AnimeSuki Forums

Register Forum Rules FAQ Members List Social Groups Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   AnimeSuki Forum > General > General Chat

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 2009-05-18, 18:28   Link #41
Claies
Good-Natured Asshole.
 
 
Join Date: May 2007
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vexx View Post
Lets switch the scenario... someone likes to play golf... a LOT, to the extent they fail to execute the other activities of life like paying the bills, staying employed, doing well in school, doing their chores. They get angry and violent when told those other duties have some priority. They have swung a golf club at a family member.

What would you do? It isn't that you want him to stop playing but he doesn't seem to be having fun doing it either. The safety of other family members or anyone he interacts with becomes an issue.

Probably the best person to connect with him and "bring him down" is someone who plays what he likes to play... but has their act together.
Sup, SaintessHeart?

Kidding. But I do think that's a good idea.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bungmonkey View Post
Take a video of him while he's playing without him realizing it, start to annoy him so he flips out, upload vid to youtube, let nasty comments roll in, ???, profit!
And play him off with keyboard cat, amirite? That'll probably bring forth actual physical attacks from the kid.
Claies is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-18, 20:11   Link #42
Justin Kim
Senior Member
*Artist
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Orange County, California
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amray View Post
He has his life and you have yours.
Wrong, ever heard of a family complex? IF he supposively gets way too into it, my parents will undoubtedly blame me as the cause. (When really they just constantly feed him even more to his gaming addiction). I found that the school psychologist/social workers were utterly incompetent upon meeting them, so I was thinking about a psychiatrist. But then again, his disobedience will probably cause him not to attend meetings or so. I found that violence is never the answer when dealing with another person, I simply cannot make the justification to actually beat my brother to a pulp knocking some sense into him. Violence only promotes his stressful behavorial problems.

~I am so disappointed at how people can be addicted to video games. I really have not gone to that phase, I spent most of time just reading manga and books and indulging in the arts. While my brother shows no interests in the fine arts, he enjoys picking up airsoft guns and firing at long distances with his friends.
__________________
Signature stolen by a horde of carnivorous bunnies. It is an unscientifically proven fact that they are attracted to signatures which break the signature rules.
Justin Kim is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-18, 21:18   Link #43
SaintessHeart
Ehh? EEEEHHHHHH?
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Kim View Post
Wrong, ever heard of a family complex? IF he supposively gets way too into it, my parents will undoubtedly blame me as the cause. (When really they just constantly feed him even more to his gaming addiction). I found that the school psychologist/social workers were utterly incompetent upon meeting them, so I was thinking about a psychiatrist. But then again, his disobedience will probably cause him not to attend meetings or so. I found that violence is never the answer when dealing with another person, I simply cannot make the justification to actually beat my brother to a pulp knocking some sense into him. Violence only promotes his stressful behavorial problems.
I have yet to see a competent psychologist or social worker hired by any school. They exercised too much tact and are unwilling to hit people straight in the face to knock sense into them.

Talk about stupidity, these people are often at the zenith of it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Kim View Post
~I am so disappointed at how people can be addicted to video games. I really have not gone to that phase, I spent most of time just reading manga and books and indulging in the arts. While my brother shows no interests in the fine arts, he enjoys picking up airsoft guns and firing at long distances with his friends.
Fine arts are boring. How can you compare Michangelo's David to a Suzaku x Lelouch Yaoi manga?

Each person is different in their own way, and it seems that both of you are opposites of each other. You are starting to worry too much about him.
__________________

When three puppygirls named after pastries are on top of each other, it is called Eclair a'la menthe et Biscotti aux fraises avec beaucoup de Ricotta sur le dessus.
Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.
SaintessHeart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-18, 22:50   Link #44
kayote
Looking for ONE PIECE
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Sleeping Forest
quite a lot of the times i am very reluctent in going out. i am very much a manga freak and when i read a good manga that is ahead i would read it all in one go. first time i read One Piece which is my No.1 i was just over 400 chapters behind and i read it all in 4 days. then re-read it the week after in 5 days. and it's not just One Piece, any manga that i am behind i will catch up very quickly.

what i'm saying is that if you are really inot something then it will take something very big to get you out of it. but, even after reading all of that when i forced myself outside because my friend kept saying you need to go outside and make friends insted of manga, i loved it. you need to keep telling him to intreract with real life people. that way there will naturally be new intrests. what his peers are into will peak intrests and that is just a part of growing up and maturing.

First step is going out invite him out with you, your friends, your family. movies, meal...simple things are best. as your lifestyle changes good behaviour, manners and all of that comes along with it.
__________________
kayote is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-19, 06:07   Link #45
Journeyman
That boring guy
 
 
Join Date: May 2009
Quote:
I really have not gone to that phase, I spent most of time just reading manga and books and indulging in the arts.
Justin Kim, I will probably ask some irrelevant questions now, but anyway...

1. Does he spend much time outside of his CS "world"?
2. What does he eat?
3. Do you spend much time together when he is not playing CS? I'm under impression that not much...
4. Since he was not like that all the time, is there a shared hobby?

I did have similar sort of problems when I was a bit younger. Peer pressure was the key factor. Everyone in the group was obsessed with gun talk, CS, different RPGs, e.t.c. Just for the sake of getting on with "friends" you see everyday.

P.S. Sorry if I offended you in any way. My first post on AS, after all...

Last edited by Journeyman; 2009-05-19 at 06:07. Reason: typo
Journeyman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-19, 06:58   Link #46
Spectacular_Insanity
Ha ha ha ha ha...
*Graphic Designer
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Right behind you.
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Kim View Post
IF he supposively gets way too into it, my parents will undoubtedly blame me as the cause.
Hardly. They aren't doing a very good job as parents if they both do nothing about him AND then blame you as a cause. If you need to, talk to them about it. It certainly can't hurt if you let them know the situation.

The guy seems like me, just on a WHOLE other level. I'm not nearly that obsessed, though I am addicted to my computer. But I also understand priorities. Then again I'm *probably* much older than your brother. His behavior is something that may require more forceful or sneaky methods.

How old is your brother? If anything, you should just cut off either his internet connection or change his STEAM password. If he needs to use the computer for school or whatever, he can, but just get him off of it. Tell him to get some fresh air, read a book, anything that doesn't involve his nose in a computer screen. Hell, GET HIM TO READ THIS FORUM. These may be extreme methods, however.

While I would say gaming in general is fine, 10+ hours a day under any circumstances is unhealthy. He's almost certainly not eating well, he is probably on insane sleeping hours (if he's anything like me... up all night, alseep all day), and furthermore his relationship with other people is obviously deteriorating.

My advice:
I would say you should definitely turn off the computer for a bit, sit down and talk, preferably during/after a good meal when he is less likely to be easily irritated. First you should tell him straight out that you are "concerned about his health". I would suggest not telling him he "has a problem", because that will put his back up and put him on the defensive right away, making him less likely to listen to what you have to say. Also avoid words like "always" or "never" when you argue, because these terms are very accusatory, and are likely to offend him for the same reasons. Tell him that he needs to cut down his hours to at least half of what they currently are, which would be about 5 hours/day. Don't try to get him to stop completely, because that will be met with resistance if not flat-out refusal (my guess is that he would stop listening to you entirely if you tried that right now). Like any addiction, it must be treated in steps that gradually return him to what would be considered a "normal" lifestyle. "Normal" is of course relative to the observer, but I think getting him to cut down to AT LEAST 4 hours/day or less or around 20 hours/week or less would be acceptable within the first, oh, let's say 3 weeks. Now, if during that time, his overall mood improves and the hostility ceases, and he isn't talking about his games in every conversation, then he can play more often. Don't let him exceed 6 hours per day, or he'll fall back into old habits quickly. For all of this, it would be wise to set up a timer, where he MUST log off/stop playing when he hits the 4 hour mark. Turn off the power strip to his computer if you have to. Set up a written "schedule log", for instance where he (or you) personally logs what time he started playing, and what time he stopped. Tally up daily, weekly, even monthly hours of play-time if you feel so inclined. Obviously some honesty is required here, but the specifics of such a system I will leave to your discretion.


I know it will be a lot of work, but you are family, after all. You have to work through this together if you are to solve this problem. I apologize if I sound too preachy. Good luck and I hope I helped you out a bit.
__________________
Spectacular_Insanity is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-19, 07:08   Link #47
Justin Kim
Senior Member
*Artist
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Orange County, California
Quote:
Originally Posted by Journeyman View Post
Justin Kim, I will probably ask some irrelevant questions now, but anyway...

1. Does he spend much time outside of his CS "world"?
2. What does he eat?
3. Do you spend much time together when he is not playing CS? I'm under impression that not much...
4. Since he was not like that all the time, is there a shared hobby?

I did have similar sort of problems when I was a bit younger. Peer pressure was the key factor. Everyone in the group was obsessed with gun talk, CS, different RPGs, e.t.c. Just for the sake of getting on with "friends" you see everyday.

P.S. Sorry if I offended you in any way. My first post on AS, after all...
1. Very little, after high school; it becomes an instantaneous march to his room to play CS. So probably less than 5 hours.
2. Junk food: Ramen, cinnamon buns, and pop drinks. (He has a high metabolic rate so he can stay skinny really fast but that is still unhealthy in the future).
3. I cannot at all, he just completely ignores the outside world, which I found severely disappointing. His friends are becoming more and more numerous on steam. I honestly do try only to have a result of being yelled out in the room.
4. No he has no hobbies currently except buying airsoft guns and anything related to CS, heck I did not even know they made CS figurines these days.
__________________
Signature stolen by a horde of carnivorous bunnies. It is an unscientifically proven fact that they are attracted to signatures which break the signature rules.
Justin Kim is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-19, 07:14   Link #48
SaintessHeart
Ehh? EEEEHHHHHH?
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Kim View Post
1. Very little, after high school; it becomes an instantaneous march to his room to play CS. So probably less than 5 hours.
2. Junk food: Ramen, cinnamon buns, and pop drinks. (He has a high metabolic rate so he can stay skinny really fast but that is still unhealthy in the future).
3. I cannot at all, he just completely ignores the outside world, which I found severely disappointing. His friends are becoming more and more numerous on steam. I honestly do try only to have a result of being yelled out in the room.
4. No he has no hobbies currently except buying airsoft guns and anything related to CS, heck I did not even know they made CS figurines these days.
He seems to fit into my category back in middle school. Hardcore gamer. How did he discover CS anyway?
__________________

When three puppygirls named after pastries are on top of each other, it is called Eclair a'la menthe et Biscotti aux fraises avec beaucoup de Ricotta sur le dessus.
Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.
SaintessHeart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-19, 07:27   Link #49
cheyannew
PolyPerson!
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern VA
Incoming harshness...

Seriously, I'm known for very brutal honesty, and if I offend anyone, well, I warned you...

Keep in mind I have not finished my studies in Psychology and've barely begun. BUT I've been counseling people for over a decade w/o a license (shhh!! LOL), and'm a parent myself.

Here is what I would suggest:
1: Sit your parents down and have a serious discussion on your concerns. Let them know you fear for his ability to become a productive member of society due to this behaviour. If they shrug it off or say you're overreacting, go to #2.
2: Look through http://www.olganon.org/ and contact someone on there. It's a valuable resource, and may give you a clue as to what/why/how this is happening.
3: Look through the laws for your state/county. Depending on those, and your brother's age (which I may have missed, sorry), ignoring this addiction could be viewed as a form of neglect, and you may be able to contact CPS (Child Protection Services) for your area and have THEM intervene.
4: I advise you, #3 will NOT make you popular with the family. But it comes down to: Do you want to continue to allow this behaviour, knowing the damage it can cause (and I am sorry, there are *WAY* too many wastes of flesh out there who contribute nothing to society, and your brother sounds like he's well on his way to that. Brutal, but true.), or do you want to try to keep the peace in your household, knowing your parents do not wish to help your brother succeed in life.

As an example, I have a biweekly tabletop RPG session with friends, held at my womb donor's other spawn (yes, technically my sister but she's such a waste of flesh, along w/ my womb donor, I disowned them long ago and legally changed my name lol)'s apartment. She has a 6 year old son, and for the 4-5 hours we are there (starting at 7pm), he is on the computer playing WoW. No supervision, no nothing. This last game, he came out around 9:30pm and said he wanted dinner, so my ever vigilant sister set him up with a bowl of cereal and 2 oreo cookies, and afterwards he went back to killing brain cells. The time before that, it was past midnight, and he was still up. I finally put my foot down and said she either puts him to bed, or I am not playing anymore. It makes me very unpopular, but someone has to speak up for the poor kid, when his parental unit(s) ignore what's right, in lieu of what's convenient for them.

I do not know your parents, and while I attempt to not make assumptions, perhaps letting your brother vegetate on the game is their way of having private time; if he's busy on there, they don't have to deal with him. But I can assure you, they are not doing him any favours.

And I commend you for wanting to help your brother, even if it makes you persona non grata.

If you want to talk further (bearing in mind I am not yet licensed, but working towards my Phd in Psychology, focusing in young adults onup), please feel free to PM me.

Good luck!
__________________
"...we are wolves in a flock of sheep. We are the hunters. We are the Alphas and we are on this Earth to conquer."

RIFT | Division | Side 7 Art Archive
cheyannew is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-19, 08:11   Link #50
SaintessHeart
Ehh? EEEEHHHHHH?
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheyannew View Post
tl;dr
Spoiler for unrelated, but F ood For Thought:


Anyway from your paragraph he is starting to overreact a little already. Airsoft guns are not dangerous unless they are fired into the eye or ear. I am not being insensitive, but this might be a little bit getting towards the orange or yellow zone. Like I said, play on his strengths, and Claeis offered some good airsoft advice.

I am still suspecting bullying or sociophobia for one. He wouldn't play CS at home if he doesn't have enough friends that drag him out to play in LAN shops. From what I know there are 2 kinds of hardcore gamers :

1. Soloist hardcore
They prefer to play alone. Nuff said. A large number of this kind have some sort of social disability like low EQ and such that prevents them from effectively communicating with others (or so called communicate in a mature way, which is totally politically correct and totally bullshit if you ask me).

2. Team hardcore
They play with the same group over and over again, then go out there to challenge others. Is good and bad in some way. If your brother is in this, pray hard that none of them take drugs or engage in casual sex. Getting into trouble in school is fine, boys will forever be boys.

P.S If it is bullying, you will have a tough time in your hands. Are you willing to stand outside the school gate with some friends with metal bars in your hands to protect him and tail him, or are you just going to call the police?
__________________

When three puppygirls named after pastries are on top of each other, it is called Eclair a'la menthe et Biscotti aux fraises avec beaucoup de Ricotta sur le dessus.
Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.

Last edited by SaintessHeart; 2009-05-19 at 08:33.
SaintessHeart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-19, 08:22   Link #51
yezhanquan
Observer/Bookman wannabe
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Singapore
Age: 29
Like what SH has said. Have a thorough knowledge of what is going on school. Ask people around him, and him. Piece together the situation. If it is bullying, then I'm afraid a little confrontation may be unavoidable.

He'll resist help unless he himself recognise that he has a problem. That is always the first step to help an addict.

Are his grades suffering? If he can keep his grades up with that kind of playing, then it's another story.
__________________
Those from the lower levels cannot hope to surpass those from the upper.

RIP, Oba-chan (1935-2008)
yezhanquan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-19, 09:05   Link #52
Sackett
Cross Game - I need more
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: I've moved around the American West. I've lived in Oregon, Washington, Utah, and Oklahoma
Age: 35
I'm an older brother, and one of my younger brothers started doing some very stupid stuff right when I got back from my first couple years in college.

He didn't want to hear any of my advice either.

So when I tell you this, please understand that I understand why you are worried and want to do something.

You are not his parent

That means you do not have the same level of natural authority over him. Sure you have some authority as an older brother, but as long as your parents are alive, they have the primary responsibility and authority over him.

Furthermore, the level of violence is not good. Particularly since you are not innocent in escalating the violence. I understand that's he's the idiot and main instigator, but as the adult you need to stay in control. Throwing a pencil case to get his attention is a bad move. I'm not saying you have to let him hit you, but make sure that in any violent conflict that takes place that you are in control of your actions. Your response should be based around stopping him from hurting you- part of that means not treating him as a physical equal. He is just a little annoying squirt that you can take anytime, and the only reason you don't is because he's your brother, and he's not worth the effort. (I understand that may not be reality, but that's the image you got to project. You need him feeling intimidated- without having to pound the crap out of him to do it).

However, treating his as an intellectual equal might provide some benefits. (Even if it isn't true, you want to focus him away from physical violence as his means of asserting equality with you, and instead towards mental efforts at competition).

As a sidenote, if you are good enough to regularly stomp him at his favorite game Counter Strike, that can also be a useful tool- (the one time one of my brothers got too much into a game, I spent about a week learning to play and then would pop in at random times and wipe the floor with him- he quickly lost his obsessive interest), but since he plays so much he's probably pretty good, so that's probably not much help.

Next you need to talk about the situation with your parents. Express your concern about his excessive gaming. After that you pretty much have to let them handle it.

One thing you might press them on is the division of chores. If your brother is expecting you to clean the room, wash dishes, ect- point out to your parents the inequity of this. Ask them to back you up in your demand that your brother do his share. Press them to explicitly establish what your authority is to require your brother to do his share of the chores, (this might take a few meetings as it becomes clear that simply telling your brother to do his share won't work). The authority I would ask for is the ability to confiscate your brother's labtop until his chores are completed. But you have to be careful not to abuse that authority- don't go seizing his computer on the slightest pretense, make allowances for him to finish his match before picking up his clothes, ect. As long as you are making those allowances it will be much harder for your brother to complain to your parents that you are being unfair.

That's about as much as you can do.

Sorry I could give you any better advice.
Sackett is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-19, 09:21   Link #53
Sackett
Cross Game - I need more
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: I've moved around the American West. I've lived in Oregon, Washington, Utah, and Oklahoma
Age: 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Kim View Post
Wrong, ever heard of a family complex? IF he supposively gets way too into it, my parents will undoubtedly blame me as the cause. (When really they just constantly feed him even more to his gaming addiction). I found that the school psychologist/social workers were utterly incompetent upon meeting them, so I was thinking about a psychiatrist. But then again, his disobedience will probably cause him not to attend meetings or so. I found that violence is never the answer when dealing with another person, I simply cannot make the justification to actually beat my brother to a pulp knocking some sense into him. Violence only promotes his stressful behavorial problems.

~I am so disappointed at how people can be addicted to video games. I really have not gone to that phase, I spent most of time just reading manga and books and indulging in the arts. While my brother shows no interests in the fine arts, he enjoys picking up airsoft guns and firing at long distances with his friends.
I understand your concerns. But seriously listen to me. I think you need to back off. For a little while at least.

It's very hard, but sometimes the best thing to do is to do nothing.

My family often think I'm some kind of miracle worker in patching up disputes and getting people to stop doing stupid things. I don't feel that way about myself, I really don't know what I'm doing most of the time.

I can only say that usually (not always, but usually) when presented with an issue like the one your brother has with games, my response is to do nothing.

Doesn't mean I ignore the problem. It means I wait for the opportune moment to express my concerns, and give advice and instruction. I don't try the frontal assault "you will pay attention to me now" approach. (I reserve that for when I think somebody is doing something acute that is going to be an immediate disaster- a chronic problem like gaming addiction is not the same).

As for the comment by someone about involving Child Services. I completely and utterly oppose that. CS is for physical, sexual abuse, or neglect like not providing a child with food. A gaming addiction is not sufficient justification to involve them. To do so would be like destroying the village to save the village.

This issue needs to be handled by family and friends and patiently.
Sackett is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-19, 09:36   Link #54
cheyannew
PolyPerson!
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern VA
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
Spoiler for unrelated, but F ood For Thought:
Well, yes, a decade of battered women/rape victim counseling is nowhere near a "serious and extreme case", I'm sure, LOL.
You do, of course, realize, that not knowing the entirety of the situation, any advice given isn't going to necessarily be the best option, right?
I know of a few social workers who are good people and joined the organization to help children. That being said, I have also run into the r-tards you are referring to, who have no business counseling their cat, much less another human being. I would consider CPS being an absolute last resort, if the parents REFUSE to listen to concerns and so on. I personally would much prefer a family to work out their issues within the family, but it's not always an option.

End all be all, the boy sounds like he needs psychological help, whether it be a clergyman/woman, psychologist, psychiatrist or whatever. If it's a social anxiety thing, that can be worked through, as can addiction, bullying/self esteem, or whatever.
IMO, if the parents ignore their son's issues and the siblings concerns, they could use some therapy too.
__________________
"...we are wolves in a flock of sheep. We are the hunters. We are the Alphas and we are on this Earth to conquer."

RIFT | Division | Side 7 Art Archive
cheyannew is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-19, 09:38   Link #55
cheyannew
PolyPerson!
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern VA
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sackett View Post
As for the comment by someone about involving Child Services. I completely and utterly oppose that. CS is for physical, sexual abuse, or neglect like not providing a child with food. A gaming addiction is not sufficient justification to involve them. To do so would be like destroying the village to save the village.

This issue needs to be handled by family and friends and patiently.
So what's to be done, in your opinion, when the family (save for 1 person), seems to watn to ignore the problem?
__________________
"...we are wolves in a flock of sheep. We are the hunters. We are the Alphas and we are on this Earth to conquer."

RIFT | Division | Side 7 Art Archive
cheyannew is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-19, 09:49   Link #56
Amray
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: England
Age: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Kim View Post
Wrong, ever heard of a family complex? IF he supposively gets way too into it, my parents will undoubtedly blame me as the cause. (When really they just constantly feed him even more to his gaming addiction).

~I am so disappointed at how people can be addicted to video games. I really have not gone to that phase, I spent most of time just reading manga and books and indulging in the arts. While my brother shows no interests in the fine arts, he enjoys picking up airsoft guns and firing at long distances with his friends.
I am not wrong, you do both have your own lives. Indeed, family members should try and help one another and bear little responsibility for their close relatives, especially if they are older, but he is choosing to play masses amounts of games so let him. This is obviously how he wishes to spend his early life. It will only affect himself and his future and hopefully not your own; and then in a few years time you can say to him: "I told you so".

You clearly state that you have more of an interest in Manga and novels; thus his choice to play games all day long is his own. If he would indeed skip sessions with people to talk to, or they are totally useless at persuading a better direction in life for him, and yet he still continues to play games, then obviously he is too dedicated and will not stop at all. Humans are very competitive beings. If your parents blame you then they are mistaken, and if they are indeed feeding his passion for games to him, as you say, then it is more their own fault which would ultimately make them hypocrites...that is if they do blame you for your brothers actions. Parents are the role models, not the siblings.

I do respect what you are setting out to do, I am a man of experience (believe me!), but then I just thought "Why should I do this? Let the fool do as he wishes". Now I am a 19 year old college student with my own life to worry about. The only sibling that I will do my best for now is my unborn sister, she is due in less than two months. I will do as best to make sure she is successful and has a great life. I will be there for her when she needs me and I am determined to make sure that she chooses the right path in life and one that she wants. I will support her all the way. I am not perusading you to take the same approach that I did, abandoning all hope for useless and foolish siblings that should be old enough to know better, but I am simply stating my own experience to you for a reference.
Amray is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-19, 09:55   Link #57
-KarumA-
(。☉౪ ⊙。)
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: In Maya world, where all is 3D and everything crashes
Age: 26
Haven't read each post that was put up, but depending on their age there are numerous actions you can take

first off confronting him about it will do you no good, I know this because my dad has an addiction to WoW (be glad its not that game), any direct confrontation will lead to him throwing tantrums and being extremely pissed to a point where he might cuss at you, throw things on the ground etc. there is no use in talking to someone who acts like that because the message won't get through to him.
I'm having double thoughts on the third party person though, because the same might happen but I am also thinking that if someone talks to him that also plays this game but not in such an extreme as he does that a message might come over but then again if he still has access to the game that will be forgotten within a day because when you game you lose track of time specially when having fun and no other hobbies.

why I added the "depending on age" part? when I was 14-17 I played games every single day as well, I came out from school and within 15 mins I'd be online gaming until diner or to take my dog for a walk and then I'd game again until bedtime, in weekends I'd start around 12 following the same kind of pattern until bedtime, if my folks would be gone then I would start gaming around 9 or 10 AM. All this however changed when I started to realize the importance of education etc. high school was such a boring place that I gamed to have at leased some excitement, however afterward when you pick a new school and get to study the field you are interested in I started losing track of gaming because what I was doing was a lot more fun than usual classroom book studies. Another pointer that made it for me a turn off to play WoW was seeing my old man game, since he talked about the game about every time he saw me I was seriously turned off by its fancy game play because he was always talking about it

also your parents should stop buying him game things every time he asks for it, I became addicted to WoW mostly because my dad was playing for the account
now if I had to pay for things myself then it would have been another let down for me and I wouldn't even bother paying for it

edit:

I read through some of the other posts you put on and like I've said your parents are the ones that have to step up to making some rules
since he lives in their house he should have some respect and should be able to keep up with some of them
I'm guessing your brother lives at home, with you going to campus you won't have any chance getting through to him but you need to have a serious talk with your parents without him about this and they need to listen to you, heck dig up some addicted youtube films to show them what it can lead to but really the doctor's mention that he is underweight should be enough to ring the alarm bell if it hasn't already

I'd like to know his age though but the ground rule is simple, your brother lives in their home and should abide to their rules. If his gaming addiction is affecting his health etc. then he should given boundries, a house without them can only lead to a kid/teen or whoever to just do what they want. Give him times in which he can game, let him do his homework in a room without a computer with supervision and let him show your parents that he has actually done his homework if he starts whining about it. If he doesn't stick to the rules they should call their internet provider and say goodbye to Internet for about a week and let him know that it is because of his behavior that now all of them are being punished. The main thing is setting up ground rules, as long as he lives with your parents he should abide their rules and not be spoiled, the dude is a dude not some princess puppy and if he wants gaming stuff then he should work and buy them himself and learn that not everything comes forth from parents and that he can game all time for free, let his parents get him an after school job to teach him some responsibility and to get him away from the pc

edit2:

When I was addicted my parents set up strict rules as to when I could and could not play, they would just simply rip out the cord if I didn't do as I was said, I'd be angry all night about it and was simply ignored by them until I was able to calm down. My mom realy forced em to get a part time job and as proof take pens from each company I visited lol, eventually I wasn't taken in by anyone but she managed to get me a job as a post deliverer, a job I still do. It forced me to go outside and socialize a little and even though I still gamed afterwards the time I spend gaming was reduced by 3 hours a day.
My parents never bought me any games or computers (only this one I got last year for school homework assignments) I had to work and save up for them myself, at this time torrents didn't yet exist lol but by seeing the prices and effort (when I was 18 they simply added that I could afford some college fee's myself so my income was cut by what was responsibility) I realized that other things were more important than gaming and when I got to another school I had less time to game because I loved the study I was doing

and ooh yes, if you ever find a real gun in his possession, not an airsoft one then I'd simply send him to bootcamp over summer to teach him some manors, the army might be a too bigger step but bootcamp can do wonders when being taught respect

Quote:
Originally Posted by bungmonkey View Post
Take a video of him while he's playing without him realizing it, start to annoy him so he flips out, upload vid to youtube, let nasty comments roll in, ???, profit!
perhaps not the right spot to post it ha ha
but yesh for epic lulz and great justice an hero him I would surely do lol

does it do you any good, nope
is it relevant to this convo, nope
is that comment and my adding off topic, yes indeed XD

Last edited by -KarumA-; 2009-05-19 at 10:25.
-KarumA- is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-19, 10:22   Link #58
sa547
Senior Member
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Philippines
Age: 37
As a sibling against another, direct, hostile confrontation isn't gonna work. Nor cutting off the source of the "addiction" such as disconnecting the net or hiding the hard drive -- that's gonna drive him really mad.

Like most others here suggest, such a situation really gonna need some of your parents' help (no matter how you think they're not helping to remedy the problem) to reduce his time on the game. Convince them not to spoil your brother so much on playtime that he forgets what normal life is all about, and tell that he really needs to manage his priorities in life.

Another thing that might be close to being the "devil's advocate" is to digitally record all of your conversations and see the difference on how he acts without your parents, and how he does when they're visiting. Then show it to your parents what his true behavior is.
__________________
sa547 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-19, 12:14   Link #59
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sackett
One thing you might press them on is the division of chores. If your brother is expecting you to clean the room, wash dishes, ect- point out to your parents the inequity of this. Ask them to back you up in your demand that your brother do his share. Press them to explicitly establish what your authority is to require your brother to do his share of the chores, (this might take a few meetings as it becomes clear that simply telling your brother to do his share won't work). The authority I would ask for is the ability to confiscate your brother's labtop until his chores are completed. But you have to be careful not to abuse that authority- don't go seizing his computer on the slightest pretense, make allowances for him to finish his match before picking up his clothes, ect. As long as you are making those allowances it will be much harder for your brother to complain to your parents that you are being unfair.
Actually, I like this idea... its a backdoor way of addressing the problem. Don't attack the problem itself -- address the impacts. Pressure your parents -- why are you being expected to pick up his slack? Why are THEY being expected to pick up his slack. Push *them* harder. As a parent, I like this idea a lot. Too many times I've ended up speaking to other parents (as a soccer team coach, scout dad, etc) and putting THEM on the spot that it wasn't *my* job to do their job.
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-05-19, 13:42   Link #60
Sackett
Cross Game - I need more
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: I've moved around the American West. I've lived in Oregon, Washington, Utah, and Oklahoma
Age: 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheyannew View Post
So what's to be done, in your opinion, when the family (save for 1 person), seems to watn to ignore the problem?
Sometimes you have to let things go. Life isn't always fair, and the world doesn't always work out the way you want it to. If people won't listen to your warnings, then that is their decision and you can not take responsibility away from them.

CPS is force. Force of the most drastic kind. You should not use force to make people do what you want them to. Not even if you are right. Force is only justified in the most drastic of circumstances. An addition to online gaming does not rise to the level justifying the use of government force, the seizure of children, or the destruction of a family by physically dividing them. (Which essentially is the only hammer CPS has- either they do it or they threaten to, which might as well be the same thing).

It just doesn't rise to that level. If you can't understand that, then in my opinion, you are the one with social disorder- specifically an inability to deal with your lack of control over others.

Now don't get me wrong. I fully understand the motivation that can make you feel like forcing someone to do what is best for them. I've worked with drug addicts, people in debt who waste their money (including some on EverCrack), ect. Many times they refuse to see the simplest solution to their problems. Many times I've wished to myself that I could just knock them out for a few weeks and take control of their lives. I could fix everything for them in a few weeks and then hand their life back to them better than it ever was before.

But we can't do that. And even if we could, we shouldn't.

Men have free will. We must make our own choices in life, and live with the consequences. And we must allow everyone else the same privilege.
Sackett is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:43.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
We use Silk.