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Old 2008-09-07, 19:47   Link #2081
Yosei
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In all martial arts the jab is the fastest punch, but Stormwind is able to disregard that basic rule and throw any kind of punches like they have the speed of a jab. That's basically her advantage, pretty much.

I'll try to introduce some variation into the next chapter... I agree that I must have been on a high point when writing Chapter 13. I'm glad this arc is almost over, not because I didn't enjoy it, but because I'll soon be able to start refreshed.

@ Hell So, if I'm not mistaken, the "hero" dragons are Dracul, Raven and Tyrath. Out of the three, I like Tyrath the most. A fun chapter, and I like how you make Priscilla play a more central role as antagonist, especially with Raki around. I never had that opportunity in my previous stories.
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Old 2008-09-07, 19:58   Link #2082
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Originally Posted by Yosei View Post
@ Hell So, if I'm not mistaken, the "hero" dragons are Dracul, Raven and Tyrath. Out of the three, I like Tyrath the most. A fun chapter, and I like how you make Priscilla play a more central role as antagonist, especially with Raki around. I never had that opportunity in my previous stories.
Yeah those three are the "hero" dragons. Well you might not like Tyrath after the next chapter, didn't want to spoil anything but I just had to say that. That chapter was only part one though, part two will be better.
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Old 2008-09-07, 20:10   Link #2083
Yosei
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Lol, oh no! >.<
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Old 2008-09-07, 20:15   Link #2084
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Well I'm not saying he's going to turn into a bad guy or anything, but you'll find out tomorrow.
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Old 2008-09-07, 20:19   Link #2085
Yosei
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What you choose to do is totally cool, it's just the suspense you let on.
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Old 2008-09-07, 20:24   Link #2086
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Yeah I like my readers to be stuck in suspense.
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Old 2008-09-07, 23:09   Link #2087
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@Hell: Read 2 of your chapters after I realised I didn't read the last one. All I can say is that Priscilla is PWNAGE. She's like their trump card. With her around, the heroes & thrir alliance of Claymores can't possible lose. Good tactic bringing her into the story.
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Old 2008-09-08, 03:35   Link #2088
Yosei
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Whee, Chapter 15 up. My apologies to all Ophelia fans, because I really dislike her character, and anyone who has ever even skimmed over my writing knows I have a Cynthia/Galatea groove going. This chapter shows such a pro-Cynthia bias it's not funny.

Spoiler for space:




Next fight - the final battle of the Champion Carnival!. Clare vs. Irene - the legacy of Teresa, continued, as Clare journeys further down on her path of vengeance against Priscilla!
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Last edited by Yosei; 2008-09-08 at 20:50. Reason: MORE typos :(
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Old 2008-09-08, 05:37   Link #2089
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Oh my god, this was awesome Yosei, I really thought Cyntia was going to die and Galatea would have gone Postal. Anyway, I'm glad I lost my bet, cause as a Miria fan, I really hate Ophelia
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Old 2008-09-08, 06:26   Link #2090
Yosei
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You and me both, my friend. Frack Ophelia.
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Old 2008-09-08, 18:24   Link #2091
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@Yosei: Ophelia is a real dirty fighter, I was so happy that beat the crap out of Ophelia, I don't like Ophelia to much either.

Alright the suspense is probably killing you now, so here is chapter 8 of my story.

Spoiler for double edged chapter 8:
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Old 2008-09-08, 18:32   Link #2092
Yosei
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Haha, Teresa is literally a goddess now, there's no way for people not to talk to her beyond the grave. Priscilla's death was pretty believable, since it took the hero Dragons as well as Clare to take her down, but it went pretty... quick, considering how long Priscilla's been the "dual antagonist" to Clare for so long. Mind you, quick as in, it was a small part of the story. It was still well done.

And as always, Galatea's presence in the chapter gets a lot of points from me...
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Old 2008-09-08, 18:43   Link #2093
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Yeah I thought that part with Teresa showing herself to Clare while Clare was knocked out would be pretty cool. Priscilla didn't stand much of a chance against the dragons and Clare. Now Galatea can see again, I wonder what she will have to say about the ghosts new outfits? Lol specially Cynthia's.

Anyway my fic is slowly finally coming to an end, I'm going to start taking my time with the next few chapters because I want to make it the best I can.
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Old 2008-09-08, 18:49   Link #2094
Yosei
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Hmm almost forgot about that. Perhaps...

Yeah I was sort of thinking, 'wow, Priscilla's dead. There's gotta be a climax coming soon.' I'm sure it will be exciting.
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Old 2008-09-09, 04:02   Link #2095
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@Hell: Okkk... The part about Teresa coming back was quite...weird. I'm not sure what to make of it. It reminds me of those old anime/ movies where the hero's family/ mentor suddenly appears to him in the worst of times & gives him the ultimate strength...

But I liked Galatea & Clare reversing roles. In the end Clare still had the finishing blow, with Galatea helping her. That's something I completely didn't expect. So good job surprising me.

And I'm quite sad, actually, that Priscilla died without anyone recognizing that she helped them quite a bit.

@Yosei:I don't like Ophelia's character either So I think it was an epic fight that Cynthia won. The turning point of the fight is, unfortunately, a bit too subtle for me. It came almost without warning & re-reading it I can't see how Cynthia's tricky punch made impact. Also the flashback, while useful, felt a bit long. Felt I was reading Cynthia's lifestory while she was being bashed...
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Old 2008-09-09, 09:24   Link #2096
Yosei
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Thanks for pointing out your problems. Not that it matters now, but the turning point was when Ophelia was choking Cynthia, but was punched in the elbow, snapping it and forcing her to release. And as I warned, I'm Cynthia biased... I'd write a whole fanfic about her life in this AU alone if I felt it deserved one... no doubt, everyone here except me would be bored to tears.

And uuuh, this is completely stupid because I totally forgot about Ophelia's profile (that's how much I hate her) and I didn't post it up before the Cynthia vs Ophelia fight, so here it is, but I recognize the point's sort of lost now...

Spoiler for i hate ophelia:



Now that we got that awkward thing out of the way, here is the final Chapter of the Champion Carnival. Clare vs. Irene, the final fight!


Spoiler for space:



Thank you for reading. If possible, please tell me what you think of the story so far since the next arc (i.e. the chapters that follow after this one) marks a new phase in the lives of the boxers. I would like to know if you find the story fun and if you still recognize all your favourite characters in a different universe. A major milestone for Clare is coming up, in her journey to reach the peak of the boxing world.

Hopefully this story is good enough to go for one more arc before its climax and resolution. And I have a surprise planned for the next chapter.
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Last edited by Yosei; 2008-09-13 at 09:01. Reason: Added Tempest35's suggestions
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Old 2008-09-09, 15:06   Link #2097
KillerYomaFromSpace
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosei View Post
Thank you for reading. If possible, please tell me what you think of the story so far since the next arc (i.e. the chapters that follow after this one) marks a new phase in the lives of the boxers. I would like to know if you find the story fun and if you still recognize all your favourite characters in a different universe. A major milestone for Clare is coming up, in her journey to reach the peak of the boxing world.

Hopefully this story is good enough to go for one more arc before its climax and resolution. And I have a surprise planned for the next chapter.
I love it so far, with the exception of Miria's defeat (but of course I'm biased =P)
I like that you try to find new ways to describe combats, but in this case, Irene's first person perspective with so many thoughts felt as if she was thinking too much/being distracted or not trying hard enough.

anyway, its a very interesting story so keep it up m8 =)
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Old 2008-09-09, 18:11   Link #2098
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@Yosei: I thought it was really cool to have the fight from Irene's POV, it was different than what you usually write. Overall, great chapter.

Can't wait to see what the surprise is for the next chapter. Oh wait I think I already know what it is.

@shelter: I'm glad I surprised you, and don't worry they will reconize that Priscilla helped them.
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Old 2008-09-09, 18:23   Link #2099
Tempest35
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Hnnnn...-goes into crit mode-....I'll PM u in a bit - got an idea for an altered ending for this fight. Hope you won't mind my meddling.
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Old 2008-09-09, 19:13   Link #2100
Yosei
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Please do - should I post it up in my online chapter once you're done?
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