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Old 2010-10-18, 17:38   Link #221
Ricky Controversy
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Originally Posted by Cherry_Lover View Post
What about Sakura? What has happened to her?
Spoiler:
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Old 2010-10-18, 18:10   Link #222
RadiantBeam
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Originally Posted by Cherry_Lover View Post
Well, I can think of one really obvious way in which it can get better for him....
Well, I already have a pretty good idea of how things get better for him. Though of course, it's going to get worse before it gets better.
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Old 2010-10-18, 18:45   Link #223
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Technically, if it gets worse after it gets better, then was it really better in the first place?
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Old 2010-10-18, 18:47   Link #224
Cherry_Lover
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy View Post
Saw that coming!
Yeah, it was somewhat obvious....

Quote:
She does have an important role, and while I don't want to spoil too much about specific events, suffice it to say that Shirou, Sakura and Rin continue to be involved in each others' lives, and have influenced each other in the time between wars.
OK, well, that's all I need to know, really. I can see her getting involved in the Grail War, since she is an extremely powerful magus (even if she's not trained) and thus can summon a powerful servant and provide them with plenty of prana (and, I assume that she's now worm-free, so she won't have the same lack of prana that she has in HF).

Quote:
That aside, I'm curious if you have any actual commentary.
Well, I can't really say much yet, because I don't really know what is going on with the main characters, but in general it seems pretty good, and I like the set-up (with Shirou becoming a real hero). However, I do wonder how the hell someone has managed to set up a new Grail War in Rin's city. According to the Side Material books, the Great Grail was dismantled by Waver Velvet six months after the end of the war, and it is highly unlikely that Rin would allow another one to be constructed.

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Well, I already have a pretty good idea of how things get better for him. Though of course, it's going to get worse before it gets better.
Well, if he confesses to Sakura in the remotely near future, then she would probably still go for him, because even if she's falling for Rin she still clearly has feelings for Shirou, and since Rin is her sister she can probably quite easily slip back into a platonic relationship if Shirou wanted her. However, I would say that it is definitely highly plausible that he'll end up with both sisters. I mean, if they're comfortable with having sex with each other and, indeed, love each other, then there is no reason why they can't form a fully equal threesome. All three members are in love with the other two members of the group and all three possible pairings from that group could exist as a stand-alone relationship so there is no issue with awkwardness and it is unlikely that one of them will end up feeling like a third wheel. The only question is how it would be set up. Most likely, Sakura will end up having to choose between him and Rin, and Rin will (in her usual matter-of-fact way) point out that she can, in fact, have both....

But, yeah, he's in for a rocky few days as he sees the girl that he loves (and who previously idolised him) appearing to get more and more distant as she falls for her own sister instead. That's going to be a real kick in the teeth, and Shirou is too dense (and too unaware of the feelings that both girls have for him) to see how that could actually turn out really well....
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Old 2010-10-18, 19:04   Link #225
Ricky Controversy
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Originally Posted by Cherry_Lover View Post
Well, I can't really say much yet, because I don't really know what is going on with the main characters, but in general it seems pretty good, and I like the set-up (with Shirou becoming a real hero). However, I do wonder how the hell someone has managed to set up a new Grail War in Rin's city. According to the Side Material books, the Great Grail was dismantled by Waver Velvet six months after the end of the war, and it is highly unlikely that Rin would allow another one to be constructed.
I'm rolling a little loose with the canon content outside of the visual novel itself. The end of UBW is the point at which this fic's context and the canon diverge, so as a caveat, if Hollow Ataraxia and/or other supplemental material are essential for you, then you'll find this fic frustrating. That's not to slight the value of that material, I'm just consciously choosing to focus on the core 'text', as it were.
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Old 2010-10-18, 19:16   Link #226
Cherry_Lover
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy View Post
I'm rolling a little loose with the canon content outside of the visual novel itself. The end of UBW is the point at which this fic's context and the canon diverge, so as a caveat, if Hollow Ataraxia and/or other supplemental material are essential for you, then you'll find this fic frustrating. That's not to slight the value of that material, I'm just consciously choosing to focus on the core 'text', as it were.
Ah, OK.

Well, honestly, that doesn't really bother me, although it seems somewhat unlikely to me that Rin would allow another Grail War to happen in Fuyuki after the mess that the last one made regardless of whether you're considering the contents of the Side/Material books etc.
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Old 2010-10-18, 19:21   Link #227
Ricky Controversy
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Originally Posted by Cherry_Lover View Post
Ah, OK.

Well, honestly, that doesn't really bother me, although it seems somewhat unlikely to me that Rin would allow another Grail War to happen in Fuyuki after the mess that the last one made regardless of whether you're considering the contents of the Side/Material books etc.
Oh, undoubtedly a fair observation. There is a reason it happens in Fuyuki again, but it's another one of those 'can't really explain it without spoiling stuff' things.
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Old 2010-10-18, 20:03   Link #228
Cherry_Lover
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Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy View Post
Oh, undoubtedly a fair observation. There is a reason it happens in Fuyuki again, but it's another one of those 'can't really explain it without spoiling stuff' things.
Ah, OK. Well, I guess I'll have to wait and see, then....
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Old 2010-10-20, 06:57   Link #229
Argent Solbright
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moczo View Post
Spoiler for Chaos Theory, Chapter Four:


Spoiler for Author's Note::
Whoa, I came here looking for RadiantBeam's Into the Rain and not only I found it (Nice fic like always, BTW RB ^^) But, I also found this gem. Must be my lucky day
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Old 2010-10-20, 07:45   Link #230
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Argent Solbright View Post
Whoa, I came here looking for RadiantBeam's Into the Rain and not only I found it (Nice fic like always, BTW RB ^^) But, I also found this gem. Must be my lucky day
Hee, hee... praise makes me feel warm and tingly. Welcome, new reader!
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Old 2010-10-20, 09:11   Link #231
Argent Solbright
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Originally Posted by Moczo View Post
Hee, hee... praise makes me feel warm and tingly. Welcome, new reader!
Good, good. Make that fuel for writing more good fics.
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Old 2010-10-20, 10:32   Link #232
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Originally Posted by Argent Solbright View Post
Whoa, I came here looking for RadiantBeam's Into the Rain and not only I found it (Nice fic like always, BTW RB ^^)
Oh hey, I didn't know you were following Rain. ^^ I'm glad that you've enjoyed it so far! Thanks for commenting.

...

Now I feel inspired to work on chapter 4.
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Old 2010-10-20, 10:47   Link #233
Moczo
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Oh hey, I didn't know you were following Rain. ^^ I'm glad that you've enjoyed it so far! Thanks for commenting.

...

Now I feel inspired to work on chapter 4.
Oh, sure, this inspires you. But when I order pleasantly request you to start on Chapter 4 within minutes of finishing Chapter 3, that just makes me a slavedriver!
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Old 2010-10-20, 11:04   Link #234
Argent Solbright
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Oh hey, I didn't know you were following Rain. ^^ I'm glad that you've enjoyed it so far! Thanks for commenting.

...

Now I feel inspired to work on chapter 4.

I just start reading it today actually. Saw it on your ff.net profile as a fic that you didn't have posted there. I got curious and google it. I am very well pleased with the result
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Old 2010-10-20, 17:20   Link #235
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Originally Posted by Moczo View Post
Oh, sure, this inspires you. But when I order pleasantly request you to start on Chapter 4 within minutes of finishing Chapter 3, that just makes me a slavedriver!
Slavedriver.

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Originally Posted by Argent Solbright View Post
I just start reading it today actually. Saw it on your ff.net profile as a fic that you didn't have posted there. I got curious and google it. I am very well pleased with the result
I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far. I'd like to post it on FF.net at some point, but for now it's mainly going to stay here on the forum, if only because it's shaping up to be one of the most difficult fics I've handled so far. Heck, the whole aspect of developing a Rin/Sakura relationship is daunting!

At least now I know what I want to do with Shirou.
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Old 2010-10-20, 17:44   Link #236
Moczo
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Slavedriver.
But I'm a kind slavedriver! I was gonna let you have meals and everything! ... Because I'm in a different state than you and thus have no actual control over that, but still!
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Old 2010-10-23, 10:20   Link #237
Moczo
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Wow. I leave for a few days and the FFT goes to such wonderful and amazing new heights of discussion and literary creativity!

Oh. Wait. No. It's the other thing... what was it? I go away for a few days and the FFT goes absolutely nowhere at all.

Ah, well, let's see what we can do about that.

Spoiler for Chaos Theory, Chapter Five:


Spoiler for Author's Note:

Last edited by Moczo; 2010-10-23 at 12:28.
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Old 2010-10-23, 11:21   Link #238
Haak
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Shirou blinked a few times, and said, "I have no idea."

Ah, the return of the Shirou we all know and love. I have a couple of minor issues.

1) Shinji managing to outwit Tohsaka and Rider thanking him? Well, I suppose this is another scenario, so thinks will happene that didn't in the other routes. Still...

2) Berserker seems to have a a lot more conciousness than I would've thought. And I would've liked it better if it were illustrated in the style of writing. Like short single sentences. Something like "Kill, kill kill. Servant Lady stronger. Attack her first. Attack. Attack. FUCKING TREES! Do not attack boy. Loli will be mad.". Or am I just talking out of my ass?

3) Does Ilya know/thinks the worm is Zoken? In that case, wouldn't she know it would be wise to kill him first and foremost and would be worth giving the command spell to do so?
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Old 2010-10-23, 11:37   Link #239
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Haak View Post
Shirou blinked a few times, and said, "I have no idea."

Ah, the return of the Shirou we all know and love. I have a couple of minor issues.

1) Shinji managing to outwit Tohsaka and Rider thanking him? Well, I suppose this is another scenario, so thinks will happene that didn't in the other routes. Still...

2) Berserker seems to have a a lot more conciousness than I would've thought. And I would've liked it better if it were illustrated in the style of writing. Like short single sentences. Something like "Kill, kill kill. Servant Lady stronger. Attack her first. Attack. Attack. FUCKING TREES! Do not attack boy. Loli will be mad.". Or am I just talking out of my ass?

3) Does Ilya know/thinks the worm is Zoken? In that case, wouldn't she know it would be wise to kill him first and foremost and would be worth giving the command spell to do so?
I'm glad I made Shirou dumb enough for you?

1) Well... he didn't outwit her. He saw her getting a jewel out because she basically forgot he was there. He overcame her by virtue of his own meaninglessness! I may have to take out the Rider thing though... sometimes I forget she actually hates his guts. For 'Master' and Servant, they actually don't interact that much.

2) I... yeah, I may have made the sections that were meant to be Berserker too eloquent? You probably have a point. I mean, it's not really him thinking it's me narrating the basic instincts that are going through his mind in a thoughtful way? Does this make sense? I'm not sure.

3) I'm operating under the assumption she is at least aware the worms around are part of his body, just by comparing Justicia's memories to her own senses. She's just also aware that he's very old and very smart, and that since he knows Berserker could shred him in seconds he wouldn't actually come to speak to her unless he had some method of escaping with his life. She doesn't know it's because killing him involves performing open-heart surgery on a girl several miles away, but she at least knows that attacking him here would be a waste of time.
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Old 2010-10-23, 12:14   Link #240
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Loved it, though there were a few grammar/spelling mistakes here and there, and one line that I just outright couldn't understand. I should've marked the spot as I was reading it, because I can't find it again just by skimming it. But it didn't detract from the overall story, so it's not a huge deal.

I almost wish Lancer had been watching from the shadows somewhere, since his purpose is to "observe". Then we'd get awesome Lancer snark!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Haak View Post
2) Berserker seems to have a a lot more conciousness than I would've thought. And I would've liked it better if it were illustrated in the style of writing. Like short single sentences. Something like "Kill, kill kill. Servant Lady stronger. Attack her first. Attack. Attack. FUCKING TREES! Do not attack boy. Loli will be mad.". Or am I just talking out of my ass?
If he's in a Berserker state, he's literally mindless. Like a computer program, merely running through its list of commands. If his Berserker state isn't active (though I'm not sure if it's possible to turn it off and on at will) he's actually quite articulate (see: when Saber kills him in Fate and he speaks quite clearly with her).

Quote:
3) Does Ilya know/thinks the worm is Zoken? In that case, wouldn't she know it would be wise to kill him first and foremost and would be worth giving the command spell to do so?
Like it says, she knows he'd have an escape route. Even if she doesn't know that route is to be hiding in Sakura's chest.
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