Dating

[Crusader]

I have seen this thread and i am in need of some advice!

I am a loner type person, and it's hard for me to make the connection im looking for. I usually get pushed to the close friends position, some one to come to for advice(which is usually good advice). I have yet to make the clencher, or when i do, it's girls that just ain't my type or maybe i expect too much.

By clencher i don't mean sex, because thats not what i'm about. I mean the "yes i will go out with you" clencher.

it scares me a bit that i'm actually ok being single, perhaps its my working enviroment, where everyone is married, and im the only single person. maybe these "spouse stories " are wearing me down as i do not have one to give, just "my ex" stories, which are amusedly far and in between lol.

I'm a very content person, i don't require much of anything, so I guess what i'm asking is how do i break that reclusive loner mode that has become me? I could ask my close friends but their advice doesn't quite suit what i'm going for.

any serious advice would suffice or pm i you want im open to almost anything. I'm attempting a slight make over of myself. Thanks in advace.

[LeoXiao]

Originally Posted by Crusader

I have seen this thread and i am in need of some advice!

I am a loner type person, and it's hard for me to make the connection im looking for. I usually get pushed to the close friends position, some one to come to for advice(which is usually good advice). I have yet to make the clencher, or when i do, it's girls that just ain't my type or maybe i expect too much.

By clencher i don't mean sex, because thats not what i'm about. I mean the "yes i will go out with you" clencher.

it scares me a bit that i'm actually ok being single, perhaps its my working enviroment, where everyone is married, and im the only single person. maybe these "spouse stories " are wearing me down as i do not have one to give, just "my ex" stories, which are amusedly far and in between lol.

I'm a very content person, i don't require much of anything, so I guess what i'm asking is how do i break that reclusive loner mode that has become me? I could ask my close friends but their advice doesn't quite suit what i'm going for.

any serious advice would suffice or pm i you want im open to almost anything. I'm attempting a slight make over of myself. Thanks in advace.

You probably don't have to change yourself that's much to get a serious girlfriend. You probably just need to be more open and let people know what kind of person you are. If there's someone who likes your kind of personality around you, you will have a chance of getting to know them better, but ONLY if you actually make some efforts to talk to them.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Crusader

I have seen this thread and i am in need of some advice!

I am a loner type person, and it's hard for me to make the connection im looking for. I usually get pushed to the close friends position, some one to come to for advice(which is usually good advice). I have yet to make the clencher, or when i do, it's girls that just ain't my type or maybe i expect too much.

By clencher i don't mean sex, because thats not what i'm about. I mean the "yes i will go out with you" clencher.

it scares me a bit that i'm actually ok being single, perhaps its my working enviroment, where everyone is married, and im the only single person. maybe these "spouse stories " are wearing me down as i do not have one to give, just "my ex" stories, which are amusedly far and in between lol.

I'm a very content person, i don't require much of anything, so I guess what i'm asking is how do i break that reclusive loner mode that has become me? I could ask my close friends but their advice doesn't quite suit what i'm going for.

any serious advice would suffice or pm i you want im open to almost anything. I'm attempting a slight make over of myself. Thanks in advace.

In the case of your female friends, have you ever tried to ask one of your friends out? Or do you wait for the girls to ask it to you?

You may be scared to lose a friend by doing that (correct me if I'm wrong), but wonder if it worths taking the risk. If you're interested in one of your friends, and if you know that she is single, what about trying?

I know it' easy to say XD But there's little chance that something will happen if you just sit down and wait, and if the girls around you are not the kind to confess/ask men out ^^

[Jinto]

Originally Posted by Maji

...
If you see some of these signs, their arm, slightly above the elbow is ok when you have to lean in to talk to them, if you're in a crowded and loud place for instance. ...

best of luck! ;3

A loud and crowded place aka club is actually a very good idea.

Spoiler for Why:

For example, first you'ld start dancing with the girl maintaining a normal distance to each other (whatever normal means is up to you). No words needed it is loud anyway. So what actually is important now is body language. For example there is a difference between staring in her eyes and looking in her eyes (I guess its a matter of timing... at the beginning I'ld actually not focus her eyes, rather trying to look through her at the crowd behind her and sometimes "accidentally" looking straight into her eyes). Ocassionally smiling at her won't hurt either (if it comes accross natural - for instance someone pushed you/her which made the dancing a little more intimate for a second can very well be quitted with a smile). After some time and a little bit of luck the dj might play something like rnb/soul... which allows to dance closer naturally, but shrinking the distance is a matter of mutual agreement. Now since the place is growded there are several ocassions where dancing close together becomes a quasi necessity for a short time (no need to misuse the circumstance for much longer then necessary). If there are several such incidents, both might agree to just dance together very close for several minutes (hours?).

Originally Posted by Narona

You don't need to absolutely get physical with girls to hit on some of them (at least at the beginning), y'know.

Still, the problem of - how to initialize getting physical - cannot be avoided somewhen. And to do it in a non-awkward way is often not easy at all.

Originally Posted by Narona

Objection. There are a few. I am one of them. Friend or not, they don't have that right and I point out everytime when it happens. Beside "accident" that i could understand (even if my Radar works quite well when men try to "create" accidents ), they better have a good reason if they do it

Don't ask for a particular reason, there is not any in particular beside that they don't have that right. Period.

But be careful once you made it your life's philosophy you might feel awkward if you actually found the one for you but cannot deal with the new situation.
Actually it feels awkward to give you such an advice...

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Jinto

Still, the problem of - how to initialize getting physical - cannot be avoided somewhen. And to do it in a non-awkward way is often not easy at all.

There's people who start getting physical once they start dating a person (so after the confession). That way it might be seen as less awkward.

Or on the opposite, you can try the Ascaloth-Kamikaze-Style (Joking aside, Ascaloth proved that it can work)

But be careful once you made it your life's philosophy you might feel awkward if you actually found the one for you but cannot deal with the new situation.
Actually it feels awkward to give you such an advice...

Not at all You just worry a bit, that's nice of you

You should not worry though ;-)

[Crusader]

Originally Posted by LeoXiao

You probably don't have to change yourself that's much to get a serious girlfriend. You probably just need to be more open and let people know what kind of person you are. If there's someone who likes your kind of personality around you, you will have a chance of getting to know them better, but ONLY if you actually make some efforts to talk to them.

Humour me, but It's easy to talk to someone who is of a less moral stripe than myself, but i find it so much harder when they are morally higher than myself in thier beliefs. What's more i have a thing for women who are strong minded, but usually end up with many who have self esteem issues,but i totally understand what you're saying.

Originally Posted by Narona

In the case of your female friends, have you ever tried to ask one of your friends out? Or do you wait for the girls to ask it to you?

You may be scared to lose a friend by doing that (correct me if I'm wrong), but wonder if it worths taking the risk. If you're interested in one of your friends, and if you know that she is single, what about trying?

I know it' easy to say XD But there's little chance that something will happen if you just sit down and wait, and if the girls around you are not the kind to confess/ask men out ^^

I value all of my female friends, but it's ruined at least one friendship. I told her how I felt, but it was super akward for both of us and the last time we were together there was a bunch of akward silences, and it as never been the same for us.

As for the asking out men... hmm i hadn't thought about that. *looks behind me and there's a closet door* lol im kidding of course. But i appreciate the advice.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Crusader

I value all of my female friends, but it's ruined at least one friendship. I told her how I felt, but it was super akward for both of us and the last time we were together there was a bunch of akward silences, and it as never been the same for us.

That's one of the risks, but look at it the other way, if it had worked out, it could have been the beginning of something good. I don't think you should see what you've done just as a mistake.

As for the asking out men... hmm i hadn't thought about that. *looks behind me and there's a closet door* lol im kidding of course. But i appreciate the advice.

Misunderstanding ftl

I meant that if the girls around you are the type of girls "who never confess first and wait to be asked out by men", then you should try to do the first step, because there's less chance that a girl will ask you out.

Sorry if my previous reply was not clear enough

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Narona

Or on the opposite, you can try the Ascaloth-Kamikaze-Style (Joking aside, Ascaloth proved that it can work)

You make it sound like I'm such a crazy shit.

And seriously, I wouldn't advise this course of action unless you're absolutely sure that the girl has the kind of personality who can take it well, whatever the result.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

You make it sound like I'm such a crazy shit.

False accusations! I didn't mean it like that, I swear!

*runs*

And seriously, I wouldn't advise this course of action unless you're absolutely sure that the girl has the kind of personality who can take it well, whatever the result.

Evaluating the risks, like

- 95% of success
- 4% that she could slap me.
- 1% that she could use a dangerous object that could kill me

I see... i see

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Narona

Evaluating the risks, like

- 95% of success
- 4% that she could slap me.
- 1% that she could use a dangerous object that could kill me

I see... i see

LOL something like that, though I would also include the chance that she would reject me gracefully without resorting to violence. Of course, granted that stealing kisses is a particularly bold tactic (nominee for understatement of the year? ), one might think the chances of a girl rejecting a guy who did that without slapping him might be rather low.

Anyway, talking about the girl, update on my situation:

She's getting stressed over her schoolwork the last few days. What are the things I can do to help her get over this tough period? :3

[Dextro]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

She's getting stressed over her schoolwork the last few days. What are the things I can do to help her get over this tough period? :3

I would say give her time and space to finish whatever she needs to finish but be present if she needs to talk, let out steam or just go out to unwind and wants your company. I find that when people are stressed one should let them cool off and if you try to be too pro-active you might just stress the person even more.

[0utf0xZer0]

Originally Posted by Crusader

I value all of my female friends, but it's ruined at least one friendship. I told her how I felt, but it was super akward for both of us and the last time we were together there was a bunch of akward silences, and it as never been the same for us.

Did she ever have a chance to really explain her feelings on the matter to you?

The only time I've confessed to a girl, she had enough trouble coming up with a response that I simply changed the subject after a bit just to save us the awkwardness. I then let her organize her thoughts - basically that she didn't feel she knew me that well yet - via e-mail. Seemed to do the trick because she actually seemed more comfortable around me last time we met than prior to the confession, although that may have just been because there were less people she didn't know around than where I'd met her previously.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

LOL something like that, though I would also include the chance that she would reject me gracefully without resorting to violence. Of course, granted that stealing kisses is a particularly bold tactic (nominee for understatement of the year? ), one might think the chances of a girl rejecting a guy who did that without slapping him might be rather low.

She's getting stressed over her schoolwork the last few days. What are the things I can do to help her get over this tough period? :3

Let her know that if she needs to talk, you'll be there for her.

She doesn't work all the time, does she? You could organize a date in which she could have fun and relieve from her stress. A picnic, or if you have a bit more money, an afternoon in a place like an amusement park or something like that

[Crusader]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

Anyway, talking about the girl, update on my situation:

She's getting stressed over her schoolwork the last few days. What are the things I can do to help her get over this tough period? :3

I can work some times, but have you ever offered to help her on her work? Sometimes it can get overwhelming and an extra hand or mind could ease some of the stress.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Crusader

I can work some times, but have you ever offered to help her on her work? Sometimes it can get overwhelming and an extra hand or mind could ease some of the stress.

That depends usually on how much you know the work you want to help her with. Trying to do that might be more of a hinderance if you don't understand it.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Dextro

I would say give her time and space to finish whatever she needs to finish but be present if she needs to talk, let out steam or just go out to unwind and wants your company. I find that when people are stressed one should let them cool off and if you try to be too pro-active you might just stress the person even more.

Hmmm, alright. I'll keep that in mind. Thanks.

Originally Posted by Narona

Let her know that if she needs to talk, you'll be there for her.

She doesn't work all the time, does she? You could organize a date in which she could have fun and relieve from her stress. A picnic, or if you have a bit more money, an afternoon in a place like an amusement park or something like that

Already did that; we went to watch MJ last Friday night (and get some alone time while at it. ), and we have a date for a Maksim concert coming up. I'm not sure what else we can do though, since our schedules are kind of in the way.

Originally Posted by Crusader

I can work some times, but have you ever offered to help her on her work? Sometimes it can get overwhelming and an extra hand or mind could ease some of the stress.

Did that last night too, helped her make adjustments to her English in her essay. Unfortunately, since she's studying a different major from me, and that the bulk of her problems is that her assignments is getting in the way of her studying French, there's precious little I can do since I don't know French or Vietnamese.

[Cinocard]

Did that last night too, helped her make adjustments to her English in her essay. Unfortunately, since she's studying a different major from me, and that the bulk of her problems is that her assignments is getting in the way of her studying French, there's precious little I can do since I don't know French or Vietnamese.

What is her major to have problems with French and Vietnamese at the same time?

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Cinocard

What is her major to have problems with French and Vietnamese at the same time?

No no.....her native language is Vietnamese. She knows some English but has to translate Vietnamese to English in her mind, and she's also studying French in the meantime. So the problem is, she has a crapload of essays to be written in English that she has trouble translating from her native language, and it is these assignments that is preventing her from studying for her French.

But, eh. Not like you needed to know that much.

[Timdog]

Originally Posted by Narona

Explain? Is it because you have a particular girl in mind, or are you just driven by hormones? Be careful to not see girls as object you just want to "touch"

Both right now. I have a particular girl in mind (one of my close friends) and in general I just can't stop thinking about them. It really is an obsession right now and literally 95% of my thoughts are directed towards girls. Even when I'm focusing on my school studies, I still have these thoughts all the time.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Timdog

Both right now. I have a particular girl in mind (one of my close friends) and in general I just can't stop thinking about them. It really is an obsession right now and literally 95% of my thoughts are directed towards girls. Even when I'm focusing on my school studies, I still have these thoughts all the time.

All depends on what you expect from the girls. Just don't forget that there are human too, with feelings and all. Even if many girls from the young generations are more open to short relationships, most of them also think that the presence of sincere feelings are important (well, it was a french study, maybe the US girls are different XD )

If you want to just spend a one night stand with a girl, then... why not going to the red light district?

Joking aside, on the opposite, if you seek a relationship with a girl (short or long lasting), try to think with your head first, and not only with your pants XD I know it's easy to say, but don't let your common sense being too much blurred by your hormonal needs.