Dating

[kitkit]

I just got out of a relationship.. it really sucked i have to break up w/ him. I had no choice, I need a bf that will treat me right... a truly sincere one who really loves me.

[King Lycan]

That's gonna be hard to find

[tehjoker]

I need a bf that will treat me right... a truly sincere one who really loves me.

Unattainable dreams are the best kind.

[Xvoki]

Originally Posted by King Lycan

That's gonna be hard to find

Why's that? Sincere loving guys do exist... I'm one of them.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Xvoki

Why's that? Sincere loving guys do exist... I'm one of them.

*cough*

[Guts]

Relationships are very time consuming! All the while, you feel, you're spending your life with this person doing something productive.

Humans are a temporal paradox.

[Vexx]

Originally Posted by Samari

Some good news. So as you know this past week for me has been quite bothersome for me regarding the person ... it's a much brighter one as far as this situation is concerned.

Many karmic points for maturely clarifying the situation in a non-confrontational way

[poopsicle]

Hi, I met my friend about 3 years ago in high school grade 10. Over time I had fallen for her, I thought it would be a good thing but it caused so much stress and problems for me. She knows I like her but we're still friends and chat normally, but no matter how hard I try to just have casual conversations or bring her somewhere to show her something she would think I'm up to something (like trying to ask her out in a safe spot). With her thinking like that it creates tension, and there's a lot of awkward silence between us sometimes. It got to the point where when I'm seen with her people tease us about it even though we're friends. I don't really blame her for anything, all i wanted was for her to treat me like a regular friend like how I treat her. I was planning to just stop talking to her for the rest of high school, basically like I never knew her. I don't think she would mind because she hates it when people tease her . So what I'm doing is it a good decision?

[Vexx]

Okay... longshot here because frankly I'd had trouble interpreting what you wrote.

1) You have this friend.
2) You wanted to make it a romantic thing, she declined.
3) You'd like to stay friends.
4) People are cruel and won't leave ya'll alone.
5) You think severing contact with her is a good plan to avoid trouble for her.

Its not necessarily a Bad Plan -- but only if you explain clearly to her whats about to happen. That you're going to break contact with her so everyone can get on with life and the teasing might stop.

If you do that, its possible you might find she doesn't necessarily want to do that - but you won't know til you let her know that you're doing this for her sake.

[GuidoHunter_Toki]

I think you should explain to her on what you're planning on doing and make sure its the right course of action. If you don't and just stop all contact with her she may take it the wrong way, especially if no contact between the two of you is something she does not want.

[Solafighter]

Originally Posted by Guts

Relationships are very time consuming! All the while, you feel, you're spending your life with this person doing something productive.

Humans are a temporal paradox.

You said it, m8.

lol
After i broke up with my girlfrind after 3 years beeing together with her, i couldnt belive, how much time i have since that time.

[BOOKGLUTTON]

Originally Posted by poopsicle

Hi, I met my friend about 3 years ago in high school grade 10. Over time I had fallen for her, I thought it would be a good thing but it caused so much stress and problems for me. She knows I like her but we're still friends and chat normally, but no matter how hard I try to just have casual conversations or bring her somewhere to show her something she would think I'm up to something (like trying to ask her out in a safe spot). With her thinking like that it creates tension, and there's a lot of awkward silence between us sometimes. It got to the point where when I'm seen with her people tease us about it even though we're friends. I don't really blame her for anything, all i wanted was for her to treat me like a regular friend like how I treat her. I was planning to just stop talking to her for the rest of high school, basically like I never knew her. I don't think she would mind because she hates it when people tease her . So what I'm doing is it a good decision?

These problems don't need solving. They eventually stop in 3 months or so if you don't keep on asking them to stop. As for her being skiddish around you, I suggest going with her on group activities and literally ignoring her, or just ignoring her completely. She may actually miss the attention you gave her.

[H23]

Originally Posted by BOOKGLUTTON

I suggest going with her on group activities and literally ignoring her, or just ignoring her completely.

that works.. and then 90% of the time they'll text/message you on msn later on pissed off for doing that

[Zero Shinohara]

Just thought I'd drop by to say a few wise words of advice.

Ditch 3D and give-in to the loveliness of 2D.

- Zero. Braindamaged, since 2003.

[Samari]

Another strange situation. I have a tutor that I see to gain assistance in my figure painting class at school. She also attended my school and graduated a few years ago. She's really pretty and extremely nice and great to talk to. We don't just talk about my academics when we meet up, but other stuff as well.

But there's a problem. First and foremost she's my tutor and she's a little older than I am. I'm 21 and she's in her mid to late twenties I believe. Well, not that that is a problem necessarily, but...I just feel that we're too "different". Second, she has a boyfriend. Third, I just got out of that situation with that other girl a couple of weeks ago. And finally I think I'm starting to really like her, but at the same time I don't want to. Just because she's my tutor and I want to keep everything professional and not say or do something I'm going to regret. In other words, I would like to decrease the intensity of my apparent infatuation.

Regarding my attraction to her, I'm afraid it might be the result of something that I'm not sure how to cure. You see, being in the bay area there are a lot of pretty women. And I just moved into a major city in San Francisco. Now I'm closer to school and I see tons of gorgeous looking women every single day. Literally. It's hard to stay focused on other aspects of my life when you see couples here left and right. I think I would want to be in a relationship right now, but at the same time I'm not sure if I would have time for one. I'm quite a busy guy. Plus, I've lost a little of my confidence since my last attempt which didn't go so well. So I'm quite apprehensive when talking to girls I might be interested in...but I tend to do it anyways. And when I do I find myself maybe talking to much and getting "desperate" in my speech and demeanor. I feel that there's a constant "desperate" side of me trying to get a quick girlfriend or some nonsense like that and it looks like something is telling me to talk to every single pretty girl.

So in conclusion I'm not sure how to approach not only the situation with my tutor, but everything I've experienced in the two months I've been here with what I just described. I'd like to maybe have a relationship, but I also want to stay focused on my schoolwork...if something did come up and I got into a relationship I guess I wouldn't mind trying to balance both. I don't want to make any desperate decisions to try to get a girl though which I believe I do at times. I feel terrible afterwards at the person I've become...like someone with low confidence. But at the same time...it seems hard to ignore these pretty women. I guess it's the pressure from being surrounded by so many couples all the time. Does anyone have any suggestions?

[BOOKGLUTTON]

Originally Posted by Samari

BOYFRIEND

NO. I seriously saw that and stopped.

Originally Posted by H23

that works.. and then 90% of the time they'll text/message you on msn later on pissed off for doing that

Yeah, but she literally sounds like she doesn't want to have anything to do with him though.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by BOOKGLUTTON

NO. I seriously saw that and stopped.

He can do what he wants, but in that kind of situations I still think the person has to think abouy that "if I had a boyfriend/girlfriend, would I like to see the other men/women trying to pick him/her up even when they know that he/she is in couple". Me, it's a no no.

[pinkbubbles2212]

To Samari

Ok... Here's a solution...

Don't just go out with any girl you find pretty... I mean you said youself that you feel really guilty because you think you just want any girl as your girlfriend... Seriously... Girl's don't like it either when all a guy is interested in is having a bit of arm-candy... I recently went out with a guy and for the whole month or so I endured the relationship, all he kept going on about was how happy he was to have a girlfriend... Not how happy he was to be with me. And it kinda hurt alot... I never told any of my friends cause I knew they would say I was being silly. But I wasn't. So no I have a boyfriend who actually does want to be with me.. I know that for a fact.. Cause he's constantly telling me how much he likes me. And what makes it better is that we have a connection.

So what I'm saying is, don't just go with any girl... Try it with your tutor, tell her how you feel. Cuase see when you actually have a connection to someone it works alot better than constantly trying to find ground that you both can work on. Especially if your only in the relationship cause it's a relationship.

I'm sooo much happy now I have a guy who I know genuinly loves me and not the fact he's got a pretty girl hanging off his arm....

Hope this helps...

PinkBubbles xxx

[LeoXiao]

I've never had a girlfriend before. To me it seems like dating is a waste of time, not something that I would want to spend lots of time on. Why? Because the kind of conversations that couples often have are generally very boring. I have a friend who is good at getting into relationships but they invariably end up lasting no more than a couple months at best and he's always sorta depressed for a while afterward.

If I want to get into a romantic relationship with a girl I'll get married. And even if I do that she would have to be a good friend as well, not just a girlfriend (in the sense that you get involved with her and leave after two months).

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by LeoXiao

I've never had a girlfriend before. To me it seems like dating is a waste of time, not something that I would want to spend lots of time on. Why? Because the kind of conversations that couples often have are generally very boring. I have a friend who is good at getting into relationships but they invariably end up lasting no more than a couple months at best and he's always sorta depressed for a while afterward.

If I want to get into a romantic relationship with a girl I'll get married. And even if I do that she would have to be a good friend as well, not just a girlfriend (in the sense that you get involved with her and leave after two months).

Hmm, mind answering me a few questions?

1: Your age (or age range, like 18-20, 21-23 etc)
2: Your religion (if you do have faith)

I should dig a few posts back on Ledgem's posts on how dating can help with finding the person who's right for you.
It's not simply just to have a good time with someone else, but you also learn about what you can and cannot tolerate with girls through different experiences.
As with most things in life, experiences good and bad build character to a person. They have more information to base choices on (though the experiences alone shouldn't totally set future decisions).
Which is what you seem to be doing sadly; just cause of what you've seen with your friend, you've ended up with some kinda jaded, negative outlook to it while you've never had a girlfriend (or you've simply tuned yourself out from it, because of what you "think" will happen).
You're selling yourself short basically for the girl you'd like to marry someday, but this is why i asked the two first questions, as i shouldn't assume everyone lives in a 'western' sense of free dating in their teens or early 20's until they find the special person in time.

A girlfriend != (does not equal) someone to mess with for 2-6 months.

A girlfriend is (or in most cases) your best friend.
A girlfriend can ground you.
A girlfriend can compliment you (in similar ways or oppisite ways)
A girlfriend can support you.
A girlfriend can be your strength as you are hers (keep it two way)

A girlfriend is usually the stage between 'friends' and 'wife' (short of arranged marriages), so don't think of having one as some kind of trivial, flimsy thing.

How a relationship is defined rests on the individuals for most part. If you both share a similar set of ideas and desires and goals concerning relationships, you'll both work hard for it to be fufilled that way, rather than adapting to "typical" relationships that you may see around you.

Like most things is life "An experience is what you make of it".