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Old 2009-05-20, 08:48   Link #81
windstar!~
C'est la vie...
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Europe
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I pretty much agree to Narona, I don't see the point in trying to get him a girlfriend - it's like forcing love on somebody. He'll find somebody one day, why have to speed up things? All a girlfriend would do is distract him from his game, a hobby would do the same thing so why not help him find a hobby? I don't see the point behind all this 'oh-my-god-you're-still-single' drama, it's not the end of the world. A girlfriend would just mean less time to spend on his computer, a hobby would do the same job without having others force somebody on him. Believe it or not, finding a real - and I'm not talking about those easy girls who agree to be your girlfriend after 2 drinks and 1 minute of talking - girlfriend takes a lot of time and dedication and I don't see why you should give any help here - he never asked for it, did he?
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Old 2009-05-20, 09:28   Link #82
SaintessHeart
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Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by windstar!~ View Post
I pretty much agree to Narona, I don't see the point in trying to get him a girlfriend - it's like forcing love on somebody. He'll find somebody one day, why have to speed up things? All a girlfriend would do is distract him from his game, a hobby would do the same thing so why not help him find a hobby? I don't see the point behind all this 'oh-my-god-you're-still-single' drama, it's not the end of the world. A girlfriend would just mean less time to spend on his computer, a hobby would do the same job without having others force somebody on him. Believe it or not, finding a real - and I'm not talking about those easy girls who agree to be your girlfriend after 2 drinks and 1 minute of talking - girlfriend takes a lot of time and dedication and I don't see why you should give any help here - he never asked for it, did he?
Nope he didn't. Spicy made that suggestion (IMO, a lousy one) that drew more flak than a ZPU could fire in a week. I think we'd be fine if we dropped it and get some slightly more practical ones.

We could start brainstorming from the extreme idea of putting a real 9mm through that kid's skull though, after all, given all the time we have used to discuss, the situation could have deteriorated already.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I am sorry to read that. However, if I was in the same case, I would have not do that to you, even if you were a little devil. I consider that when you decide to have a children, you bear that responsibility forever. I would have not tried to lie and such if you had got arrested by the police. But I would have seriously wondered what I did wrong.
Spoiler for Off Topic, A little more about my past:

Quote:
To me, all of that feels forced. It reminds me some people in highschool "oh my god you're still single (dramatic expression as if it was the end of the world), don't worry, we will do everything to change that (I never asked anything). Hey the two girls there, yeah you. You do have to help this poor girl to meet men and blablabla".

And it's the softcore version, I don't even talk about the girls that some of those people bring to parties and make them drink alcohol etc. to "loosen them up a bit".

To me who didn't ask anything nor complained about my love status, it felt forced. I hated that.

I rejected the offer and sent all those people to die, and I don't regret anything.
Nicely done. Value add it by wrapping it up with a "See you in hell" with a middle finger wielded by the Statue Of Liberty (all puns within are intentional).

On a serious note, I am still doing that and hanging out with a few crackpot friends who are like that. Basically they are the same old kind, either looking for female companionship, desperate for attention from the opposite sex, egged to look for a girlfriend, or just having fun flirting around. I feel that I have to be there to clean up any mess if any other guy gets jealous and wasn't part of our group, though I haven't fought for quite a long time.

I owe these guys for accepting me for who I am, and come to think of it, not all those kind of guys are bad. Some of them are just acting like that to be "as cool as their buddies". Peer pressure affects all youths, even the sensible ones.
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Old 2009-05-20, 09:34   Link #83
yezhanquan
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Well, I don't have that sort of idealism. Don't fight the system, become it. Affably Evil is the name, and Ax Crazy is the backup. Oh, and Eva helped. I have to admit: I once bit someone back in high school (secondary school) who tried to strip me with his group. They never touched me again.

Have a third option ready, but know the system. I've been fortunate in handling the system pretty well.

Every man has light and darkness within him. I say this: one is not better than the other.
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Last edited by yezhanquan; 2009-05-20 at 09:54.
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Old 2009-05-20, 10:38   Link #84
chikorita157
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New Jersey, United States
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Quote:
I have a feeling if he can maintain his grades while devoting so much to CS, he can do the same and devote time with a girlfriend. As long as the girl isn't trying to abuse him it should be for the most part a rewarding experience. A lot of girls are dumb, like guys. But if he isn't even approaching them, how is he ever going to know? Someone has got to help him, someone he can relate to and truly cares about.

Sounds to me that your just making up excuses for why you haven't had a girlfriend yourself. I used to do the same thing. My girlfriend actually helped me with my college assignments, it's the same one I picked up in high school. So while you say that, girls are troublesome but have never had a girlfriend. I'm saying girls are beneficial and have had a few girlfriends in my life. Of course, if you like stupid girls, your going that result. If you choose a girl solely on how they look, the result may not be what you wanted. But if you paid attention to who the person is, hung out with them a lot, share common ground, bring different positive aspects to the table. It really can make a huge difference.
I don't see the point of forcing him to get a girlfriend... I believed the "oh my god, you're still single drama" in high school and it opened a Pandora's Box of trouble... It's not worth the trouble and he should let time take it's course and one day he might find a girl that will get along with him and understand his feelings.

The reason I'm not getting one because I no longer believe in the "oh my god, you need a girlfriend" and you got to realize that a girlfriend require time, dedication and money (yes, a girlfriend requires alot of money because you have to buy stuff for them and take them out for dinner...) Another reason is that my university I used to attend don't have alot of girls because it's a engineering/tech university... so I didn't see the point or even bothering to do so. Also, I'm very picky too. :P

So yeah... getting a girlfriend won't help much and it's a hype. It's better to just wait until you find someone special one day.
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Old 2009-05-20, 10:58   Link #85
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
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Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
Frankly, I don't recommend any relationships outside of friendship til university ... people have too much range of maturity and too much more mental growing to do (figuring out what kind of person they want to be).
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Old 2009-05-20, 14:00   Link #86
Anh_Minh
I disagree with you all.
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
I'd say a girlfriend can as easily be a good influence as a bad one. It depends on the girl. And the boy.

As for the "still single" thing... While it's probably too early to worry, the older you are, the more set in your ways you become. And if those ways include "being a recluse", well...

To get back on topic (sort of), the nice thing about a girlfriend is, her "love" isn't unconditional. My mother loves me. I'd have to perform some truly epic feats of villainy to change that. With girlfriends, letting the toilet seat up is enough. Or so I heard. And Justin Kim's brother sounds like a guy who needs to learn that there are consequences to being a dick.

Anyway, if he had a girlfriend, or even just an interest in girls and some kind of opportunity. it'd become a battle between his brain and his cravings for a fantasy life, versus his penis and his cravings for... You know. Maybe the latter would win and he'll at least pretend to be a civilized human being. Or start spending all his free time cruising around for whores.

I guess the other solution would be to make it a battle between his brain and his stomach. Start starving him. "You just played CS for 3 hours? Wait 3 more for your next meal."
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Old 2009-05-20, 14:41   Link #87
Fipskuul
τηε πιγητ ωατςη
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: τη λαnδ of веагз αnδ дг
I am still trying to figure out where the parents are on this one.

I think instead of complicating the problems (by making him addict for another thing, while trying to get rid of one), it is better to take this one step at a time. Start with the problem at hand, try to limit his access to the computer and his games.

I would also suggest to forcefully spend time with your brother (by making him go to a few weeks vacation to a far world, or maybe one or two months; real life scares/amazement are sometimes useful - but that also depends on the personality). Still, if your parents do not care too much about the problem, then what you will do may end up having no affect at all, especially after you leave for college in the fall again.
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Old 2009-05-20, 16:40   Link #88
Narona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
Spoiler for Off Topic, A little more about my past:
Teachers and other people are human. Therefore they can't be perfect and can do mistakes. I don't say that to excuse them, but I think it should be said.

About being opimistic and pessimistic, my parents never said to me that the world is a perfect place in which I will live happily with a pink poney. Actually, they always were very blunt about how the world is. A person has to do many efforts to climb the ladder, and to be careful. Sadly, it can happen that a person won't be able to do it due to many factors. It's like trying to cook without any ingredients or with bad ingredients. Expecting to do a marvelous dish is out of the question.

On a society/commune pov, it's quite the same. Without becoming a bad person by using wrong means to obtain what you want, if you don't give all you've got, you might not be able to make a step forward. At least, it should be a good thing to try, so then you will not have any regrets. But again, a kid can't do much by himself, that's why he/she needs his/her parents.

Keep in mind that I don't lecture you at all. I don't have any right to do this.

Quote:
Nicely done. Value add it by wrapping it up with a "See you in hell" with a middle finger wielded by the Statue Of Liberty (all puns within are intentional).
It reminds me something. The Statue of Liberty was a present from the French xD. Bartholdi was the one who sculpted the statue. And he said something famous:

"I will fight for the Liberty. I will call from free people. I will glorify the Republic there, waiting to find it back here, someday."

Quote:
I owe these guys for accepting me for who I am, and come to think of it, not all those kind of guys are bad. Some of them are just acting like that to be "as cool as their buddies". Peer pressure affects all youths, even the sensible ones.
When you don't fit the norm, it's not always easy to be accepted by the other people. I don't say that sometimes they don't have good reasons to criticize a person, but it can happen that they will pressure somebody without any good reason.

That's something I know quite well, because it happened to me to be criticized badly without any good reason. But I am not the kind of people who bows in front of that type of person, or who needs lots of friends to live happily.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anh_Minh View Post
As for the "still single" thing... While it's probably too early to worry, the older you are, the more set in your ways you become. And if those ways include "being a recluse", well...
I could try to understand if the boy was 30. But he is so, so young. He has still all the time for that. Right now, that's not the problem. Actually, i will say that at this age, you better try to make the most of the time you can spend with your family, because those particular moments at this particular age won't last. But maybe I am part of the few people who really enjoyed to spend time with my family during my early teens, and even now.

Last edited by Narona; 2009-05-20 at 16:59.
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Old 2009-05-20, 19:10   Link #89
Justin Kim
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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Like I said before, as of now, his personality is just different. When I suggested that he should get a girlfriend after he was done playing CS. He simply replied "I don't need one." As if, reality has not struck him yet, and I guess he isn't really into that romanticism stuff anymore.

Heck, he should just marry the freaking computer. Because, his source of entertainment is called watching a moniter for at least 10-12 hours looking for Counter-Strike Source movies on site and writing down new tactics.

(He woke up this morning at 8 A.M. It was the FIRST TIME I saw him set the alarm clock that early). So my speculations were right when I came downstairs; My brother was playing counter-strike once again with a half-bowl of ramen next too him.

The obsession/addiction has gotten to the point where he just simply does not even care about his personal appearance. Honestly, he looks like a tornado hit him or something, and when I always enter the room, clothes are just simply everywhere. It smells because he sweats when he plays.

Honestly, my brother has become something of a disgusting figure.
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Old 2009-05-21, 01:22   Link #90
LeoXiao
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Vereinigte Staaten
Age: 22
Well I guess there's not too much you can do about it anymore, except wait until he's over with his habit. he seems like he's gotten to the point where nothing external can really influence him any longer; even if your parents stop giving him food he may just play and play until he finally dies of heart failure or something. The only way he can get out of it, it seems to me, is for something to click with him and cause him to start looking at things differently. And this might not happen.

So what I would suggest you do is not try too hard to actually change him. Keep an eye on him, however, and do what you can to make him do his part of the chores. Don't cut off contact with him, but simply interact with him in a neutral way, and never try to make any kind of remark that could be interpreted as an affront. It's important that you don't become the one who is breaking off ties (let him be the one to do that), as this can give him a reason to blame you in the future for being a "cold and distant brother" (even though its irrational), when he finally realizes he's been a piece of sh*t the whole time.
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Old 2009-05-21, 01:43   Link #91
Spicy~Noodles
It's been a while....
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Vung Tau, Vietnam
It's important that the bonding happens now, once his brain entirely matured.. it's gonna be a miracle to have him be someone you like. I would be trying my best right now. He probably wants nothing to do with you. Bait is what you, is there anything else he likes to do besides CS? Sex seems to not be it, so you gotta find whatever it is make it a medium to communicate and spend time together.

Please don't misunderstand, I love women. And I respect my female counterparts a lot (Much love to Condoleezza Rice, Sacagawea, Annie Duke and many more). I said those things because people said those same lines to me, at the time I didn't like hearing it, but it got into my head. The more I heard it the more I tried to fight it. When someone said it, I would change the subject or fall silent in embarrassment. I get it, ok? People don't like to hear that stuff. But it needs to be heard.
My best friend said once, "Movies like the 40 year old virgin makes me so mad, if someone chooses to not have sex, its their personal choice."
I said, "Yeah, your right.. it's just a movie. It's pretty funny though. Besides, that what if you never had sex at the age 40, how would you feel?"
He said, "I'd be pretty depressed."

Last edited by Spicy~Noodles; 2009-05-21 at 02:21.
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Old 2009-05-21, 02:55   Link #92
Anh_Minh
I disagree with you all.
 
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I could try to understand if the boy was 30. But he is so, so young. He has still all the time for that. Right now, that's not the problem. Actually, i will say that at this age, you better try to make the most of the time you can spend with your family, because those particular moments at this particular age won't last. But maybe I am part of the few people who really enjoyed to spend time with my family during my early teens, and even now.
I'd peg 30 as "too late to change", and thus too late to worry. Note, I'm not saying he should have a girlfriend now. But if he's going to change some of his worst traits and habits, it'd better be now.
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Old 2009-05-21, 05:34   Link #93
SaintessHeart
Ehh? EEEEHHHHHH?
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Teachers and other people are human. Therefore they can't be perfect and can do mistakes. I don't say that to excuse them, but I think it should be said.
Spoiler for not related:


Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Kim View Post
Like I said before, as of now, his personality is just different. When I suggested that he should get a girlfriend after he was done playing CS. He simply replied "I don't need one." As if, reality has not struck him yet, and I guess he isn't really into that romanticism stuff anymore.
That shows that he still has brains, thus proven that he still can be saved.

Brought him out for a paintball game yet?
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Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.

Last edited by SaintessHeart; 2009-05-21 at 05:44.
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Old 2009-05-21, 05:40   Link #94
Justin Kim
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
That shows that he still has brains, thus proven that he still can be saved.

Brought him out for a paintball game yet?
You wouldn't imagine how violent and excited he gets when always hears the word "gun" attatched to any phrase. His behavior just inclines to fight with almost anybody. I need to sign a "Armistice" before he can go and punch the other guy on the team because the team member supposively "cheated."
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Old 2009-05-21, 05:51   Link #95
Anh_Minh
I disagree with you all.
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
... Have you tried shipping him off to the army or something?
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Old 2009-05-21, 05:59   Link #96
SaintessHeart
Ehh? EEEEHHHHHH?
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Kim View Post
You wouldn't imagine how violent and excited he gets when always hears the word "gun" attatched to any phrase. His behavior just inclines to fight with almost anybody. I need to sign a "Armistice" before he can go and punch the other guy on the team because the team member supposively "cheated."
That is nothing. Using the gun as a melee weapon when you run out of ammo is even worse (I was a victim of such).

At least you know how to expect the worst case scenario. Make preparations and just go ahead with the paintball game. Seems to me that he has got something to vent.

If you need to hold him down, I can teach you this :

1. Grab the muzzle of the gun with your left hand(if he is a right hander), and push it away from you.

2. Straighten his arm, grab his elbow, then shift your calf behind his knee and pull so he kneels down.

3. Turn the gun upwards so it bends his entire hand, and put your knee on his upper back to pin him down.

4. If he tried to push you down with his extended hand, grab his forehead or chin and push it up with your leg still in place, so his entire body moves backwards. And not too hard, this entire set is a modified killing technique.

Or you can try this....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM6Bpz6-dio

PLEASE, note that these techniques are to be used in case the situation happens. You will need them in ANY mock wargame.

If you don't do any activities to probe into his mind now, it is going to be a lot more difficult handling him in the future. I suggested this so I can know how extreme he has become.
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Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.
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Old 2009-05-21, 06:58   Link #97
Jaden
Witch of Betrayal
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Age: 26
Hey I spent at least 50% of my time gaming in middle and high school. I was just as much of an addict as the guy described here, but I still think it was the best time of my life. :P

Unless he's going to become a pro gamer he'll need to go to work or college, gotta stop ****ing around at that point. Believe in people's ability to change, it's all about motivation. I'm a biology student now and spend my summers netting for coarsefish, wouldn't have believed it several years back. :P
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Old 2009-05-21, 06:59   Link #98
Kylaran
A Priori Impossibility
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California
Age: 23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin Kim View Post
(He woke up this morning at 8 A.M. It was the FIRST TIME I saw him set the alarm clock that early). So my speculations were right when I came downstairs; My brother was playing counter-strike once again with a half-bowl of ramen next too him.

The obsession/addiction has gotten to the point where he just simply does not even care about his personal appearance. Honestly, he looks like a tornado hit him or something, and when I always enter the room, clothes are just simply everywhere. It smells because he sweats when he plays.

Honestly, my brother has become something of a disgusting figure.
I'm sorry for having been like your brother for... Oh, what? Over 8 years of my life now? Perhaps I should have myself checked for problems?

To be honest, while I'm inclined to help you and your brother with what I see as a potential problem, I think you need to close your eyes and take a deep breath. I see you care about your brother, but you're applying standards to him that he may simply not care about at the moment. He may be deteriorating slowly, withering away in your eyes, but to him, he's making progress at what he wants to do. Applying your personal standards to him in a forceful manner will only be negative. I know it's tough, but sometimes waiting and understanding is the only thing we can do.

When he's degenerated into a hikkikomori or a madman, or close to it, that's when you should be worried. I haven't really seen any behavior that's abnormal for a teenager yet. A guy will stop caring about his appearances when he stops caring about how others look at him, and that does and can happen.
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Old 2009-05-21, 07:04   Link #99
Narona
Emotionless White Face
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anh_Minh View Post
I'd peg 30 as "too late to change", and thus too late to worry. Note, I'm not saying he should have a girlfriend now. But if he's going to change some of his worst traits and habits, it'd better be now.
I was talking in most cases. A sociable/nice person has still the possibility to find love at 30. But I agree that if he is the same as he is now at 30, it will be a big, big problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
Spoiler for not related:
Seriously, your relatives really did say that? I don't know what to say.
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Old 2009-05-21, 08:40   Link #100
yezhanquan
Observer/Bookman wannabe
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Singapore
Age: 29
@Justin: Keep us updated as the days unfold.

@Narona: We Chinese can be superstitious at times.
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