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Old 2008-05-05, 13:09   Link #2061
Deneiro
打児 恵 流
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: the Netherlands
Age: 22
okey guys i think i have it now
i corrected the grammatical errors tough there might still be some!
i added his last techniques! but:
i purposely didnt add any real final jutsu because i think that my character is way too young for that. it just wouldnt be realistic knowing that kakashi learned that blackhole technique way older then 15 years. same goes for itachi sasori and all the others with their skills!






Shiroyo Daien( as shinobi also called Shirooni Daien)
(shirooni means white devil)(shiroyo means white night)




His father was a konohagakure shinobi & his mother was a kirigakure shinobi.

Daien is the son of two shinobi who lived in kirigakure. His father Shiroyo Getsei and his mother
Shiroyo Daia died when Daien was 5 years old. The kirigakure shinobi told him that they died an accident, but Daien wouldn't believe that. He tought his father and mother were to great shinobi to simply die in an accident he said. The only things the kirigakure shinobi gave him were his parents headbands and his fathers ANBU mask and blade. Filled with anger and sadness he was determined to learn suiton wich his father had mastered, and fuuton wich his mother had mastered. He had no friends in the village and hardly ever went to school. He was so determined that he trained and learned from his fathers shiroyo scrolls to master their family skill: the hyouringan. He learned how to use water-jutsus from his fathers scrolls and he learned how to use wind-jutsus from his mothers scrolls.he also found some lightning scrolls wich belonged to his grandfather from his mothers side. When he was 9 years old he finally learned how to use the hyouringan. He then decided that it was time to leave his village. He took some of his scrolls. Also the one wich intriqued him te most: a scroll about the dangerous full limit of the hyouringan. After he had traveled for 3 months he met a wandering man who he tought was kind of perverted(jirajya DUH). After seeing the man taking out some thief-shinobi he decided he wanted the man to teach him. The wanderer decided to take Daien as his student and tought him some skills and learned him how to perfect his nature manipulation. When he was 13 years he decidedto travel one alone and strengthen his skills all on his one.
A couple years after that he discovered he had some potential for lightning. Then he remembered his grandfathers scrolls.

Now he is 15 (almost 16) and he has mastered water and wind. He just discovered his potential for lightning a couple of months ago wich means using the raitons-kills he tought of is still more dangerous to himself than to his enemy. But now the first thing he wants to do is becoming an acknowledged konoha-shinobi.

Gekkei genkai : hyouringan ( wich means: moon-eye)
Element: suiton
Type of gekkei genkai: eye
Range: close to far range
Spoiler for Discription:


Gekkei genkai : fukai hyourin- mangetsu hyouringan (wich means: unpleasant moon - fullmoon of the moon-eye)
Element: suiton
Type of gekkei genkai: eye
Range: close to far range
Spoiler for Discription:



Jutsu Name: hyourin mizukai
Element: none
Type of Jutsu: taijutsu( swordstyle)
Jutsu Rank: -
Range: close
Discription: this is the family sword-style of the shiroyo clan

Jutsu Name: getsei ryuudou (wich means: flow of the moon)
Element: suiton
Type of Jutsu: ninjutsu( swordstyle)
Jutsu Rank: B
Range: Medium
Spoiler for Discription:


Jutsu Name: Kaimen no aranami (wich means: sea of raging waves)
Element: suiton
Type of Jutsu: ninjutsu
Jutsu Rank: C
Range: close to far range
Spoiler for Discription:


Jutsu Name: Juude dehoudai (wich means: electrical charge of a waterflow)
Element: raiton/suiton
Type of Jutsu: Ninjutsu
Jutsu Rank: A
Range: Medium
Spoiler for Discription:


Jutsu Name: kazekai kanryuu (wich means: flowing windcut)
Element: raiton/fuuton
Type of Jutsu: Ninjutsu
Jutsu Rank: B
Range: Medium
Spoiler for Discription:


Jutsu Name: kaze toho ( wich means: wind walking)
Element: fuuton
Type of Jutsu: ninjutsu
Jutsu Rank: C
Range: -
Spoiler for Discription:


Jutsu Name: kazekai taiga no hangetsu (wich means: windcut of the halfmoon river)
Element: fuuton/suiton
Type of Jutsu: Ninjutsu
Jutsu Rank: A
Range: Medium
Spoiler for Discription:



i hope u like Daien as he is and ill keep goin on with characters in his life!
like his father, mother, other unknown family members and the few people that did care about Daien in kirigakure
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Old 2008-05-05, 16:10   Link #2062
sarikat
respect me.
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: thats for me 2 no and u 2 not.
Angry

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keikan View Post
Half cool. No birthday??? Stronger than sannin at 14??? Correct me if I'm wrong anyone, but there is no actual rank higher that S-Class/Kage/Sannin is there?

Ok full critisism, the setup needs work. Punctuation needs work ... capitals please. Please no sms text (4head, 4got, xtra, 2 instead of to). For background, 'she's a mysterious person' is probably not the best to keep people interested, maybe something a bit more detailed without giving stuff away. Typing what you have there just makes you look lazy. Also you say 'favourite jutsu' and list names, names only hint at the effect of a jutsu, it would be a good idea

TBC

I would say this character needs some serious work.
look, i don't care!!!!!!!!!!!! i couldn't think of a good b-day!
fine, i'll change her!
rose jutsu: a deadly variety of moves regarding the girl's clan, shadow jutsu: see b4 (im just doin' this 2 make u mad!!!!!!!!!!!!)
shadow kuniae: a regular lookin' kuniae that can go thru 1's body, look like a hit, but shows no sign of damage after. u'de feel the pain. and so wat if she's awesomely strong?! she's just some ninja i thought of! problem with that?
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Old 2008-05-06, 03:06   Link #2063
Keikan
Kingkiller
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Where the lava and the waterfall are struck by the shadows
Age: 23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sarikat View Post
look, i don't care!!!!!!!!!!!! i couldn't think of a good b-day!
fine, i'll change her!
rose jutsu: a deadly variety of moves regarding the girl's clan, shadow jutsu: see b4 (im just doin' this 2 make u mad!!!!!!!!!!!!)
shadow kuniae: a regular lookin' kuniae that can go thru 1's body, look like a hit, but shows no sign of damage after. u'de feel the pain. and so wat if she's awesomely strong?! she's just some ninja i thought of! problem with that?
Mad?? I was just offering some critisism of the character ... that's half the point of this forum to my understanding, the other half the point is to display your characters to the other viewers. I don't know if awesomely strong is the right words ... ridiculously strong maybe but overall just OP.

I do have a question about the shadow kunai. Is there any real point to it? So the kunai goes straight through the person (not even going to bring up physics or any of that crap) and they feel the pain, but if it goes through their heart do they die?? If so I can see the point for assassinations.

It isn't a bad technique at all.

@ Deneiro: Not too shabby. Well presented, good effects for all jutsu, good back story, though he may be a little OP with the three elements at his age and his range of jutsu as well as element combination. Not giving him a big end move was a good idea. Good character.


Ok, on a totally different note, I won't be posting many anything for a while (and I mean a long while) except if I decide to make a character for Zaku's competition (which I will do almost every month). That's possibly one every month, no more. The reason for that is that all the creations I'm going to work on are for future chapters of Naruto Gyaku, so I don't want to give it away.
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I have stolen princesses back from sleeping barrow kings. I burned down the town of Trebon. I have spent the night with Felurian and left with both my sanity and my life. I was expelled from the University at a younger age than most people are allowed in. I tread paths by moonlight that others fear to speak of during day. I have talked to Gods, loved women, and written songs that make the minstrels weep.

My name is Kvothe. You may have heard of me.

Last edited by Keikan; 2008-05-06 at 03:20.
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Old 2008-05-06, 19:22   Link #2064
Akkido
Akki kun
 
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Atlanta,GA
New

Name:Tiek
Age:12
Height:5`4
Weight:112
Hair:Black with 2 red streaks
Eyes:Grey
Village:Konaha
Clan:Unknown

Personality:Has a high sense of honor
Attire:Wears a black tank top with green shorts and black combat boots

Bio:Orphaned at the tender age of 5 Tiek Sumara had to learn to fight and steal to stay alive.One day while pick pocketing an old lady he was caught and sent to the hokage.Naruto laughed for he was often caught stealing purses when he was young. He sent the poor kid to Manami (meaning love i might post her later)to do some odd jobs. Manami was a loving caring person who took pity on Tiek and gave him a place to sleep food to eat and basicaly was his mother. Tiek started spending every day with her and soon found himself living with her. While under her presense Tiek learned to be honorable. soon Manami was looking for a husband. As soon as he saw Tiek the first chance he got he was going to kill him. One Night while Manami was standing gaurd at the gate Yori the man she was dating krept in to Tieks room and was about slice his throat when Tiek awoke and stabbed him with a Kunai. The man staggared back in pain but unleashed a rain of shuriken.Tiek jumped out the window and thought it was no longer safe with Manami. He lived in the forest honing his skill as ninja until he was ready to kill Yori. When Yori was meating with the hokage Tiek burst through the door and demanded a fight. Every one laughed except Manami and yori. They went into the training ground and got into there stances and from Tieks stance Yori knew this would ba an easy win. When the official blew the whistle and the match started Yori stood as if he was about to fall alseep next thing he knew he was bleeding with a hole through his chest. Manami ran beside her husband weeping. why she seethed he tried to kill me Tiek answered cooly as he related the story to Manami.Now Tiek is 12 years old and is a Genin along with Yori`s son Kenji.

Jutsus: Lighting bullet: Shoots a bullet of lighting comes from his kekkei genkai: Lighting Manipulation
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Old 2008-05-06, 20:22   Link #2065
sarikat
respect me.
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: thats for me 2 no and u 2 not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Keikan View Post
Mad?? I was just offering some critisism of the character ... that's half the point of this forum to my understanding, the other half the point is to display your characters to the other viewers. I don't know if awesomely strong is the right words ... ridiculously strong maybe but overall just OP.

I do have a question about the shadow kunai. Is there any real point to it? So the kunai goes straight through the person (not even going to bring up physics or any of that crap) and they feel the pain, but if it goes through their heart do they die?? If so I can see the point for assassinations.

It isn't a bad technique at all.

@ Deneiro: Not too shabby. Well presented, good effects for all jutsu, good back story, though he may be a little OP with the three elements at his age and his range of jutsu as well as element combination. Not giving him a big end move was a good idea. Good character.


Ok, on a totally different note, I won't be posting many anything for a while (and I mean a long while) except if I decide to make a character for Zaku's competition (which I will do almost every month). That's possibly one every month, no more. The reason for that is that all the creations I'm going to work on are for future chapters of Naruto Gyaku, so I don't want to give it away.
ok, with the shadow kunai, i think of it as the warning, no u won't die if it goes through your heart, unless at the last second u turn it into a regular kunai.
hey, i didn't answear u 'bout the dog. i HATE dogs. i can barely tolerate my parents dog. why have my character like something i can't stand? so, yes, im more of a cat person, Sari is 2. (didn't u get the whole intire PANTHER thing?) so in my eyes, kiba is stupid and his mutt is a mutt. i couldn't care less if its a ninja dog. it a mutt.
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Old 2008-05-10, 12:19   Link #2066
sarikat
respect me.
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: thats for me 2 no and u 2 not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Keikan View Post
It was actually a joke. I know people don't like dogs and I can accept it, even though I know they are the best pets. It's understandable to make a character of your own with some of the same likes and dislikes, it kind of adds another dimension to them, a bit more real.
no. mutts are TERRIBLE pets. only i can see wat u mean, after all, im an independent person, cats are independent. mutts however, rely on each other, but wat happens if the person you depend on, fails u. think abou it. mutts fail other mutts. they rely on family, why? cats are fully aware that they have a specific time with they're family. when that times up, they start they're own life. the only cats that rely on each other are lions, not my favorite cats, i perfer panther, but lions still rely on they're survival skills. dogs just aren't cool like that.
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Old 2008-05-11, 09:17   Link #2067
sarikat
respect me.
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: thats for me 2 no and u 2 not.
mutts r mutts. there im done arguing now. ya know wat? you act like a mutt, don't ya? ooooooooooo diss, cuz im cool like that (tee hee)
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Old 2008-05-11, 09:18   Link #2068
sarikat
respect me.
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: thats for me 2 no and u 2 not.
u spelled independent wrong.
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Old 2008-05-11, 14:38   Link #2069
Mitsu
Momento Mori
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Central Illinois
Age: 18
Spoiler for off topic, so I'll just put it in here:


Anyway, I'm almost done with my first 2 characters! Haitaru, and Mika! If these names have already been used I am so, so sorry. I'll post'em up as soon as I get done with them, promise! All I have to do is get done with their looks, so it should be soon.
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Old 2008-05-11, 16:02   Link #2070
Spectacular_Insanity
Ha ha ha ha ha...
*Graphic Designer
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Right behind you.
Age: 25
Okay, please let's end this stupid argument here, or I will ask a mod to delete your off topic posts. Thank you.

I'm working on another character or two for my criminal organization, Kurotsuchi ("Black Earth"). I haven't decided on names yet, but I will eventually. One is almost done, the other one I have an idea, but haven't come up with specific traits, yet. Look forward to them by the end of the week. I'll probably have them done in a few days time.
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Old 2008-05-11, 16:27   Link #2071
Mitsu
Momento Mori
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Central Illinois
Age: 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spectacular_Insanity View Post
Okay, please let's end this stupid argument here, or I will ask a mod to delete your off topic posts. Thank you.

I'm working on another character or two for my criminal organization, Kurotsuchi ("Black Earth"). I haven't decided on names yet, but I will eventually. One is almost done, the other one I have an idea, but haven't come up with specific traits, yet. Look forward to them by the end of the week. I'll probably have them done in a few days time.
Sorry...I couldn't help but to get involved in the fight. it was just to tempting...

Cool, I look forward to seeing your probably amazing characters!
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Old 2008-05-11, 16:33   Link #2072
Bookie
Yaoi fan
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Nonya
Quote:
Originally Posted by temari_love View Post
Sorry...I couldn't help but to get involved in the fight. it was just to tempting...

Cool, I look forward to seeing your probably amazing characters!
hi,surret!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!sorry hasd an 2 litter mountain dew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!
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Old 2008-05-11, 17:03   Link #2073
Keikan
Kingkiller
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Where the lava and the waterfall are struck by the shadows
Age: 23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spectacular_Insanity View Post
I'm working on another character or two for my criminal organization, Kurotsuchi ("Black Earth"). I haven't decided on names yet, but I will eventually. One is almost done, the other one I have an idea, but haven't come up with specific traits, yet. Look forward to them by the end of the week. I'll probably have them done in a few days time.
Nice. Can't wait for those characters. I think you'll be the first person who posted on the 100th page to actually post a character after it (unless I'm mistaken). Now I definitely can't wait .

Quote:
Originally Posted by temari_love View Post
Sorry...I couldn't help but to get involved in the fight. it was just to tempting...
Fight??? You make it sound like we were actually a cat and a dog fighting over who's better.

Anyways, to everyone, I'm sorry for basically starting that. I thought it would just be a harmless little comment. I didn't think it would blow out to that preportion.
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I have stolen princesses back from sleeping barrow kings. I burned down the town of Trebon. I have spent the night with Felurian and left with both my sanity and my life. I was expelled from the University at a younger age than most people are allowed in. I tread paths by moonlight that others fear to speak of during day. I have talked to Gods, loved women, and written songs that make the minstrels weep.

My name is Kvothe. You may have heard of me.
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Old 2008-05-11, 20:58   Link #2074
Mitsu
Momento Mori
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Central Illinois
Age: 18
There are some things that really don't need to be remembered... This is why it has been edited.
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Last edited by Mitsu; 2012-08-30 at 14:46.
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Old 2008-05-11, 21:05   Link #2075
sarikat
respect me.
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: thats for me 2 no and u 2 not.
ok, wat kind of ninja weres ORANGE??????!!!!!!!!!!!!! seriously, the guy must be color blind, enyway, im makin a new charater 2. as far as ive got is that her name is Rin and that she's 13
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Old 2008-05-11, 22:55   Link #2076
Spectacular_Insanity
Ha ha ha ha ha...
*Graphic Designer
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Right behind you.
Age: 25
@temari love: Very nice character. I enjoyed reading about him, though his mission descriptions seemed somewhat vague. Or perhaps that was purposeful? In any case, looks like a well-thought out character, which is always a good thing. And other than the fact he wears orange, his character design is good overall. I liked the fact that you put some effort into his backstory, and I also liked the mission descriptions. Nice job.
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Old 2008-05-12, 16:29   Link #2077
Mitsu
Momento Mori
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Central Illinois
Age: 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spectacular_Insanity View Post
@temari love: Very nice character. I enjoyed reading about him, though his mission descriptions seemed somewhat vague. Or perhaps that was purposeful? In any case, looks like a well-thought out character, which is always a good thing. And other than the fact he wears orange, his character design is good overall. I liked the fact that you put some effort into his backstory, and I also liked the mission descriptions. Nice job.
((I just made the character right then, no spelling checks or anything...thats good I guess.))
I didn't really want to put any detail into the missions, I didn't feel as if that was needed at the time. Whats wrong with the color orange? I just wrote down whatever color came to mine first. Would green be ok? Well anyway, Thanks for your reveiw I appreciated it!

And Sarikat, i'm the color blind one, I can't see the color red or orange. Not my character.
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Old 2008-05-12, 17:58   Link #2078
Akkido
Akki kun
 
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Atlanta,GA
Quote:
Originally Posted by Akkido View Post
Name:Tiek
Age:12
Height:5`4
Weight:112
Hair:Black with 2 red streaks
Eyes:Grey
Village:Konaha
Clan:Unknown

Personality:Has a high sense of honor
Attire:Wears a black tank top with green shorts and black combat boots

Bio:Orphaned at the tender age of 5 Tiek Sumara had to learn to fight and steal to stay alive.One day while pick pocketing an old lady he was caught and sent to the hokage.Naruto laughed for he was often caught stealing purses when he was young. He sent the poor kid to Manami (meaning love i might post her later)to do some odd jobs. Manami was a loving caring person who took pity on Tiek and gave him a place to sleep food to eat and basicaly was his mother. Tiek started spending every day with her and soon found himself living with her. While under her presense Tiek learned to be honorable. soon Manami was looking for a husband. As soon as he saw Tiek the first chance he got he was going to kill him. One Night while Manami was standing gaurd at the gate Yori the man she was dating krept in to Tieks room and was about slice his throat when Tiek awoke and stabbed him with a Kunai. The man staggared back in pain but unleashed a rain of shuriken.Tiek jumped out the window and thought it was no longer safe with Manami. He lived in the forest honing his skill as ninja until he was ready to kill Yori. When Yori was meating with the hokage Tiek burst through the door and demanded a fight. Every one laughed except Manami and yori. They went into the training ground and got into there stances and from Tieks stance Yori knew this would ba an easy win. When the official blew the whistle and the match started Yori stood as if he was about to fall alseep next thing he knew he was bleeding with a hole through his chest. Manami ran beside her husband weeping. why she seethed he tried to kill me Tiek answered cooly as he related the story to Manami.Now Tiek is 12 years old and is a Genin along with Yori`s son Kenji.

Jutsus: Lighting bullet: Shoots a bullet of lighting comes from his kekkei genkai: Lighting Manipulation
Plz comment on my character plz plz and dogs are the best
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Old 2008-05-12, 18:11   Link #2079
Akkido
Akki kun
 
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Atlanta,GA
Kekkei Genkai: lighting manipulation

Ability: only one person in the world can use these manipulation technique and there are 5 all of the elements. Fire Wind Water Lighting and earth. Then there are the sacred manipulations like light and dark. Tiek is able to manipulate lighting (duh) and make it easier to use lighting chackra.

This is all from my story Naruto nex Gen! plz dont take my name. oh and i will be posting the story on gaia.com and tiek is not the main character Akkido a.k.a akki ichimora.
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Old 2008-05-12, 23:18   Link #2080
Dan the Man
Defeater of Robot Masters
*Artist
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Wherever YOU aren't. Thanks for not visiting... *Sniff*
Age: 27
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Wow, I've been gone a long, long time. I guess the page 100 stuff left me out of ideas for a while. Well, I've got a good character coming in a while, but for now, I'm glad to present you the worst character I've ever made...
Read at your own risk...

Name: Bud Awesome
Age: 18
Rank: Mega-Kage
Village: Konoha

Picture,
Spoiler:


Bud Awesome came from a special branch of a clan in Konoha that has every kekkei genkai ever known, and are born with mastery of every kind of elemental chakra. He graduated from the ninja academy at age 2, became a jonin three minutes later, and kicked the Hokage's ass before lunch. He spends most of his time laughing at weak people and lifting heavy stuff.

Combat - Bud Awesome has complete mastery of every kind of jutsu, twice over. He doesn't need to perform handsigns because his chakra levels defy any possible manner of measurement. His taijutsu is the best ever, because it just is. Gejutsu, hell, Bud Awesome needs no mind tricks to kick ass, but he's great at all of 'em anyway!!

Custom Jutsu -

Mega Super Ball of Death - Made by Bud Awesome forming a Rasengan on each finger, a Chidori on each toe, and a fireball jutsu shot out of his nose. He smooshes them together, and throws it at the enemy. Dead-ness.

Hyper Shadow Clone - Bud Awesome can make a hundred million billion Shadow Clones. You heard me.

Element-y Jutsu - An attack using all the different types of elemental chakra. It shoots from Bud Awesome's hands, and kills anything it hits. Even dead stuff.

Punch-Yer'-Frikkin'-Guts-Out Jutsu - A super powerful taijutsu. When it hits, you get your frikkin' guts punched out.


Don't say I didn't warn you, because I totally did.
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