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Old 2010-12-05, 08:31   Link #561
MrTerrorist
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It's Alucard. Dracula spelled backwards.
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Old 2010-12-05, 09:21   Link #562
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tsunade666 View Post
I already see a doujin manga with Toaruverse and tsukihime/fate stay night verse.

I already saw Touma and Shiki fighting together but vs. I haven't seen it yet.

Though I already knew the answer.

Shiki would probably slice up Touma and Touma goes berserk mode just like Alcuerd (or what ever the spelling of that blond vampire) Shiki can't see the death on Touma and get owned.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrTerrorist View Post
It's Alucard. Dracula spelled backwards.
tsunade666 probably meant "Arcueid" instead.

Arcueid Brunestud.

(in before someone says "ARCADE BUMSTEAD!")
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I like to run portable on my dude, so I ran while running runs in my portably portable, dude-like dude.

Kazuma Kamachi FC

Since we are all so trigger happy about certain behaviors that we do when talking about his works.

--- This line over here is a placeholder. ----
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Old 2010-12-05, 09:42   Link #563
tsunade666
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I don't know. But I meant the blond girl vampire in tsukihime. Though I think it's arcueid.
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Old 2010-12-05, 10:50   Link #564
giorno
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yes, it's arcueid
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Old 2010-12-05, 12:33   Link #565
MrTerrorist
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Oh. My apologizes for the mistake.
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Old 2010-12-05, 12:56   Link #566
outerelf
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashaman View Post
ME! I want those bonus points!

The answer is
Spoiler for answer:
*Ding Ding Ding* That's right, you're correct! She is indeed the one
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Old 2010-12-05, 13:56   Link #567
Ashaman
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Yay! Bonus points for me. Fic for you guys! Oh,and I changed a little of chapter 4, but just a little.
Chap 4:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6520238/4/Delta_Force_Go
Chap 5:
Spoiler for Delta Force 5. The actual final chapter:
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Old 2010-12-05, 18:22   Link #568
tsunade666
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very good fanfic ashaman though I would love to see the punishment of the girls.
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Old 2010-12-05, 18:46   Link #569
Master Assassin
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Location: All ghillied up spying on someone ~2,000 yards away using telescope sights.
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Wow, I can't help but say... getting a Wear Maid Costume punishment is... somewhat so kind of them.
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I like to run portable on my dude, so I ran while running runs in my portably portable, dude-like dude.

Kazuma Kamachi FC

Since we are all so trigger happy about certain behaviors that we do when talking about his works.

--- This line over here is a placeholder. ----
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Old 2010-12-05, 20:06   Link #570
Flere821
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*clap clap clap* Pretty good fic Ashaman Though come to think of it... did we EVER see a shirtless Touma in the anime yet? >.> Cause from memory I don't think that has happened, even in Angel Fall...

*shrug* whatever, minor details of no importance I suppose.
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Old 2010-12-05, 20:08   Link #571
Asuras
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No one minds pointing out flaws in a long story summary, right? Cuz' I'm about to post the idea behind my future fanfiction.
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Old 2010-12-05, 20:26   Link #572
outerelf
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I don't mind, so long as you don't post it iin one paragraph. Then I might have to take issue
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Old 2010-12-05, 21:12   Link #573
SuzushinaYuriko
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Pointing out flaws is what I do. Don't worry, I'm completely fine with that.
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Old 2010-12-05, 21:32   Link #574
Asuras
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Alright, here it goes:

Centered around an OC () that originated from America. He is an esper (unwillingly) participating in a government program designed to enhance esper abilities at a dangerous rate. Akin to the Level Upper incident. However, it performs differently.

A drug temporarily enhances the users powers up to 3 power levels for about half a day. During this time, users take on a drastically different personality (usually aggresive) but will listen to specific people. After the effect wears off, the user doesn't remember anything during the 'high.'

The OC himself is a strange case. His level boosts 4 levels, and hius body is dependent on the drug. He was taken from his parents, and his memory was altered into thinking that one of the agents, a woman, is his real mother.

All of this was developed in fear of AC's growing esper population. The US felt threatened.

The OC is the first to be implimented into AC, where he thinks he is there for training. Every night, his 'mother' puts him under the drugs influence, and he takes out higher-leveled espers one by one.

But he never remembers anything. A specially designed suit for the US espers are unable to be detected on radar, and contain non-stick, non-trail materials to prevent tracking.

He goes to Touma's school, due to his Level 1 status, and befriends Touma. On the first day, he is sent to a testing ground to detirmine his skill level, along with Saten, who is there for extra-curriculumn in a seperate building nearby. (Evidently, I'm trying out for an OC Saten pairing.)

Eventually, Kuroko is attacked by psuedo-OC. She escapes, but soon understands the power he posseses. She searches up with Uiharu on Ggravity-manipulators. She see's the OC, but dismisses him due to his Level 1 status.

THEN, Misaka herself is attacked. The fight is nearly even, but Kuroko comes in to help. The OC is overencumbered, but help arrives for him as well. Another US esper arrives to take on Kuroko seperately.

As they battle above (Kuroko winning), Misaka and OC fight in the alleyway below. Misaka is losing, and before she is defeated, Touma happens to be by and lets loose an unblockable attack upon the OC, knockiing his helmet off. The psuedo OC knows of its normal personality and life, and mocks Touma, before taking off. They understand who the culprit is.

As the drug wears off during the OC's return home, he arrives at the apartement to see his home in flames. What really happened was the OC's home was immediatly invaded by Anti-Skills after the fight before. His mother (to prevent capture and infomration gathering) detonated the room, killing herself and the soldiers within.

Confused and outright scared, the OC flees and looks for solace. He runs to the place where he tested, and contemplates. There, the other US esper that fought Kuroko speaks to him. She herself has been told the entire mission (she doesnt have anything aginst it, while the OC, was known to be against it, so no one told him the plan) but confuses the OC, who doesnt understand anything.

Just as hope seems lost in a street, an entire assembly of the US epsers swoops in and takes him away.

Gotta go, that's what I've written so far.
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Old 2010-12-05, 21:46   Link #575
outerelf
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asuras View Post
Alright, here it goes:

Centered around an OC () that originated from America. He is an esper (unwillingly) participating in a government program designed to enhance esper abilities at a dangerous rate. Akin to the Level Upper incident. However, it performs differently.

A drug temporarily enhances the users powers up to 3 power levels for about half a day. During this time, users take on a drastically different personality (usually aggresive) but will listen to specific people. After the effect wears off, the user doesn't remember anything during the 'high.'

The OC himself is a strange case. His level boosts 4 levels, and hius body is dependent on the drug. He was taken from his parents, and his memory was altered into thinking that one of the agents, a woman, is his real mother.

All of this was developed in fear of AC's growing esper population. The US felt threatened.

The OC is the first to be implimented into AC, where he thinks he is there for training. Every night, his 'mother' puts him under the drugs influence, and he takes out higher-leveled espers one by one.

But he never remembers anything. A specially designed suit for the US espers are unable to be detected on radar, and contain non-stick, non-trail materials to prevent tracking.
First problem: Academy City technology is 20 years ahead of the rest of the world. Thus the suit designed probably wouldn't actually work. And most of the tracking is done via video camera- so unless it can disrupt images...
I'd have to say a better bet is that it lets out a high-frequency wave that interferes with wireless communications thus disrupting any equipment. Sort of like an EMP.
Second: Academy City is only taking native Japanese Youths so far. There hasn't been a single foreign born (except for gemstones) that's gotten in. But I suppose that can be ignored.

Quote:
He goes to Touma's school, due to his Level 1 status, and befriends Touma. On the first day, he is sent to a testing ground to detirmine his skill level, along with Saten, who is there for extra-curriculumn in a seperate building nearby. (Evidently, I'm trying out for an OC Saten pairing.)

Eventually, Kuroko is attacked by psuedo-OC. She escapes, but soon understands the power he posseses. She searches up with Uiharu on Ggravity-manipulators. She see's the OC, but dismisses him due to his Level 1 status.

THEN, Misaka herself is attacked. The fight is nearly even, but Kuroko comes in to help. The OC is overencumbered, but help arrives for him as well. Another US esper arrives to take on Kuroko seperately.

As they battle above (Kuroko winning), Misaka and OC fight in the alleyway below. Misaka is losing, and before she is defeated, Touma happens to be by and lets loose an unblockable attack upon the OC, knockiing his helmet off. The psuedo OC knows of its normal personality and life, and mocks Touma, before taking off. They understand who the culprit is.
Wait, wait, wait. So when someone is high on the drugs, it creates a different personality that retains the memories of when it was high before?

So basically what you're looking at it a Multiple Personality Disorder where one is level four, and one is level one. The level four personality is a more violent one, and the level one has no idea that the level four exists.

Plausible...

Quote:
As the drug wears off during the OC's return home, he arrives at the apartement to see his home in flames. What really happened was the OC's home was immediatly invaded by Anti-Skills after the fight before. His mother (to prevent capture and infomration gathering) detonated the room, killing herself and the soldiers within.

Confused and outright scared, the OC flees and looks for solace. He runs to the place where he tested, and contemplates. There, the other US esper that fought Kuroko speaks to him. She herself has been told the entire mission (she doesn't have anything aginst it, while the OC, was known to be against it, so no one told him the plan) but confuses the OC, who doesn't understand anything.

Just as hope seems lost in a street, an entire assembly of the US epsers swoops in and takes him away.

Gotta go, that's what I've written so far.
He runs to the place he was tested? Isn't that in the US? That doesn't make much sense...

Overall, I'd have to say its a solid plot with a few things here and there.
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Old 2010-12-05, 22:05   Link #576
Asuras
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Yes. That seems like a problem. Maybe, international information sharing allows the US to have similar tech. With the AC level upper, it was supposedly permanent, but the US version wears off. EMP pulse sounds about right.

Yes, that's what the drug does.

No, he goes to the Academy City testing place. Where try determine his level.

That's why he sneaks into AC.
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Old 2010-12-05, 22:40   Link #577
Chaos2Frozen
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lol despite what people think though, I don't recall anyone actually sneaking into Academy City undetected.


P.S - minor nip-picky, but it's 30 years advanced, not 20

But it really make alot of difference, 30 years of technology.
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Old 2010-12-06, 00:32   Link #578
SuzushinaYuriko
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Academy City
Quote:
Centered around an OC () that originated from America. He is an esper (unwillingly) participating in a government program designed to enhance esper abilities at a dangerous rate. Akin to the Level Upper incident. However, it performs differently.

A drug temporarily enhances the users powers up to 3 power levels for about half a day. During this time, users take on a drastically different personality (usually aggresive) but will listen to specific people. After the effect wears off, the user doesn't remember anything during the 'high.'
Sounds interesting, but a bit sketchy. So that would mean if a Level 4 uses the drug, they would automatically rise up to a Level 7?

That doesn't make sense. Levels don't work that way. A Level 6 is stated to have a power that is on the level of God, what exactly would a Level 7 be? Also, it seems suspicious that Gakuen Toshi hasn't picked up on this drug. I suppose it's possible the US found it first, but still...

Also, there should be drastic side effects and specific limitations on who can use it, like the Crystallized Esper Essence has. Otherwise, it's too convenient.

Quote:
The OC himself is a strange case. His level boosts 4 levels, and his body is dependent on the drug. He was taken from his parents, and his memory was altered into thinking that one of the agents, a woman, is his real mother.

All of this was developed in fear of AC's growing esper population. The US felt threatened.

The OC is the first to be implimented into AC, where he thinks he is there for training. Every night, his 'mother' puts him under the drugs influence, and he takes out higher-leveled espers one by one.

But he never remembers anything. A specially designed suit for the US espers are unable to be detected on radar, and contain non-stick, non-trail materials to prevent tracking.
Plausible, but he never questions why he doesn't remember anything? Also, like others have said, 30 years of advanced technology makes a huge difference.

Quote:
He goes to Touma's school, due to his Level 1 status, and befriends Touma. On the first day, he is sent to a testing ground to determine his skill level, along with Saten, who is there for extra-curriculum in a seperate building nearby. (Evidently, I'm trying out for an OC Saten pairing.)

Eventually, Kuroko is attacked by pseudo-OC. She escapes, but soon understands the power he posseses. She searches up with Uiharu on Ggravity-manipulators. She see's the OC, but dismisses him due to his Level 1 status.

THEN, Misaka herself is attacked. The fight is nearly even, but Kuroko comes in to help. The OC is overencumbered, but help arrives for him as well. Another US esper arrives to take on Kuroko seperately.

As they battle above (Kuroko winning), Misaka and OC fight in the alleyway below. Misaka is losing, and before she is defeated, Touma happens to be by and lets loose an unblockable attack upon the OC, knockiing his helmet off. The psuedo OC knows of its normal personality and life, and mocks Touma, before taking off. They understand who the culprit is.

As the drug wears off during the OC's return home, he arrives at the apartement to see his home in flames. What really happened was the OC's home was immediatly invaded by Anti-Skills after the fight before. His mother (to prevent capture and infomration gathering) detonated the room, killing herself and the soldiers within.

Confused and outright scared, the OC flees and looks for solace. He runs to the place where he tested, and contemplates. There, the other US esper that fought Kuroko speaks to him. She herself has been told the entire mission (she doesnt have anything aginst it, while the OC, was known to be against it, so no one told him the plan) but confuses the OC, who doesnt understand anything.

Just as hope seems lost in a street, an entire assembly of the US epsers swoops in and takes him away.
Wait, how come the US ESPers managed to invade Gakuen Toshi? The city is strict on whoever can come in since it doesn't want its information leaked out, so how can an entire essembly of ESPers be there? It's not easy to get in or out of AC, and the US being 30 years behind in technology would make it kind of impossible to try and pass without being detected.

Sounds interesting, with a solid plot. Be wary of making your OC too powerful and fix some things here and there.
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Old 2010-12-06, 00:41   Link #579
Chaos2Frozen
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yukirosuzuka View Post
Sounds interesting, but a bit sketchy. So that would mean if a Level 4 uses the drug, they would automatically rise up to a Level 7?

That doesn't make sense. Levels don't work that way. A Level 6 is stated to have a power that is on the level of God, what exactly would a Level 7 be? Also, it seems suspicious that Gakuen Toshi hasn't picked up on this drug. I suppose it's possible the US found it first, but still...

Also, there should be drastic side effects and specific limitations on who can use it, like the Crystallized Esper Essence has. Otherwise, it's too convenient.
It could easy be limited to a certain level, after all there's only so much a human body can take. Perhaps it only works for the low levels? And at higher levels it does nothing? There's no way any other country could even come close to the power levels of Academy City's Espers.

I want to suggest something though, how about making the US espers fundamentally different from Academy City's AIM espers? We know the reason why Crowley went down that path, but just like the gemstones, power users come in all shapes and sizes. Maybe the American Espers wouldn't be AIM base?
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Old 2010-12-06, 01:38   Link #580
kaizerknight01
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Ok ( deep breath ) after brain storming for a bit i decided to abandon the earlier OC' and just make another. still involves AC Tree Diagram project. These are one of OC That will meet and interact with Touma


Eiji age 17 a level 0 ability by touching or carrying reduces the said weight of an object by a certain amount named "Anti Load" passive skill ( The standard it can negate 50% and to the extreme it can remove 100%( trigger by anger/rage) of the weight as long he's physically near the object. ( No effect on biological matter.)

Attends the same school as Kamijou Touma but in a different classroom , offend skip going to school, because of the odd jobs he's in (Working student)

Personalty: Cautiously Optimistic, a bit laid back, but dependable.

Daisuke 16 Level 0 Skill "Extra Space" an active skill enable a bag or container to multiply is capacity usually times 2 but can reach as high 10 times its capacity.

Sumire 17 Level 0 " Lyrical Interference" active skill her song can enhance a person abilities/ has this moral boosting effect ...


Still brain storming .........

Last edited by kaizerknight01; 2010-12-06 at 01:48.
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