the issue. My best-friend is male, and no, he is not the same person as my boyfriend. They are two different people, but neither of them harbor any jealousy toward the other (at least from what they've told me). After hitting college, the majority of my friends and acquaintances were males and I maintained strict barriers between them. I have noticed however how easily the males in a friendship fall for the girl while the girl remains oblivious of the desires. I have had a few situations where I became aware of the affections of some of my guy friends and had to either let them know my feelings or distance myself if they were too adamant. In the past few years that I've been in a steady relationship, it's become easier for me to read when a guy is interested in more than just friendship, and surprisingly (or perhaps not so surprisingly depending on what camp you sit in) most guys will admit to harboring thoughts inappropriate of straight friendship. Let's just say, if I kissed them, they would undoubtedly and willingly kiss back.
This probably varies from person to person though~
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Old 2008-05-05, 01:27   Link #40
Kang Seung Jae
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Let's just say, if I kissed them, they would undoubtedly and willingly kiss back.
Kiss on the cheeks or on the lips?
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