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Old 2009-10-12, 20:47   Link #1861
Splitpersonality
Amateur Psychomocologist
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Sadly, that's rather common. I drifted apart from my first boyfriend after we broke up, and we even lived in the same neighborhood and went to the same bus stop. It isn't unusual to be friends with your ex, but sometimes it's a hard thing to do and you just drift away from them. It isn't a bad thing.

I took "hard" to mean difficult to manage emotionally, but I can see how it woudl be physically harder to meet up with people, when my half assed first attempt at a girlfriend and I broke up I never heard from her again until about this year, when we met on mutual terms and talked about what had happened.

It was pretty cool to see her again either way, she's changed quite a bit, but in the same right not at all. It's interesting.

Anyway I only hope she has time in her busy schedule of psych psych and more psych for me :P
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Old 2009-10-13, 14:29   Link #1862
Narona
Emotionless White Face
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
Actually I can read people's minds. Want proof? Here it is:

Spoiler for Proof for Narona - top secret:
Ledgem, the Jedi. You know it's forbidden for a jedi to get married, right

I am not sure that the jedis can read people's minds though XD
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Old 2009-10-13, 16:02   Link #1863
Miyuki-ism
Corpse in Pieces
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
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No, they just control peoples mind.

"You wanna buy some death sticks?"

"You don't want to sell any death sticks." *Hand movement*

"I don't want to sell any death sticks."

"You want to go home and rethink your life."

"I want to go home and, rethink my life..." *walks away*
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Old 2009-10-13, 18:45   Link #1864
stubby42
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: UK/Canada
Quote:
Here, make it easy on yourself: imagine that all you want to do is be friends. You have a lot in common, so why not? Don't even think about your other motives. That way, when you write to her you won't be overthinking what you're writing ("does this make me seem like I want her too much?" "does this make me look desperate?"), because when you think things like that, your writing will most likely come off as being awkward and might really reveal your true intentions. So when you write, just imagine that you're writing to a potential friend (a guy friend, if it really helps) and you'll be fine. Then just click the send button and be done with it.

Keep it in perspective - this isn't a thesis proposal or a marriage license, you're just asking for her number because you're interested in doing more with her and getting to know her better. There's nothing wrong with that, and even if she sees right through you, it doesn't make you creepy or a villain. Shoot, what girl wouldn't love to know that guys have an interest in her? So worst case scenario she doesn't reply to you, but at least you might have brightened her day and her self-confidence. See, it's win-win - you potentially make a new friend (or even a lover), and at worst, you only end up giving a boost to a girl you like and get nothing else in return.

Let us know how it goes!
I atcually sent the message before I read this because I was talking to people on another board that I've been a member of for a long time, I put my number in but I did ask if I could call her.

I got a reply it wasnt what I wanted but I'm happy with it, she said it was great meeting me again, that she wants to be friends but she's not looking for a relationship right now and said that anyone else asking would get the same answer (she also gave me her phone number).

From what she told me whilst we were on the night out shes been going through alot of bad stuff (some of the things shes had to deal with I wish on no one) so it makes sense.

I know it wasnt what I was going for but i'm actually really happy, I stepped up to the plate and took a swing at bat, normally I'm sitting in the dugout waiting for something to happen.
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Old 2009-10-13, 18:59   Link #1865
Zetsubo
著述遮断
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
Be relaxed, be cool about it. Don't sound like you're desperate to get her number, just casually ask her.


Or even give her yours and see if she calls.
This advice is incomplete.

Before you give her your number make sure you have something to talk to her about if she calls.

Nothing pisses of a girl more than when she calls a guy and he is on the other end of the line fumbling around and making small talk really painful.

If she likes you, she may help you and take the conversation into her own hands... however, she didn't call you just to talk about herself (if she is not a needy self centered woman that is)

So... never give a woman your number to call you if you do not have good conversational skills and actually have something to say that is not idiotic.

Just my 2 dollars.
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Old 2009-10-13, 20:04   Link #1866
Dextro
He Without a Title
 
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
Don't give her your number and expect a call. Aside from the fact that some girls feel strongly about social mannerisms which require that the guy take the first steps, you're giving her a potentially easy out. She could always just say that she never got around to it, or something happened to her phone... etc. Take the initiative! Ask for her number.

Here, make it easy on yourself: imagine that all you want to do is be friends. You have a lot in common, so why not? Don't even think about your other motives. That way, when you write to her you won't be overthinking what you're writing ("does this make me seem like I want her too much?" "does this make me look desperate?"), because when you think things like that, your writing will most likely come off as being awkward and might really reveal your true intentions. So when you write, just imagine that you're writing to a potential friend (a guy friend, if it really helps) and you'll be fine. Then just click the send button and be done with it.

Keep it in perspective - this isn't a thesis proposal or a marriage license, you're just asking for her number because you're interested in doing more with her and getting to know her better. There's nothing wrong with that, and even if she sees right through you, it doesn't make you creepy or a villain. Shoot, what girl wouldn't love to know that guys have an interest in her? So worst case scenario she doesn't reply to you, but at least you might have brightened her day and her self-confidence. See, it's win-win - you potentially make a new friend (or even a lover), and at worst, you only end up giving a boost to a girl you like and get nothing else in return.

Let us know how it goes!
*Dextro bows before this piece of advice*

Honestly this made my day. It's such a simple piece of advice and I hadn't even thought about it. I would probably do that same overthinking if I was in that situation.

This thread rocks, you even get advice when you don't ask or aren't looking for it! :P
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Old 2009-10-13, 20:13   Link #1867
Splitpersonality
Amateur Psychomocologist
 
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zetsubo View Post
This advice is incomplete.

Before you give her your number make sure you have something to talk to her about if she calls.

Fair enough, I'm totally inept at this kind of thing anyway haha.


So I've started talking to that other girl that likes me since the events of yesterday, yeah I know that sounds bad but I'm just trying to lay foundation or at least make her think a little bit about me, I don't want to jump right into her pants or anything, but she's really nice and we have a good deal in common.

Any advice on ways I can get myself stuck in her head in a positive way? I'm a good flirt, but she seems a little oblivious to that sort of thing.
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Old 2009-10-13, 21:50   Link #1868
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Ledgem, the Jedi. You know it's forbidden for a jedi to get married, right

I am not sure that the jedis can read people's minds though XD
I won't be surprised if the Sith can though, and of course they probably don't have any proscriptions for marriage and that sort of thing. Love leads to passion, passion leads to loss, loss leads to vengeance, and vengeance leads to the Dark Side.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
So I've started talking to that other girl that likes me since the events of yesterday, yeah I know that sounds bad but I'm just trying to lay foundation or at least make her think a little bit about me, I don't want to jump right into her pants or anything, but she's really nice and we have a good deal in common.

Any advice on ways I can get myself stuck in her head in a positive way? I'm a good flirt, but she seems a little oblivious to that sort of thing.
It's one of the oblivious ones, huh?

Well, I suppose you don't really need to do anything apart from having fun with her in general. Go do all the things friends do, talk about things friends would. Hell, for all you know she may be just acting oblivious, and is really paying attention to what kind of guy are you. Girls tend to be notorious at this sort of thing.

If you can get to the point where you can get her to readily agree to hang out with you, just the two of you together, you're on the right track.
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Old 2009-10-13, 21:59   Link #1869
Splitpersonality
Amateur Psychomocologist
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
We already hang out a lot just together in school, yeah it's quite different but it's still quote unquote alone time as far as I'm willing to go right now.

I'm not entirely convinced she's acting oblivious, I'm not even amazingly convinced she has an interest in me, that's why I'm more or less looking to plant a seed in her head to get her thinking.

We're already fairly good friends, I think just shy of the friend's zone though, or at least I really hope so. If she is really just acting oblivious then I am severely underestimating the resourcefulness and determination of women in my life haha!
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Old 2009-10-13, 21:59   Link #1870
whitepearl
Dietrich fan #681675
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
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Meeting someone on Wednesday night for a date after a fairly successful one last Wednesday.

Cue Bowser laugh.
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Old 2009-10-13, 22:02   Link #1871
Ricky Controversy
Frandle & Nightbag
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
We already hang out a lot just together in school, yeah it's quite different but it's still quote unquote alone time as far as I'm willing to go right now.

I'm not entirely convinced she's acting oblivious, I'm not even amazingly convinced she has an interest in me, that's why I'm more or less looking to plant a seed in her head to get her thinking.

We're already fairly good friends, I think just shy of the friend's zone though, or at least I really hope so. If she is really just acting oblivious then I am severely underestimating the resourcefulness and determination of women in my life haha!
Just don't extend yourself any more than you normally would, lest you set up false expectations if she turns out to be interested. Ascaloth's advice is spot on: just have fun with her. Let flirtation happen when it may, but don't go out of your way to prompt anything. If it's requiring planning at this stage, it won't be worth it down the road.
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Old 2009-10-13, 22:06   Link #1872
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
We already hang out a lot just together in school, yeah it's quite different but it's still quote unquote alone time as far as I'm willing to go right now.

I'm not entirely convinced she's acting oblivious, I'm not even amazingly convinced she has an interest in me, that's why I'm more or less looking to plant a seed in her head to get her thinking.

We're already fairly good friends, I think just shy of the friend's zone though, or at least I really hope so. If she is really just acting oblivious then I am severely underestimating the resourcefulness and determination of women in my life haha!
Question: Are you the one who seek out her company, or is she the one who seeks out yours?
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Old 2009-10-13, 22:06   Link #1873
Splitpersonality
Amateur Psychomocologist
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy View Post
Just don't extend yourself any more than you normally would, lest you set up false expectations if she turns out to be interested. Ascaloth's advice is spot on: just have fun with her. Let flirtation happen when it may, but don't go out of your way to prompt anything. If it's requiring planning at this stage, it won't be worth it down the road.
I have a tendency to overextend myself either way, I'm not going to puff myself up to grandiose proportions, just do normal things, that's not wrong is it?

The last sentence is a very good point, I won't try and force anything, hopefully it just works out.


Congrats whitepearl!


EDIT
Quote:
Question: Are you the one who seek out her company, or is she the one who seeks out yours?
We sort of just find each other, she doesn't actively seek me out too often, but sometimes she does.
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Old 2009-10-13, 22:13   Link #1874
RadiantBeam
Test Drive
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whitepearl View Post
Meeting someone on Wednesday night for a date after a fairly successful one last Wednesday.

Cue Bowser laugh.
Good luck! I hope it goes well.
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Old 2009-10-13, 22:20   Link #1875
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
We sort of just find each other, she doesn't actively seek me out too often, but sometimes she does.
Ah, then things are going well enough. Just do the usual for now, maybe test out whether she's amenable to a bit more physical contact i.e. poking, tickle fights, innocuous stuff like that.
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Old 2009-10-13, 22:26   Link #1876
Splitpersonality
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I do that stuff haha, we poke and tickle back and forth, I even punched her in the face once, and she punched me back, but that's an unrelated story, we're still friends even after that so I can't see what else I could do too wrong :P

I give her a love-tap punch every so often and she either walks on and nods at me or hits me back harder, most people tend to do that to me when I lightly punch them as a joke ._.

:P
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Old 2009-10-13, 22:33   Link #1877
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
I do that stuff haha, we poke and tickle back and forth, I even punched her in the face once, and she punched me back, but that's an unrelated story, we're still friends even after that so I can't see what else I could do too wrong :P

I give her a love-tap punch every so often and she either walks on and nods at me or hits me back harder, most people tend to do that to me when I lightly punch them as a joke ._.

:P
Awesome, keep it up for a while. Do the occasional little test to see how much more she's agreeable with, and step it up slowly from there. Eventually you want to get to the stage where she thinks nothing of you putting your arm around her shoulder or waist while she's talking in length about her thoughts and feelings; that's the point when you want to try and steer the conversation to a point where you can get an excuse to steal a kiss from her.

Of course, take my suggestion with a pinch of salt and skepticism; it's just as likely, like Narona is all too fond of reminding me, that it could backfire on you. You gotta be sharp as to the girl's nature, enough to figure out whether she'll take it well.
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Old 2009-10-13, 23:07   Link #1878
Ledgem
Love Yourself
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
So I've started talking to that other girl that likes me since the events of yesterday, yeah I know that sounds bad but I'm just trying to lay foundation or at least make her think a little bit about me, I don't want to jump right into her pants or anything, but she's really nice and we have a good deal in common.

Any advice on ways I can get myself stuck in her head in a positive way? I'm a good flirt, but she seems a little oblivious to that sort of thing.
If she's oblivious, be a little more direct. Not to be the rain on a parade, but I think it's a bit early to go for another relationship at this point. How many days has it been since you officially cut loose from your girlfriend - two? Three? You seemed pretty heavily committed, as well, and it also sounds like you're still sorting your feelings for her.

My advice would be to take two to three months before you jump back into the dating scene. Right now you're still going over your feelings for your ex-girlfriend, and more importantly, you're getting used to the idea of being single again. When I went through it, I found it painful. You know what it's like to be with someone intimately, yet now it's lost. You see it all around you in other couples, and every time you see it it's as if someone's stepping on your heart. You don't want to be alone anymore; you want that intimacy back in your life, perhaps whether you realize it or not. Perhaps as a result, you'll find someone and make them out to be more compatible and more attractive to you than you'd otherwise feel, partly as a result of wishful thinking.

There's a word for what I'm describing - "rebound." Nobody likes to be someone else's rebound, and I don't imagine that the committal types of people would like to perform a rebound, either (because once the confusion from the past relationship wears off, you'll feel like you've accumulated baggage and you're obligated to stick with it).

You don't have to take the advice, of course, but there it is. Even if you think that you find the absolute perfect girl, don't do anything more than make friends with her. Recognize that you are likely in a time of impaired judgment, and let time sort it out. Try to avoid making "heavy" decisions (or here, relationship-based decisions) during that time.

And sorry to be a downer - it probably isn't the type of thing you care to hear

Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Ledgem, the Jedi. You know it's forbidden for a jedi to get married, right
I didn't know that, actually. Well, it's a silly rule
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Old 2009-10-13, 23:12   Link #1879
Ricky Controversy
Frandle & Nightbag
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Actually, I'd take Ledgem's advice and go one step further: take some time to really appreciate being single. There are some advantages that being single has over being involved, and while you may be willing to trade the added freedom of time and mental energy, it's really best if you learn to appreciate the contrasting benefits early. This will help speed up your recovery process going forward, as it is much easier to get through a break-up when you can find the pleasures in being on your own again.

Take the time you'd spend with a significant other and spend it on yourself, or with some purely platonic friends. It'll be fun, I promise.
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Old 2009-10-14, 00:29   Link #1880
K_Babyy
Fullmetal Heart
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Florida
Age: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy View Post
Actually, I'd take Ledgem's advice and go one step further: take some time to really appreciate being single. There are some advantages that being single has over being involved, and while you may be willing to trade the added freedom of time and mental energy, it's really best if you learn to appreciate the contrasting benefits early. This will help speed up your recovery process going forward, as it is much easier to get through a break-up when you can find the pleasures in being on your own again.

Take the time you'd spend with a significant other and spend it on yourself, or with some purely platonic friends. It'll be fun, I promise.
Well said! That's exactly what I was thinking. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being single. You can still be happy and be single, just surround yourself with friends and family and you've got all the love right there. =] Just try and focus on yourself for a while, if someone special is meant to come into your life, then they will.
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