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Old 2009-08-02, 12:50   Link #1261
blue skies
noch einmal?
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Age: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonli View Post
Let's assume it's an american mid-western society. Where the caucasian population is considered the "default", in that case asian guys are considered "foreign" right? But the same privileges are not usually applied to them. Why is that?

PS: I'm from an asian country. I'm just trying to further understand other perspectives on this situation. A lot of my friends do not find women from other races attractive, i'm just wondering if this is because of upbringing or because of how asian guys are not exactly on the top of the list of "hot guys".
I can't speak for everyone, but when it comes to dating, I don't think most people care one way or another about race, nationality or ancestry; one isn't more desirable than the other because of skin color or something stupid like that. I wasn't born in the Midwest, but I've lived here most of my life and have never encountered too much closed-mindedness regarding interracial relationships. You might get a few lingering stares from random people sometimes, but that's about it. My boyfriend is of Asian descent, me of Portuguese, and no one seems to notice, let alone care. It might be because we live in a town with a fairly sizable black/Asian/Hispanic population; but when we visit my hometown -- a much smaller college town -- no one seems to notice either. In fact, I see plenty of interracial relationships there too. But I do think it can be worse in very small towns with little racial diversity. One of my old roommates is black and has a white boyfriend, and last year they went to visit his family in their town of about 600. She said she didn't think a few of the people in the grocery store had ever seen a black girl before.

I can't explain why your friends don't find women from other races attractive, and there are certainly people everywhere else in the world who share those feelings. Are they just judging on appearance? Generally, most of my friends don't give a flying fig about someone's race; everyone's fair game. If you're attracted to someone, you're attracted to them, plain and simple. Nothing else matters. There may be a few differences between the two of you, but like stubby42 said, when you love them, you can work it out, and it's not a huge problem. They should accept each other as they are; if you love someone, you won't try to change everything about them.

As far as the foreigner thing goes, I don't think a lot of people rule out a relationship with somebody just because they aren't within their own racial bracket. (And there's a good chance they aren't foreign at all, but were born in this country/are citizens.) When I first met my boyfriend, I didn't think "Foreigner? Hmmmm." I thought, "Wow that's one hot guy" and probably giggled in my mind. I didn't become any more or less interested just because he looked Asian any more than he cared that I had dark hair and eyes or something. It's the same for the people I know who are in interracial relationships; they just don't care. Race is totally insignificant, it doesn't define you and it has nothing to do with the kind of person you are. There's infinitely more to a person than just their race. I'm not saying it's that way for everyone, because obviously (unfortunately) it's not.

But still, even disregarding the dating thing, I don't think that when people here see an Asian guy or someone who looks different from the Caucasian majority they automatically consider them a "foreigner" like you said; it's 2009, not 1950. I think (or maybe I'm just na´ve) that most people have gotten away from that mentality. Besides, if you go back far enough, everyone in this country is a "foreigner".

As for specifically Asian men, I don't know. A lot of the ones I've met tend to be quiet and thoughtful -- which is the type I prefer anyway. So for other girls, who may prefer someone more outgoing or wild, it may not work. When it comes to that, though, it's not a matter of race, but of personality preferences. There are quiet and thoughtful or outgoing, charming guys from every racial background imaginable; it isn't just unique to one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jazzrat View Post
It's important to make a girl laugh. Learn how to tease them with light flirting and humour. If a guy can make a girl laugh, then you already score a point with them. Be a gentleman as well. Not need to go overboard with it, just simple gestures would do.
This x 10000000. ;>
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Old 2009-08-02, 14:23   Link #1262
Jazzrat
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Ahhhh asian guys, we are on average either around the same height as caucasian women or shorter. Beady eyes and slimmer stature on guys hasn't really come to fashion yet

Asian guys are low in the hotness chart cause we have shorter dick on average and not as tall as other races and not to mention, there's this subconscious eastern inferiority complex underneath us (afterall, asian civilization was flagging behind for a long time)

But really, i don't think asian guys any different from any other guys when it comes to being shy, arrogant, chauvinistic. I think a lot of asian girls thinks caucasian guys have a better chance at treating them better than their own asian counterpart.. i think they are quite wrong on that.

hmmm... well it's bloody long explanation for this but you can look up the term SPG or Sarong Party Girl for a bit insight into asian girl's fascination with caucasian guys.
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Old 2009-08-02, 16:04   Link #1263
stubby42
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My point is that everyone is different and theres always going to be stuff you have to adapt to, I'm white british and come from a part of the country that isnt ethnically diverse (a recent census put it at 98% white) but for the last two years for about four months at a time I've been living in Saskatchewan Canada which has a similar sort of ethnic diversity i.e almost non.

I suffered a huge culture shock moving out there for the first time, the second time that shock was less pronounced because I was used to it but it still felt different.

Its amazing just how much little things like the differences in food makes you feel homesick, I honestly dont think I could live in America because you cant get HP sauce, something that I've lived off my entire life.

Probably the biggest difference was religion, in the UK if you say your a christian your in the minority, in sask if your an aethist your in the minoritory.

The point is everyone is different, even when your from the same ethnic backgrounds and live in parts of countries that are similarly lacking in diversity but you make things work by being willing to adapt.

I'm not religous but I'm willing to accept the possibility that they could be right and I think that went a long way in helping me fit in with others, I know another person who went on an exchange program who was a die hard aethist who couldnt entertain the possibility that God exists, he alienated himself pretty quickly from everyone else and had a miserable time.

Differences are only an issue if you make them an issue.
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Old 2009-08-02, 16:40   Link #1264
Samari
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jonli View Post
Relax, I didn't mean it that way.

I was just wondering, for all those people out there in an interracial relationship, what kind of problems did you have to overcome?

Family? Friends? Language barriers? Distance? Etc?

PS: Why are asian guys less desirable? If you don't think so, why don't you?

Just curious.
Well I'm black, and my girlfriend is an international student from Macau (Cantonese). And I'll admit I'm a little weary about introducing her around my family. But it's not because I'm ashamed of her. It has to do with some of my family and their..."primitive" thinking. Extremely long story short, I'll have to just take it slow and eventually introduce her to my family. It's a process.

I actually met some of my girlfriend's family. Via Skype (my girlfriend is back home for three months). It was strange, but cool. They were very nice.
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Old 2009-08-02, 17:05   Link #1265
Miko Miko
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: England
Age: 20
I have a huge crush on someone much older than me, I know them quite well..

Should I confront him?.. or not?.. and just keep it hidden.. I am scared of what he'd think of me afterwards.
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Old 2009-08-02, 17:36   Link #1266
stubby42
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How much older is much older?

the problem is because your under age it presents legal problems, now he might not be doing anything with you per say but if people are aware that your under age and he isnt, people might presume things which could get the both of you in alot of trouble.

Sorry.
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Old 2009-08-02, 18:28   Link #1267
Miko Miko
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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^ Must be about 20 years older.. maybe a little more.

I don't want any trouble and I am aware of the law..
but if anyone here is quite old (not being rude!!!) would you want a 15 year old girl telling you she had a crush on you, what would your reaction be?

x
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Old 2009-08-02, 19:13   Link #1268
Shinoto
Rollin' Like A Boss
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jazzrat View Post
Ahhhh asian guys, we are on average either around the same height as caucasian women or shorter. Beady eyes and slimmer stature on guys hasn't really come to fashion yet

Asian guys are low in the hotness chart cause we have shorter dick on average and not as tall as other races and not to mention, there's this subconscious eastern inferiority complex underneath us (afterall, asian civilization was flagging behind for a long time)

But really, i don't think asian guys any different from any other guys when it comes to being shy, arrogant, chauvinistic. I think a lot of asian girls thinks caucasian guys have a better chance at treating them better than their own asian counterpart.. i think they are quite wrong on that.

hmmm... well it's bloody long explanation for this but you can look up the term SPG or Sarong Party Girl for a bit insight into asian girl's fascination with caucasian guys.
You're giving yourself too much ****. Your low on the hotness scale because you put yourself there. Everyone has negative physical traits, and stereotypes working against them. It doesn't mean you have to be effect by them though.

Cultural differences, are a different thing lol
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Old 2009-08-03, 00:14   Link #1269
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miko Miko View Post
I have a huge crush on someone much older than me, I know them quite well..

Should I confront him?.. or not?.. and just keep it hidden.. I am scared of what he'd think of me afterwards.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miko Miko View Post
^ Must be about 20 years older.. maybe a little more.

I don't want any trouble and I am aware of the law..
but if anyone here is quite old (not being rude!!!) would you want a 15 year old girl telling you she had a crush on you, what would your reaction be?

x
Oh, Imouto-chan. This has to be your most hilarious entry in this thread yet.

According to your scenerio, and if I were the pushing-40 guy in question being confessed to by a girl young enough to be my daughter? Yeah, awkwardness and hilarity definitely would ensue. And if like you said, he knows you quite well? Yup, that's even worse.

From a rational POV, I'd say you shouldn't do anything; most crushes pass with time anyway. But hey, we were all your age once, and for myself at least, I definitely remember how irrational hormones can be at that age.

So yeah, best not to do anything. But hey, if you want a memory of doing something that you'll be kicking yourself for 10 years down the road, go for it.
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Old 2009-08-03, 00:19   Link #1270
FateAnomaly
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^Ya what he said.
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Old 2009-08-03, 03:14   Link #1271
Miko Miko
Imouto-Chan♥
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: England
Age: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
Oh, Imouto-chan. This has to be your most hilarious entry in this thread yet.

According to your scenerio, and if I were the pushing-40 guy in question being confessed to by a girl young enough to be my daughter? Yeah, awkwardness and hilarity definitely would ensue. And if like you said, he knows you quite well? Yup, that's even worse.

From a rational POV, I'd say you shouldn't do anything; most crushes pass with time anyway. But hey, we were all your age once, and for myself at least, I definitely remember how irrational hormones can be at that age.

So yeah, best not to do anything. But hey, if you want a memory of doing something that you'll be kicking yourself for 10 years down the road, go for it.

Thanks! I won't!
I can definately see where your coming from!
Thanks ! ~ And I Love Being Called Imouto-Chan
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Old 2009-08-03, 04:01   Link #1272
Cipher
.....
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Does anyone have any techniques on building up courage regarding this topic? Well its not like I'm personally planning to proceed with mating but it seems amusing to try. howbeit there are "barriers" i have to adjust; apropos, motivation and the antiphon of its concern.
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Old 2009-08-03, 06:27   Link #1273
Samari
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: San Francisco
Age: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cipher View Post
Does anyone have any techniques on building up courage regarding this topic? Well its not like I'm personally planning to proceed with mating but it seems amusing to try. howbeit there are "barriers" i have to adjust; apropos, motivation and the antiphon of its concern.
Well are you a boy or girl? Is there a specific situation you're dealing with?
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Old 2009-08-03, 07:40   Link #1274
jonli
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cipher View Post
Does anyone have any techniques on building up courage regarding this topic? Well its not like I'm personally planning to proceed with mating but it seems amusing to try. howbeit there are "barriers" i have to adjust; apropos, motivation and the antiphon of its concern.


I think courage only comes with experience. You'll need to talk to your opposite sex as much as possible. Crack jokes, make yourself funny I guess.

I personally think a general more positive outlook in life can contribute to confidence as well. Something as simple as the way you walk, the way you look at people in the eye when you talk to them. Always smile instead of a sad panda face.

You'll just need to keep doing it until you're good at it I guess.
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Old 2009-08-03, 08:05   Link #1275
Cipher
.....
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Samari View Post
Well are you a boy or girl? Is there a specific situation you're dealing with?
I'm physically a boy but emotionally I'm not. -_-. a joke, I'm wholesomely male(Cipher, the name, is male-sounding no?). Specific situations? I'll try to use my emotionally scarring past one. The female, i had considered, was extremely popular. She's been constantly praised for her beauty. Her range of connections was impressive. Friend there, friend here..is what i mean. I've conversed with her a few times and she's academically and athletically very healthy. aphoristically, The "perfect girl". I, on the other hand, has an average or no social standing. I have some friends. I'm not athletic and I do very poorly academically. She knows about my presence and my attraction towards her. A friend rudely and barbarically told her and the whole class about it. This makes it awkward to speak with and to her. I've thought about the "equal under god" way of thinking but I find it hard to approach her because of barriers such as her friends' presence around her and the awkward feeling surrounding them. So what are some techniques that could boost my confidence?
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Old 2009-08-03, 09:02   Link #1276
jonli
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cipher View Post
I'm physically a boy but emotionally I'm not. -_-. a joke, I'm wholesomely male(Cipher, the name, is male-sounding no?). Specific situations? I'll try to use my emotionally scarring past one. The female, i had considered, was extremely popular. She's been constantly praised for her beauty. Her range of connections was impressive. Friend there, friend here..is what i mean. I've conversed with her a few times and she's academically and athletically very healthy. aphoristically, The "perfect girl". I, on the other hand, has an average or no social standing. I have some friends. I'm not athletic and I do very poorly academically. She knows about my presence and my attraction towards her. A friend rudely and barbarically told her and the whole class about it. This makes it awkward to speak with and to her. I've thought about the "equal under god" way of thinking but I find it hard to approach her because of barriers such as her friends' presence around her and the awkward feeling surrounding them. So what are some techniques that could boost my confidence?
In your case it doesn't sound like an overnight thing. Seems like you need to invest a lot of time not in getting the girl, but in boosting your confidence. This wouldn't happen in like a week, but like a year.

Well I say up your social standing. Talk to more people, not just the girl. Try to get yourself more comfortable around other people. A good example of this would be going to summer camp. Changing the environment, a fresh start, meeting new people, new experiences. Sometimes its hard to boost your confidence around people you've been with for a long time, because a sudden shift in the social structure affects them too.

The asshole way to do it is to flirt with another girl and use her as practice. Don't go the asshole way because you lose dignity and honor. But i felt like mentioning it just in case.
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Old 2009-08-03, 09:12   Link #1277
Cipher
.....
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonli View Post
In your case it doesn't sound like an overnight thing. Seems like you need to invest a lot of time not in getting the girl, but in boosting your confidence. This wouldn't happen in like a week, but like a year.

Well I say up your social standing. Talk to more people, not just the girl. Try to get yourself more comfortable around other people. A good example of this would be going to summer camp. Changing the environment, a fresh start, meeting new people, new experiences. Sometimes its hard to boost your confidence around people you've been with for a long time, because a sudden shift in the social structure affects them too.
Ugh, sounds like a real pain. Thank you for your well-thought and reasonable advice. I'd like to put it in action but I'm deciding not to because of the heavy work, "awkward" change in personality I have to shift to and lack of motivation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jonli View Post
The asshole way to do it is to flirt with another girl and use her as practice. Don't go the asshole way because you lose dignity and honor. But i felt like mentioning it just in case.
Luckily, Flirting is far from my selection of techniques. Thanks again.
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Old 2009-08-03, 10:37   Link #1278
stubby42
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: UK/Canada
Quote:
She knows about my presence and my attraction towards her. A friend rudely and barbarically told her and the whole class about it. This makes it awkward to speak with and to her.
Although you havent given us much to go on I've got to say this really sounds like a no goer, if she knows you like her and hasnt said anything shes probably not interested.


Quote:
Ugh, sounds like a real pain. Thank you for your well-thought and reasonable advice. I'd like to put it in action but I'm deciding not to because of the heavy work, "awkward" change in personality I have to shift to and lack of motivation.
I really hope your joking because if not thats pretty pathetic, dont complain about how crappy your life is if your not willing to change it.


edit this was typed before you drop this bomb shell.

Sorry.

P.S if you want to fit in better you could try and simplify your language, talking like that tends to alienate people because they feel your trying to say hey I'm smarter than you.
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Old 2009-08-03, 11:03   Link #1279
Cipher
.....
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Quote:
Although you havent given us much to go on I've got to say this really sounds like a no goer, if she knows you like her and hasnt said anything shes probably not interested.
Ouch, that's a major low blow below the gutter. Frank, aren't you? And there I was hoping for some weird miracle.
Quote:
I really hope your joking because if not thats pretty pathetic, dont complain about how crappy your life is if your not willing to change it.
I'm not complaining about my lack of life experiences. In fact, if anything else, I have too much of it. And that's mainly because of my simple viewing it through this screen. (yeah, the media.) Call me pathetic, but I am currently only seeing mating as another form of entertainment: A work-oriented entertainment, I've just decided recently, I would not involve on.
Quote:
edit this was typed before you drop this bomb shell.
What was typed? What's a bomb shell? Final Fantasy Monster? Or as a metaphorical idiom?

Quote:
Sorry.
I'm not sure what your sorry for but if it was for lessening my confidence and calling me pathetic then your forgiven.

Quote:
P.S if you want to fit in better you could try and simplify your language, talking like that tends to alienate people because they feel your trying to say hey I'm smarter than you.
But what if I'm not really trying to alienate or self-promote myself? Sorry, but i don't like being malignantly influenced or changed from my original form just because of a majority belief or pressure.
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Old 2009-08-03, 11:08   Link #1280
whitepearl
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miko Miko View Post
^ Must be about 20 years older.. maybe a little more.

I don't want any trouble and I am aware of the law..
but if anyone here is quite old (not being rude!!!) would you want a 15 year old girl telling you she had a crush on you, what would your reaction be?

x
In NY, such a relationship would be pretty much illegal...

If a 15-yr-old confessed her love to me, I'd have to throw up the X and all the stop signs
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