|2008-08-01, 00:53||Link #2568|
♪♫ Maya Iincho ♩♬
These are from Comedy Central's Joke of the Day.
Collected the ones I've found quite hilarious ^^
Will edit as i read more ^^
The Living Statues
|2008-08-02, 17:42||Link #2573|
A fuckin' genius!
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Here, there ... EVERYWHERE!
Here's a few jokes.
University. Examination period. All students, except for one, have already finished and handed over their works and have left. The professor patiently waits for the last student in the classroom to finish, but eventually his patience runs out and he says to the student. "If you can tell me how many light bulbs are in this room I will put you an A+."
The student looks up and quickly counts the light bulbs. "Ten."
"Wrong. I had another one in my pocket." The professor replies and pulls out the eleventh light bulb from his pocket. "This means that you have failed."
The student is then forced to repeat the same year. A year later, during the exams, the same situation arrives and the professor once again offers the student an A+ if he can tell how many light bulbs there are.
"Eleven." the student instantly replies. But the professor shakes his head.
"Wrong. I didn't bring a light bulb this time."
"Don't worry, professor." The student says. "This time I brought my own." And pulls a light bulb from his pocket.
"Mom, I'm sixteen years old already, can I start wearing a bra?"
A conversation between a woman and her lover.
Lover: "Listen, I recently found out about a new sex position..."
"Shhh. Don't speak. That damned parrot will tell my husband about it later."
"It's okay, we can put a blanket over his cage." After it is done the lover continues. "So its like this. You sit on the windowsill, naked and you spread your legs. I will swing from the chandelier, leap onto you and..."
Suddenly the parrot speaks from under the blanket. "Whoa, whoa, wait a minute! You can cut out my tongue afterwards. But I HAVE TO SEE THIS!"
|2008-08-02, 17:44||Link #2574|
Join Date: Jul 2007
Those who know me know that I love flying, this however is just brilliant. Living with a pilot I can truly appreciate the poor mechanics views… I think it’s a good thing that I’m not a Flight Mechanic is all I can say!
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a “gripe sheet”, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by mechanics.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a little person pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from little person
|2008-08-02, 18:22||Link #2575|
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: God only knows
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Sox fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Sox fans too. Not really knowing what a Sox fan was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. One girl has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Sox fan."
Then, asks the teacher, what are you?
"Why I'm proud to be a Chicago Cubs fan," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the girl why she is a Cubs fan.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Cubs fans, and I'm a Cubs fan too."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says the girl, "I'd be a Sox fan."
|2008-08-03, 03:30||Link #2577|
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: event horizon
|2008-08-04, 11:28||Link #2580|
Join Date: Feb 2008
This was quite a good one for me.