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Old 2009-10-14, 06:47   Link #1881
cheyannew
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Tossing my 2 cents in on the waiting to jump back into dating; rebounding is painful for all involved
Besides, you can hang out with (but not date) and eventually, when ready, maybe you'll have met someone who's compatible!

Honestly, I TOTALLY hadn't planned on dating my husband when I met him LOL he was my (now ex) brother in law's best friend of 20 years, and while he was attractive and nice and all, I'd lived w/ someone for a year when they suddenly dumped me (happy birthday to me THAT was, the day before my bday lol), so I was *NOT* looking to date anyone, much less seriously. But I got the chance to get to know him, no pressure or anything, and eventually, when I was ready (and he was, having left his abusive wife not horribly long before meeting me), then we could objectively make the choice to date (rather than just going "OMG need someone NOW!!!!"
And 13 years later... I guess that was the right choice
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Old 2009-10-14, 09:21   Link #1882
Kakashi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
Hell, for all you know she may be just acting oblivious, and is really paying attention to what kind of guy are you. Girls tend to be notorious at this sort of thing.
Yh, from what I hear girls are really good at this. Not all of them practice it, some are very open with their feelings, but a lot seem to be good at hiding them. It's almost impossible to tell, because, while they don't behave rudely in your presence, they will give off an air of indifference and never spare you a glance unless you force them to (by drawing their attention specifically).

These girls are quite interesting as they'll only let you know about it until a certain point is reached, which usually involves the guy taking the first step, but not always. Sometimes they'll never let you know their full feelings for you. The only way you eventually find out is thanks to a third party stepping in to clear things up, at least for the guy.

I guess one caveat is to be cautious you don't confuse girls who have no interest in you, with those who are feigning disinterest.

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Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
I'm more or less looking to plant a seed in her head
I enjoy the phraseology here.

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Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
I even punched her in the face once.
Nicccce

Last edited by Kakashi; 2009-10-14 at 09:31.
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Old 2009-10-14, 11:54   Link #1883
Shinoto
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No need to wait, Get on it while it's hot.

Rebounding is a word that carries such a negative stigma in dating, I prefer to call it moving on.
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Old 2009-10-14, 13:55   Link #1884
Narona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miyuki-ism View Post
No, they just control peoples mind.

"You wanna buy some death sticks?"

"You don't want to sell any death sticks." *Hand movement*

"I don't want to sell any death sticks."

"You want to go home and rethink your life."

"I want to go home and, rethink my life..." *walks away*
I thought so afterwards XD But it doesn't work on every people IIRC. It failed on Watto

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Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
I won't be surprised if the Sith can though, and of course they probably don't have any proscriptions for marriage and that sort of thing. Love leads to passion, passion leads to loss, loss leads to vengeance, and vengeance leads to the Dark Side.
I disagree with the Jedis though. Even without his love stories with padme, Anakin's soul wasn't all good I believe.

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Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
Awesome, keep it up for a while. Do the occasional little test to see how much more she's agreeable with, and step it up slowly from there. Eventually you want to get to the stage where she thinks nothing of you putting your arm around her shoulder or waist while she's talking in length about her thoughts and feelings; that's the point when you want to try and steer the conversation to a point where you can get an excuse to steal a kiss from her.

Of course, take my suggestion with a pinch of salt and skepticism; it's just as likely, like Narona is all too fond of reminding me, that it could backfire on you. You gotta be sharp as to the girl's nature, enough to figure out whether she'll take it well.
Well, the girls who dislike that are not all as violent as me Many of them would just reject the boy for good.

In my case, I'm part of the girls who consider that only one person (not family) has the right to touch them (husband), Those who don't follow the rules just ask to be killed

Hitagi from Bakemonogarati gave me some good ideas. Instead of slapping, kicking, punching etc. I should now use a staple on annoying boys

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Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
I didn't know that, actually. Well, it's a silly rule
Yup

Last edited by Narona; 2009-10-14 at 14:37.
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Old 2009-10-14, 14:57   Link #1885
Tsuyoshi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I thought so afterwards XD But it doesn't work on every people IIRC. It failed on Watto
It's been ages since I talked of Star Wars

The Jedi Mind Trick only works on people who're weak-minded or weak-willed. They are the easiest ones to influence. It's usually the alien species that are least susceptible to the technique, like Watto. Hutts also seem immune. Jabba called Luke out when he was using the mind trick on Bib Fortuna (his tentacle headed sidekick). Anakin also claimed that Padmè was immune and I'm taking his word for it. Droids are also immune because they're not living things and aren't connected to the force.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I disagree with the Jedis though. Even without his love stories with padme, Anakin's soul wasn't all good I believe.
The point is debatable. Imho, if Anakin never met Padmè the way he did, he may not have turned out all bad. Suppose Qui Gon won the argument and she had to stay in the ship when he left for Mos Eisley, Anakin never would've met her except as an aide to the queen (or who he thought was the queen). In which case he wouldn't have been infatuated with her. There's still the matter of his mom, but Anakin got over that eventually and he wouldn't have turned to the Dark Side permanently just for that. Padmè was the whole reason Anakin was turned. Take her out of the equation, and he would've learned control much better after what happened to the Tuskens.

Anyways, enough of that, this isn't the place for that

Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Well, the girls who dislike that are not all as violent as me Many of them would just reject the boy for good.

In my case, I'm part of the girls who consider that only one person (not family) has the right to touch them (husband), Those who don't follow the rules just ask to be killed

Hitagi from Bakemonogarati gave me some good ideas. Instead of slapping, kicking, punching etc. I should now use a staple on annoying boys
This is why I think a lot of girls are pretty scary. They have the wrong idols.



I can agree to this. It's not right for a guy to be dating someone who'se already going out with someone else, or at least I wouldn't find it right so I can understand where you're coming from.
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Old 2009-10-14, 15:10   Link #1886
Narona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo View Post
It's been ages since I talked of Star Wars

The Jedi Mind Trick only works on people who're weak-minded or weak-willed. They are the easiest ones to influence. It's usually the alien species that are least susceptible to the technique, like Watto. Hutts also seem immune. Jabba called Luke out when he was using the mind trick on Bib Fortuna (his tentacle headed sidekick). Anakin also claimed that Padmè was immune and I'm taking his word for it. Droids are also immune because they're not living things and aren't connected to the force.


The point is debatable. Imho, if Anakin never met Padmè the way he did, he may not have turned out all bad. Suppose Qui Gon won the argument and she had to stay in the ship when he left for Mos Eisley, Anakin never would've met her except as an aide to the queen (or who he thought was the queen). In which case he wouldn't have been infatuated with her. There's still the matter of his mom, but Anakin got over that eventually and he wouldn't have turned to the Dark Side permanently just for that. Padmè was the whole reason Anakin was turned. Take her out of the equation, and he would've learned control much better after what happened to the Tuskens.

Anyways, enough of that, this isn't the place for that
I'll not continue this offtopic here. I'll reply later on your profile

Quote:
This is why I think a lot of girls are pretty scary. They have the wrong idols.

I didn't wait for hitagi to react quite violently to some people behaviors. I dislike when people don't respect what i say, and so, don't respect me.

Quote:
I can agree to this. It's not right for a guy to be dating someone who'se already going out with someone else, or at least I wouldn't find it right so I can understand where you're coming from.
Uh? I was not talking about a case like that at all. In the case that I am talking about, whether the girl is single or not, no guy (other that the girl's fiancé/husband if she is not single) has the right to put a hand on her, and that includes friends.
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Old 2009-10-14, 15:21   Link #1887
Tsuyoshi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Uh? I was not talking about a case like that at all. In the case that I am talking about, whether the girl is single or not, no guy (other that the girl's fiancé/husband if she is not single) has the right to put a hand on her, and that includes friends.
Ah k, I see what you mean, sorry 'bout that
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Old 2009-10-14, 17:04   Link #1888
Ledgem
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shinoto View Post
No need to wait, Get on it while it's hot.

Rebounding is a word that carries such a negative stigma in dating, I prefer to call it moving on.
I don't really think it's moving on. You're replacing one girl with another to fill a void, not having given yourself any time to think about what happened and about your own feelings. I know that garbage stereotype about how men aren't supposed to talk or think about feelings is still pretty pervasive, but let's move beyond it.

On the other hand, I suppose that if you were never really emotionally attached to the girl you were dating then it wouldn't be a big deal to replace her with another right away. Sort of like how when a light bulb burns out you don't think twice about tossing it in the trash and screwing () in a new one. I'm not sure whether that's objectification of women or not taking dating seriously, but I guess it could arise from either.

It's probably not a shocker for me to write this, but I find such views disgusting.

Take time for yourself to get to know yourself better, figure out what went wrong and how you could have handled things differently (be it reconciling conflicts, or recognizing fatal incompatibilities sooner), what your expectations are and whether they're realistic... you know?
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Old 2009-10-14, 17:59   Link #1889
cheyannew
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shinoto View Post
No need to wait, Get on it while it's hot.
Rebounding is a word that carries such a negative stigma in dating, I prefer to call it moving on.
Lovely; let's perpetuate the "serial monogamy" mentality that's plaguing society as a whole. Goody gumdrops!

Seriously; I find it far healthier to wait, remember who you are WITHOUT someone else involved, and then meander about, because then you know what you want out of the relationship, and are not merely having someone there for the sake of having someone there (which is essentially, the serial monogamy mentality, which in my experience, generally results in a string of heartache and ofttimes legal/monetary issues when you're on your 5th or 6th marriage)

Now, there is a distinct difference between "rebounding" (ie, going into another relationship), and just playing, with no strings attached, oft called the 1 night stand and so on (though they can be for longer or whatever). Assuming all parties are safe, in agreement and there are no illusions/emotional issues, then said play arrangement is perfectly healthy. I believe that kind of arrangement is healthier than just jumping into another relationship, which can do more damage to the person as well as whoever they've pulled into the relationship.
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Old 2009-10-14, 18:04   Link #1890
stubby42
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It kind of got lost in the pages a little bit but I got a reply from the girl it wasnt what I wanted but I'm happy with it, she said it was great meeting me again, that she wants to be friends but she's not looking for a relationship right now and said that anyone else asking would get the same answer (she also gave me her phone number).

From what she told me whilst we were on the night out shes been going through alot of bad stuff (some of the things shes had to deal with I wish on no one) so it makes sense.

I know it wasnt what I was going for but i'm actually really happy, I stepped up to the plate and took a swing at bat, normally I'm sitting in the dugout waiting for something to happen.


Anyway I'm sort of back to being confused cause in her message she gave me her phone number and said she'd add me on facebook, I sent a text message back but she hasnt replied or added me as a friend.

What I said:

Hey ..... its phil, sorry only just got your message was on a late shift at work, no worries id really like to get to know you as a friend, I had an awesome time hanging out with you guys so il probably be up again soon Phil


I checked the number and its right so...

Did I come on too strong?
Should I of just sent a facebook message back?
Is it ok to send another message, this time on facebook? (it has been about a day)

I know I shouldnt be thinking about this at all but I'm coming up again at the start of november and they all hang around in a big group I dont want it to be wierd.

I also dont want to make the same mistakes with other girls (If I made any).

Thank you
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Old 2009-10-14, 21:04   Link #1891
Splitpersonality
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kakashi View Post
I enjoy the phraseology here.
It's one of my specialties


Quote:
Originally Posted by Kakashi View Post
Nicccce

I confused her voice for someone else's and I swung through a stage curtain :/



For the record, I didn't mean a heavy relationship, I'm pretty not ready for that... I think I need something light to feel through and see as a compassion to my past relationship, I need to see what my feelings were. I'm not looking to marry this girl, I'm looking to have fun, maybe go out to see if what I feel as a crush for this person is equal to what I felt for my girlfriend.
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Old 2009-10-14, 21:10   Link #1892
whitepearl
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Well, the date didn't go as well as the first.



Because I am OVER 9000 when it comes to awkward moments, there were a slew of them this evening. She and I may be destined to be just friends.
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Old 2009-10-14, 23:02   Link #1893
Quzor
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stubby42 View Post
It kind of got lost in the pages a little bit but I got a reply from the girl it wasnt what I wanted but I'm happy with it, she said it was great meeting me again, that she wants to be friends but she's not looking for a relationship right now and said that anyone else asking would get the same answer (she also gave me her phone number).

From what she told me whilst we were on the night out shes been going through alot of bad stuff (some of the things shes had to deal with I wish on no one) so it makes sense.

I know it wasnt what I was going for but i'm actually really happy, I stepped up to the plate and took a swing at bat, normally I'm sitting in the dugout waiting for something to happen.


Anyway I'm sort of back to being confused cause in her message she gave me her phone number and said she'd add me on facebook, I sent a text message back but she hasnt replied or added me as a friend.

What I said:

Hey ..... its phil, sorry only just got your message was on a late shift at work, no worries id really like to get to know you as a friend, I had an awesome time hanging out with you guys so il probably be up again soon Phil


I checked the number and its right so...

Did I come on too strong?
Should I of just sent a facebook message back?
Is it ok to send another message, this time on facebook? (it has been about a day)

I know I shouldnt be thinking about this at all but I'm coming up again at the start of november and they all hang around in a big group I dont want it to be wierd.

I also dont want to make the same mistakes with other girls (If I made any).

Thank you
I'd give it some time. Just as it took you time to get her message because of work, so may she have had a similar issue that is interfering with replying to you. I don't think the message "came on too strong," but I don't know if the whole comment about wanting to get to know her as a friend was necessary. In my mind, it seems like that might convey the idea that you're going to do what she wants, but will continue to pursue your own objectives as well, which I've found can be a turn-off. Either way, don't stress about it; just let the situation play out over the next couple days.
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Old 2009-10-15, 01:52   Link #1894
Throne Invader
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stubby42 View Post
It kind of got lost in the pages a little bit but I got a reply from the girl it wasnt what I wanted but I'm happy with it, she said it was great meeting me again, that she wants to be friends but she's not looking for a relationship right now and said that anyone else asking would get the same answer (she also gave me her phone number).

From what she told me whilst we were on the night out shes been going through alot of bad stuff (some of the things shes had to deal with I wish on no one) so it makes sense.

I know it wasnt what I was going for but i'm actually really happy, I stepped up to the plate and took a swing at bat, normally I'm sitting in the dugout waiting for something to happen.


Anyway I'm sort of back to being confused cause in her message she gave me her phone number and said she'd add me on facebook, I sent a text message back but she hasnt replied or added me as a friend.

What I said:

Hey ..... its phil, sorry only just got your message was on a late shift at work, no worries id really like to get to know you as a friend, I had an awesome time hanging out with you guys so il probably be up again soon Phil


I checked the number and its right so...

Did I come on too strong?
Should I of just sent a facebook message back?
Is it ok to send another message, this time on facebook? (it has been about a day)

I know I shouldnt be thinking about this at all but I'm coming up again at the start of november and they all hang around in a big group I dont want it to be wierd.

I also dont want to make the same mistakes with other girls (If I made any).

Thank you
That's a pretty good girl you have there stubby42. At least she still decided to be friends with you and keep in contact despite the confession of your feelings to her. She even offered to add you on facebook. Some girls would just stir up conclusions and avoid contact.

It definitely isn't over yet stubby I'd say you still have chances of winning her heart. But she's probably the kind of girl that you have to spend time with. You have to nurture your relationship with her. You have to be patient and take things one step at a time. So you confessed already and she kinda turned you down. Is all hope lost? No

As for the texting thing I'd say she was just really really busy. Numerous circumstances can just pop up and make someone so busy they can't even sip a cup of coffee for 1 minute You also mentioned she had problems. Your text message was fine stubby. Nothing wrong with it. It didn't come on too strong at all

I don't really know her real personality but generally speaking, this kind of girl, in my opinion is someone worth going for. She probably has a good grasp on her priorities. My advice is just to to continue talking with her and nurturing your relationship. You seem like a pretty nice guy anyways stubby. Be careful not to do anything overboard too though. You don't wanna annoy her. Good luck!! and keep us updated in case you recognize any changes
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Old 2009-10-15, 12:04   Link #1895
Ledgem
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Originally Posted by stubby42 View Post
Anyway I'm sort of back to being confused cause in her message she gave me her phone number and said she'd add me on facebook, I sent a text message back but she hasnt replied or added me as a friend.
You didn't say anything weird, as far as I can tell. Just wait it out and don't worry. I've become terrible with responding to Facebook messages and I often don't add people back or reply until weekends, for example, although the activity can be sporadic. Even knowing that, I'll sometimes get antsy if someone takes more than a week to reply to me.

Just figure they're busy, and wait a bit... if a week or so passes and you really want, you could try another message. But you don't want to come off as fretting about it and overthinking it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
For the record, I didn't mean a heavy relationship, I'm pretty not ready for that... I think I need something light to feel through and see as a compassion to my past relationship, I need to see what my feelings were. I'm not looking to marry this girl, I'm looking to have fun, maybe go out to see if what I feel as a crush for this person is equal to what I felt for my girlfriend.
Admittedly I've always felt that the entire reason for dating is to test for potential long-term compatibility. You start out light, not particularly intending to marry the person right away but not intending to dump them either. If the relationship grows in a positive manner then your devotion deepens and you begin thinking long-term. If the relationship is bad, then you start thinking how to get out of it.

Of course, not all people do that. Some people seem to date for fun. I'd imagine that those sorts of relationships go in a manner similar to how I described, with the key difference being that if the relationship doesn't seem like something they'd want for life, they'll still stick with it unless it's really, really bad. Why? I don't know - maybe because it's something. To me it's a waste of time, as that's time you could spend meeting with and getting to know other potential mates for life, but that's the difference in mentality I suppose. Neither is better than the other.

Still, as I see it (from my limited vantage point and biased opinions) unless you're looking for a plaything or extremely short-term relationship, you'd be better off taking time for yourself. You may intend for it to just be a light relationship, but yours aren't the only desires that would be involved, nor can you predict or control what you might feel down the road. It's not certain disaster if you don't give yourself that time, of course. Good luck either way, and I hope that it all works out for you whichever decision you make.

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Originally Posted by whitepearl View Post
Because I am OVER 9000 when it comes to awkward moments, there were a slew of them this evening.
Stories, stories! We want to hear stories!
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Old 2009-10-15, 18:24   Link #1896
stubby42
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Quote:
You didn't say anything weird, as far as I can tell. Just wait it out and don't worry. I've become terrible with responding to Facebook messages and I often don't add people back or reply until weekends, for example, although the activity can be sporadic. Even knowing that, I'll sometimes get antsy if someone takes more than a week to reply to me.

Just figure they're busy, and wait a bit... if a week or so passes and you really want, you could try another message. But you don't want to come off as fretting about it and overthinking it.

Thanks man, to be honest I've kind of decided not to worry about it, like I said before I live 4 and a half hours away, theres no point worrying about it when shes made her position clear and the amount of times I'll actually see her will be sporadic at best.


Quote:
It definitely isn't over yet stubby I'd say you still have chances of winning her heart. But she's probably the kind of girl that you have to spend time with. You have to nurture your relationship with her. You have to be patient and take things one step at a time. So you confessed already and she kinda turned you down. Is all hope lost? No

I don't really know her real personality but generally speaking, this kind of girl, in my opinion is someone worth going for. She probably has a good grasp on her priorities. My advice is just to to continue talking with her and nurturing your relationship. You seem like a pretty nice guy anyways stubby. Be careful not to do anything overboard too though. You don't wanna annoy her. Good luck!! and keep us updated in case you recognize any changes
Thanks for the comment on being a nice guy and yeah she's awesome, we really connected whilst we were there, I just dont think shes ready for a relationship right now so maybe something will happen when shes in a better place but I dont want to dewl on it.

But yeah I'll keep you guys updated if anything happens.

Quote:
but I don't know if the whole comment about wanting to get to know her as a friend was necessary. In my mind, it seems like that might convey the idea that you're going to do what she wants, but will continue to pursue your own objectives as well, which I've found can be a turn-off.
Yeah I was kind of thinking that might of been the problem part of the message but I also kind of feel that I needed to say that I understood what she was after, maybe it didnt come out that way.

Anyway thanks everyone, theres nothing I can do without being needy and I dont want to be that guy so if she wants to be friends we'll be friends if not then thats fine too.
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Old 2009-10-15, 18:26   Link #1897
whitepearl
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post

Stories, stories! We want to hear stories!
Stopped by her place to chill before she had to go to her class...I ask about the flowers on the kitchen counter and they turned out to be from someone else she was seeing...

So rather than deceive me, she told me the truth...I was okay with it.
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Old 2009-10-15, 21:43   Link #1898
Otaku Emperor
Love Conquers All!
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
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Age: 19
I'm waiting for the right person.

I would want to be with someone who shares my interests (Anime or video games, preferably anime) and gives loads and loads of hugs.

And someone who is nice.

Looks dun matter.

But I have been kissed before ^ _ ^
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Old 2009-10-15, 22:24   Link #1899
Samari
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Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor View Post
I'm waiting for the right person.

I would want to be with someone who shares my interests (Anime or video games, preferably anime) and gives loads and loads of hugs.

And someone who is nice.

Looks dun matter.

But I have been kissed before ^ _ ^
Waiting for the right person? Ha, you're only 14...I think you definitely have some time to wait.
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Old 2009-10-15, 22:33   Link #1900
whitepearl
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And another piece of advice...that first girl you will meet will most likely not be the one.

To be specific...if things were not to work out...it is not the end of the world. You'll meet many, many people in your lifetime and each subsequent girl you meet will be better than the last.

It's a big world...don't think there is only one other girl literally.
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Last edited by whitepearl; 2009-10-15 at 22:37. Reason: So I can sound less callous lol
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