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Old 2011-05-30, 12:05   Link #301
Silver-Throne
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Join Date: Apr 2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Goose View Post
Enough shouting.

I won't comment on his ancestry, except to say that who knows, his ancestor might have shaken hands with Jon's grandfather.




Alright, WTF, over. Firstly, you've made a half-crazed blood knight thrill of battle seeking sniper. No sane organisation is going to want a sniper who enjoys his work too much. Organisations employing snipers look for quiet professionals who do what has to be done, not loud blood knight thrillseeking killers. Even the great Simo Hayha and Carlos Hathcock knew when to put the rifles down and walk away.

Also, why the hell is he shouting all the time? You'd think that as Peterenko's grandson he'd be a bit like his grandfather - a quiet professional.

Also, fire for effect is the proper term, and it's used by artillery and mortar crews, not snipers.

Incidentally, have you forgotten Butei Law Section Nine? Butei are NOT allowed to kill. Your OC who's very kill-happy is going to have a hard time of it.

Now, on the other hand, if he's an antagonist, then that's something else. Certain things are more forgivable in antagonists.

Also, would it kill you to write normally? Putting everything in caps and bolded italics just turns people off.
fine then.
I changed the term. He`s not an antagonist. He`s a good guy
You may check the OC profile from the previous page

Last edited by Silver-Throne; 2011-05-30 at 12:27. Reason: added somethin`
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Old 2011-05-30, 13:20   Link #302
Wild Goose
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*facepalms*

You're completely missing the point. He's a sniper. He needs to be a quiet professional. Off the job he could be cheerful and flamboyant and all, but on the job he has to be focused and professional - not a loud-mouthed thrill seeker.

(As an aside note: Not the be a racist - god knows I'm not a whitey, even though I can speak with American and British accents IRL - but am I right in guessing that English is not your primary language? That's the only reason I can think of for why we seem to be having communication difficulties.)

And you're completely missing some other points as well... leg shots can still kill people - there's no such thing as only a flesh wound in real life. Shooting the legs is in fact quite problematic because if the round is powerful enough you'll blow off the limb and the target bleeds to death rapidly. (Which is what MacMillan and Price were reasonably counting on to finish off Zhakaev. Didn't take, unfortunately, due to plot armor.)

Tranq rounds... possible but not likely. You'll have to do some explaining - and also note that any round, regardless if it's lethal or supposedly less lethal like a rubber bullet, will cause fatalities if aimed at the head.

Not to say that sniping can't work - goodness knows we've got Reki, and I've got two OCs taking Snipe electives, but the mindset, that's crucial.

Basically, Lev strikes me too much as a sniper Leeroy Jenkins.
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Old 2011-05-30, 13:35   Link #303
Silver-Throne
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Goose View Post
*facepalms*

You're completely missing the point. He's a sniper. He needs to be a quiet professional. Off the job he could be cheerful and flamboyant and all, but on the job he has to be focused and professional - not a loud-mouthed thrill seeker.

(As an aside note: Not the be a racist - god knows I'm not a whitey, even though I can speak with American and British accents IRL - but am I right in guessing that English is not your primary language? That's the only reason I can think of for why we seem to be having communication difficulties.)

And you're completely missing some other points as well... leg shots can still kill people - there's no such thing as only a flesh wound in real life. Shooting the legs is in fact quite problematic because if the round is powerful enough you'll blow off the limb and the target bleeds to death rapidly. (Which is what MacMillan and Price were reasonably counting on to finish off Zhakaev. Didn't take, unfortunately, due to plot armor.)

Tranq rounds... possible but not likely. You'll have to do some explaining - and also note that any round, regardless if it's lethal or supposedly less lethal like a rubber bullet, will cause fatalities if aimed at the head.

Not to say that sniping can't work - goodness knows we've got Reki, and I've got two OCs taking Snipe electives, but the mindset, that's crucial.

Basically, Lev strikes me too much as a sniper Leeroy Jenkins.
hmmm...a problem
how bout I`ll make him return to Assault Division?
it`s still counted (thanks to the inheritance )
I`m going to fix it again
Now fixed and by the way , who`s Leeroy Jenkins?

Last edited by Silver-Throne; 2011-05-30 at 13:42. Reason: reminding someone
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Old 2011-05-30, 15:27   Link #304
Terminator98
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@Sheba: GOOD LORD am I happy that I canned my Masamune descendant... would've made two characters that would end out becoming too similar... XD Nice char there anyways, looks like a good one to introduce in my own fic at one time or the other.

Je vois que tu parles Francais... hehe... premier Frenchy que je rencontre qui est animephile sur ces forums.


ANYWAYS GENTS, massive revision to the plot and etc... for my fic, but chars are somewhat unchanged (did modify a few details, also made their profiles more summary. The fic will take care of going in deep).



Kyousuke Yamato - Mister Badass

Spoiler for Portrait:


Name: Kyousuke
Surname: Yamato
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Height: 1.79m
Division: Assault
Butei Rank: A
Ancestor: Elisabeth Bathory
Equipment: Desert Eagle "Planet Eagle" Variant, CZ 45 "Red Custom", Multiple Stiletto Switchblades

Likes: Piano, Italian Food, Japanese Food, Women
Dislikes: Garlic, Silver, Vegetables, Spicy Food


Spoiler for Background:



Spoiler for Personality:



Spoiler for Abilities:



Spoiler for Nightray Team Position:



Spoiler for Trivia (Warning, possible spoilers for my fic):






Alexandra V.H Yamato - The Platinum Princess

Spoiler for Portrait:


Name: Alexandra
Surname:
V.H. Yamato
Gender:
Female
Age:
17
Height:
1.68m
Division:
Inquesta
Butei Rank:
A
Ancestor:
Abrham Van Helsing
Equipment:
Glock 34, Silver Knives, Twinbow II Crossbow

Likes:
Violin, Flowers, Singing, Reading, Studying, Gardening
Dislikes:
Violence, Blood, Perverts, Kyousuke's flirtatious attitude


Spoiler for Background:



Spoiler for Personality:



Spoiler for Abilities:



Spoiler for Nightray Team Position:



Spoiler for Trivia (Warning, possible spoilers for my fic):






Gabriel Michaelis - God's Wrath

Spoiler for Portrait:


Name: Gabriel
Surname:
Michaelis
Gender:
Male
Age:
18
Height:
1.78m
Division: Dagula
Butei Rank:
A
Ancestor:
Sebastien Michaelis
Equipment: Smith & Wesson Model 29

Likes:
Sweets, Cakes, Scaring people, Sleeping, anything related to Japan
Dislikes: Otherworldly creatures, Spicy food, Working, Cowards



Spoiler for Background:



Spoiler for Personality:



Spoiler for Abilities:



Spoiler for Nightray Team Position:



Spoiler for Trivia (Warning, possible spoilers for my fic):






Yui Miyamoto - The Sword Maiden(?)

Spoiler for Portrait:


Name: Yui
Surname:
Miyamoto
Gender:
Female
Age:
17
Height:
1.72m
Division:
Connect
Butei Rank:
A
Ancestor:
Musashi Miyamoto
Equipment:
Boken, Wakizashi, Nodachi, Katana, Kahr P45

Likes:
Tea, Swords, Drawing, Chatting
Dislikes:
Any crawling insect. Did I say any crawling insect?



Spoiler for Background:



Spoiler for Personality:



Spoiler for Abilities:



Spoiler for Nightray Team Position:



Spoiler for Trivia (Warning, possible spoilers for my fic):






Asuka Azai - Rambo Girl

Spoiler for Portrait:


Name: Asuka
Surname:
Azai
Gender:
Female
Age:
16
Height:
1.62
Division:
Assault
Butei Rank:
A
Ancestor:
Azai Nagamasa
Equipment:
Steyr TMP Submachineguns, Retractable Lance, C4 Explosives

Likes:
Horses and pets in general, fooling around, guns, shopping.
Dislikes:
Seriousness, Bad Guys, Ghosts



Spoiler for Background:



Spoiler for Personality:



Spoiler for Abilities:



Spoiler for Nightray Team Position:



Spoiler for Trivia (Warning, possible spoilers for my fic):





-------------------------------------


Ok, team Nightray's complete. Feedback and comments are welcome. (+ Quotes)

Next coming up is relationship with the other OCs here.
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Old 2011-05-30, 16:18   Link #305
SaintessHeart
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gunblade23 View Post
hmmm...a problem
how bout I`ll make him return to Assault Division?
it`s still counted (thanks to the inheritance )
I`m going to fix it again
Now fixed and by the way , who`s Leeroy Jenkins?
Tranquilliser rounds are dangerous to be used on humans because of the differing amounts can be administered per human body mass, health conditions, etc - Meister can vouch for me on this. You COULD substitute it with hallucinogenic drugs though, like psilocybin or LSD, both of which are considered illegal drugs but low on lethal dose ratio and dependence. Reisen gave Kanari 40. S&W caliber bullets administering small doses of LSD that are enough to disorient an enemy, making it somewhat a non-lethal weapon.

The idea behind it are the ballistic darts are mounted on low-powered cartridges, or air-powered cartridges using nitroguanidine as propellant instead of conventional explosive powder so the bullet does not penetrate, but rather, just stabs into the skin and administering the drug. Redesigning the cartridge to vent the gas so it produces something like opening a soft-drink can should be workable.

Do whatever you want with your OC man. There isn't anything wrong with using abit of imagination and reading up more on science to match to it - though it depends on how much you have read that you are able to relate to whatever he does.
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Last edited by SaintessHeart; 2011-05-30 at 16:33.
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Old 2011-05-31, 00:40   Link #306
MeisterBabylon
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The X-Butei

Gertrude Freiherr Immelmann
“Red Baron”
Affiliation: SSR - 15
Voice: Minako Kotobuki

What began as a means to breed the finest super-soldiers for the Third Reich, the 1st Schwarzehase has changed lieges many times, until its current incarnation under the blessings of NATO and the international Butei Corps. Each generation of eugenic pairing yielded stronger and stronger results, with the current generation deemed worthy to be called Artificial Choutei. It is from this pristine pedigree that Gertrude comes from. Descendent of many notable Luftwaffe aces from the Red Baron to Gertrude Barkhorn (making her and Karla distant cousins), Immelmann is a fearsome predator of the skies. While transports, gunships and fighters are her thing, Immelmann is not shy on the ground. Her body was bred for strength, resilience and agility, which was then enhanced with prosthetics. She cannot hurl tanks or chase cheetahs like Suzumeno Manami can, or turn invisible and teleport like Hajime Yanko, but Gertrude can still run a marathon while lugging 100kilos of gear effortlessly, or punch like a truck, or both. She oozes cold steel logic, speaks her mind as she see fit and detests artistic pursuits or excessive expressions of emotion. In spite of all this, Gertrude finds herself drawn to cute fluffy items and music, which leaves her at a loss and would do her best to keep her composure when others are around (Alone, she gives in more readily). Having taken an elective at the Stargate facility in Langrange, USA, Gertrude is the team specialist for extra-sensory perception, psychic forensics and counter-esper operations. An esper herself, she is also taking extra classes on the subject from Prof Xie. She wears a swimsuit-like garment under her Butei uniform which protects her core bionics from EMP and electronic warfare. She contested the class rep position because she believes that Alistair is unworthy of the position given her rep, and if no one volunteered the class would fall into disrepute. She is the designated pilot of Professor’s SR-79 Blackbird transport.

~~~~~~

A German super-soldier done right should be moe as well as cool.
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Last edited by MeisterBabylon; 2011-05-31 at 06:46.
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Old 2011-05-31, 01:19   Link #307
Silver-Throne
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I wonder what will be Lev`s reaction if he met him?

maybe it goes something like this:

Lev: A German!!! Back in World War 2,My ancestor killed a German general with a sniper rifle

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Old 2011-05-31, 01:48   Link #308
MeisterBabylon
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I'm pretty sure its obvious that Gertrude is a She. Never mind the masculine title; its just my style.
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Old 2011-05-31, 08:13   Link #309
Keroko
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Someone said "I dare you."

So I did.

Aila W. Cairns
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Old 2011-05-31, 09:17   Link #310
NorthernFallout
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No idea if it really works or not. But he was fun to create and perhaps someone finds a use for him.

The Courier
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Old 2011-05-31, 10:01   Link #311
Terminator98
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon View Post
Gertrude Freiherr Immelmann
“Red Baron”
Affiliation: SSR - 15
Voice: Minako Kotobuki

What began as a means to breed the finest super-soldiers for the Third Reich, the 1st Schwarzehase has changed lieges many times, until its current incarnation under the blessings of NATO and the international Butei Corps. Each generation of eugenic pairing yielded stronger and stronger results, with the current generation deemed worthy to be called Artificial Choutei. It is from this pristine pedigree that Gertrude comes from. Descendent of many notable Luftwaffe aces from the Red Baron to Gertrude Barkhorn (making her and Karla distant cousins), Immelmann is a fearsome predator of the skies. While transports, gunships and fighters are her thing, Immelmann is not shy on the ground. Her body was bred for strength, resilience and agility, which was then enhanced with prosthetics. She cannot hurl tanks or chase cheetahs like Suzumeno Manami can, or turn invisible and teleport like Hajime Yanko, but Gertrude can still run a marathon while lugging 100kilos of gear effortlessly, or punch like a truck, or both. She oozes cold steel logic, speaks her mind as she see fit and detests artistic pursuits or excessive expressions of emotion. In spite of all this, Gertrude finds herself drawn to cute fluffy items and music, which leaves her at a loss and would do her best to keep her composure when others are around (Alone, she gives in more readily). Having taken an elective at the Stargate facility in Langrange, USA, Gertrude is the team specialist for extra-sensory perception, psychic forensics and counter-esper operations. An esper herself, she is also taking extra classes on the subject from Prof Xie. She wears a swimsuit-like garment under her Butei uniform which protects her core bionics from EMP and electronic warfare. She contested the class rep position because she believes that Alistair is unworthy of the position given her rep, and if no one volunteered the class would fall into disrepute. She is the designated pilot of Professor’s SR-79 Blackbird transport.

~~~~~~

A German super-soldier done right should be moe as well as cool.
I think that Red Baron will enjoy meeting a certain antagonist/anti-protagonist that I'm making, namely, a certain descendant from Michael Wittman, the famous WWII Tank Ace.
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Old 2011-05-31, 11:12   Link #312
Sheba
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon View Post
Gertrude Freiherr Immelmann
“Red Baron”
Affiliation: SSR - 15
Voice: Minako Kotobuki

What began as a means to breed the finest super-soldiers for the Third Reich, the 1st Schwarzehase has changed lieges many times, until its current incarnation under the blessings of NATO and the international Butei Corps. Each generation of eugenic pairing yielded stronger and stronger results, with the current generation deemed worthy to be called Artificial Choutei. It is from this pristine pedigree that Gertrude comes from. Descendent of many notable Luftwaffe aces from the Red Baron to Gertrude Barkhorn (making her and Karla distant cousins), Immelmann is a fearsome predator of the skies. While transports, gunships and fighters are her thing, Immelmann is not shy on the ground. Her body was bred for strength, resilience and agility, which was then enhanced with prosthetics. She cannot hurl tanks or chase cheetahs like Suzumeno Manami can, or turn invisible and teleport like Hajime Yanko, but Gertrude can still run a marathon while lugging 100kilos of gear effortlessly, or punch like a truck, or both. She oozes cold steel logic, speaks her mind as she see fit and detests artistic pursuits or excessive expressions of emotion. In spite of all this, Gertrude finds herself drawn to cute fluffy items and music, which leaves her at a loss and would do her best to keep her composure when others are around (Alone, she gives in more readily). Having taken an elective at the Stargate facility in Langrange, USA, Gertrude is the team specialist for extra-sensory perception, psychic forensics and counter-esper operations. An esper herself, she is also taking extra classes on the subject from Prof Xie. She wears a swimsuit-like garment under her Butei uniform which protects her core bionics from EMP and electronic warfare. She contested the class rep position because she believes that Alistair is unworthy of the position given her rep, and if no one volunteered the class would fall into disrepute. She is the designated pilot of Professor’s SR-79 Blackbird transport.

~~~~~~

A German super-soldier done right should be moe as well as cool.

Can I ask you how did the scientists slip through the grasp of the Allies AND the Mossad? I mean, their experiments have likely killed jews, and the survivors are not going to forgive that. Moeover, I doubt the NATO is going to approve it, in the European Union we are fucking battling in councils to allow (ot not) genetically modified corn to grow in our fields, especially France. So let's not get started on humans.

PS: Did you even read what Tempest about trying to not blatantly port characters from other shows? Because that's Laura from IS right here.
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Old 2011-05-31, 11:49   Link #313
Terminator98
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It's rather hard for Meister not to port chars in, or rather, it's a bit hard to come with very original characters now days. Every char created is inspired from certain other chars, very few are those that stand out from the rest for being unique and original.

Same for me, even though I try as hard not to copy any char... I often end up giving in some traits to my character that seem to be reminiscent of characters from other animes/mangas.

but yeah.. he could try... XD
Why did she HAVE to be german btw? That's a good question... and Schwarze Regen... AHEM. (Which reminds me, I also have an IS fic to work on... back to writing)


P.S: Courier kinda reminds me of "The Transporter" movies for some reason... XD I could see him with those badass shades walking in and kicking everyone's butt or giving an extremely hot chase to a criminal while swearing everytime he gets shot at.
Also... Keroko, why does Aila make me think of "Highlander"... I dunno, might be just the feeling though, as the char herself is more sweet and less OP... I"d guess, but S Rank is quite impressive (even though Kyousuke is theoretically an S Rank+, he's just stuck with a limiter).
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Old 2011-05-31, 12:03   Link #314
Keroko
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Terminator98 View Post
Also... Keroko, why does Aila make me think of "Highlander"... I dunno, might be just the feeling though, as the char herself is more sweet and less OP... I"d guess, but S Rank is quite impressive (even though Kyousuke is theoretically an S Rank+, he's just stuck with a limiter).
She's William Wallace. That explains both of your questions.

And if you think she's sweet and not OP... clearly I have some improvements to do.
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Old 2011-05-31, 14:23   Link #315
Terminator98
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She's William Wallace. That explains both of your questions.

And if you think she's sweet and not OP... clearly I have some improvements to do.
Might be just the sweetness, dunno, the art is good.
As for OPness... dunno... it's hard to gauge power levels of certain characters unless there are specific indications. We can just brag about how skilled and whatever our characters can do, but it's usually up to the author to portray power levels (even though the status of Vampire that one of my chars has makes him automatically a powerful being as he's on par with Dracula. But as I said, he's got a limiter on him).
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Old 2011-05-31, 14:26   Link #316
Keroko
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Well it's more the impressive factor that I want to stand out, using Braveheart as a jumping point and all.
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Old 2011-05-31, 17:04   Link #317
Sheba
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Age: 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
Someone said "I dare you."

So I did.

Aila W. Cairns
And you have performed fine.

As a result, I added her to the "My OC toward others" posts:

Kirsty, Preston and D'Artagnan.

Fio, Sanae and Jin

And last batch

Naoko Kazami
Spoiler:

Svetlana Dragovic
Spoiler:

Erin Dee Kirishima
Spoiler:
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Old 2011-05-31, 17:29   Link #318
Chaos2Frozen
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That's pretty throughout But I guess I would have to make my first impression of Minato with a bang soon; I've decided on the 'Silent Moe' personality for him since there's a large fanbase for those type of characters So now I have 'Silent Moe', a Tsundere, a Dojikko, a cute one, a sexy one, and a sweet one
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Old 2011-05-31, 18:58   Link #319
MeisterBabylon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheba View Post
Can I ask you how did the scientists slip through the grasp of the Allies AND the Mossad? I mean, their experiments have likely killed jews, and the survivors are not going to forgive that. Moeover, I doubt the NATO is going to approve it, in the European Union we are fucking battling in councils to allow (ot not) genetically modified corn to grow in our fields, especially France. So let's not get started on humans.
2 capital letters: E.U. (the criminal organization).

The rest will have to wait on the novel for more details. But I'll drop NATO and add much more negotiations.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheba View Post
PS: Did you even read what Tempest about trying to not blatantly port characters from other shows? Because that's Laura from IS right here.
Hey now I resent this. I deliberately made her cold and logical, but not bitter. Laura is just a generic tsundere with a sad past; Gertrude is much more akin to a Vulcan, claims to be logical, but is so full of emotion that she lapses once in a while. She has NO illusion for a "Banagher Links" to come along and smash. She's not the commander of 1SH. She's still in training. And she's not in Butei for some personal vendetta.

I did not include how she looks, but I'm definitely going for the Pure Aryan colors of white-blonde + blue eyes. Plus no powered armor. She runs with a Styr AUG assault rifle and a FAMAS for a "handgun". Opts for a SIG SG-550-1 for long-range engagements. Stun baton is because its the most feasible "duuh that's hi-tach" melee weapon I could think of outside of a pilebunker.

I find more similarities between Gertrude and Space Marine #466387 than Colonel Bodewig. And I didn't even pack a chainsword.

Most of all, I feel that this is how a German super-soldier should be done.

The only link between the 2 of them is the unit, which I could simply change the name or drop it. But that would simply defeat the hinthintwink reference in the first place.
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Last edited by MeisterBabylon; 2011-05-31 at 19:11.
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Old 2011-05-31, 19:53   Link #320
kct
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon View Post
The only link between the 2 of them is the unit, which I could simply change the name or drop it. But that would simply defeat the hinthintwink reference in the first place.
Which is also the very thing that the others have been telling you not to do in the first place.
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