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Old 2008-05-20, 20:57   Link #121
Comartemis
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Age: 27
Quote:
any comments and suggestions?
Work on your grammar and punctuation a bit. That's pretty much all I can find that's inherently wrong with this.

....

On a related note....

Guys, I have something that I really want to run by you involving Iris.... specifically her status as an S-rank mage.

*Dodges death glares, prog knives, and rotten fruit*

WAIT WAIT, HEAR ME OUT!

After some consideration of the situation with Iris and my still-forming picture of her, I realized that there's a very simple, very easy way to match her up with Vivio as a romantic interest without setting off every squick alarm from here to 4chan, and that method is to make her a child of Project FATE.

The story goes like this: Iris grows up as a member of the Kingswood crime family (named for the Holden Kingswood, in keeping with the tradition of naming Mid-Childan characters after cars), a high-ranking combat mage and skilled assassin. She's a AAA-rank mage at the age of 19 as of five months after A's, when Nanoha and Fate begin to conduct an investigation of the Kingswood family and their connection to a mysterious arms dealer, namely good old Scaglietti, who's supplying the Kingswood family with mass-based weaponry in exchange for funding for the creation of the Numbers.

Eventually Nanoha and Fate begin to zero in on Scaglietti's base of operations, and the Kingswood family responds by dispatching Iris to protect Scaglietti. At the same time, however, Hayate and the Wolkenritter join the investigation, with Vita reinforcing Fate and Nanoha while Hayate, Signum, Shamal and Zafira hit the Kingswood family compound.

Fate, Nanoha, and Vita arrive at Scag's base of operations and are met at the front door by Iris. Iris is an even match in power for each of her opponents, but she has vastly more skill and experience, and successfully does battle with our heroines, stalling them long enough for several of Jail's Type-IV Gadgets to get into ambush positions. The trap is sprung, Nanoha takes a near-fatal blow, and Fate goes ballistic, unleashing Riot Zamber and Sonic Drive for the first time and annihilating both Iris and the Gadgets... but Jail has already packed up shop by the time the battle is over.

In the aftermath, one of Jail's Gadgets returns to the site and retrieves Iris's corpse, which is then revived using the techniques involved with Project FATE. Jail plans to use Iris the same way he uses Lutecia, and for a while he does, using her to steal Jewel Seeds to power his Gadgets with. Eventually, however, Iris gets too willful for Jail to control, and takes off in search of a more interesting line of work, and hopefully more powerful enemies to face. Jail dryly makes a note to install some kind of control mechanism in the still-developing Lutecia. Eventually, Iris falls in with another crime family, who use her as their top assassin until Vivio shows up a few years after StrikerS.

***

My justifications for the S-rank are as follows: first, Iris spent the majority of her first life in training to become the Kingswood family's chosen enforcer/assassin, and it took her quite a number of years to reach AAA-rank, as opposed to Nanoha and Fate who basically started off like that. After her resurrection, she continues her training out of habit, and by the time Vivio turns up on Arcadia, she's had between 7-10 extra years to achieve S-rank.

The advantages of putting her through Project FATE should be obvious from a 'shipper's point of view: with Iris essentially going through her childhood all over again, she has room to be both very mature and very skilled while still being at a proper age to be Vivio's romantic interest; she'd be about 14-15 years old at the story's start, possibly a bit younger.

My reasons for making Iris into an S-rank are also related to the plot I have laid out. Fate holds Iris largely responsible for Nanoha's near-death experience, and when Iris comes knocking with Vivio at the end of the first story arc, Fate's not going to be the least bit happy to see her again, creating an incredible amount of tension between them (Never mind what Vita would have to say about it). This isn't helped in the slightest by the fact that Iris would gladly fight with Fate again to "settle the score" save for Vivio's wishes, which she will by this time be following faithfully. The tension only gets greater if Iris is an S-rank, because it suddenly becomes uncertain as to who would come out on top in such a battle.

Well, what do you guys think? I tried to think this out from every angle and I couldn't come up with any flaws in the idea save for the scrutiny S-ranks get around here. If it's still not enough justification I could also just lower her rank or say that her growth has stagnated since her first death. I also think I've done a rather bang-up job of smoothly integrating her into canon. But enough about what I think; what do you guys think?
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Last edited by Comartemis; 2008-05-20 at 21:23.
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Old 2008-05-20, 21:12   Link #122
Wild Goose
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Comar: Regarding that bubble thing: Cone shape. That would help make your mage barrier push air aside go faster thimajiggy a bit better compared to the standard mage bubble thing. Alternatively, just say it's a mod of the standard bubble thing.

From what I could see the trend of haxxbusters becoming more blunt actually started around the time ATC came and how he went blithely happily producing the battery armor and Lance Rifle, and he wasn't listening to subtlety which is why I went all bluntness on him. Then Comar was next with the haxx and the stubborness, and what really made me dislike him was his stated intentions that he would not compromise and we could all go fly kites, aka the second coming, so i feared, of ark.

So yeah since I pointed ATC here forgetting how he was like I guess I'm kinda responsible.

Regarding everything else: a bit busy atm. Will read over later.
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Old 2008-05-20, 23:25   Link #123
Tormenk
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Timing is off. Nanoha's incident took place two years after A's while Hayate would still be recovering just five months after A's.

Never said but Fate wasn't likely to be with Nanoha during that particular operation. Even then, the gadgets were still an unknown to the Aces and the TSAB then sans the Type-4.

Scag has the Brains for funding so it's more likely that he just sought out the family for the gadget parts. Besides, the Brains would want to keep their prized Orphan close to keep an eye on him.

S-ranks are still okay with justifications and histories. It's the SS ranks or dubious/h4xx abilities that will ring the alarm bells. S-rank mage along the lines of Zest and a B-rank mage with uber-abilities; pretty obvious which will raise eye-brows.

That's all for now. Will see if I missed anything out later.
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Old 2008-05-20, 23:43   Link #124
AdmiralTigerclaw
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Goose View Post
Comar: Regarding that bubble thing: Cone shape. That would help make your mage barrier push air aside go faster thimajiggy a bit better compared to the standard mage bubble thing. Alternatively, just say it's a mod of the standard bubble thing.

From what I could see the trend of haxxbusters becoming more blunt actually started around the time ATC came and how he went blithely happily producing the battery armor and Lance Rifle, and he wasn't listening to subtlety which is why I went all bluntness on him. Then Comar was next with the haxx and the stubborness, and what really made me dislike him was his stated intentions that he would not compromise and we could all go fly kites, aka the second coming, so i feared, of ark.

So yeah since I pointed ATC here forgetting how he was like I guess I'm kinda responsible.

Regarding everything else: a bit busy atm. Will read over later.
Eh... I've mellowed out though.

I get an initial burst of crazed interest then calm down... I'm like that for just about everything I get my hands on.
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Old 2008-05-21, 00:10   Link #125
FieryAeon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
Work on your grammar and punctuation a bit. That's pretty much all I can find that's inherently wrong with this.

....
*snip*
Hmm...this may be just me, but how is this justification for the S-rank? Sure the time frame sounds reasonable, but manipulating concepts and stuff for your convenience made it feel a little forced. Forced in a sense that, "Project Fate can be used since it's such a convenient plot device". I'm not saying no, but I think this needs more working out. That said, I'm not sure if Project Fate actually allows you to make a clone that starts off as a baby. I'm pretty sure the clone turns out to be the exact age of the original, correct me if I'm wrong. Anyway, this alone would make your idea pretty much void.

Pardon me though, I'm busy rushing to write articles (working in a publishing company) so my brain juices are currently fully occupied with that. I'd suggest that Iris not have anything to do with Jail, and move the incident with her family further back, making her age on par with Vivio. You can say she has talent to begin with, and started training at a very young age. Then possibly reset her rank to AAA+, being on the verge of S, this I feel sounds a little more workable. It may be a bit far from what you have in mind, but there's your extreme (I feel it's a bit extreme), and a middle ground I suggested. With that, just work your way up or down.

Hope this helps.
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Old 2008-05-21, 00:39   Link #126
Comartemis
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Never said but Fate wasn't likely to be with Nanoha during that particular operation.
How do you figure that?

Quote:
Hmm...this may be just me, but how is this justification for the S-rank? Sure the time frame sounds reasonable, but manipulating concepts and stuff for your convenience made it feel a little forced. Forced in a sense that, "Project Fate can be used since it's such a convenient plot device".
Not just convenient, it's the puzzle piece that links the whole thing together. As opposed to a ludicrously-skilled 12 year old who makes Nanoha and Fate look like a couple of chumps or a 20+ year old with a lolita complex for Vivio, you have a mentally mature, highly-skilled and extremely powerful kid who's actually about three times her apparent age, and who's in just the right position to become Vivio's opposite number.

Quote:
'd suggest that Iris not have anything to do with Jail, and move the incident with her family further back, making her age on par with Vivio. You can say she has talent to begin with, and started training at a very young age. Then possibly reset her rank to AAA+, being on the verge of S, this I feel sounds a little more workable.
Mmmm..... I kinda like the idea I have going now, but I'll definitely keep this in mind if the others have similar problems with this idea.

Quote:
That said, I'm not sure if Project Fate actually allows you to make a clone that starts off as a baby.
Jail didn't seem to have that problem with Vivio, who was probably created with the Clonal Culture method so as to enhance the likelihood of her coming out of the works with the Saint's Armor intact. If Iris is recreated using the Clonal Culture method, she grows just like Vivio...

*Coma doubleblinks*

...come to think of it, was Vivio flashgrown, or did she make five years naturally?
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Old 2008-05-21, 00:46   Link #127
Keroko
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Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
How do you figure that?
No Fate anywhere in sight even though Nanoha was seriously injured for one, and Vita is the only one talking about 'failing to protect her' that time. Every time the incident or flashbacks thereof are mentioned, focuss is on Vita or Nanoha. Heck, episode 9 blatantly states 'Vita' and no other names.

Will tackle the rest later, but this required my immediate attention. Don't touch one of the few NanoVita moments StrikerS gave me! Rawr!
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Old 2008-05-21, 01:56   Link #128
PhoenixFlare
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
Fate, Nanoha, and Vita arrive at Scag's base of operations and are met at the front door by Iris. Iris is an even match in power for each of her opponents, but she has vastly more skill and experience, and successfully does battle with our heroines, stalling them long enough for several of Jail's Type-IV Gadgets to get into ambush positions. The trap is sprung, Nanoha takes a near-fatal blow, and Fate goes ballistic, unleashing Riot Zamber and Sonic Drive for the first time and annihilating both Iris and the Gadgets... but Jail has already packed up shop by the time the battle is over.
Nanoha and Fate also were AAA-ranked mages as of A's epilogue, Vita probably slightly higher (AAA during A's), so Iris should at least had some problem dealing with all three at the same time. Experience may tilt the battle in her favor, but only slightly so.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
In the aftermath, one of Jail's Gadgets returns to the site and retrieves Iris's corpse, which is then revived using the techniques involved with Project FATE. Jail plans to use Iris the same way he uses Lutecia, and for a while he does, using her to steal Jewel Seeds to power his Gadgets with. Eventually, however, Iris gets too willful for Jail to control, and takes off in search of a more interesting line of work, and hopefully more powerful enemies to face. Jail dryly makes a note to install some kind of control mechanism in the still-developing Lutecia. Eventually, Iris falls in with another crime family, who use her as their top assassin until Vivio shows up a few years after StrikerS.
The Jewel Seeds being stolen is currently ambiguous at best, and the Brains may be pulling strings to enable Jail to obtain them without much trouble. Also, why is Iris willing to help Jail Scaglietti after her revival? If Project F is involved, she should retain her previous memories, and she doesn't seem to be in any need to help Jail retrieve Jewel Seeds.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
My justifications for the S-rank are as follows: first, Iris spent the majority of her first life in training to become the Kingswood family's chosen enforcer/assassin, and it took her quite a number of years to reach AAA-rank, as opposed to Nanoha and Fate who basically started off like that. After her resurrection, she continues her training out of habit, and by the time Vivio turns up on Arcadia, she's had between 7-10 extra years to achieve S-rank.

The advantages of putting her through Project FATE should be obvious from a 'shipper's point of view: with Iris essentially going through her childhood all over again, she has room to be both very mature and very skilled while still being at a proper age to be Vivio's romantic interest; she'd be about 14-15 years old at the story's start, possibly a bit younger.
There doesn't seem to be any canon proof that those who relive their childhood again rises up in their magic ranks. One good example is Zest, who remains at S. Of course, continuous trainings after the revival may increase that. I don't really get the "going through her childhood" part, since she should basically retain her past memory.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
Jail didn't seem to have that problem with Vivio, who was probably created with the Clonal Culture method so as to enhance the likelihood of her coming out of the works with the Saint's Armor intact. If Iris is recreated using the Clonal Culture method, she grows just like Vivio...

*Coma doubleblinks*

...come to think of it, was Vivio flashgrown, or did she make five years naturally?
At current viewpoint, she made it through naturally. They had ten years to "grow" Vivio. Four to five years to create a viable culture, the rest to let her mature.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keroko View Post

Will tackle the rest later, but this required my immediate attention. Don't touch one of the few NanoVita moments StrikerS gave me! Rawr!
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Old 2008-05-21, 02:18   Link #129
ghazghkull
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
No Fate anywhere in sight even though Nanoha was seriously injured for one, and Vita is the only one talking about 'failing to protect her' that time. Every time the incident or flashbacks thereof are mentioned, focuss is on Vita or Nanoha. Heck, episode 9 blatantly states 'Vita' and no other names.

Will tackle the rest later, but this required my immediate attention. Don't touch one of the few NanoVita moments StrikerS gave me! Rawr!
*Points to the above post*

Don't mess with the Nano/Vita fan :3
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Old 2008-05-21, 02:58   Link #130
LoweGear
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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*sneaks in*

A little... Gift for Keroko, who never comes into the IRC, and is thus powerless to stop us doing this:

Spoiler for Tesla with Melon Pan?:


And...

Spoiler for Tesla Vision?:


*RUNS FASTER*
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Old 2008-05-21, 03:11   Link #131
Sheba
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Join Date: Jun 2006
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You know when I read "melonpan" I actually thought "generous breasts". How much the reading of Jason's "Anime on my Mind" has twisted me.
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Old 2008-05-21, 03:14   Link #132
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Originally Posted by ghazghkull View Post
*Points to the above post*

Don't mess with the Nano/Vita fan :3
Indeed for we are a cruel unforgiving lot that enjoys beating people with warhammers.
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Old 2008-05-21, 04:00   Link #133
Silvance
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Spoiler:

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Old 2008-05-21, 04:30   Link #134
Tk3997
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Quote:
Originally Posted by XenahortCharybdis View Post
Now THAT is the model for safe OCing. I must admit I myself take a lot of risks in never running anything past people first...but it hasn't caused me major problems yet (except with PF, although you're one to talk about that, Phoenix )
I almost never run anything past anyone before posting it haven't had any issues yet though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Goose View Post
Regarding haxxbusting: I'm available on IRC at various times. Keep popping in there regularly and I'll be around to give a hand.

I'm tempted to go Abare but I'm watching Ozma's awesoem VF-25S and just can't stop giggling with glee at how that thing moves. And the MISSILE BUKAKKE. GLORIOUS MISSILE BUKAKKE.

AND FUCK YES KONIG MONSTER FOR THE ARTILLERY WIN.
Forget that you know what caught my attention?

Spoiler for Guess whose back bitches?!:

Destroids that's who! Twin gatling cannon spam for teh win!

More and more I want to write later series crack… Hmm maybe I should rip off goose, but set my fic during the frontier era. Yes I can see it now “Outer Cadia Tactical: We might be crazy, but if you're afraid of us just think how your enemies feel! Be sure to check out our new Big Creepy Crawly/Space Pirate removal package deal!”

Quote:
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Hello, Abare-tan! *waves*

Bukkake?! Missile bukkake? I am sort of regretting my choice to resist the urge of watching Macross in favor of writing my Chapter by now...DAMN YOU!!!!

Watch it! The power of mecha complies you!

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Originally Posted by Saint X View Post
Okay, due to a suggestion from the OCC to post in OCT

Here is my Primary Premise of my OCs

or of all OCs for that matter (i think)

[spoiler="The Zoning of the Galaxy"]snip
Looks workable to me and indeed I even recall mentioning such a thing off hand. I don't really go for the whole GDI idea, but the zoning itself I find pretty reasonable and will probably rip off.

Composing a response to PF monster breaker at this time as well, but that'll be later.
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Old 2008-05-21, 06:58   Link #135
Comartemis
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Quote:
Also, why is Iris willing to help Jail Scaglietti after her revival? If Project F is involved, she should retain her previous memories, and she doesn't seem to be in any need to help Jail retrieve Jewel Seeds.
Well for the first few years after her revival, she's an adult stuck in an infant's body. Once she figures out how to walk and gets past her toddler years she needs a place to stay and recover her strength since the Kingswood family got nailed by the Wolks; they're all either dead or in prison. Collecting Jewel Seeds for Jail is just her way of "paying rent", so to speak. Also, she's bored. And a bored character who has elements of Kenpachi Zaraki's personality in her is a recipe for disaster.

Quote:
There doesn't seem to be any canon proof that those who relive their childhood again rises up in their magic ranks. One good example is Zest, who remains at S. Of course, continuous trainings after the revival may increase that.
That was the point. I wasn't thinking that FATE increases magical strength, but that the additional years of training would get the job done.

Quote:
Destroids that's who! Twin gatling cannon spam for teh win!
*Facepalm*

You and your Macross crack have already taken over the IRC, now you're trying to get into Cadia proper?! Away with you and your giant robots! Away, I say!
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Old 2008-05-21, 07:53   Link #136
Keroko
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Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
Nothing concrete yet. Iris's relationship with Vivio is slated to go from assassin/target to knight/lord by the time the girls get back to Mid-Childa, but any pairings I can name for her at present would require a significant age-up to minimize squickyness, and I don't want the Aces to get much older than they already are. You're welcome to use Syn in this if you want to.
Will do. Now I just have to figure out a way for Syn to get there. It'd be easy with Keroko, who has several shady contacts, but Syn doesn't. Hmm....

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Originally Posted by FieryAeon View Post
Speaking of underpowered. I tend to go for something more or less average or underpowered, and work my way up slowly, rather than the other way around. That way, at least I get less "OMG WTF IS THIS HAXX?" and more suggestions on how to improve it.
I tend to create a power, then keep hammering it untill I think it fits. The first versions of Ethereal Mode had Keroko being able to summon huge black dragons, for example.

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Originally Posted by FieryAeon View Post
They did? Looks like I need to pay more attention...
Yep, didn't take them that much time either.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FieryAeon View Post
jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~~~~~

*Does not recognize the face nor played the game for that matter*

Dare desu ka?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
*blinks*

*stares*

*blinks*

Never played the game
You should. Despite the utter crappy voice acting (luckily voices are only triggered ocasionally) its a great game so far.

Anyway, that girls which you see in the first few minutes of the game is Leen, a general with a particular soft streak towards subordinates, which makes her a rather well liked superior.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FieryAeon View Post
Hey...the tester should be glad she didn't say "zenryoku zenkai!"
Nanoha: That's a good idea! I almost forgot!

Tester: Nooooooo!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Saint X View Post
Okay, due to a suggestion from the OCC to post in OCT

Here is my Primary Premise of my OCs

or of all OCs for that matter (i think)

Spoiler for The Zoning of the Galaxy:


any comments and suggestions?

*warps out*
Sounds good to me. A good measurement tool for the various worlds.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
After some consideration of the situation with Iris and my still-forming picture of her, I realized that there's a very simple, very easy way to match her up with Vivio as a romantic interest
Aaaw. No Syn here I guess, unless they're rivals for Vivio's heart.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
The advantages of putting her through Project FATE should be obvious from a 'shipper's point of view: with Iris essentially going through her childhood all over again, she has room to be both very mature and very skilled while still being at a proper age to be Vivio's romantic interest; she'd be about 14-15 years old at the story's start, possibly a bit younger.
I don't see why she should be put through Project F for that. Both Nanoha, Hayate and Fate were very mature when they were nine, this girl is 14-15.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
My reasons for making Iris into an S-rank are also related to the plot I have laid out. Fate holds Iris largely responsible for Nanoha's near-death experience, and when Iris comes knocking with Vivio at the end of the first story arc, Fate's not going to be the least bit happy to see her again, creating an incredible amount of tension between them (Never mind what Vita would have to say about it). This isn't helped in the slightest by the fact that Iris would gladly fight with Fate again to "settle the score" save for Vivio's wishes, which she will by this time be following faithfully. The tension only gets greater if Iris is an S-rank, because it suddenly becomes uncertain as to who would come out on top in such a battle.
Dunno, aside from the contradiction in the battle event, its kinda wobbly to have a 14-15 year old matching the best of the best the bureau has to offer. It seems forcefull and radiates 'lol! Plotdevice!' Personally, I think the entire rivalry with Fate needs rethinking, as is her being responsible for Nanoha's injuries.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
Not just convenient, it's the puzzle piece that links the whole thing together. As opposed to a ludicrously-skilled 12 year old who makes Nanoha and Fate look like a couple of chumps or a 20+ year old with a lolita complex for Vivio, you have a mentally mature, highly-skilled and extremely powerful kid who's actually about three times her apparent age, and who's in just the right position to become Vivio's opposite number.
Well, that's why I said the fight bit needs rethinking. For one, there are conflictions with the timeline, and its a clear contradiction to have both Nanoha and Fate at the scene. Second, it reeks of Orochimaru Syndrome.

I'd say Fiery's idea sounds like a good one.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
...come to think of it, was Vivio flashgrown, or did she make five years naturally?
We don't know, but I assume flashgrown. Fate was too, if I recall.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoweGear View Post
*sneaks in*

A little... Gift for Keroko, who never comes into the IRC, and is thus powerless to stop us doing this:

Spoiler for Tesla with Melon Pan?:
Heh. Cute. Doesn't look like Tesla though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoweGear View Post
And...

Spoiler for Tesla Vision?:


*RUNS FASTER*
Hubba, hah, wha?

That... that...

That is bloody brilliant!

Tesla and Griffith, oh dear, black goth loli? Hmm.....

*saves*

Quote:
Originally Posted by -Fate- View Post
I'm posting my newest work (Asclei Rebuild isnt done yet). Well, here it is. BTW, I'll be explaining what the Arc is exactly later, I just had to make a background for this character first. Also, the information about this character MAY change later.

Spoiler:


Spoiler:
Heh, this seemed more like a half-fic then a background. It's a bit jumbled because of that, but if I understand correctly, she is not part of the TSAB (or at least, not yet) right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
That was the point. I wasn't thinking that FATE increases magical strength, but that the additional years of training would get the job done.
Hmm, I don't know... it sounds too.... convenient. A character that can beat Nanoha and Fate and also be of Vivio's age so she can be her lover? Quite frankly, this character is taking her first steps over the line that seperates a good character from a Mary Sue, and I think its better to stop it here and re-think it.
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Old 2008-05-21, 08:43   Link #137
Comartemis
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Age: 27
The problem with simply making Iris a normal kid who was raised in The Spartan Way is that she needs to have some pretty damn good skills with multiple kinds of swords, similar to Archer's fighting style, and something that takes a lot longer to learn than magic and has to be learned from scratch; "natural talent" with a blade doesn't go nearly as far as natural talent with magic. The only way around this that I could see would be to add the "inherit skills" feature of Archer's tracing magic into Iris's steel magic, something I'm really leery on because I have no idea how I'd explain it in-series; the best I could do would be to tear the explanation straight from Wikipedia.

Quote:
Quite frankly, this character is taking her first steps over the line that seperates a good character from a Mary Sue, and I think its better to stop it here and re-think it.
Well we certainly can't have Mary Sues on Cadia, can we?

As for Aeon's idea, this is how I think things would go at first:

Iris is born into a minor branch of the Kingswood family and is identified as having an enormous amount of natural talent as well as a Rare Skill that lets her create and control masses of metal and metallic objects. She is placed into intensive training almost as soon as she can walk, in preparation for a lifetime of service to the main family.

Iris is brought up by her sensei, a master swordsman who teaches and guides her like a loving father. It is from him that Iris acquires her personal moral code, sense of honor, and unparalleled skills with a blade. Her style is known as "Ryuudou" (The Flow), a style of swordsmanship that emphasizes flexibility and mobility above all else.

When Iris is 12, her mentor passes away and she is inducted into the main family before her training is complete. Nonetheless, she proves herself to be an extremely capable assassin, bodyguard, and all-around combat mage, though her assignments frequently grate on her sense of honor, and the family head needs to keep a limiter on her to ensure she doesn't get any funny ideas about her loyalty.
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Old 2008-05-21, 08:51   Link #138
Keroko
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Age: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
The problem with simply making Iris a normal kid who was raised in The Spartan Way is that she needs to have some pretty damn good skills with multiple kinds of swords, similar to Archer's fighting style, and something that takes a lot longer to learn than magic and has to be learned from scratch; "natural talent" with a blade doesn't go nearly as far as natural talent with magic. The only way around this that I could see would be to add the "inherit skills" feature of Archer's tracing magic into Iris's steel magic, something I'm really leery on because I have no idea how I'd explain it in-series; the best I could do would be to tear the explanation straight from Wikipedia.
Again, 9 year old Fate could match Signum in armed combat. 9 year old ranged fighter Nanoha could hold of melee-veteran Vita. I don't see any problem with a 14 year old mage being a skilled combatant with multiple weapons. Reallity concerning natural talents and weapons too a hike since S1, really.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
Well we certainly can't have Mary Sues on Cadia, can we?

As for Aeon's idea, this is how I think things would go at first:

Iris is born into a minor branch of the Kingswood family and is identified as having an enormous amount of natural talent as well as a Rare Skill that lets her create and control masses of metal and metallic objects. She is placed into intensive training almost as soon as she can walk, in preparation for a lifetime of service to the main family.

Iris is brought up by her sensei, a master swordsman who teaches and guides her like a loving father. It is from him that Iris acquires her personal moral code, sense of honor, and unparalleled skills with a blade. Her style is known as "Ryuudou" (The Flow), a style of swordsmanship that emphasizes flexibility and mobility above all else.

When Iris is 12, her mentor passes away and she is inducted into the main family before her training is complete. Nonetheless, she proves herself to be an extremely capable assassin, bodyguard, and all-around combat mage, though her assignments frequently grate on her sense of honor, and the family head needs to keep a limiter on her to ensure she doesn't get any funny ideas about her loyalty.
*nods* no problems so far.
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Old 2008-05-21, 10:18   Link #139
FieryAeon
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: KL, Malaysia
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Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
I tend to create a power, then keep hammering it untill I think it fits. The first versions of Ethereal Mode had Keroko being able to summon huge black dragons, for example.
I'm just a little timid. So I rather work upwards than downwards. For the record, I've never had problems with haxxbusters before. Though fact is, I get the feeling I'm under the radar or something. My OCs don't really get commented on a lot. But then again, they have very little exposure so... *shakes head regrettably*


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Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
Yep, didn't take them that much time either.
All this makes me wish I have 1 month's worth of holiday just to watch anime and play games. Darn I miss the days when I could do just that.



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Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
You should. Despite the utter crappy voice acting (luckily voices are only triggered ocasionally) its a great game so far.

Anyway, that girls which you see in the first few minutes of the game is Leen, a general with a particular soft streak towards subordinates, which makes her a rather well liked superior.
Hmm...kind hearted female captains aren't new though. There's Tessa from FMP, who's more of a dojikko than anyone else.


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Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
Nanoha: That's a good idea! I almost forgot!

Tester: Nooooooo!
Uh-oh...what have I done!?
*prays for poor tester's soul*


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Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
Aaaw. No Syn here I guess, unless they're rivals for Vivio's heart.
Would make a lot of juicy fights.


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Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
I don't see why she should be put through Project F for that. Both Nanoha, Hayate and Fate were very mature when they were nine, this girl is 14-15.
Maturity was never really ever bound by age anyway. I've seen 30 year olds that are really childish or generally immature, though they may have more life experience than me. Then I've seen teens who are my juniors being wiser beyond their years, precocious you could say. They lack the life experience however.

The only reason to ever implement the "start-anew-as-a-baby-but-still-retain-all-past-skills" is to keep the experience but rollback the years, and effectively gain more time. After all it is said that the younger you are the faster and better you learn. Though in all honesty, one could probably say that environment and constant exposure will help speed up training and the gathering of experience. That would probably work better than utilizing Project F as an all too convenient plot device. Am I making sense? (this is somewhat of an extra thing for you to ponder on, Comart)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
Dunno, aside from the contradiction in the battle event, its kinda wobbly to have a 14-15 year old matching the best of the best the bureau has to offer. It seems forcefull and radiates 'lol! Plotdevice!' Personally, I think the entire rivalry with Fate needs rethinking, as is her being responsible for Nanoha's injuries.
Yes, indeed. I suppose the idea has to do with wanting to pair up Iris with Vivio, yet have some antagonist elements in that her guardians/parents will never approve. Personally I'm not against it, as this is something of a sub-plot that the individual author wants. However, to be able to best so many high rank mages would require more than just experience methinks.


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Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
Well, that's why I said the fight bit needs rethinking. For one, there are conflictions with the timeline, and its a clear contradiction to have both Nanoha and Fate at the scene. Second, it reeks of Orochimaru Syndrome.

I'd say Fiery's idea sounds like a good one.
Orochimaru Syndrome? lol...never thought of it like that. But now that you mentioned it.


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Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
We don't know, but I assume flashgrown. Fate was too, if I recall.
I assumed that too. Vivio I feel was 7arcs being their usual self, either contradicting facts they made up themselves, or being ambiguous.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
Hubba, hah, wha?

That... that...

That is bloody brilliant!

Tesla and Griffith, oh dear, black goth loli? Hmm.....

*saves*
I think it's more the Kyonko look than anything else that's attracting you. Though that does look a lot like Griffith. But I doubt Tesla is one of the DFC clan.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
The problem with simply making Iris a normal kid who was raised in The Spartan Way is that she needs to have some pretty damn good skills with multiple kinds of swords, similar to Archer's fighting style, and something that takes a lot longer to learn than magic and has to be learned from scratch; "natural talent" with a blade doesn't go nearly as far as natural talent with magic. The only way around this that I could see would be to add the "inherit skills" feature of Archer's tracing magic into Iris's steel magic, something I'm really leery on because I have no idea how I'd explain it in-series; the best I could do would be to tear the explanation straight from Wikipedia.
Why can't someone have a natural talent for blades that makes the person truly a genius in it? I don't see why not, it is very viable I think.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Comartemis View Post
As for Aeon's idea, this is how I think things would go at first:

Iris is born into a minor branch of the Kingswood family and is identified as having an enormous amount of natural talent as well as a Rare Skill that lets her create and control masses of metal and metallic objects. She is placed into intensive training almost as soon as she can walk, in preparation for a lifetime of service to the main family.

Iris is brought up by her sensei, a master swordsman who teaches and guides her like a loving father. It is from him that Iris acquires her personal moral code, sense of honor, and unparalleled skills with a blade. Her style is known as "Ryuudou" (The Flow), a style of swordsmanship that emphasizes flexibility and mobility above all else.

When Iris is 12, her mentor passes away and she is inducted into the main family before her training is complete. Nonetheless, she proves herself to be an extremely capable assassin, bodyguard, and all-around combat mage, though her assignments frequently grate on her sense of honor, and the family head needs to keep a limiter on her to ensure she doesn't get any funny ideas about her loyalty.
Pretty sound so far, looks like we are heading in a more positive direction with this.

Chop chop bed time for me. Gonna rest before getting up for the big Champion's League final. *runs away from anti-football fans (the type you actually use your feet to play, mind)*

Disclaimer: Since I'm lacking a bit of rest and ideas lately, my spiels may come across as...not very coherent at times. Do pardon if you get confused.
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Old 2008-05-21, 10:32   Link #140
Comartemis
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Age: 27
Quote:
No Syn here I guess, unless they're rivals for Vivio's heart.
That could work. I'm certainly not adverse to the idea of Vivio getting a harem once she's old enough to appreciate it....
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