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Old 2009-10-21, 21:32   Link #2021
K_Babyy
Fullmetal Heart
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Florida
Age: 23
Wow, thank you very much for that.
It's gonna be tough, but I'm gonna try my hardest to act more mature when they treat me that way.

I know it may not be best for my daughter if I move out, but I told him that I will not be moving out until we can find all three of us health insurance along with him getting a better job. Right now, she's going to the best pediatricians in our town and I'm not moving out until I'm guaranteed that she will not have to leave there or until he has a higher income. I will also be putting everything that she needs first, I do not want my daughter to lack in anything that she needs and I will make sure that she doesn't, I promise.

I know that sneaking out to parties and getting pregnant in high school isn't showing them that I'm responsible, but keep in mind that that was more than a year ago and I've matured in so many different ways in that time, especially since I have my baby girl now.
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Old 2009-10-21, 22:08   Link #2022
eLcHaKeTeRo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K_Babyy View Post
Wow, thank you very much for that.
It's gonna be tough, but I'm gonna try my hardest to act more mature when they treat me that way.

I know it may not be best for my daughter if I move out, but I told him that I will not be moving out until we can find all three of us health insurance along with him getting a better job. Right now, she's going to the best pediatricians in our town and I'm not moving out until I'm guaranteed that she will not have to leave there or until he has a higher income. I will also be putting everything that she needs first, I do not want my daughter to lack in anything that she needs and I will make sure that she doesn't, I promise.

I know that sneaking out to parties and getting pregnant in high school isn't showing them that I'm responsible, but keep in mind that that was more than a year ago and I've matured in so many different ways in that time, especially since I have my baby girl now.
I wish I still lived with my parents, well not really @25 that would be creepy. What I'm trying to say is that growing up too fast is never a good thing. Seeing as you're a teenage mother you took a huge leap into "responsibility" having your parents helping you out by staying there longer is something you will quickly appreciate when you have to pay your own bills and such. Eventually you will be in your parent's place, try to understand what they are trying to do for you and your child. Sometimes being mature is also knowing when to take help graciously.
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Old 2009-10-21, 22:15   Link #2023
RadiantBeam
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K_Babyy View Post
Wow, thank you very much for that.
It's gonna be tough, but I'm gonna try my hardest to act more mature when they treat me that way.

I know it may not be best for my daughter if I move out, but I told him that I will not be moving out until we can find all three of us health insurance along with him getting a better job. Right now, she's going to the best pediatricians in our town and I'm not moving out until I'm guaranteed that she will not have to leave there or until he has a higher income. I will also be putting everything that she needs first, I do not want my daughter to lack in anything that she needs and I will make sure that she doesn't, I promise.

I know that sneaking out to parties and getting pregnant in high school isn't showing them that I'm responsible, but keep in mind that that was more than a year ago and I've matured in so many different ways in that time, especially since I have my baby girl now.
My cousin was only a few years older than you when she had her baby, and she stayed with her family for a number of years, and it helped her a lot in the long run. It isn't a bad thing to stay with your parents, even if they don't agree with some of their decisions. They love you a lot and they sound like they love your daughter, and they want what's best for both of you. Living with them until you're steady on your feet isn't a bad thing.
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Old 2009-10-21, 22:25   Link #2024
K_Babyy
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Join Date: Oct 2009
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I do understand what they are doing and how much they have done for my daughter and me, I'm so thankful and I know that if I moved out when I found out I was pregnant, I would've been in deep shit. I love them so much and I know they love me and Kendal, too. They're just making it to where it's almost unberable to be living with them. We never talk anymore, this disagreement between the three of us is ruining our relationship.

I want what I want and they want what they want, I'm willing and trying to meet in the middle somewhere, but they, on the otherhand, want me to get rid of Casey entirely when he has done absolutely nothing to deserve that. I don't want that, I love him. All I hope for is that someday they can understand that. This has been going on for almost three years now and nothing's changed, now that we have a daughter, it's gotten worse because he wants to see her all the time. It really bothers me when I ask if he can come over and one of them will say, "But didn't he just see her yesterday?" You'd think they would understand. She's his baby, he wants to be with her every minute of every day, but he can't always be with her because he "just saw her the other day." It's breaking my heart to see him wanting to be with her so badly and knowing how much of her life he's missing out on.

Moving out is probably not the best thing for me to do, I know that, but I just can't take it anymore.
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Old 2009-10-21, 22:33   Link #2025
RadiantBeam
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K_Babyy View Post
You'd think they would understand. She's his baby, he wants to be with her every minute of every day, but he can't always be with her because he "just saw her the other day." It's breaking my heart to see him wanting to be with her so badly and knowing how much of her life he's missing out on.
*dons devil's advocate cap yet again*

To be fair, I wouldn't be very happy either if my daughter fell in love with a boy who has the kind of past you've described, especially if she ended up pregnant with a little girl of her own. You love him a lot and he sounds like a sweet guy, but the past he has will always make people a little distrusting of him. Your parents love you, and they probably wanted you to marry a boy who had a large family, who could get a good job and support you, and they're genuinely concerned because of the past he's had and fearful that he might one day repeat that with you and your daughter. Have you ever actually sat down with your boyfriend and explained the whole situation to them? It would help a lot if you could get into a position where they come clean and you come clean.

Quote:
Moving out is probably not the best thing for me to do, I know that, but I just can't take it anymore.
Again I ask: have you talked to them? Have you seriously been forceful and told them to sit down, we're solving this thing once and for all? That's the best way to resolve this situation without any bloodshed or regrets, is to talk about it, honestly talk about it, and not let either of them walk away until you've reached a conclusion. It will be long, and painful, but if you want to be with your boyfriend and keep your parents in your daughter's life, you need to find a way to bury the hatchet or you'll never be happy. It's easy to say you can live on love, but the world is a much friendlier, brighter place when you have a family to fall back to for support.

*removes devil's advocate cap*

Again, I mean no offense.
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Old 2009-10-21, 22:46   Link #2026
K_Babyy
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None taken.

We've talked and talked about it and are still talking about it to this day. They know everything that has happened to him, he and his adoptive parents sat down with us and told us everthing about a year ago, but I've known for years. He's completed therapeutic programs with 3 or 4 different counselors (I'm not sure how many he saw) and they all agreed that he was over his past. Plus, in the past 8 years, since they've adopted him, he's done nothing to show that he wasn't.

They won't sit down and talk to me about my wanting to move out. When I say that I want to solve this, one of them will say, "The only way to solve this is for you to get rid of him." That's as far as I've gotten with that issue.

I know my parents are gonna love me no matter what I do, I just wish that they could be happy with what I do. Wouldn't that be nice?
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Old 2009-10-21, 22:52   Link #2027
RadiantBeam
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Originally Posted by K_Babyy View Post
None taken. They won't sit down and talk to me about my wanting to move out. When I say that I want to solve this, one of them will say, "The only way to solve this is for you to get rid of him." That's as far as I've gotten with that issue.
Hmmm....

What they're trying to do, from what I can tell, is dodge the issue. You mention moving out, they shift over to your boyfriend. Seems to me they're trying to distract you from what you really want to say to them.

I don't know how much good it will do you, but next time they do this, gently say "Mom, Dad, I'm not asking you about my boyfriend, I'm asking you about moving out" and every time they try to change the subject keep nudging them back to it. You have to be patient, this isn't the kind of thing a yelling match will solve. It will take time, but eventually you'll wear them down without losing them.

Quote:
I know my parents are gonna love me no matter what I do, I just wish that they could be happy with what I do. Wouldn't that be nice?
Would be nice, but it rarely ever happens, sadly. Parents will love you no matter what, but it doesn't mean they'll be happy about the things you do, especially when the things you do go against what they wanted for you. They honestly mean well.
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Old 2009-10-21, 23:13   Link #2028
Cinocard
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Quote:
I will also be putting everything that she needs first, I do not want my daughter to lack in anything that she needs and I will make sure that she doesn't, I promise.
Just be sure to have you and Casey properly talk to your parents when you start looking for a rent. It's critical.

Quote:
We never talk anymore, this disagreement between the three of us is ruining our relationship.
I think you need to somehow get these into their head:

1. What they do now is like: "you choose us, or you choose that punk" and put you in the hard spot.
2. Their action is totally useless against your relationship with Casey. They should know this, but they just refuse to see it. What I find surprising is how they can be so obstinate. It has been three years and they still haven't accept the fact that you wont leave Casey.


Quote:
I know that sneaking out to parties and getting pregnant in high school isn't showing them that I'm responsible, but keep in mind that that was more than a year ago and I've matured in so many different ways in that time, especially since I have my baby girl now.
The point is have your action ever shown others that you are mature, and how well? Because you made mistakes in the past, it is very hard to recover your parents trust.

Parents actually always are at an disadvantage in parent-child relationship, actually. Think about it. They always lose, and are always scared. When we cant take it anymore we can just say "whatever," but they cannot say it to us
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Old 2009-10-21, 23:40   Link #2029
K_Babyy
Fullmetal Heart
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Florida
Age: 23
I do believe that my actions have shown that I'm more mature. For one, I graduated from high school when I could've just thrown in the towel and gotten my GED. I was pregnant most of my senior year and it was hard as hell. I got dirty looks, bumped into all the time cause my stomach was so huge, and rude comments were constantly shot my way. I finished, probably missed a total of 4 days during the entire 9 months, and graduated with honors. Also, taking care of a baby full time, mostly by myself. Sure, my parents pay for most of it and my boyfriend and I help out where we can, but I'm the one who is taking care of her all day and all night. I hardly ever get to see my friends anymore and I never get to just go out and have fun, the last time I had a night out was prom which was back in May. I'm not complaining at all, I love my daugher more than anything and would never wish that I didn't have her, I'm just saying that for someone my age, being home all day with a baby is not what you normally would've had in mind. I'm starting college up in January though, to get certified in physical therapy assisting, so I'll get out of the house once in a while and see some old friends.
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Old 2009-10-21, 23:42   Link #2030
synaesthetic
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Parents will love you no matter what, but it doesn't mean they'll be happy about the things you do, especially when the things you do go against what they wanted for you. They honestly mean well.
I will have to disagree with that. Sometimes they really don't love you no matter what.

Because of my gender identity issues and sexual orientation, my family and I do not speak. I have not spoken to my mother in nearly eight years. They chose to disown me rather than come to terms with the fact that they, in fact, have a daughter who dates other women.

I would be careful about banking on the ideal that parents should always love their children, even if they do not agree with them. For me, the unpleasant truth was written quite starkly in blood.
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Old 2009-10-21, 23:43   Link #2031
K_Babyy
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Originally Posted by synaesthetic View Post
I will have to disagree with that. Sometimes they really don't love you no matter what.

Because of my gender identity issues and sexual orientation, my family and I do not speak. I have not spoken to my mother in nearly eight years. They chose to disown me rather than come to terms with the fact that they, in fact, have a daughter who dates other women.

I would be careful about banking on the ideal that parents should always love their children, even if they do not agree with them. For me, the unpleasant truth was written quite starkly in blood.
I am so sorry to hear that. =[
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Old 2009-10-21, 23:50   Link #2032
synaesthetic
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I don't deal with it easily. This time of year is the worst. Every holiday season I go into a depression, what with all my friends going to see their families, leaving me alone.

Perhaps if I had a partner, the beginnings of a family of my own, it would be less painful, but I'm too busy trying to survive in this shithole economy, much less date and have the money to be a social adult.
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Old 2009-10-22, 00:14   Link #2033
Cinocard
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Quote:
I do believe that my actions have shown that I'm more mature.
Oh, I believe you are. But the path to regain someone trust is long and painful. I can only wish you good luck

Well as I said, the problem is not who are right, you or they. It is already too late when we can prove that.

Your parents are so obstinate. They refuse to believe that their action against your relationship is useless. You need to change their mindset to: "It's all useless. My daughter won't fix her mistake. Then as a parents, I will have to help her suffer less from that mistake." And that is by supporting you and Casey.

Quote:
They chose to disown me rather than come to terms with the fact that they, in fact, have a daughter who dates other women.
I'm earnestly sad, for their ego is greater than the love and bond you and they share.

Quote:
Every holiday season I go into a depression, what with all my friends going to see their families, leaving me alone.
Well I guess it's still fortunate for some of us Japanese still makes anime during American's holiday
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Old 2009-10-22, 01:34   Link #2034
Miko Miko
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Hello Again.. Diff sort of Q This Time.

Okayy so I REALLY fancy this guy.. but he is so touchy with other girls. I am unsure if I should go for it or not. He is sweet and good looking but meh.. I dont know. He said he'd get with me but I dont know.
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Old 2009-10-22, 02:53   Link #2035
Ascaloth
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miko Miko View Post
Hello Again.. Diff sort of Q This Time.

Okayy so I REALLY fancy this guy.. but he is so touchy with other girls. I am unsure if I should go for it or not. He is sweet and good looking but meh.. I dont know. He said he'd get with me but I dont know.
Your emotional side is telling you the guy is hot, and you fancy him. Your rational side is telling you that he's suspiciously touchy, and a question mark with regards to his character.

In the absence of additional information about this guy, I would think the choice is obvious. Don't be so quick to get with him until you're more sure about the guy, Imouto-chan.

(That said, I think Narona-chan is going to stamp me with the "Pot-Kettle-Black" label for stealing a kiss from an unsuspecting lady....)
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Old 2009-10-22, 04:09   Link #2036
Kusa-San
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miko Miko View Post
Hello Again.. Diff sort of Q This Time.

Okayy so I REALLY fancy this guy.. but he is so touchy with other girls. I am unsure if I should go for it or not. He is sweet and good looking but meh.. I dont know. He said he'd get with me but I dont know.
As Ascaloth said, you need to know him better. If you want a serious relationship with him don't rush thing until you're sure that you'll be happy with him.
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Old 2009-10-22, 04:43   Link #2037
Throne Invader
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miko Miko View Post
Hello Again.. Diff sort of Q This Time.

Okayy so I REALLY fancy this guy.. but he is so touchy with other girls. I am unsure if I should go for it or not. He is sweet and good looking but meh.. I dont know. He said he'd get with me but I dont know.
Have you gotten to know him well? How is he touchy? If it's only a pat on the back or on the shoulder of other girls, I don't see what's wrong. If it's somewhere else, don't go for him.

You'll have to describe him more though. People can start out as sweet and nice in the beginning. As you go through experiences together, your impressions of that person won't be the same. And he just simply said he'd get with you? How long have you known him?
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Old 2009-10-22, 05:32   Link #2038
Narona
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Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
(That said, I think Narona-chan is going to stamp me with the "Pot-Kettle-Black" label for stealing a kiss from an unsuspecting lady....)
I admit that reading the thoughts of a suspicious kiss-stealer boy who's sharing his suspicions about another suspicious boy is funny

Spoiler for .:
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Old 2009-10-22, 09:51   Link #2039
Ledgem
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Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I admit that reading the thoughts of a suspicious kiss-stealer boy who's sharing his suspicions about another suspicious boy is funny
As the saying goes, it takes one to know one

(Just kidding, Ascaloth - you may have stolen a kiss, but it was classy and not thievery.)
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Old 2009-10-22, 16:14   Link #2040
Narona
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Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
(Just kidding, Ascaloth - you may have stolen a kiss, but it was classy and not thievery.)
Ya ya, as classy as James bond. But, Ascaloth, you should not act like James, don't play with the girls' feelings

Last edited by Narona; 2009-10-22 at 18:09.
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