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Old 2009-10-11, 12:51   Link #1801
Shinoto
Rollin' Like A Boss
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Honestly, you sound pathetic.

I'll tell you exactly how this is going to go down.
1. She will or is, finding someone else. You break up either way
2. You're going be one of those who go into self-pity mode and wonder what went wrong, I can change, etc. Become even more of a sad case
3. After some time you're going to look back at the **** you wrote, and face palm at how pathetic the **** you wrote was.

I mean, when I start to hear that crap about how she is so wonderful, how she changed me, how I'm a new man because of her, and all that jazz. It's sounds like you are just pinning your life on her. No one likes someone who can't stand on their own two feet.

Truth is, This happens to almost every guy. They are going to like someone who just isn't going to return the feelings. And they are going to feel like it's their fault. Now you either take this as a learning experience, or you go into a pathetic slump and end up wasting allot of time whining over her.
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Old 2009-10-11, 12:59   Link #1802
Splitpersonality
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3. After some time you're going to look back at the **** you wrote, and face palm at how pathetic the **** you wrote was.
Yeah I'm being hit by that right about... now... lol
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Old 2009-10-11, 13:10   Link #1803
Narona
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Originally Posted by Shinoto View Post
Truth is, This happens to almost every guy. They are going to like someone who just isn't going to return the feelings. And they are going to feel like it's their fault.
Strangely, if you're talking about couples' behaviors, here it's the opposite, it happens more to girls than guys. A study showed that feelings and love are more important to women than to men. So usually, most women give/do more for the relationship
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Old 2009-10-11, 13:16   Link #1804
Splitpersonality
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Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Strangely, if you're talking about couples' behaviors, here it's the opposite, it happens more to girls than guys. A study showed that feelings and love are more important to women than to men. So usually, most women give/do more for the relationship.
Well I'm not exactly a hulking manly man anyway, lol :P
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Old 2009-10-11, 13:28   Link #1805
Narona
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Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
Well I'm not exactly a hulking manly man anyway, lol :P
I didn't say that as a critic towards you ^^

I didn't read all your posts, but you seem[ed] really in love. And you don't seem to be the type to harm somebody. I can't say anything that will comfort you, but it's sad it didn't work out. But life is like that, the worst can happen whatever if you're a good person or not.
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Old 2009-10-11, 13:47   Link #1806
Splitpersonality
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Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I didn't say that as a critic towards you ^^

I didn't read all your posts, but you seem[ed] really in love. And you don't seem to be the type to harm somebody. I can't say anything that will comfort you, but it's sad it didn't work out. But life is like that, the worst can happen whatever if you're a good person or not.
I know, I was using the wording of your fact as a way for me to downplay my masculinity as a joke. It's kind of how I break tension in awkawrd situations, for the most part.

There's not much you could say to comfort me, I doubt many people could. It's just my pile o' crap to deal with, and I have to.

Besides that I'll probably be okay because I'm pretty used to things going poorly lol, as emo as that sounds.
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Old 2009-10-11, 14:00   Link #1807
ChainLegacy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Strangely, if you're talking about couples' behaviors, here it's the opposite, it happens more to girls than guys. A study showed that feelings and love are more important to women than to men. So usually, most women give/do more for the relationship
I'd say it can go both ways. Some people just aren't very sensitive about these things, but I don't think it has anything to do with their gender, just their personality.
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Old 2009-10-11, 14:14   Link #1808
Kusa-San
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Originally Posted by ChainLegacy View Post
I'd say it can go both ways. Some people just aren't very sensitive about these things, but I don't think it has anything to do with their gender, just their personality.
I'm not sure about it. I agree with Miss Narona. I think men are less sensitive about these thing than women. Of course, it's not true for every women and men and you can have the contrary.
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Old 2009-10-11, 14:31   Link #1809
Narona
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Originally Posted by Kusa-San View Post
I'm not sure about it. I agree with Miss Narona. I think men are less sensitive about these thing than women. Of course, it's not true for every women and men and you can have the contrary.
It's not about agreeing with me or not. Avoid to say that please, because there are anonymous people here who like to neg rep me for whatever stupid reason they find.

I refered to the results from the study about the sexuality of the French, from 2006. It is for example stated with numbers that there are way more french men who can (are willing to) have sex without love, than women. So in the articles and programs that followed those results (and I guess there are more in the book released in 2008), that women care about feelings and love more than men when it comes to sexual and romantic relationships.
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Old 2009-10-11, 14:36   Link #1810
Kusa-San
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It's not about agreeing with me or not. Avoid to say that please, because there are people here who like to neg rep me for whatever stupid reason they find.
And ? The fact that I will be agree with you or not will change nothing. I mean, it's my post not your
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Old 2009-10-11, 14:38   Link #1811
Narona
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Originally Posted by Kusa-San View Post
And ? The fact that I will be agree with you or not will change nothing. I mean, it's my post not your
Sorry for my bad tone, I am just annoyed by said bad reps.

I just meant that the conclusion that Love matters more for french women than men doesn't come from me, so that you can't agree with me, since it's not a personal comment.
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Old 2009-10-11, 14:42   Link #1812
Kusa-San
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Don't worry it's alright ^^

But by "I agree with Miss Narona" mean that I agree with your post so with the study And My personal comment is that I think it's true.
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Old 2009-10-11, 14:50   Link #1813
Cinocard
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From a psychological viewpoint, as Narona said, "feelings and love are more important to women than to men." IMO, there are several things to note about it.

-When men need to have a feeling of success, domination, violence, women need a feeling of love. And pain. Yes, it goes both way, for many women. They seek to have strong mutual emotion in human interaction, regardless of it being positive and negative. They purely desire to be emotionally powerful, that's why they more likely risk it and like someone who just isn't going to return the feelings. In short, they like pain as much as love.

-Most experts agree men instinct is to dominate, and women instinct is to share. Consequently, a man dates women who love him and only him, and a woman dates men whom she loves.

-Genetically, men seek to mate, with as many as possible. Unconsciously, they find women who love them to ensure their successor being taken care of in the future. Women, they also unconsciously want to bear a child with the best gene, aka the gene of the one they fall in love with.

-When talking about marriage, men is a polygamy creature. Even now, our society just happens to give men overwhelming advantage after a divorce. They see no risk in marrying someone who doesn't love them. If it's mating, they can find a mistress who does. But women is monogamy. They seek stability, and they want to marry someone they love, and love them in return. So at a point in life women will stop taking risk and seek someone who truly love them to marry.

That's why it's easy to confess, but difficult to propose to women

Last edited by Cinocard; 2009-10-11 at 15:18.
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Old 2009-10-11, 14:59   Link #1814
Shinoto
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Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Strangely, if you're talking about couples' behaviors, here it's the opposite, it happens more to girls than guys. A study showed that feelings and love are more important to women than to men. So usually, most women give/do more for the relationship
You're on a different page

And on the other men valuing sex more, Two responses
1. Sky is Blue, Grass is Green, Men love Sex
2. Lots of women lying to themselves, Should give sex with both sexes allot less thought but more action. Half joking about this, half not. From my own experience, the more thought you put into it. The less enjoyable the subject becomes. If you're always trying make it out to be this wonderful and perfect moment. You're bound to be disappointed constantly. But that's just my 2 cents on it, Either treat it as a big deal or don't.

Life is so easy when you're easy and Bi
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Last edited by Shinoto; 2009-10-11 at 15:11.
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Old 2009-10-11, 14:59   Link #1815
Splitpersonality
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But women is monogamy. They seek stability, and they want to marry someone they love, and love them in return.
Hey, I want that too! :P
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Old 2009-10-11, 15:06   Link #1816
Narona
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Originally Posted by Cinocard View Post
-When talking about marriage, men is a polygamy creature. Even now, our society just happens to give men overwhelming advantage after a divorce. They see no risk in marrying someone who doesn't love them. If it's mating, they can find a mistress who does. But women is monogamy. They seek stability, and they want to marry someone they love, and love them in return. So at a point in life women will stop taking risk and seek someone who truly love them to marry.

That's why it's easy to confess, but difficult to propose to women
I wonder how long this could be said. IIRC, one of the two persons who did the study that I was talking about said (for the best or the worse, depending on your pov on this matter) in a debate that more and more women act (have the same sexual behaviors as) like men (she did give me the feeling to be pleased by that. Personal comment: I don't see that as fabulous)
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Old 2009-10-11, 15:11   Link #1817
Splitpersonality
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Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I wonder how long this could be said. IIRC, one of the two persons who did the study that I was talking about said (for the best or the worse, depending on your pov on this matter) in a debate that more and more women act (have the same sexual behaviors as) like men (she did give me the feeling to be pleased by that. Personal comment: I don't see that as fabulous)

Well it seems as if he's coming from a biological/evolutionary psychology area, in which everything he said has made sense.

Culturally however there has been a very widespread, sort of, frankness about sex and sexual relationships in this century and earlier. Though our biological imperatives might tell us one thing, yes there are men looking for monogamy and can "fight their urges" for other women and there are certainly women who can ignore their child-bearing imperatives in favor of having open sex with more than one man.

It's an interesting juxtaposition, the one between the different psychological branches of thought. IIRC the neuro-biological and genetic side doesn't really leave much room for "the human side" of psychology, but maybe that's just how I've seen it.
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Old 2009-10-11, 15:50   Link #1818
Cinocard
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Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I wonder how long this could be said. IIRC, one of the two persons who did the study that I was talking about said (for the best or the worse, depending on your pov on this matter) in a debate that more and more women act (have the same sexual behaviors as) like men (she did give me the feeling to be pleased by that. Personal comment: I don't see that as fabulous)
Oh, a girl having sex with a guy, and sharing a child with him is totally different. It actually has a lot to do with social aspect. Women lose more in a divorce, so it's logical for them to be more careful with a marriage. You surely have been exposed to the thought of: "having fun as much as we can now, since we can't anymore once we marry?"

If you think about it, it's a sad paradox for women. Many working women don't want to settle down early with a marriage. But as they become older, a marriage would trade with a greater career. Their motherly instinct grows, yet they also find it harder and harder for them to be in a love with their age.

Men? 25,30,35,40... They virtually can get into a marriage and get out of it just as easily, and get into another marriage again.

Polygamy may have been banned by law, but serial monogamy just isn't.
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Old 2009-10-11, 17:12   Link #1819
Ledgem
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Originally Posted by Shinoto View Post
I mean, when I start to hear that crap about how she is so wonderful, how she changed me, how I'm a new man because of her, and all that jazz. It's sounds like you are just pinning your life on her. No one likes someone who can't stand on their own two feet.
It's true that your chances of forming a strong relationship are much improved when you're stable as an individual. In fact, one could argue that being stable on your own is a prerequisite for being able to form a stable, long-lasting, productive relationship.

I take issue with your rough demeanor. Splitpersonality seems to be a sensitive, thoughtful guy, perhaps to a fault. What he's writing isn't pathetic; I find it understandable. It isn't his fault and he shouldn't be blaming himself right now, but I don't think he should reject those types of thoughts entirely. Those sorts of feelings are what keep you humble enough in a relationship to be able to admit that you might be wrong and that you need to make changes. They're good feelings - you just need to make sure that who you pair up with also has those sorts of feelings, or else you'll be ripe for abuse.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shinoto View Post
Truth is, This happens to almost every guy. They are going to like someone who just isn't going to return the feelings. And they are going to feel like it's their fault. Now you either take this as a learning experience, or you go into a pathetic slump and end up wasting allot of time whining over her.
I always thought that "guy feeling like it's his own fault" for being rejected only happened to people like "us" (those who think too much, may be humble, etc.). Most guys either have or put up a show of having enough confidence that you could power a city with it - if a girl rejects him, then she either can't see how great he was or she was trash anyway (in the guy's opinion). It's a stereotype I've been exposed to, anyway - maybe you're from an area where sensitivity is a bit more readily available.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cinocard View Post
-Genetically, men seek to mate, with as many as possible. Unconsciously, they find women who love them to ensure their successor being taken care of in the future. Women, they also unconsciously want to bear a child with the best gene, aka the gene of the one they fall in love with.
This is passed around as common knowledge but it's completely unfounded. There is no "polygamy gene" or "polygamy hormone" - it's stereotyped that men have more difficulty with fidelity than women, but I certainly hear about both happening with a high frequency. I'm very wary of social studies and surveys, but do you happen to have one to draw upon to support that statement?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cinocard View Post
That's why it's easy to confess, but difficult to propose to women
Speak for yourself!
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Old 2009-10-11, 17:25   Link #1820
Ricky Controversy
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Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
This is passed around as common knowledge but it's completely unfounded. There is no "polygamy gene" or "polygamy hormone" - it's stereotyped that men have more difficulty with fidelity than women, but I certainly hear about both happening with a high frequency. I'm very wary of social studies and surveys, but do you happen to have one to draw upon to support that statement?
It's not that the stereotype is necessarily 'unfounded', simply that the foundation from which it is drawn actually points to an entirely different conclusion. The reason men have historically been branded as less capable of fidelity is because it has traditionally been both more possible and more socially acceptable for men to stray, especially in Western culture.

It's simply one more aspect of discrimination against women throughout history. Traditionally, women were really viewed more as property of men than as actual people, and so while they were expected to solely 'belong' to that man, the man conversely had no obligation to treat his partner faithfully: she's just a possession in his mind, after all. Women were usually advised by their elders and peers to turn a blind eye to the man's infidelity because he controlled all the financial assets, so it was generally considered unwise to challenge unless he was suddenly squandering all that money on other women. Security was the goal of marriage in the West for centuries.

So no, men aren't actually predisposed towards infidelity in any special way versus women, they've just been given tacit approval by society for all this time.
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