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Old 2009-11-08, 14:30   Link #2141
Narona
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Originally Posted by Timdog View Post
Even if I occupy myself with something else, it's like I can't get it out of my head. There's always that frustrating feeling back there and sometimes it "bubbles over" and I get really depressed for a bit. It's always there. It actually is screwing with everything I do since I can NOT stop thinking about it, during schoolwork, while exercising, while I'm hanging out with friends, while I'm doing something creative, etc. It's probably just going to be there until I actually get that first kiss/lose my virginity. I know this really isn't normal but I REALLY can't stop obsessing over this issue. It's like my life revolves around it now. I can't enjoy anything anymore because of it. Which I'm sure also ironically ends up affecting my progress with girls as well.
I am a blunt person, so don't read this if you know you will dislike my comment

Spoiler for I warned you:


To be obsessed to that extend, I am not a boy so maybe most boys your age are like you, but you really go far. You might want to try to consult a psychiatrist? There's no shame in doing it.
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Old 2009-11-08, 14:38   Link #2142
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He's trying dammit, and psychiatrists are expensive.
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Old 2009-11-08, 14:44   Link #2143
Kusa-San
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Humm I think the first step is to talk to this to your parent, then ask them if you can see a psychologist. Serioulsy, I'm more for a psychologist than a psychiatrist. So try first a psychologist and if it doesn't work then go see a psychatrist.
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Old 2009-11-08, 14:59   Link #2144
Narona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kakashi
He's trying dammit, and psychiatrists are expensive.
Ah... In france there's the social insurance for the people who consult...

It might happen in the USA too if Obama's Healthcare plan passes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kusa-San View Post
Humm I think the first step is to talk to this to your parent, then ask them if you can see a psychologist. Serioulsy, I'm more for a psychologist than a psychiatrist. So try first a psychologist and if it doesn't work then go see a psychatrist.
I don't know. Pshychiatrists do the medecine school, not the psychologist (you can check it here: http://www.doctissimo.fr/html/psycho..._consulter.htm )

So they might be more competent than a psychologist. But i could be wrong, I never consulted any.

The psychoanalysts on the other hand should be avoided (you didn't talk about it but i just give the infos) cos they can work without any diploma, and there's no refund from the social insurance when you consult them.
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Old 2009-11-08, 15:00   Link #2145
Samari
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Originally Posted by Timdog View Post
Even if I occupy myself with something else, it's like I can't get it out of my head. There's always that frustrating feeling back there and sometimes it "bubbles over" and I get really depressed for a bit. It's always there. It actually is screwing with everything I do since I can NOT stop thinking about it, during schoolwork, while exercising, while I'm hanging out with friends, while I'm doing something creative, etc. It's probably just going to be there until I actually get that first kiss/lose my virginity. I know this really isn't normal but I REALLY can't stop obsessing over this issue. It's like my life revolves around it now. I can't enjoy anything anymore because of it. Which I'm sure also ironically ends up affecting my progress with girls as well.
Man up and don't let it bother you. This kind of attitude is not only demoralizing to yourself but to a future partner. You wouldn't want your significant other to be your sun to your universe. Clingy = bad. This really shows you don't have much confidence as an individual if you are worrying about girls this much. You're most likely a young buck, you're going to go through a lot of phases in life and most likely will have several girlfriends here and there just like everyone else on Earth. Your time will come. Seriously don't worry about it. The more you worry, the worse things will get.
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Old 2009-11-08, 15:06   Link #2146
cheyannew
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Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Ah... In france there's the social insurance for the people who consult...

It might happen in the USA too if Obama's Healthcare plan passes


I don't know. Pshychiatrists do the medecine school, not the psychologist (you can check it here: http://www.doctissimo.fr/html/psycho..._consulter.htm )

So they might be more competent than a psychologist. But i could be wrong, I never consulted any.

The psychoanalysts on the other hand should be avoided (you didn't talk about it but i just give the infos) cos they can work without any diploma, and there's no refund from the social insurance when you consult them.
Psychologists are (generally) as competent as psychiatrists; just choose to not go the medicinal route.

Thus why I chose to pursue psychology instead of psychiatry; I use a more holistic approach to ailments and whatnot, so the lean towards counseling as opposed to prescribing meds appealed to me
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Old 2009-11-08, 15:13   Link #2147
Kusa-San
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Yes the only difference between a psychologist and a psychatrist is that the second can use medicament that's all. And I think the psychatrist is more expansive too (but I'm not 100% certain )
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Old 2009-11-08, 17:37   Link #2148
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Originally Posted by Kusa-San View Post
Yes the only difference between a psychologist and a psychatrist is that the second can use medicament that's all. And I think the psychatrist is more expansive too (but I'm not 100% certain )
Depends on who is charging. Government practitioners cost less than private ones.

Mental medicine is always expensive. I went through counselling sessions worth $50 per session, and that isn't cheap considering how that much can feed you for an entire month.

Psychiatric treatment can be more expensive due to medication costs, but psychoanalysis reports and testing (inclusive of IQ, EQ, mental stability, lodging for stay-in monitoring) can outstrip the cost of the former easily too.
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Old 2009-11-08, 18:32   Link #2149
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Timdog View Post
Even if I occupy myself with something else, it's like I can't get it out of my head. There's always that frustrating feeling back there and sometimes it "bubbles over" and I get really depressed for a bit. It's always there. It actually is screwing with everything I do since I can NOT stop thinking about it, during schoolwork, while exercising, while I'm hanging out with friends, while I'm doing something creative, etc. It's probably just going to be there until I actually get that first kiss/lose my virginity. I know this really isn't normal but I REALLY can't stop obsessing over this issue. It's like my life revolves around it now. I can't enjoy anything anymore because of it. Which I'm sure also ironically ends up affecting my progress with girls as well.
To be completely honest, I think you might have a problem here. Being so obsessive about girls isn't this healthy, at least not from what I know. Have you tried talking to anyone about it?
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Old 2009-11-08, 18:39   Link #2150
cheyannew
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Originally Posted by Timdog View Post
Even if I occupy myself with something else, it's like I can't get it out of my head. There's always that frustrating feeling back there and sometimes it "bubbles over" and I get really depressed for a bit. It's always there. It actually is screwing with everything I do since I can NOT stop thinking about it, during schoolwork, while exercising, while I'm hanging out with friends, while I'm doing something creative, etc. It's probably just going to be there until I actually get that first kiss/lose my virginity. I know this really isn't normal but I REALLY can't stop obsessing over this issue. It's like my life revolves around it now. I can't enjoy anything anymore because of it. Which I'm sure also ironically ends up affecting my progress with girls as well.
I have to agree with others in that this is not healthy, but perhaps looking at WHY you're obsessing over it so much would do some good.

Why are you so concerned with your virginity or intimate experience? Are you trying to keep up with friends who have gone ahead of you in this situation? Does your personal self-worth somehow link to your ability to seduce those of the opposite sex? Do you feel like you're failing somewhere if you do not have a partner in your life?

Those and other questions are things you should be asking yourself, and likely will for most of your life. Up until you're an independent adult (hell, for a good while after that TBH), you're still trying to figure out who you are, and it's an easy pit to fall into: linking your personal self-wroth with your ability to have/keep a partner. But in reality, if you're not confident in who YOU are (sexually active or not or whatever) you won't be able to go ahead and grow as a person, much less have a healthy relationship with someone else.

So sit down and seriously ask yourself WHY this is so important to you?

The answer might go a long way in helping you smooth things out
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Old 2009-11-08, 18:42   Link #2151
Timdog
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
To be completely honest, I think you might have a problem here. Being so obsessive about girls isn't this healthy, at least not from what I know. Have you tried talking to anyone about it?
Only one of my close friends, but she thinks it will just pass. I really am considering going to my school's counseling services or something but it just sounds so lame going in and saying I feel bad because I feel frustrated with girls. It's not a REAL problem and I know that but it still affects me this way.

I also need to stay away from alcohol and going out to parties because those just make it worse (alcohol and its depressant properties make me feel VERY depressed, even a bit suicidal sometimes, and parties just make it worse since I see all these couples hooking up and such). I actually decided today that I'm not going to drink again until i get this solved since it always ends up badly when I drink.
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Old 2009-11-08, 18:45   Link #2152
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Originally Posted by cheyannew View Post
I have to agree with others in that this is not healthy, but perhaps looking at WHY you're obsessing over it so much would do some good.

Why are you so concerned with your virginity or intimate experience? Are you trying to keep up with friends who have gone ahead of you in this situation? Does your personal self-worth somehow link to your ability to seduce those of the opposite sex? Do you feel like you're failing somewhere if you do not have a partner in your life?

Those and other questions are things you should be asking yourself, and likely will for most of your life. Up until you're an independent adult (hell, for a good while after that TBH), you're still trying to figure out who you are, and it's an easy pit to fall into: linking your personal self-wroth with your ability to have/keep a partner. But in reality, if you're not confident in who YOU are (sexually active or not or whatever) you won't be able to go ahead and grow as a person, much less have a healthy relationship with someone else.

So sit down and seriously ask yourself WHY this is so important to you?

The answer might go a long way in helping you smooth things out
I already know the answer to these questions: I feel like I'm below everyone since not a SINGLE person has EVER saw me as more than just a friend (lots of people see me as a friend but never anything more). I feel like such a failure because of this since EVERYONE I know (even the idiotic assholes who everyone hates) has had something happen. And the thing is, everyone thinks I SHOULD have had something happen by now but it just hasn't so I feel like there has to be something really wrong with me.

Also the fact that I was used a lot in HS by girls for jokes probably doesn't help. They would lead me on to think I like them then go giggling to their friends and comment on how stupid I was. Needless to say, I hated a lot of HS (haven't encountered any of this in college so far).
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Old 2009-11-08, 18:47   Link #2153
cheyannew
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Originally Posted by Timdog View Post
I really am considering going to my school's counseling services or something but it just sounds so lame going in and saying I feel bad because I feel frustrated with girls. It's not a REAL problem and I know that but it still affects me this way.
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!


If something is affecting how you function, then it IS a "real problem".

You may think it's less important than someone who is dealing with, say, a parent's death, but it IS a real problem. One which can affect your emotional development and mental well being.

Therefore, I WOULD encourage you to contact a school counselor; that's what they're there for :P They have had training to handle teen issues and may be able to shed some light on WHY you're so affected.
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Old 2009-11-08, 18:48   Link #2154
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Timdog View Post
I really am considering going to my school's counseling services or something but it just sounds so lame going in and saying I feel bad because I feel frustrated with girls. It's not a REAL problem and I know that but it still affects me this way.
Actually, I think you'd be surprised. If you go to someone and explain just as you've explained it here on this thread, you'll definitely be taken seriously. It could be a hint at a bigger problem that you don't even know about, especially if you've talked to someone else about it and it still hasn't passed. I really think you need to talk to a professional about this, because it sounds like it's starting to cause you some real problems.
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Old 2009-11-08, 18:50   Link #2155
cheyannew
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Originally Posted by Timdog View Post
I already know the answer to these questions: I feel like I'm below everyone since not a SINGLE person has EVER saw me as more than just a friend (lots of people see me as a friend but never anything more). I feel like such a failure because of this since EVERYONE I know (even the idiotic assholes who everyone hates) has had something happen. And the thing is, everyone thinks I SHOULD have had something happen by now but it just hasn't so I feel like there has to be something really wrong with me.

Also the fact that I was used a lot in HS by girls for jokes probably doesn't help. They would lead me on to think I like them then go giggling to their friends and comment on how stupid I was. Needless to say, I hated a lot of HS (haven't encountered any of this in college so far).

Why is anything wrong with you? Because you're not jumping into bed with everyone you can?

We should all have that issue :P Your worth is not (or should not) be linked to how many people you've dated, slept with or whatever. TBH and harshly blunt, the only person's opinion you should give a rat's arse about is YOURS. If someone teases you for not having a girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever, just shrug. Why? Because in the time they're sleeping with everything they can, you're building yourself into a mature, self sufficient human being, who will make a more appropriate mate for someone in the long term.

And yes, I'm using large generalizations, but you should get the point.
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Old 2009-11-08, 19:36   Link #2156
Narona
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Originally Posted by Timdog View Post
I already know the answer to these questions: I feel like I'm below everyone since not a SINGLE person has EVER saw me as more than just a friend (lots of people see me as a friend but never anything more). I feel like such a failure because of this since EVERYONE I know (even the idiotic assholes who everyone hates) has had something happen. And the thing is, everyone thinks I SHOULD have had something happen by now but it just hasn't so I feel like there has to be something really wrong with me.

Also the fact that I was used a lot in HS by girls for jokes probably doesn't help. They would lead me on to think I like them then go giggling to their friends and comment on how stupid I was. Needless to say, I hated a lot of HS (haven't encountered any of this in college so far).
http://www.cbc.ca/health/story/2008/03/11/stds-cdc.html

When you can read such news about the STD among Teens girls in the U.S, you should actually listen to your brain and how you shall choose your partners wisely. And not because of what your friends do. To haste things usually isn't good.

Think about it. And listen to Chey~~
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Old 2009-11-08, 20:03   Link #2157
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Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Think about it. And listen to Chey~~
I feel so loved.

Gah! I'm kidding, I'm kidding! *shot*
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Old 2009-11-08, 20:06   Link #2158
Narona
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
I feel so loved.

Gah! I'm kidding, I'm kidding! *shot*
And listen to Miss RadiantBeam too



Sorry, I read one post of Chey and replied But your advices are good too

I am actually the one who gave the worst advice so far since I pointed my finger at him and called him pathetic.
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Old 2009-11-08, 20:08   Link #2159
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But your advices are good too
Heh, thank you.

Quote:
I am actually the one who gave the worst advice so far since I pointed my finger at him and called him pathetic.
I like your advice. It's direct and honest.
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Old 2009-11-08, 20:18   Link #2160
Narona
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Heh, thank you.
I didn't add that for fun. Since you started to post in it, your posts so far in this thread are usually nice.

Quote:
I like your advice. It's direct and honest.
But he could have taken it the wrong way.

What's pathetic is not what he think he is. What's pathetic is how he doesn't live for himself and how he looks what the other people do as if they were superior than him because they did/tried this and that.

What he should understand is that it is not because a person had sex in HS and had 100 partners that this person will obviously become a nice person (for example, will have a nice family, nice kid, nice dog, a good job etc.) and will have a happy life (and by Life I mean to see what a person has achieved in all its life)

He should do what he personally thinks is nice. And should become what he thinks a nice man is. So far he seems to be obessed to copy what some random guys did/are as if they were perfect and obviously superior.

And he should not forget that people show to him what they want to show, and not what is sometimes hid behind the curtain. I mean that not all the people aged 18 say the truth when they say they did this and that about sex.
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