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Old 2008-10-31, 13:32   Link #841
Narona
Emotionless White Face
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystique
Refused to start? O.o
Short of them doing something or having habits that are on your 'no no' list, that's a bit judgemental, no?
When you felt nothing towards someone, it's not hard to know that you don't want to start anything with that person . For the "habits" comment, I replied in the PM.

Quote:
Also as you get older you tend to find things aren't so black and white. Sometimes someone who you think is no good at the start could really be the one for you.
I explained myself by PM. I will add that being single doesn't mean that you can't enjoy Life and be happy

One of my most precious wish in my life though is to have children, to be with a man as great as my father (I know I know, freud blablabla <_<.) and to be a mother as great as my mom, but it might not happen. As I said in another thread, you can't always get what you want.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Anh_Minh View Post
I think life would be simpler if people wore nametags, color coded for marital status.

Though I guess there'd be problems with wearing the color for "married, but looking for an affair."
I'm rolling on the floor XD

Last edited by Narona; 2008-10-31 at 13:42.
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Old 2008-10-31, 13:45   Link #842
BOOKGLUTTON
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Join Date: Aug 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xvoki View Post
In fact, I think a law should be in place to ban all dating before the age of 21!
That's insane, I hope you aren't serious. Granted some relationships literally do nothing but drama and retardation, it would be cruel to deprive someone of the chance at finding love.
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Old 2008-10-31, 14:05   Link #843
Xvoki
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Join Date: Sep 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BOOKGLUTTON View Post
That's insane, I hope you aren't serious. Granted some relationships literally do nothing but drama and retardation, it would be cruel to deprive someone of the chance at finding love.
Yes. I am evil... Har,har,har.......
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Old 2008-10-31, 14:48   Link #844
Anh_Minh
I disagree with you all.
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by Xvoki View Post
I agree with your mom, 16 is to young... In fact, I think a law should be in place to ban all dating before the age of 21! Enjoy your childhood first, it doesn't last long, then you have the rest of your life to date.
Exactly. If you're not old enough to get plastered on tequila and wake up married to a stranger, you're not old enough to date.
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Old 2008-10-31, 14:52   Link #845
Amray
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: England
Age: 24
So I am restricted from dating Loli's?
That is no problem actually though as I only go for fictional ones anyway.
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Old 2008-10-31, 14:55   Link #846
Waking_Dreamer
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: lost - with no intention to be found...
Age: 28
Just curious on the whole old enough for dating...

For the people who havent started dating and for those who have, or currently single what is the age where you should have at least started dating...?

Is it all on the individual or is there and age where you reach, the fact you havent started dated seems a bit...peculiar (not wrong...just a little unusual). Any opinions?
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Old 2008-10-31, 15:00   Link #847
Amray
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Waking_Dreamer View Post
For the people who havent started dating and for those who have, or currently single what is the age where you should have at least started dating...?
There is no specified age for which people should start dating, and nor should there be one at all. It is up to the individual at what age they should start having 'dates' and also whether they actually want to.

I have refused starting relationships with girls that 'liked' me for the simple fact that I would rather have college and education out of the way first. Having a relationship carrys a very big burden, one in which I am not willing to carry until I am successful in my chosen career path and have completed college. If I meet someone really special during that time then I may consider it but that is all.
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Old 2008-10-31, 19:13   Link #848
Mystique
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amray View Post
There is no specified age for which people should start dating, and nor should there be one at all. It is up to the individual at what age they should start having 'dates' and also whether they actually want to.

I have refused starting relationships with girls that 'liked' me for the simple fact that I would rather have college and education out of the way first. Having a relationship carries a very big burden, one in which I am not willing to carry until I am successful in my chosen career path and have completed college. If I meet someone really special during that time then I may consider it but that is all.
He kinda says it all with his own example.
Like I've mentioned before, relationships during early/mid teens tend to be like a shooting star, incredibly strong and poignant but they can burn out fast (by this i mean from a month to a year)
It's a period of such rapid change, physically, mentally and emotionally, not to mention everyone is going through various stages of education, where going to uni (or 6th form for us at age 16) may cause distance between the couple, sometimes it's easier to mutually break up and find your own paths.
For some people, they simply don't want the responsibility nor can dedicate their energy to keeping a relationship healthy, but would rather focus on their studies and themselves first.
For some people in their teens, they see dating as 'practice', don't look for anything too serious until they are in their 20's and are slightly mature.
Depends on the individual and from i'm hearing lately, the area where pple live for the opportunity.
Me personally say '17/18 onwards' cause at this time high school is over, we're in the transition stage before entering uni and for some reason people suddenly mature a hell of a lot in 6th form colleges, lol.
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Old 2008-10-31, 19:34   Link #849
Ledgem
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I am one of them. I always refused to start a relationship because I knew they were not the right person.
I may be echoing mystique or I may just like to think that she agrees with me, but I don't think you can judge it. You need to get to know the person in a one-on-one setting. You can do this by becoming close friends or by dating. If you do it through the friend route that introduces a few other complications, although it's still viable. I just don't believe that you can tell who is perfect for you as though there were some sixth sense, and I partially speak from experience. I consider myself to be an exceptional judge of character, and while I was looking for a relationship I was not so desperate that I would link up with someone who did not meet my high standards. In hindsight, I did a good job of convincing myself that the first person I linked up with met and surpassed these expectations. After a few weeks of dating I recognized my own inner feelings of hurt and dissatisfaction, and I cut the relationship.

No drama, no mucking around. I discovered new things about myself from that relationship (which was sex-less, by the way) and more importantly, I discovered that there was an incompatibility. Or perhaps there was a compatibility, but I wasn't strong enough to deal with any conflicts that arose.

Either way, some dating experience can only help you. You'll learn about how to communicate with a partner, you'll learn what you really like and dislike, and you'll learn about some of those feelings that you may have not yet experienced. I disagree that you need to date a lot, but definitely don't enter into a relationship immediately thinking "this is the one - for life." From my own experience, while it may make you more dedicated, it'll also make you less honest with yourself. That may cause you to prolong a bad relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NightShade99 View Post
I think you and your Mom is 100% right becuz there is so much
drama when it comes to a realationship and you have to be ready ^_^
There doesn't have to be drama.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Waking_Dreamer View Post
I know as a guy when one of my friends gets a girlfriend, while dont get me wrong Im happy for him/them, its not so much an achievement if she was the one that asked him out. Its like its nice you have a girlfriend but you shouldn't be bragging too much, I mean the ability to say yes or no isnt that awe-inspiring .
Don't take this the wrong way, but you sound jealous. Having a girl come to you could mean a few things; it could be that you're so dashingly good-looking that she couldn't help herself, but it could also be that you charmed her into it. That takes some talent and good chemistry. Of course, at the end of the day a relationship shouldn't be a trophy, or a mark of skill or courage.
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Old 2008-10-31, 20:19   Link #850
Narona
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
I may be echoing mystique or I may just like to think that she agrees with me, but I don't think you can judge it. You need to get to know the person in a one-on-one setting. You can do this by becoming close friends or by dating. If you do it through the friend route that introduces a few other complications, although it's still viable. I just don't believe that you can tell who is perfect for you as though there were some sixth sense, and I partially speak from experience. I consider myself to be an exceptional judge of character, and while I was looking for a relationship I was not so desperate that I would link up with someone who did not meet my high standards. In hindsight, I did a good job of convincing myself that the first person I linked up with met and surpassed these expectations. After a few weeks of dating I recognized my own inner feelings of hurt and dissatisfaction, and I cut the relationship.

No drama, no mucking around. I discovered new things about myself from that relationship (which was sex-less, by the way) and more importantly, I discovered that there was an incompatibility. Or perhaps there was a compatibility, but I wasn't strong enough to deal with any conflicts that arose.

Either way, some dating experience can only help you. You'll learn about how to communicate with a partner, you'll learn what you really like and dislike, and you'll learn about some of those feelings that you may have not yet experienced. I disagree that you need to date a lot, but definitely don't enter into a relationship immediately thinking "this is the one - for life." From my own experience, while it may make you more dedicated, it'll also make you less honest with yourself. That may cause you to prolong a bad relationship.
My wording was bad, I was talking about the persons who asked me on a date, but I didn't want to start something just like this with those persons.

About the rest, you're not aware about a lot of things (I don't blame you at all!), but I just don't feel like writing another PM to another person about a private thing like this. ^^

About the bolded part, I don't want to change, so I hope it will not happen for me.
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Old 2008-10-31, 20:54   Link #851
Mystique
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
Actually, I’ll step in a little, since she did pm me with specifics of which I won’t mention here, but I think her meaning was slightly lost in translation.

@ narona – first off I think your concept of a date, in comparison to like me or Ledgem is different.
For us, we’re saying that when you get good vibes of someone on the first meet, when you see that they seem to share similar ideas and beliefs are you, the ‘date’ is just another meeting that could simply be at a café, where you continue to talk and find out about each other.
The media portrays a date as, fancy restaurants, lots of money spent, it can get to that stage but that isn’t the only environment a date can be in.
All depends on the people involved.
You said you wanna get to know someone better before going on a date, but then how are you gonna get to know then if you don’t go on a date…?
- Is why I was thinking your thoughts were somewhat judgemental.
Secondly, ideals of marriage and babies, well see to mention that straight up on the first few dates would probably scare most men, lol.
You kinda enter a relationship with the intention, though I can understand the guys who’re like ‘kids?! Marriage!? Uh no, let’s just mess around.’
Then sure, I can understand why you’re like ‘no thanks.’

But you’re 20 and basing a ‘1 person for life’ ideology from how your parents met (which may apply to most of our parents generation) and comparing that to the teenagers of society today, (which we all seem really fickle in comparison huh?)
It can’t be done, times change, attitudes towards sex change too.
I’ll give an example, a friend of mine is now engaged to the woman he hopes to spend the rest of his life with and have kids.
When they began, it was on a casual basis and they were friends for many many years.
Huge, big risk they took, but luckily for him it’s paying off.
Before that, he met the 1st love of his life when he was 18 and did everything for her, she was ‘the one’, kids, marriage, the whole bundle.
Up until life changed and she had to go abroad to study, (they were 24 by this time, so 6 years) – and she sadly was unfaithful.
You never know, you can never tell.

I think with Ledgem’s last point, he’s also saying ‘be careful not to delude yourself into staying in an unhealthy relationship’
If the person seems like the ‘right one’ but later in life he changes to the point where he doesn’t respect you, don’t think ‘but we share the same ideas.’ – marriage and kids are initial desires, but then when those are done what next?
What else do you share that’ll keep you interested in each other for life?
While some guys may not express that they want kids and marriage anytime soon, that doesn’t mean they don’t want it at all.
That also doesn’t mean that you’d have to have sex before marriage either, like I said it depends on the people involved. A relationship can go as fast or as slow as the couple involved want, it just matters if you’re both honest and dedicated to spend energy on seeing if something can work out between the pair of you.
While the ideals of our parents generation are seeming harder to find, since we’re all drowning in a sex obsessed world (within the west)
–remember there are people out there who feel the same as you, just the initial way of finding them may not seem as clear cut from the start as it was 30 years back.
Hence I said, give some people a chance, be patient too.
But you’re 20, so it gets to like 23 ish when guys may take kids and marriage into more consideration.
Be aware though that you can also be manipulated within the first few meetings or dates. While you may see someone who ‘seems’ like the perfect person, the further you dedicate yourself to them, the more trapped you’ll end up being when they show their true colours.

I guess the bottom line is to ‘keep an open mind’ – don’t refer to methods or experiences used 10,20 years back to find the one true love, keep your beliefs but don’t be so quick to cross of potential people who may seem not so suitable at first.
Sometimes it may take 2 or 3 semi serious relationships before you find them, instead of the 1, but through those experiences, you'll be a stronger, (hopefully) more confident person by the time you finally find the one for you.
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Old 2008-10-31, 21:41   Link #852
Narona
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Thanks for the reply even if I would have prefered a PM or no mention of some things

I don't try to compare, I know I live in a different generation. At the moment though, I don't feel like changing my mind and as I told you in this PMs, I know the kind of men that I seek still exists in my generation, they are just rare. I just need to end up to meet one who is single this time around

One more thing again, I am not afraid to stay single.

And another thing, all that you described, I already thought about everything of that and act in agreement with myself (which is the more important for me), I don't plan to change because the world has changed (and I don't care about those around me who want me to change), even if it means for me to stay alone. I made up my mind, and very seriously, so no regrets. I can still be happy even without that.
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Old 2008-10-31, 22:01   Link #853
Ledgem
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystique View Post
You said you wanna get to know someone better before going on a date, but then how are you gonna get to know then if you don’t go on a date…?
That's largely the point I wanted to drive home, although it's more than just getting to know someone. You're also evaluating your comfort level with them, finding out what you dislike about them in addition to what you like and have in common with them.

Quote:
But you’re 20 and basing a ‘1 person for life’ ideology from how your parents met (which may apply to most of our parents generation) and comparing that to the teenagers of society today, (which we all seem really fickle in comparison huh?)
If that was the PM aspect then I can understand some of Narona's thinking. That's sheer luck, don't bank on it. Someone quite close to me has parents who sort of did something similar. They were already "getting old" (late 20's/early 30's) and both wanted to have children. While I'd say that one had a relatively good amount of dating experience, the other had very little. They met each other, found that they both came from similar cultural backgrounds and had similar values, both wanted children, and poof - about a month after they'd started dating, they were married. They're divorced now, and their children suffered through that one. But if you speak to either of them, they'd tell you that it initially seemed like the perfect pairing, and what could have gone wrong? What went wrong, apparently, was a large number of incompatibilities and issues that might have been discovered or ironed out had they dated in the first place.

My parents are divorced, as well. Their divorce was arguably one of the better divorces that a couple could go through, but it was still painful and the after affects still cause strain to the family. You do not want to go through a divorce yourself, nor do you want to feel enslaved to a relationship that has soured. For this reason it's critical not to enter a relationship with the conviction that this will be "the one." Think about the future and how you might like to commit to it for life, but do not hold out like that.

You say that you're fine being single now, which is good - desperation usually doesn't lead to good things. Yet another concern I have for you is that you want to have children in the future. Once the biological clock starts ticking and you're in your 30's with no dating experience and no signs of a relationship, do you still think you won't feel desperate?

Quote:
I think with Ledgem’s last point, he’s also saying ‘be careful not to delude yourself into staying in an unhealthy relationship’
If the person seems like the ‘right one’ but later in life he changes to the point where he doesn’t respect you, don’t think ‘but we share the same ideas.’ – marriage and kids are initial desires, but then when those are done what next?
Right again, my trusty British sidekick! Although it doesn't even have to be a case of a person changing such that there's an incompatibility. Something could come out or begin to grate on you. I'd always thought that people would easily recognize when their relationship sours or even becomes abusive, but apparently many don't. The first girl I dated admitted that her previous relationship had been bad, but she stuck with it for a year or so even after recognizing that it was bad (she simply didn't want to be single). Heck, even my own sister has had trouble dumping boys who were unfaithful to her. I'm sure it's hard for plenty of guys to do it, too. You don't want that to be you.
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Old 2008-10-31, 22:28   Link #854
Mystique
Honyaku no Hime
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
To each their own I guess.
Well I already sent a pm to you concluding my thoughts.
You seem to be aware of whatever limitations you're currently placing on yourself (as well as such a huge risk) and the consequences involved, so as absolute as you're being at the moment, there isn't much we can say aside from what we've said already.

But nonetheless, thanks for taking time to share your beliefs on dating and relationships with us on here though. ^^
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Old 2008-11-01, 00:25   Link #855
Wirbelwind8
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colorado
I was going out with this girl that was 16. Im currently 21 and for the first month, it was hell. Everyone that knew gave me so much crap about it to her and me. It was terrible, but we tried to ignore everyone's bashing. Not so long after, we decided that we just remain friends until she turns 18. It's really hard to have to wait for someone, not because they are far away, in school, not ready, or whatever, but because we "can't". Im not opposed to the whole age resitrictions on dating, but people take it too far. I think people should take it seriously if the younger (boy or girl) is unhappy and forced to go out with the older person AND of course rape/incest.

She was the one that asked me out btw, and people tell me I forced her to go out with me.

I just thought I give that story out. I wrote a paper on age restrictions on love and how it "should be enforced, but not when love is actually there" kinda thing. I must admit I sounded like a rapist because its one of those topics that will never reach a verdict. (such as abortion)
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Old 2008-11-01, 06:58   Link #856
NightShade99
Naughty & Nice
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: I travel alot....but at the moment i'm in Hawaii
Age: 24
just believe me when i say that younger girls and older men
dont work out.....it gets awkward......but when i say old i mean like
8-10 years apart ^_^
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Old 2008-11-01, 07:25   Link #857
Eczema
Ah! Pretty Shining Love!
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Australia
I haven't been following this topic, so apologies if this has been asked already.

Okay, I'm a noob at this stuff. I can talk to girls pretty fine usually, but trying to get them attracted to me, or flirting, is something I don't know how to do. Also, what is everyone's opinions on the friend zone? It seems easier and better to be friends first, but I don't want to sort of spring it on my friend all of a sudden that I'm attracted to them. It could jeopardize the friendship.
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Old 2008-11-01, 09:48   Link #858
Ascaloth
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Join Date: Nov 2006
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eczema View Post
I haven't been following this topic, so apologies if this has been asked already.

Okay, I'm a noob at this stuff. I can talk to girls pretty fine usually, but trying to get them attracted to me, or flirting, is something I don't know how to do. Also, what is everyone's opinions on the friend zone? It seems easier and better to be friends first, but I don't want to sort of spring it on my friend all of a sudden that I'm attracted to them. It could jeopardize the friendship.
Have you ever considered the possibility that the girl could think the exact same way?

I hope now you have an idea of how the "friend zone" came about. It's true, it's stupid, but unfortunately it exists for that reason. Perhaps now you know why you should NOT try to be friends with a girl in hopes it might upgrade into a relationship some day.
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Old 2008-11-01, 09:54   Link #859
Eczema
Ah! Pretty Shining Love!
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Australia
I don't mean be friends with a girl for the sole reason to escalate it into a romantic relationship. I mean just being friends first to get to know each other better, since I've heard that's one of the main qualms against dating a guy - that she doesn't know him well enough.
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Old 2008-11-01, 10:01   Link #860
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eczema View Post
I don't mean be friends with a girl for the sole reason to escalate it into a romantic relationship. I mean just being friends first to get to know each other better, since I've heard that's one of the main qualms against dating a guy - that she doesn't know him well enough.
True, that. I'm just telling you that you shouldn't get too chummy with a girl, because once she thinks of you as a real friend, it's hard for her to think of you as anything else.
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