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Old 2010-11-13, 02:33   Link #27861
00-Raiser
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightengale View Post
I meant in 'writing style', not so much the content of the story. I guess I worded it wrongly.

Even being dark and all, along with your yuri, it's very much 'you.' I don't say this as a bad thing, but because your writing is well-rounded and basic, there is room to go further into developing it into something better.
Well, I've always prioritized content over presentation. So long as the spelling, grammar, and flow are at a point where it doesn't disrupt the reading, what more do you need?

I've been told I have that down pat, so I don't know what areas stylistically I can improve on. Only thing that comes to mind is that I could describe things more, but I hate describing things. For one, I usually don't know the correct words to describe certain things, and two I think it's a waste of time. I'm sure most of us would agree that rather than spending time reading about what the surroundings look like, we'd rather read about what the characters are doing instead.

So yeah, while you say it could go further, I have no idea how it could be done.

Page claim for evolutionary dead ends?
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Old 2010-11-13, 03:06   Link #27862
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If you can't go any further in what you do (whether that is true or not), then it's time to start learning something totally new, is my philosophy .
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Old 2010-11-13, 03:39   Link #27863
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The problem is I have no idea regarding any new things to learn.

I think the last thing I did differently was that one Fate fic where it was first person and I wrote the latter part of it in present tense. That was actually rather tricky.
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Old 2010-11-13, 05:02   Link #27864
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As you mention you have tried 1st PoV and present tense. Experiment more with such things. Go into deep details, switch perspectives, switch tenses, switch genres. Use other characters you normally don't. Screw it if it doesn't look good, post anyway.

Read a lot of books with different styles for inspiration. I'm easily affected, such as after I'd read Snow Crash, which produced a present tense short with my To Aru stuff and was a nice jump from the normal. Normally I stick to Hamilton style, which is the normal past tense and quite clean in its description.

Go wild is all I can say. Then go back to what you were doing and analyze it. Surprisingly, it often brings to light things to improve.
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Old 2010-11-13, 12:03   Link #27865
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Here's part 9.

Season 1

A's

Jump Parts 1-5

Jump part 6

Jump Part 7

Jump Part 8

The big showdown.

Lina vs Death Bringer.

Spoiler for Blood That Flows - Part 9:


Spoiler for Comments:
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Old 2010-11-13, 12:55   Link #27866
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Here's part 9.

Season 1

A's

Jump Parts 1-5

Jump part 6

Jump Part 7

Jump Part 8

The big showdown.

Lina vs Death Bringer.

Spoiler for Blood That Flows - Part 9:


Spoiler for Comments:
... okay, that was pretty awesome. I have no idea if all of that would work the way it worked, don't really understand Slayers magic well enough, but it was still pretty awesome. Nothing more I can really say.
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Old 2010-11-13, 13:01   Link #27867
vic-vic
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Here's part 9.

Season 1

A's

Jump Parts 1-5

Jump part 6

Jump Part 7

Jump Part 8

The big showdown.

Lina vs Death Bringer.

Spoiler for Blood That Flows - Part 9:


Spoiler for Comments:
Epic smakdown is end and victory belong to team Smakers. Hooray!!

Hm, but what about Precia and Fate?
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Old 2010-11-13, 13:07   Link #27868
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vic-vic View Post
Hm, but what about Precia and Fate?
Remember, this fight, Fate's fight, and Hayate's rescue are all happening simultaneously.
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Old 2010-11-13, 16:45   Link #27869
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Jump End

Season 1

A's

Jump Parts 1-5

Jump part 6

Jump Part 7

Jump Part 8

Jump Part 9

Spoiler for Blood That Flows - Jump End:
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Old 2010-11-13, 21:34   Link #27870
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Pretty good ending there, and Nanoha and Fate getting some therapy is a nice touch of realism.

Just wondering, but do you have any plans to continue the series?
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Old 2010-11-13, 23:29   Link #27871
blitz1/2
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Originally Posted by Yasanagi View Post
Spoiler for MD Again!:
and in the meantime, the TSAB high officers, aces are just eating biscuits... xD
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Old 2010-11-14, 01:57   Link #27872
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Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
"The whole group got outside and watched as the building crumbled to dust, leaving just a large pillar in its wake."
That was the Ground Forces HQ, the massive tower at the center of Cranagan, right? That's going to cause major diviations.
So, is Lina going to adopt Fate this time around? And what about Yuuno, the Infinite Library needs its librarian.
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Old 2010-11-14, 05:37   Link #27873
Keroko
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I'm not against Yuuno following a different path for a change. The Blue Dragon needs a priest.
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Old 2010-11-14, 11:17   Link #27874
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New chapter of Material Days posted here.
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Old 2010-11-14, 11:54   Link #27875
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yasanagi View Post
Spoiler for MD Again!:
Hm, I have to echo others' opinions a bit here: this tome deal came rather out of nowhere, and I can't see either why Sette would need it. Interesting look into her thought processes, though; therapy or not, she's still not entirely free of her screwed-up past life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DezoPenguin View Post
For both of you (Hah! I kid; I can count four! ;) ) waiting for the second half of the Shadowverse two-shot...here it is!

Spoiler for Running Through Shadows--Chapter 2:

Spoiler for Author's Notes:


Spoiler for Auctorial ramblings:


For those who missed it, here's Chapter 1.
Ow. Harsh, harsh twist there. With all these piling up on her, no wonder Lutecia's slowly cracking under the weight.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
It amuses me how thoroughly this little piece contradicts how I'm feeling at the moment. But hey, what can you do.

Spoiler for Scars:


Spoiler for General ramblings and dedication:
Great interaction between Lutecia and Victor; those two bounce off each other really well. Nice, humorous fluff overall. Although as one of the FF.net reviews also mentioned, reading your notes afterward does put an entirely different, serious spin on the short.

Quote:
Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
Since RB's Shadowverse seems to be back lately, I thought I'd drop out of my NaNoWriMo haze to offer an update ^^.

Back to the Shadows! Auris starts to put some pieces of the mystery together...but who's tricking who?

Crime Never Sleeps
Part 12


“The worst things we do are always by our own choice.”

Spoiler for Crime Never Sleeps, part 12:

Spoiler for Author's Note:

New Part 1-4A
New Part 4B
New Part 5: Trial Day 1A
New Part 5: Trial Day 1B
New Part 5: Trial Day 1C and New Part 6
New Part 7
Part 8 and Part 9: Trial Day 2
Part 10: Trial Day 2
Part 11
Well, to be honest, you've managed to weave such a thick web of intrigue here, with all those plots and schemes colliding with each other, that I haven't the faintest idea how this is going to end.

Do note that it also means I'm sitting on the edge of my seat and can't wait to read the next part, so I'd say you've got a success here. :P
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Old 2010-11-14, 13:06   Link #27876
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Been awhile, but here we go with another installment...

Future Tense

Chapter 22: New Ground


In which the fate of our two previous combatants is made known, and the various plots continue to turn their course....

Previous chapters can be found here.

Spoiler for Future Tense, Chapter 22: New Ground:


New job has been sapping most of my time, and there were several scenes here I had long debated about how to handle exactly. As always, I'm hoping the next chapter doesn't take as long, heh.
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Old 2010-11-14, 13:53   Link #27877
SilentOutlaw
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
Been awhile, but here we go with another installment...

Future Tense

Chapter 22: New Ground

The HSQ at the end is huge.

Spoiler for Read the chapter!:


Damn it! Now the wait for the next chapter is going to awful.

On a side note, Fate has even more kids
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Old 2010-11-14, 14:13   Link #27878
deathcurse
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moczo View Post
Finally caught up!

All I have to say in general is... wow. Plans within plans within plans, huh? You've worked out quite the intricate web. And you've got a talent for these morally ambiguous works, I see; I have so much tendency to paint obvious villains that it's rather impressive to me how well you can have me hating Auris one moment and sympathizing with her the next. The same goes for... most of the characters, in fact. Even lil' Raven, who I went in assuming I would find unshakeably sympathetic, but instead I occasionally... wonder.

Very much looking forward to the next part now that I can just follow along normally!
Thanks! Part of it is that I enjoy writing from the bad guy's POV (as my first fic here would testify to ), so making the "villains" appear sympathetic is fun. And we'll see about Raven...

Quote:
Originally Posted by SNobleJr View Post
Well, to be honest, you've managed to weave such a thick web of intrigue here, with all those plots and schemes colliding with each other, that I haven't the faintest idea how this is going to end.

Do note that it also means I'm sitting on the edge of my seat and can't wait to read the next part, so I'd say you've got a success here. :P
When I edit my completed draft, I'll try to make all the plots slightly less confusing , although of course it'll make more sense when read with hindsight! (Which is tough for me as a writer of all this mystery stuff--I know how it ends, so sometimes I forget to put in those little essential details that readers need!)

I'm glad you like it, thanks for your commentary! ^^
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Old 2010-11-14, 14:26   Link #27879
DezoPenguin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
Been awhile, but here we go with another installment...

Future Tense

Chapter 22: New Ground


In which the fate of our two previous combatants is made known, and the various plots continue to turn their course....

Previous chapters can be found here.

Spoiler for Future Tense, Chapter 22: New Ground:


New job has been sapping most of my time, and there were several scenes here I had long debated about how to handle exactly. As always, I'm hoping the next chapter doesn't take as long, heh.
Aha! Some answers at last!

Spoiler for Spoileriffic discussion:
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Old 2010-11-14, 14:47   Link #27880
vic-vic
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Join Date: May 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
Been awhile, but here we go with another installment...

Future Tense

Chapter 22: New Ground


In which the fate of our two previous combatants is made known, and the various plots continue to turn their course....

Previous chapters can be found here.

Spoiler for Future Tense, Chapter 22: New Ground:


New job has been sapping most of my time, and there were several scenes here I had long debated about how to handle exactly. As always, I'm hoping the next chapter doesn't take as long, heh.
Spoiler for Random thought:

Good twist, very good.
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