AnimeSuki Forums

Register Forum Rules FAQ Members List Social Groups Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   AnimeSuki Forum > General > General Chat

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 2009-11-08, 20:29   Link #2161
RadiantBeam
Test Drive
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Age: 23
Send a message via AIM to RadiantBeam Send a message via Skype™ to RadiantBeam
Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I didn't add that for fun. Since you started to post in it, your posts so far in this thread are usually nice.
Thank you very much. ^__^

Quote:
But he could have taken it the wrong way.

What's pathetic is not what he think he is. What's pathetic is how he doesn't live for himself and how he looks what the other people do as if they were superior than him because they did/tried this and that.

What he should understand is that it is not because a person had sex in HS and had 100 partners that this person will obviously become a nice person (for example, will have a nice family, nice kid, nice dog, a good job etc.) and will have a happy life (and by Life I mean to see what a person has achieved in all its life)

He should do what he personally thinks is nice. And should become what he thinks a nice man is. So far he seems to be obessed to copy what some random guys did/are as if they were perfect and obviously superior.

And he should not forget that people show to him what they want to show, and not what is sometimes hid behind the curtain. I mean that not all the people aged 18 say the truth when they say they did this and that about sex.
It makes sense to me, in any case. I think it helps sometimes to have someone be completely, brutally honest with you even if it's taken the wrong way. Sometimes we try too hard to say things so we don't hurt a person's feelings.
__________________
RadiantBeam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-08, 20:29   Link #2162
cheyannew
PolyPerson!
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern VA
Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
And he should not forget that people show to him what they want to show, and not what is sometimes hid behind the curtain. I mean that not all the people aged 18 say the truth when they say they did this and that about sex.
That is a very good point, too; it was like that back when I was in school, so I can only imagine in this day and age the "pressure" is more. It was like you earned badges according to what you had done (I note contracting STDs wasn't one of those badges though), so you could feel pressured to SAY you've done something to appear more worldly than you are. I was a bit of a freak amongst my peers for settling down while still in high school. They were busy sneaking out and getting drunk and sleeping with the rest of the Drama Club, football team, whatever, and I was nowhere near that lifestyle lol. No one likes to feel different, but in the end, I daresay I came out on top


And without any STDs
__________________
"...we are wolves in a flock of sheep. We are the hunters. We are the Alphas and we are on this Earth to conquer."

RIFT | Division | Side 7 Art Archive
cheyannew is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-08, 20:43   Link #2163
RadiantBeam
Test Drive
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Age: 23
Send a message via AIM to RadiantBeam Send a message via Skype™ to RadiantBeam
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheyannew View Post
I was a bit of a freak amongst my peers for settling down while still in high school.
I'm still considered a freak by some people for not having a boyfriend since I was fourteen-fifteen.
__________________
RadiantBeam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-08, 20:46   Link #2164
cheyannew
PolyPerson!
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern VA
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
I'm still considered a freak by some people for not having a boyfriend since I was fourteen-fifteen.
Whereas I call that being smart and choosy Mr/Ms RIGHT instead of RightNow
__________________
"...we are wolves in a flock of sheep. We are the hunters. We are the Alphas and we are on this Earth to conquer."

RIFT | Division | Side 7 Art Archive
cheyannew is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-08, 20:54   Link #2165
Timdog
Member
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I didn't add that for fun. Since you started to post in it, your posts so far in this thread are usually nice.


But he could have taken it the wrong way.

What's pathetic is not what he think he is. What's pathetic is how he doesn't live for himself and how he looks what the other people do as if they were superior than him because they did/tried this and that.

What he should understand is that it is not because a person had sex in HS and had 100 partners that this person will obviously become a nice person (for example, will have a nice family, nice kid, nice dog, a good job etc.) and will have a happy life (and by Life I mean to see what a person has achieved in all its life)

He should do what he personally thinks is nice. And should become what he thinks a nice man is. So far he seems to be obessed to copy what some random guys did/are as if they were perfect and obviously superior.

And he should not forget that people show to him what they want to show, and not what is sometimes hid behind the curtain. I mean that not all the people aged 18 say the truth when they say they did this and that about sex.
I don't want to be a manwhore.

The thing that is getting to me is that it hasn't happened at ALL. If I just hadn't been with anyone in awhile I don't think it would bother me as much. And I do want a real relationship, just not getting ANY "firsts" is very frustrating. I actually don't even care about sex, a kiss would be one of the greatest things in the world to me right now. And one of the qualities girls I've talked to want in a guy is "experience" in relationships in general. They don't want to deal with a relationship idiot so if they find out a guy hasn't had many relationships they automatically reject him as a possible mate. And having 0 experience with anything puts me in a rough position.

Also, there are quite a few of my peers who know I've gone nowhere with girls and when they first learned of it, they just gave me weird looks and started asking if there was anything wrong with me. It's like I suddenly became a weirdo to them since I hadn't even kissed a girl yet.

And yes, I know MANY virgins at school. But I have yet to meet a SINGLE person who has never done anything with a girl, especially a kiss. Most got their first when they were like 10-12.

Doesn't help that I also look much younger than other people my age (get that from my mom, she was carded until she was 29, same will happen to me I bet, I still get carded at the movies and they can't believe I'm 20).

Last edited by Timdog; 2009-11-08 at 21:08.
Timdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-08, 20:57   Link #2166
RadiantBeam
Test Drive
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Age: 23
Send a message via AIM to RadiantBeam Send a message via Skype™ to RadiantBeam
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timdog View Post
The thing that is getting to me is that it hasn't happened at ALL. If I just hadn't been with anyone in awhile I don't think it would bother me as much. And I do want a real relationship, just not getting ANY "firsts" is very frustrating. I actually don't even care about sex, a kiss would be one of the greatest things in the world to me right now.
A "first" anything isn't something you should rush. They come to you in time. Trying to rush a "first kiss" or a "first holding hands" can really ruin the moment for you, especially if you don't genuinely care for the person and are just trying to use them to reach that "first". Granted, something like a first kiss doesn't always match up to your expectations of it (speaking from experience here), but it's still a lovely memory and not something you should rush or push for. Timing is everything.
__________________
RadiantBeam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-08, 21:16   Link #2167
0utf0xZer0
Pretentious moe scholar
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Age: 27
It seems to me like you're going through the same "I thought my social life would be better once I was out of high school but it's not" phase that I went through during my first year or two at university, only you're taking it a lot harder than me.

I'm also curious as to whether your problem is more a matter of having trouble finding the girl you want to get close to or if it's more a matter of rejection/fear of rejection. I've generally had more trouble with the first problem than the second.
__________________

Signature courtesy of Ganbaru.
0utf0xZer0 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-08, 21:24   Link #2168
Timdog
Member
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0 View Post
It seems to me like you're going through the same "I thought my social life would be better once I was out of high school but it's not" phase that I went through during my first year or two at university, only you're taking it a lot harder than me.

I'm also curious as to whether your problem is more a matter of having trouble finding the girl you want to get close to or if it's more a matter of rejection/fear of rejection. I've generally had more trouble with the first problem than the second.
Complete opposite of you in these areas. My social life got much better in college. I had friends in HS but hardly ever did anything with them outside of school. I go out to parties once or twice a week now and have many friends I hang out with every day. Although sometimes it can get lonely if everyone has a lot of schoolwork and you have none, but that is just how it is.

I have found many girls I would go out with. The thing is, I don't even consider a girl as a possible mate (lol like I should even be thinking that way ) until I've gotten to know them. Unfortunately this always leads to the friendzone. Girls say they want a guy to know them before they go out with them yet they friendzone people once they get closer to them and go out and hook up with some random "hot" guy on the weekend. Then come crying to your room at 3am because of what they just did. Then they tell you how good of a person you are the next week and then go out and do it again and again.

I would obsess over specific girls in the past (usually leading to a rejection or "let's just be friends" response) but now it's just about the issue in general.

Maybe it will get better once I'm out of college... I've only met one girl who actually wants a relationship and I would definitely go out with her but she's also one of my closest friends and I would be devastated if I asked her out, she rejected me, and it ruined the friendship (TBH, she's probably the closest I've ever gotten to someone other than my parents). I've pretty much "gotten over her" since it's basically not feasible (plus she likes another guy).
Timdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-08, 21:27   Link #2169
RadiantBeam
Test Drive
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Age: 23
Send a message via AIM to RadiantBeam Send a message via Skype™ to RadiantBeam
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timdog View Post
I would obsess over specific girls in the past (usually leading to a rejection or "let's just be friends" response) but now it's just about the issue in general.
It seems like you're making a big deal out of something that isn't really a problem. It might take time, but eventually you'll meet that one girl who becomes close to you and doesn't view you as a friend but as something more. You just have to remain patient and focused until that happens instead of letting it take over your life.
__________________
RadiantBeam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-08, 21:33   Link #2170
Timdog
Member
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
It seems like you're making a big deal out of something that isn't really a problem. It might take time, but eventually you'll meet that one girl who becomes close to you and doesn't view you as a friend but as something more. You just have to remain patient and focused until that happens instead of letting it take over your life.
I know it's not really a problem and that's why I think it's weird that I still feel so down/frustrated about it.

I really think I need to talk to a professional about this but I'm really scared someone will find out I'm going and why I'm going and then I can say good bye to my social life (young adults are pretty vicious socially, I know my closest friends wouldn't care and would probably want to help me out, but I can say good bye to a lot of other people). And yes, I know the whole they aren't really your friends then but the problem is my closest friends are within this circle so I would basically not be able to hang out with them either (also why I'm a huge closet anime watcher ).
Timdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-08, 21:39   Link #2171
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timdog View Post
I have found many girls I would go out with. The thing is, I don't even consider a girl as a possible mate (lol like I should even be thinking that way ) until I've gotten to know them. Unfortunately this always leads to the friendzone. Girls say they want a guy to know them before they go out with them yet they friendzone people once they get closer to them and go out and hook up with some random "hot" guy on the weekend. Then come crying to your room at 3am because of what they just did. Then they tell you how good of a person you are the next week and then go out and do it again and again.
I don't see a problem here. If these girls are, like you said, the kind who would just go out and hook up with some random "hot" guy on the weekend, and then come crying to you at 3am....frankly, you don't want to consider girls who are this exploitative as a possible partner. I mean, it's alright to be their friend, but if they're the type who would "friendzone" you....well, they're not your type in the first place, and besides, more fish in the sea.

I've been there before, and yes, a lot of girls did friendzone me. Yeah, I did fret about that when I was younger, but then I grew thicker skin as I grew older. I learned to just sit back, observe the many different ladies I hung out with, and looked out particularly for that one girl who treats me just a bit differently. That is when it's the right time to make a swoop (so you see, Narona-chan. it's not a kamikaze tactic I employed! ).

So, no harm just waiting. You're young, you've got plenty of time, and you know what they say about men like us; we get more charming as we get older.

Quote:
I would obsess over specific girls in the past (usually leading to a rejection or "let's just be friends" response) but now it's just about the issue in general.

Maybe it will get better once I'm out of college... I've only met one girl who actually wants a relationship and I would definitely go out with her but she's also one of my closest friends and I would be devastated if I asked her out, she rejected me, and it ruined the friendship (TBH, she's probably the closest I've ever gotten to someone other than my parents). I've pretty much "gotten over her" since it's basically not feasible (plus she likes another guy).
I see you're being chickenshit again. What's there to be afraid of?

That said, if you know she like another guy, yeah it won't be a good time to approach her at this point. Just hang back and observe the situation, see how it goes.
Ascaloth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-08, 22:50   Link #2172
Timdog
Member
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
I see you're being chickenshit again. What's there to be afraid of?

That said, if you know she like another guy, yeah it won't be a good time to approach her at this point. Just hang back and observe the situation, see how it goes.
Ruining the best friendship I've ever had is what there is to be afraid of. Although I also know it could be the BEST thing to ever happen to me if I go for it and she doesn't reject me.

Also, she sort of found out I liked her last year (in my defense, I was drunk when I said this ) although we never talked about it (some friends managed to get it out of me and I'm 95% sure she ended up finding out). I thought she was into me earlier this year but then I noticed she acts the same way towards most of her male friends so that's just how she is (meaning she spends alone time with them quite a bit if they're close friends). Every time I see her I want to go for it, but the thought of losing her as both a friend and more makes me hold back.
Timdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-08, 23:03   Link #2173
HayashiTakara
Chicken or Beef?
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Seattle
Age: 32
Send a message via AIM to HayashiTakara
If it makes you feel any better, the likelihood of anyone you are friends with now will continue to be your friends once you're "grown-up", people tend to drift apart its only natural. Your grown-up friends are gonna be co-workers and neighbors, if you're lucky.

Also, its a lot harder to meet someone when you're not in school anymore. School is a naturally social environment. But if you're out in the real world its different.
__________________
HayashiTakara is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-08, 23:34   Link #2174
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timdog View Post
Ruining the best friendship I've ever had is what there is to be afraid of. Although I also know it could be the BEST thing to ever happen to me if I go for it and she doesn't reject me.

Also, she sort of found out I liked her last year (in my defense, I was drunk when I said this ) although we never talked about it (some friends managed to get it out of me and I'm 95% sure she ended up finding out). I thought she was into me earlier this year but then I noticed she acts the same way towards most of her male friends so that's just how she is (meaning she spends alone time with them quite a bit if they're close friends). Every time I see her I want to go for it, but the thought of losing her as both a friend and more makes me hold back.
Let me put it this way. Your friendship with her is more likely to be hurt by the both of you dithering around the issue, since it's fertile ground for creating all sorts of misunderstandings. In fact, it's actually more healthy for your friendship if you confess your feelings for her, at least if you do it in such a way that she won't feel compelled to reciprocate; by making it clear to her how you feel, and also that you're not expecting her to accept your confession, you're making things clear between you and her, and you're also giving her a chance to at least make her stance clear i.e. reject you without any fear of it hurting the friendship.

This way, if she accepts you, great. If she rejects you, at least both of you are clear on where you two stand with each other, and both of you can get back to the friendship without having to waste time second-guessing each other about your respective motivations. Confessing to her will wreck the friendship? I think not, as long as you play it right and smooth.
Ascaloth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-08, 23:37   Link #2175
HayashiTakara
Chicken or Beef?
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Seattle
Age: 32
Send a message via AIM to HayashiTakara
Don't end up like my friend Andrew, he was really close to a girl but was slow at confessing to her, despite my pushing him to do it before its too late. A year went by and he still didn't move forward and she ended up another guy.
__________________
HayashiTakara is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-08, 23:42   Link #2176
Timdog
Member
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by HayashiTakara View Post
Don't end up like my friend Andrew, he was really close to a girl but was slow at confessing to her, despite my pushing him to do it before its too late. A year went by and he still didn't move forward and she ended up another guy.
I've been friends with this girl for two years but we only got closer spring semester of this year.

She's already been with 4 other guys since then (yes, she was whoring it up a bit but she's stopped doing that now, realized it wasn't really her and was just caught up in what her female friends were doing). Then again, she's also the one I've talked to about this issue so uh yea, that would be REALLY awkward.
Timdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-09, 00:29   Link #2177
RadiantBeam
Test Drive
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Age: 23
Send a message via AIM to RadiantBeam Send a message via Skype™ to RadiantBeam
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timdog View Post
Then again, she's also the one I've talked to about this issue so uh yea, that would be REALLY awkward.
...

No offense, but, if you really like this girl and really want to go out with her, then it's your own fault for missing an opportunity. She knows you like her, and I'm under the assumption that after that happened neither of you really talked about it again. Now, granted, she seems to view you as just a friend, but how do you know that for sure? Maybe she's waiting for you to make the next move since you confessed. Girls have similar fears when it comes to guys: we don't want to lose our friendships with them, but sometimes we miss out on something so much better.

At the very least, let her know you still feel that way so you can definitely be sure of her feelings. The worst she can do is say she just sees you as a friend. If things change after that, then they change.
__________________
RadiantBeam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-09, 00:30   Link #2178
Narona
Emotionless White Face
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
I've been there before, and yes, a lot of girls did friendzone me. Yeah, I did fret about that when I was younger, but then I grew thicker skin as I grew older. I learned to just sit back, observe the many different ladies I hung out with, and looked out particularly for that one girl who treats me just a bit differently. That is when it's the right time to make a swoop (so you see, Narona-chan. it's not a kamikaze tactic I employed! ).
To late for explanations, you're already labeled as Mister Kamikaze of Love in my book!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Timdog View Post
I know it's not really a problem and that's why I think it's weird that I still feel so down/frustrated about it.

I really think I need to talk to a professional about this but I'm really scared someone will find out I'm going and why I'm going and then I can say good bye to my social life (young adults are pretty vicious socially, I know my closest friends wouldn't care and would probably want to help me out, but I can say good bye to a lot of other people). And yes, I know the whole they aren't really your friends then but the problem is my closest friends are within this circle so I would basically not be able to hang out with them either (also why I'm a huge closet anime watcher ).
So those who are supposed to be your closest friends would not defend you? That's not I call real friends then...

Sorry to be blunt again, but true friends would not care if some morons think it's funny to make fun of you for something like that. Actually, if they are not completely stupid, they would not follow the morons in that kind of situation.

It should be time for them to grow up a bit. They are not in middle school anymore. That sounds ... well you know what I will say
Narona is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-09, 00:31   Link #2179
Timdog
Member
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
...

No offense, but, if you really like this girl and really want to go out with her, then it's your own fault for missing an opportunity. She knows you like her, and I'm under the assumption that after that happened neither of you really talked about it again. Now, granted, she seems to view you as just a friend, but how do you know that for sure? Maybe she's waiting for you to make the next move since you confessed. Girls have similar fears when it comes to guys: we don't want to lose our friendships with them, but sometimes we miss out on something so much better.

At the very least, let her know you still feel that way so you can definitely be sure of her feelings. The worst she can do is say she just sees you as a friend. If things change after that, then they change.
but if she already has another guy she's interested in, wouldn't this be a bad time to talk to her about it?
Timdog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2009-11-09, 00:33   Link #2180
RadiantBeam
Test Drive
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Age: 23
Send a message via AIM to RadiantBeam Send a message via Skype™ to RadiantBeam
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timdog View Post
but if she already has another guy she's interested in, wouldn't this be a bad time to talk to her about it?
I still think you should tell her, clear the air, get a resolution for your feelings. You aren't doing yourself a favor by keeping this to yourself.
__________________
RadiantBeam is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 21:01.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
We use Silk.