|2009-05-01, 11:05||Link #4125|
Join Date: Mar 2009
USEFUL PHRASES AT WORK:
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
No, my powers can only be used for good.
How about never? Is never good for you?
I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me
You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
Who me? I just wander from room to room.
My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
|2009-05-02, 03:47||Link #4127|
Join Date: Mar 2009
Some cute little children's jokes that I've just found -
Q: What do you get if Batman and Robin get smashed by a steam roller?
A: Flatman and ribbon.
Q: When is a car not a car?
A: When it turns into a garage.
Q: How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
A: a Buccaneer!
Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
A: He wanted to win the No-bell prize.
Q: Why did the atoms cross the road?
A: It was time to split!
Q: What do you do when your chair breaks?
A: Call a Chairman.
Q: Why do eskimos wash their clothes in tide?
A: Because it's too cold out tide!
Q: What kind of car does Luke Skywalker drive?
A: a Toy-yoda.
Q: What is the biggest pencil in the world?
Q: Why did the boy blush when he opened the fridge?
A: He saw the salad dressing!
|2009-05-05, 11:09||Link #4135|
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: God only knows
Teterboro Tower this is Piper 2-0-2
I'm turning on my downwind leg, My fabric's come unglued
The stick is burbling in my hand, I think I feel a stall
& a bug's caught in my Pilot, my gauges don't read at all
Now listen Piper 2-0-2, this is Teterboro Tower
I cannot raise the crash crew cause it is their coffee hour
& you're not cleared in the pattern, don't try a landing yet
Just circle for departure while I mooch a cigarette
Help Teterboro Tower, this is Piper 2-0-2
I'm sweating out this landing, I don't know what to do
My superhomer's on the blink, & your voice is fading fast
Please clear my on my final, or this flight may be my last
Now listen Piper 2-0-2, This is Teterboro Tower
I'd like to help you buddy, but I just don't have the power
The F.A.A's your only hope, so if you've time to spare
Just file a form in triplicate & sign the questionaire
Teterboro Tower, this is Piper 2-0-2
I'm in Secaucus Hospital & I owe it all to you
I'm sorry that I cracked her up & messed your pretty field
We'll try it once around again if ever I get healed
|2009-05-05, 15:25||Link #4137|
The "I" referred to in the following does not refer to me.
I entered my first university class, Philosophy I, with trepidation. After a brief introduction, our professor discussed the areas we would cover in the course, asking for the meaning of certain terms as he went along. Most of the definitions were answered, but when he requested the definition of "undogmatic," there was silence in the classroom.
"Dogmatic?" he inquired. Still no answer.
"Dogma?" he now queried. Again no response.
"Finally, in exasperation, he said, "Dog?"