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Old 2011-05-10, 03:29   Link #8761
Kafriel
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This is the second time I've been mistaken for a dude.
Needs more photos of yourself
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... does there happen to be a Lost and Found box around here where that serious stuff went?
Most people know what to do after a month of daily visits here, but doesn't that mean we're doing something right?
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Old 2011-05-10, 03:35   Link #8762
Sumeragi
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Originally Posted by Magin View Post
At one point in time, I even recall we gave serious dating advice on this thread

... does there happen to be a Lost and Found box around here where that serious stuff went?
Food in a relationship is a very serious subject, and I say this without a single trace of irony.
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Old 2011-05-10, 03:38   Link #8763
Khu
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But you do need trace amounts of iron in your food!
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Old 2011-05-11, 20:20   Link #8764
DonQuigleone
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
This is the second time I've been mistaken for a dude.
No such thing as women on the internet.

Didn't you know?
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Old 2011-05-11, 21:15   Link #8765
RadiantBeam
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Hm, mixed feelings all around on this subject. I suppose I want to share it just to get it off my chest.

I was eating breakfast this morning when my mom happened to inform me that my first love is now apparently engaged. I don't know all of the details, but it seems one of our high school friends was deported, and he offered to marry her to keep her in the States. That failed, but he still proposed to her anyway and says that in two years he's hoping to raise enough money to bring her back. His parents are fully supportive of this.

I am rather.... hm. I can't put it into words. On one hand I really shouldn't care; it's been two years since I last spoke to him, and I don't have the right to comment on his choices. On the other hand, though, I'm shocked that he did this, and, I admit... a little bit hurt.

Heh. Seems he only really ever had his heart in the right place when I wasn't involved.

In any event, my mom has invited him to my sister's graduation party in July. That should be.... fun.
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Old 2011-05-11, 21:36   Link #8766
Masuzu
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Hm, mixed feelings all around on this subject. I suppose I want to share it just to get it off my chest.

I was eating breakfast this morning when my mom happened to inform me that my first love is now apparently engaged. I don't know all of the details, but it seems one of our high school friends was deported, and he offered to marry her to keep her in the States. That failed, but he still proposed to her anyway and says that in two years he's hoping to raise enough money to bring her back. His parents are fully supportive of this.

I am rather.... hm. I can't put it into words. On one hand I really shouldn't care; it's been two years since I last spoke to him, and I don't have the right to comment on his choices. On the other hand, though, I'm shocked that he did this, and, I admit... a little bit hurt.

Heh. Seems he only really ever had his heart in the right place when I wasn't involved.

In any event, my mom has invited him to my sister's graduation party in July. That should be.... fun.
first love stuff is murky

guess after all that food stuff we're back in business
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Old 2011-05-12, 04:13   Link #8767
Sumeragi
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Hm, mixed feelings all around on this subject. I suppose I want to share it just to get it off my chest.

I was eating breakfast this morning when my mom happened to inform me that my first love is now apparently engaged. I don't know all of the details, but it seems one of our high school friends was deported, and he offered to marry her to keep her in the States. That failed, but he still proposed to her anyway and says that in two years he's hoping to raise enough money to bring her back. His parents are fully supportive of this.

I am rather.... hm. I can't put it into words. On one hand I really shouldn't care; it's been two years since I last spoke to him, and I don't have the right to comment on his choices. On the other hand, though, I'm shocked that he did this, and, I admit... a little bit hurt.

Heh. Seems he only really ever had his heart in the right place when I wasn't involved.

In any event, my mom has invited him to my sister's graduation party in July. That should be.... fun.
Not sure what I can say about this. For starters, what kind of first love was this?
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Old 2011-05-12, 05:06   Link #8768
Khu
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ARGHHH

I need to let my girlfriend down nicely, but she's having all this drama with school and shizz...and I was planning to sometime now since it's 6 months away from her actual exams, but now situation's gone FUBAR and she's had parent teacher interviews and reports...how do I let her down nicely? Just tell her that I have no fucking idea how this will work after this year!? Because this year is already pretty fucked up already...we have two totally different groups of friends, and thus we spend very little time together, combined with our studies and shizz... blarhdlkhjlgkj @_@
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Old 2011-05-12, 05:14   Link #8769
Masuzu
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I need to let my girlfriend down nicely, but she's having all this drama with school and shizz...and I was planning to sometime now since it's 6 months away from her actual exams, but now situation's gone FUBAR and she's had parent teacher interviews and reports...how do I let her down nicely? Just tell her that I have no fucking idea how this will work after this year!? Because this year is already pretty fucked up already...we have two totally different groups of friends, and thus we spend very little time together, combined with our studies and shizz... blarhdlkhjlgkj @_@
i guess it would be pointless to ask if you're sure about that

so assuming you are

i can tell you this bro, based on my experience

if you try to sound too nice while you're letting them down, they won't take it well

i guess it could be different, but this is what i learned

of course it's a given to do it in person
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Old 2011-05-12, 05:46   Link #8770
Last Sinner
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The best you can do is to be honest. It isn't going to be pretty and both of you will feel crap in the short term. But if the two of you have moved that far apart and are barely together anymore, just explain how you feel and that you think it's best that the two of you split. Don't sugarcoat it or beat around the bush. Just say it as it is so that she won't hate you in the long term.
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Old 2011-05-12, 06:03   Link #8771
Masuzu
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Don't sugarcoat it or beat around the bush. Just say it as it is so that she won't hate you in the long term.
exactly, though don't say anything like:

"Hey babe, let's break up."
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Old 2011-05-12, 06:12   Link #8772
Tsuyoshi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Khu View Post
ARGHHH

I need to let my girlfriend down nicely, but she's having all this drama with school and shizz...and I was planning to sometime now since it's 6 months away from her actual exams, but now situation's gone FUBAR and she's had parent teacher interviews and reports...how do I let her down nicely? Just tell her that I have no fucking idea how this will work after this year!? Because this year is already pretty fucked up already...we have two totally different groups of friends, and thus we spend very little time together, combined with our studies and shizz... blarhdlkhjlgkj @_@
Better to break the news to her now than to hold it off. The longer you wait, the harder it becomes for both of you, and the more at risk you'll be of losing contact with her at all. I should know.
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Old 2011-05-12, 06:35   Link #8773
Khu
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Originally Posted by Da_Box View Post
i guess it would be pointless to ask if you're sure about that
I have to. Otherwise it'll just get worse down the road. I'd rather end the relationship on a happier note than an argument later.
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Old 2011-05-12, 07:45   Link #8774
ChainLegacy
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Hm, mixed feelings all around on this subject. I suppose I want to share it just to get it off my chest.

I was eating breakfast this morning when my mom happened to inform me that my first love is now apparently engaged. I don't know all of the details, but it seems one of our high school friends was deported, and he offered to marry her to keep her in the States. That failed, but he still proposed to her anyway and says that in two years he's hoping to raise enough money to bring her back. His parents are fully supportive of this.

I am rather.... hm. I can't put it into words. On one hand I really shouldn't care; it's been two years since I last spoke to him, and I don't have the right to comment on his choices. On the other hand, though, I'm shocked that he did this, and, I admit... a little bit hurt.

Heh. Seems he only really ever had his heart in the right place when I wasn't involved.

In any event, my mom has invited him to my sister's graduation party in July. That should be.... fun.
Would his presence at the party make you uncomfortable? I'm puzzled by that part, why is he invited? Family friend? Just seems kind of weird to me your mom would put you in that situation, but I don't know the whole story behind it so I might have the wrong impression.
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Old 2011-05-12, 07:56   Link #8775
Sumeragi
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Originally Posted by Khu View Post
ARGHHH

I need to let my girlfriend down nicely, but she's having all this drama with school and shizz...and I was planning to sometime now since it's 6 months away from her actual exams, but now situation's gone FUBAR and she's had parent teacher interviews and reports...how do I let her down nicely? Just tell her that I have no fucking idea how this will work after this year!? Because this year is already pretty fucked up already...we have two totally different groups of friends, and thus we spend very little time together, combined with our studies and shizz... blarhdlkhjlgkj @_@
Break it ASAP, or at least say you need time to reevaluate your relationship, and wish to no longer be committed.
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Old 2011-05-12, 15:13   Link #8776
Kafriel
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Originally Posted by Khu View Post
ARGHHH

I need to let my girlfriend down nicely, but she's having all this drama with school and shizz...and I was planning to sometime now since it's 6 months away from her actual exams, but now situation's gone FUBAR and she's had parent teacher interviews and reports...how do I let her down nicely? Just tell her that I have no fucking idea how this will work after this year!? Because this year is already pretty fucked up already...we have two totally different groups of friends, and thus we spend very little time together, combined with our studies and shizz... blarhdlkhjlgkj @_@
Bring it up on Khu day. Khu day starts with a Khu who didn't wake up well, and is really bothered by something...so when she asks what it is, take the most serious, grim look you can come up with and tell her you're breaking up with her (insert [...] here to get a why out of her). Then either bring out your disappointment and negative view of your potential relationship, or throw a tantrum if you cba to explain.
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I have to. Otherwise it'll just get worse down the road. I'd rather end the relationship on a happier note than an argument later.
I've NEVER heard of a relationship ending on a note that resembles "happy" in any way. Be prepared, even if you break up there are always things you're better off keeping to yourself.

@ RB: Don't care. Not as in, -I- don't care, I'm addressing you not to care about him. Of course even though I say that, sometimes it's hard to look over certain things or people in life; should that be the case, you might want to find something to focus on, so as not to think of him.
Quote:
I was eating breakfast this morning when my mom happened to inform me that my first love is now apparently engaged.
Ok, I'll just rudely type my thoughts...how did she find out? Don't answer this one if you don't want to :P
Quote:
I admit... a little bit hurt.
There are some wounds even time has trouble healing, having found myself in a similar situation of inevitable sorrow knocking on my door, forget about it for now, it's just better to deal with it when that time comes.
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Old 2011-05-12, 22:25   Link #8777
RadiantBeam
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Originally Posted by ChainLegacy View Post
Would his presence at the party make you uncomfortable? I'm puzzled by that part, why is he invited? Family friend? Just seems kind of weird to me your mom would put you in that situation, but I don't know the whole story behind it so I might have the wrong impression.
We were good friends for a number of years, and even after our fallout two years ago, he still treats my mother with kindness and respect, so I suppose she wanted him to come. It sort of puts me in an awkward position since she already extended the invitation and he wants to come, so I feel like the bad guy if I tell her I don't want him around.

Admittedly, part of the problem is I don't really feel settled on him, even now. I've avoided interacting with him for two years simply because I don't know how I'd be around him. I knew sooner or later I'd have to talk to him again, but I really wish I'd had more time, even if it's the coward's way out.
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Old 2011-05-13, 00:03   Link #8778
blissfullyunaware
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For what it's worth, I don't think you are being a coward, You just feel conflicted, and that is fine. Feel free to ignore this, but here is my take on it:

If I were in your situation, I would treat him as a familar face that you haven't seen in a while. What I mean is, keep your interactions with him brief and superficial. And keep it civil. Admittedly, ignoring your own concerns isn't good, but this event isn't the time to rehash any drama that may still be there. After all, the guy and your mom are still on good terms, so he can't be a total ass, right? Then again I don't have a good relationship with any of my exes, so maybe you should just do the complete opposite...

Last edited by blissfullyunaware; 2011-05-13 at 00:20.
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Old 2011-05-13, 00:44   Link #8779
Masuzu
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We were good friends for a number of years, and even after our fallout two years ago, he still treats my mother with kindness and respect, so I suppose she wanted him to come. It sort of puts me in an awkward position since she already extended the invitation and he wants to come, so I feel like the bad guy if I tell her I don't want him around.

Admittedly, part of the problem is I don't really feel settled on him, even now. I've avoided interacting with him for two years simply because I don't know how I'd be around him. I knew sooner or later I'd have to talk to him again, but I really wish I'd had more time, even if it's the coward's way out.
okay here's the thing bro, if you feel uneasy around him, then just make sure you ALWAYS have a friend with you, that will make it MUCH less weird feeling even if you two were to bump into each other, smile, and don't make it painfully obvious that you don't feel good around this dude

that's basically it bro, just gotta hang in there 'till it's over

alternatively, you could always just try to avoid him, then again i doubt that'd work
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Old 2011-05-13, 04:19   Link #8780
Sumeragi
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
We were good friends for a number of years, and even after our fallout two years ago, he still treats my mother with kindness and respect, so I suppose she wanted him to come. It sort of puts me in an awkward position since she already extended the invitation and he wants to come, so I feel like the bad guy if I tell her I don't want him around.

Admittedly, part of the problem is I don't really feel settled on him, even now. I've avoided interacting with him for two years simply because I don't know how I'd be around him. I knew sooner or later I'd have to talk to him again, but I really wish I'd had more time, even if it's the coward's way out.
Wanting to have more time is not a cowardly thing. I don't know the circumstances of the breakup, but likely it's best for you to avoid making things possible worse for yourself.

I agree with Da_Box with having a friend next to you as much as possible. It would deflect most of the possible negative feelings you might get, while keeping things polite and civil.
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