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Old 2008-07-24, 16:33   Link #61
Nervous Venus
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I'm better at editing than writing. I used to edit for our school gazette. I'd post a piece of a story I wrote here, but I'm really not that good.

I understand the meaning you're trying to convey now. I just thought it sounded odd at first. But after re-reading it and on further thought, I think your choice of word was actually fairly accurate. Apparently Random House thinks so too :

–verb (used with object) 4. to drop or set down heavily: She plopped her books on the desk.
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Old 2008-07-24, 22:33   Link #62
Claude_Desravines
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Editing can be an art in itself, heh. I did a brief stint as an editor for a regional magazine, and I was shocked that even people who had English and Journalism degrees could have such a stunted grasp of their own language. The perennial it's/its, not knowing when to use who vs. whom, even things like forming relative clauses....soooo many errors. Not to mention the insidious thesaurus addicts...

I think editing becomes an art in itself when the editor has a piece in front of him so riddled with errors and crap that all he can take away from the piece is maybe a vague sense of the overarching idea. So the editor can take that idea, use his knowledge and abilities, and turn a slab of marble into a David.

How do you deal with trying to delineate between a writer who uses ungrammatical constructions as a stylistic aspect? I sometimes struggle to figure out when stylistic errors are acceptable...and when they're just errors. In high school, I had a huge argument with an English teacher about a paper I wrote; he gave it an F because his policy was that at that level of school even one sentence fragment was inexcusable. I used one stylistically, and he proved loyal to his policy. That was one hell of a bad day. The argument ultimately turned into one of critical and literary theory, and I called him an anal retentive prescriptivist...that got me a trip to the principal. Though he acknowledged it was a fairly intelligent act of disrespect.

Sorry, I've been going off on tangents all day. You should share some of your writing. How can you know if you're good or not if no one else sees? Besides, it's clear even from your posts here that you've an ability with words. I understand the feeling completely though; writing is such a personal thing, letting others read it almost feels like admitting to something shameful, or if it's received negatively it can feel insulting or humiliating. So even though I'd definitely be interested in reading your work, I won't bug you about it if you're so unsure.

And I'm stopping now before my train of thought veers off yet again, heh.
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Old 2008-07-25, 01:46   Link #63
Nervous Venus
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Quote:
How do you deal with trying to delineate between a writer who uses ungrammatical constructions as a stylistic aspect?
Instinct, lol. I've read a lot of authors who've used this style: Some to their benefit, others are just pure fail. I know enough so I could spot it right away. (I'm more of the pure PHAIL category, lol).

I tend to write in that style also, especially in high school. I've gotten away with it a lot of times on essays because instead of fragmented sentences, I made use of commas, colons and semi colons - enough to drive our professor crazy. He'd use the red pen on me. You can never get away with fragments though, but sometimes they'll let excessive commas slide.

Too bad he gave you an F. I'm pretty sure if it was done in Creative Writing class, you'd have a different outcome. Oh well, you have to play by the rules, even though it's really no fun.

I haven't written anything in the past few months. I made a bonfire with some friends and threw in some of my stories from freshman year of college. I actually wrote a story called "Bonfire" , which I tried looking for all of three minutes ago, and am now lamenting over probably have tossed them in the flaming pit during that time :/

I'll post something once I stop being finger lazy and type things up into WORD. Probably will do it sometime this weekend. In the meanwhile, I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work.
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Old 2008-07-25, 09:44   Link #64
WanderingKnight
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Quote:
writing is such a personal thing, letting others read it almost feels like admitting to something shameful, or if it's received negatively it can feel insulting or humiliating.
Hmm, I see it differently. Writing in itself is a way of putting your thoughts in perspective, of ordering them so that a "third party" is able to, at the very least, know of its existence. Even if that party is only comprised of your own self.

There can't be a writer if there's no reader.
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Old 2008-07-26, 06:10   Link #65
Cake-kun
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This is my favorite story that i created. I have posted this in my blog, infact . :]

Hope you'll enjoy it.


Spoiler for title:


a short story created by mine.

(names and places mentioned are not on my intention, it's just a co-incidence that i used it.)

Rina, a stage-4 cancer patient had only had one week life span. she's really depressed when she knew about it, but she knew that she couldn't do anything about it, so she accepted it fully. while her boyfriend, Paul couldn't accept the truth, that her girlfriend will die after one week.

One monday afternoon, while Rina is on the garden, watching the butterflies touch the flower's beauty, and smelling the flower's sweet scent, and singing with the nature, under the shade of a sturdy oak tree, Paul came, brought some chrysanthemums, Rina's favorite flowers.

As soon he entered the garden, he heared Rina singing a song, titled over it by Katherine McPhee.

"Wanting you to be wanting me, no that ain't no way to be. How i feel, read my lips, beacause i'm so over-" She suddenly stopped, knowing that Paul's presence is near her.

"Come on Paul, i know you're there. come here." As soon as those words came out of Rina's mouth, Paul came. "How you'd know i'm here?" he asked. "Your scent is unique, it's one of a kind. It's easy to notice." As soon as those words start to enter Paul's mind and ears, he handed over the chrysanthemums to Rina, then followed by a kiss on the cheek.

"You brought this again. Thanks." then she smiled. Then, a silence occurs on the two of them. After a minute of silence, Paul break the silence, then said, "You're just going to accept it like a gift came from someone?" Then a sad expression follows. Rina stood up from the the giant roots of the oak tree, that's full of trimmed grass, with a good soil, good enough to touch someone's body when they die;and said, "Yes. I'm going to accept it like this, like a gift came from someone. Fate is unchangeable, no one can oppose it, no one can fight it, but everybody has to accept it, even though it's hard. So, i'll answer yes. I'll accept it, and i accepted it before. I accepted the fact that i'll die."

Paul, on the other hand, couldn't resist anymore what his girlfriend is saying, so, he speak and said, "No, you won't die. If i have to, i would use all my gold and shares, just to cure you. So, we-" Rina touched Paul's lips, and hushed gently, and said, "I don't want to suffer anymore. Do you want me to suffer? I know, you wouldn't like it. See me suffer is very hard for you, right? So i'll end it."

Rina released her index/point finger on Paul's lips, then hugged him. Paul, who's teary eyed already, said, "But i just-" Rina hushed, then said, "I don't want to leave here, leaving you like that. I'll be restless. I'll be a haunting soul, looking for someone who can soothe you. I don't want you to suffer too, so please, don't be sad. Just erase my illness on your mind, and visualize me as clear as the blue sky, as clear as a sanctuary under the sea. Would that be okay? Would that be favorable?" Paul, who got his tounge and mind stunned, just nodded. She added, "Let's make my last minute memorable. Let's meet on the park where we met before, under the big mapple tree, on the bench. Can you fulfill it?" Paul, regained his voice back, said, "Yeah, i will." They did the pinky-finger promise, to prove that it will be a promise. "Okay, then, it's a promise."

Days have passed. Rina became weaker and pale, pale as a vampire. However, she strives and fights harder, just to meet up at the meeting place, to fulfill what she promised. Friday evening, she wrote a letter for Paul, a letter of thanks and goodbye. On the letter, it said:

My beloved Paul,

"I'm so happy you came into my life. I'm so happy that our destinies crossed, followed in meeting each other, and became lovers. You're my answered prayer. You're the greatest gift i ever had. A girl could ask for to a man. You have everything. Stunning good looks, a big heart, heart that loves, and shows great affection."

On the day of the meeting, when Rina came, she saw Paul on the bench, singing. "You'll always be a part of me, I'm part of you definitely, girl don't you know you can't escape me, oh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby. And we'll linger on, time can't erase a feeling this strong, no way you're never gonna shake me, oh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby.." Upon hearing that, Rina decided to approach Paul.

"Am i late? " She asked. "No, i just came here by now." Then, she sat beside Paul, then laid down on Paul's shoulder. Then, Paul held Rina's hands. He felt it's kinda cold, coldness that surrounds him. Then Rina spoke, and said, "Thank you Paul. Thank you for everything. I have no regrets." Then Paul said, "That's nothing. I also want to thank you too. For loving me and being there for me. I love you." Rina replied, "I.. I.. I..." She held her last breathe, and died. Paul knew that this would happen, and he's now prepared for it.

Nights of sadness and depression have passed, and the funeral had gone. Paul recovered from what happened, he finally moved on.

On a monday afternoon, Paul visited at Rina's house, then headed directly to her room. As he entered, a sudden blow of wind followed.

"Nothing has changed, it's quite simple, but elegant". As he entered inside, he noticed a letter on Rina's study table;with Paul's name in it. He slowly grabbed it, and opened it.

Paulo reads.

My beloved Paul,

"I'm so happy you came into my life. I'm so happy that our destinies crossed, followed in meeting each other, and became lovers. You're my answered prayer. You're the greatest gift i ever had. A girl could ask for to a man. You have everything. Stunning good looks, a big heart, heart that loves, and shows great affection."

"Your affection had made me strong all through this years, strong enough to face anything and everything. So i want to thank you for all of that. "

"Goodbye Paul, goodbye. Don't worry, I'm still on you, all of me is still in you. Only my body had passed away, but not my soul, and our memories."

His voice changed as he read the last part.

"Paul. I love you, and that will be..


He smiled but a bit teary and whispered, "For eternity."
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Last edited by Cake-kun; 2008-07-26 at 06:35.
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Old 2008-07-26, 07:35   Link #66
shelter
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@Cake-Kun:

Good effort! A romance short story tinged with a bit of sadness, and then a kind of bittersweet ending... Not my kind of story, but it was worth the read

You need some work on your grammar & tenses, though. It slips in & out of past & present tense, which is confusing to any reader. If you're going to write another story or continue with this one, just keep everything in the past tense. It's easier to handle & easier for the reader to follow too.

Also, other more specific comments on the story:

Spoiler for More Comments:
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Old 2008-07-26, 07:39   Link #67
Cake-kun
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@ shelter:

Thanks. :] well, i'll admit, i'm not too good at english. (unlike before.) But well, i'll try to correct my faults next time i create a story.

Thanks for the comments and compliments. ;]
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Old 2008-07-30, 21:06   Link #68
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shelter View Post
Also, other more specific comments on the story:

Spoiler for More Comments:
This has little to do with the story but more with the point you brought up about "convenience."

Spoiler for an anecdote that relates to said "convenience":
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Old 2008-07-31, 23:44   Link #69
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I took the advice of Mystique and revised what I had written. I see myself changing things again since I'm never satisfied with what I write.

Spoiler for I don't know what the title should be:
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Old 2008-08-01, 00:12   Link #70
Arceon
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Well seeing as I had positive feedback for Part One I thought I'd write another part. Though, I do suppose the initial line could use something.

Anyway:

Spoiler:


Sorry if it seems rather short. They always look longer in the reply composition.
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Old 2008-08-01, 02:54   Link #71
Mystique
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Just a reminder since its 1st Aug today that the http://100words.com/ - challenge begins! Write 100 words in a day for the month, i sent off an email to asking bout what happens if you mis like 2 days (get disqualified) - but im going to be offline for a spell this month, so waiting for a reply to see if there's a way around it else i'll try it and see how far i can get, lol.

The latest batch of stories peeps have posted here are saved on word, i'll finish reading/commenting on them sometime in the next week ^^

keep em coming!
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Old 2008-08-01, 13:25   Link #72
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Love those writing challenges, Mystique. I'll have to check that one out.
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Old 2008-08-01, 13:58   Link #73
Nervous Venus
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Regarding 100words.com, the site doesn't actually keep track or disqualify people automatically. They have no possible way of knowing that you cheated. Some people prefer to write their entire entries offline and fill them in later (before the deadline). It's just more fun to split brain cells over cramping for 100 words a day, rather than doing it whenever. But either way, it really helps to keep the creative juices flowing.
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Old 2008-08-02, 14:07   Link #74
Mystique
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nervous Venus View Post
Regarding 100words.com, the site doesn't actually keep track or disqualify people automatically. They have no possible way of knowing that you cheated. Some people prefer to write their entire entries offline and fill them in later (before the deadline). It's just more fun to split brain cells over cramping for 100 words a day, rather than doing it whenever. But either way, it really helps to keep the creative juices flowing.
I was referring more to the fact that I'll miss two days to post an entry. They said we're allowed 1 day of missing and backdating, but I wasn't sure about 2 or more, hence i was concerned.
Nonetheless I've started it, 2 days in, so will see how it goess ^^

Next post to follow is in response to the latest batch of stories posted, prob will end up a DP, hence warning in advance.
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Old 2008-08-02, 14:51   Link #75
Mystique
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Right, here we go again!
Each person's stuff is spoilered within a spoiler and goodness knows what other bb code tags i've overdosed on, lol. Because spoilers place text in a box the same as quotes (grr), I've bolded+italic my comments in the middle of your stories, so you know it's from me.
Going in order of post, so let's begin

First off is Arceon
Spoiler for Arceon's part one:

As it turns out, you posted a part 2 anyways , so this is my reply to your part two about 2 weeks after I read the initial one. ^^
Spoiler for part 2:

K, next is Usuratonkachi's girl in the bar story
Quote:
Originally Posted by Usuratonkachi
@Mystique:
Meh, we don't have local libraries that offer English novels around here...I live in remote Switzerland.... So I usually just buy the books. ^^;
- Ah I see
I guess since I live in a capital city, libraries are a dime a dozen, so I take for granted that we have lots of resources here compared to peeps who may be in the countryside >.>
In that case, if you have any particular favs of romancey novels of hers (did I link you to her website I wonder) I can give you a rough rundown on each story, character and general feel to see if you like it before you actually go spend money on it ^^;;
Whenever you’re ready, come bug me on my profile or PM or in the “dead poets society” club and I’ll try to get you started.
For now (hurray) more “girl in bar” story for me ^^
Spoiler for bargirl tale:

Next person is Claude_Desravines
Spoiler for between pathetic and charming:

In regards to this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by claude
Hm, only my second post. I'm exceptionally secretive and insecure about my writing, so I'm surprised I'm even going to share.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WanderingKnight View Post
Hmm, I see it differently. Writing in itself is a way of putting your thoughts in perspective, of ordering them so that a "third party" is able to, at the very least, know of its existence. Even if that party is only comprised of your own self.

There can't be a writer if there's no reader.
It’s more a case of having to let your creation, something spawn from either your or deepest recesses of your subconscious and imagination to expose to the rest of he world. In a sense, it’s a piece of you and any kind of reaction to a sensitive person is positively nerve racking, lol.
This isn’t limited to writing, it’s to most creative arts, be it playwriting, painting, fiction, composing music, writing lyrics and so on.
Just think of stripping naked and having to stand in the park, bare to all. (Short of being an exhibitionist)
It’d most likely be embarrassing, nerve racking, or to personalise things a little, think of it as the first time of stripping naked for the first time to someone you care about.
To some artists, they can never be so objective about parting with their work to pass to others, but it is part of the process of having to grow and mature in our crafts. We're our own worst enemies/critics, so a pair of eyes that isn’t our own is always valuable

Right continuing on, next is Cake-kun!
Spoiler for cake-kun's tale:

Last but not least, is Whitepearl's re write of her earlier tale ^^
Spoiler for Hayden and Co story:


Just a general note, as I’ve noticed in a few posts (and something I’m just as guilty off from time to time) – keep note of your tense use. It generally is written in the past, but I’ve caught a few verbs written in present tense causing inconsistency, so just something to note when you guys write or proof check yourselves ^^

*phew~*
I actually broke that 50,000 word limit per post (as i was suspecting I would for quoting everyone's stories in one post) and had to start cutting.
Don't think the admins will consider slightly increasing it for this thread, lol - nonetheless, they were awesome to read, thank you for your efforts for writing them. ^^

But a lovely batch of work, as always keep those virtual quills scratching and the stories coming. ^^
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Old 2008-08-02, 18:31   Link #76
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Quote:
Sense of time lost here. Was he sitting at 2.30pm thinking back to earlier in the day when he met heather, thus his day was made memorable? To have said that, means that his first meet event had to have already happened.
If you’re showing the event to us, as part of his memory within that day, then use of past perfect tense is needed (a past in the past situation)
Something to indicate that he was thinking back to the scene or something like ‘hayden had been minding his business’ rather than ‘was just minding his business’

It makes it sound like the meeting happened at 2.35pm – a little after, rather than him looking back to what had made his day memorable.
Hope you kinda get what I mean, lol. If you’re unsure, feel free to ask me to elaborate more.
Oh, I got what you meant. You're right, it does read ambiguously...that's the byproduct of writing late at night with many distractions. lol

The meeting with Heather was supposed to have been in real time, along with Jocelyn getting Hayden's attention (both were supposed to be in the morning). Now I might consider having it as a flashback during the afternoon...I'll figure out something.

BTW, my avatar may have deceived you but I'm a male
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Old 2008-08-03, 04:01   Link #77
Mystique
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whitepearl View Post
Oh, I got what you meant. You're right, it does read ambiguously...that's the byproduct of writing late at night with many distractions. lol

The meeting with Heather was supposed to have been in real time, along with Jocelyn getting Hayden's attention (both were supposed to be in the morning). Now I might consider having it as a flashback during the afternoon...I'll figure out something.
got your note, still waking up for the day, but will reply later on.
Quote:
BTW, my avatar may have deceived you but I'm a male
What gave me away? *laughs* I am curious now.
(edit: i caught the mistake i made, oops~~)
Lots of guys have female avvies, but yeah i had you pinned as a girl via your writing (and prob nick in addition) - this is probbaly the first writing thread i've been in that'll be male dominated just cause there's so few lil girls on this forum ratio or percentage wise, but i gotta confess - high school drama and relationships is something i typically read from the female lot, but nice surprise eitheway ^^

Strike 2 for gender confusion, i think i mixed someone up in my last post as well, lol.
No wonder the IRC lot tend to think I'm a guy x.x
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Last edited by Mystique; 2008-08-03 at 15:40.
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Old 2008-08-03, 11:51   Link #78
Cake-kun
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Thanks for the corrections. :] I'll try my best to correct my faults, so it will be better next time.

and by the way, thanks for the compliments. ^^
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Old 2008-08-05, 15:41   Link #79
Amray
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I used to enjoy planning out and writing stories, although eventually I gave up. It did prove a lot harder than what one would think. I did hear that it was hard to write books from the words of authors, but I did not expect t'would be as hard as the way I found it. Their is a lot more to it than what one would assume.

I started writing two stories that caught my main attention, although after some planning and starts to the chapters I found myself quite...stuck as it were. I also have two more ideas for novels although it is too hard to put what I think and the actions in which the people are to take, into words. Two wonderful storys that I imagine all the time, but cannot type out due to my struggling of thoughtful phrases and words. I ditched the previous two ideas that I posessed and thought of two new ones. Ones in which were influenced by many things and I imagined to be wonderful, yet I have not started to type up or plan properly. One in which is mainly based on war, betrayal, a little romance, a 'lot' of drama, and revolves around one certain individual, an adolescent male, that is living through these certain events. I am always thinking about new parts and chapters in which would be great and add to the story.

If anyone actually reads this then thankyou. If you have any ideas in ways in which to help me then that would be greatly appreciated too. I have the basic plot anyhow, of the one I like the idea of best.
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Old 2008-08-06, 02:49   Link #80
Nervous Venus
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A piece of a novel I wrote about a young couple living the suburbs. This is not the beginning. I was working on this novel for five years until I lost my back up file and this was what I could recall from memory, though I made some of this stuff up on the spot half an hour ago . :/

Quote:
I am in the kitchen stirring a skillet of Uncle Ben's Spanish Rice when Will shuffles in. He hovers over my left shoulder for a second, waiting, but I don't turn to greet him. Disappointed, he sags into a chair at the kitchen table, and unfolds the newspaper.

" It's just a story, you know, " he says suddenly. " No reason to bear a grudge."

I sigh. " Well, I can't kill Othello. You keep trying to make me kill him off for no apparent reason," I say.

" How about Marsha? " he offers.

" No!"

" Well, why not?"

" For what purpose?" I cry.

" I'll tell you why. Marsha's a goddamned magazine cut-out. She's cardboard. Why are all your women so easy?"

" Because they're all beautiful!" I say, jabbing the spatula into the rice.

A lump of silence passes between us, and I'm already feeling sorry. I turn off the stove and turn to him.

" I apologize," I say, but Will is no longer paying attention.

He is busy scowling over the sports' section of the newspaper. Probably another mortifying loss for the Rams. I lean over him from behind and drag out the edges of the newspaper. On the front page, the winners - not the Rams - are doing a victory dance at the edge of their field: They are doing the jig, the worm; sagging faces from the losers. This time around the losers are very bitter, seeing as they have yet to win in the Nationals. Will swipes my hand away. He hates it when I take the paper away from him while he still has it, even if he's no longer reading the paper. He says it's an infringement. Once I told him to think of it as the intermission during the football game.

"Where are all the cheerleeders?" he had said. " Where are the beer commercials?"

"I'll be your cheerleader," I had said, shaking my hips. " You want some rah, I'll give you rah," which embarasses him to no end. But that was before he lost his job, and I don't joke around so often anymore.

"Let me see that after you're done," I say.

"Oh, I'm done. I'm done all right," he says, shoving the paper aside. It sags off the corner of the kitchen table and falls to his feet. I bend over, tuck in the advertisements for lace bras, silk underwear, and - what was that? - a coupon for fifteen percent off a bag of chicken breasts. I fold in the corners over the crowd doing The Wave after Barajas scored his touchdown - the touchdown - and drops the stack on the counter near the stove.

Later I will scour, much later. Not in front of Will though. He complains that the scraps fall all over the place, and he's the one that ends up sweeping them into the trash, not me, and that he can't for the life of him understand my compulsion to collect junk. By junk, he means articles on catastrophes: Earthquakes, mosquitoes carrying the Nile Virus, tsunamis in some nation or other. To him they are like finger nail clippings. After the initial first few seconds he will have lost interest.

"Someone should die in the end," he says.

"The Rams or the Hawks?" I say, thinking he wants to discuss the game. He doesn't.

"In your story," he says. " That would make it more interesting. You should get rid of Marsha. I don't like Marsha."

"Why are you so bent on killing someone? Is there a point?"

"Not just someone."

I sigh. " Does Marsha have to die in the end to make you happy Will?"

"If that's what it takes," he says, " then yes."
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