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Old 2011-06-08, 18:25   Link #31241
Kaijo
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Decided to post Inappropriate Language to ff.net after all. Glad you guys found it amusing.

Oh, and DC, I wasn't quite happy with that line, either. But I made a modification to it that should enhance it somewhat.^^
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Old 2011-06-08, 18:32   Link #31242
deathcurse
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
Decided to post Inappropriate Language to ff.net after all. Glad you guys found it amusing.

Oh, and DC, I wasn't quite happy with that line, either. But I made a modification to it that should enhance it somewhat.^^
*Snicker* Yes, I like the irony at the end there .

It might just be me though, but I think that the added bit, while tying in more tightly with the humour earlier, seems to throw the bunch of the ending off a little bit. Like, it felt snappier to me when it had just ended with Arf saying "Figures, that dumb bastard." But at the same time, the new addition adds a nice level of irony...I dunno .
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Old 2011-06-08, 18:57   Link #31243
Alavon
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Originally Posted by 00-Raiser View Post
So here's my take on the whole Vivio/Hayate thing.

Spoiler for Never Easy:


Spoiler for note:
I'm surprised at how...what's the word..."civil" the conversation between Nanoha and Hayate went. Too many fanfictions with exagerrated-overprotective-mother Nanoha plaguing my mind. lol

Spoiler for Best line EVAR!!!:
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Old 2011-06-08, 19:33   Link #31244
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alavon View Post
Spoiler for Best line EVAR!!!:
Heh, I thought that was one of my better lines. Glad some one liked it

So how's this for a revision of Hayate's final line:

Spoiler for line:
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Old 2011-06-08, 19:48   Link #31245
Moczo
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All right.

DC seems to have the thread focused on this, so I can hardly not contribute to the Hayate/Vivio FEVAH, right? XD

Granted, as is my wont, I've chosen to take a slightly differing viewpoint on the relationship between the two. One that, I hope, will be appreciated.

Or laughed at.

Really, mostly the second.

Raiser, your ficlet was also a major source of inspiration for me here, so thank you as well. I hope you enjoy the fruits of your inspirationing. Inspirationizing. ... I hope you like it.

Spoiler for Alternative Viewpoints:
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Old 2011-06-08, 19:50   Link #31246
Kuroi Hadou
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moczo View Post
Spoiler for Alternative Viewpoints:
... that was hilarious.
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Old 2011-06-08, 19:55   Link #31247
Nanya01
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moczo View Post
All right.

DC seems to have the thread focused on this, so I can hardly not contribute to the Hayate/Vivio FEVAH, right? XD

Granted, as is my wont, I've chosen to take a slightly differing viewpoint on the relationship between the two. One that, I hope, will be appreciated.

Or laughed at.

Really, mostly the second.

Raiser, your ficlet was also a major source of inspiration for me here, so thank you as well. I hope you enjoy the fruits of your inspirationing. Inspirationizing. ... I hope you like it.

Spoiler for Alternative Viewpoints:
And here I was, starting to get bored.

Excellent.

...

*Is bored again*
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Old 2011-06-08, 20:00   Link #31248
00-Raiser
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moczo View Post
All right.

DC seems to have the thread focused on this, so I can hardly not contribute to the Hayate/Vivio FEVAH, right? XD

Granted, as is my wont, I've chosen to take a slightly differing viewpoint on the relationship between the two. One that, I hope, will be appreciated.

Or laughed at.

Really, mostly the second.

Raiser, your ficlet was also a major source of inspiration for me here, so thank you as well. I hope you enjoy the fruits of your inspirationing. Inspirationizing. ... I hope you like it.

Spoiler for Alternative Viewpoints:
Thanks for the shout out or I might have passed over it otherwise

Hilarious stuff. Love how you turned things around with Vivio being the one doing the [ill aimed] rejecting.

Hayate's groping could potentially cause problems, but of course it's stated that she only does it to people she's close to that won't sue her (Shari even groped her back )
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Old 2011-06-08, 20:13   Link #31249
Tiresias
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moczo View Post
Spoiler for Alternative Viewpoints:
Well ain't that just great. It's only been an hour at the office today and already I have a grin I have trouble hiding
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Old 2011-06-08, 20:30   Link #31250
deathcurse
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moczo View Post
All right.

DC seems to have the thread focused on this, so I can hardly not contribute to the Hayate/Vivio FEVAH, right? XD

Granted, as is my wont, I've chosen to take a slightly differing viewpoint on the relationship between the two. One that, I hope, will be appreciated.

Or laughed at.

Really, mostly the second.

Raiser, your ficlet was also a major source of inspiration for me here, so thank you as well. I hope you enjoy the fruits of your inspirationing. Inspirationizing. ... I hope you like it.

Spoiler for Alternative Viewpoints:
OMG, hilarious!

Despite it not going exactly as how I'm currently shipping , I absolutely loved it .
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Old 2011-06-08, 20:30   Link #31251
DezoPenguin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moczo View Post
All right.

DC seems to have the thread focused on this, so I can hardly not contribute to the Hayate/Vivio FEVAH, right? XD

Granted, as is my wont, I've chosen to take a slightly differing viewpoint on the relationship between the two. One that, I hope, will be appreciated.

Or laughed at.

Really, mostly the second.

Raiser, your ficlet was also a major source of inspiration for me here, so thank you as well. I hope you enjoy the fruits of your inspirationing. Inspirationizing. ... I hope you like it.

Spoiler for Alternative Viewpoints:
LOL! Excellent! We've been taking the concept way too seriously lately.

hee hee..."bathing in eel slime"

...Glad Nanoha and Fate weren't listening outside the door for that one!
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Old 2011-06-08, 20:40   Link #31252
Tiresias
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 00-Raiser View Post
Any suggestions on how to make the line better?
Well here's a (roughly written) alternative if you're interested:
Quote:
“I don’t know about that.” Hayate chuckled bashfully. “I was freaking out for a moment there…” Hayate shifted to a serious tone. “Tell Vivio that if she wants to submit a request for vacation time, or a transfer, I’ll sign off on it right away.”

There was a pause for a moment, images of a crying Vivio flashing in Hayate's eyes. The next sentence began with a stutter. "...and though I sincerely hope it wouldn't come to that, I will understand if she wants to resign."

“I’ll tell her.” Nanoha smiled before leaving. “Thanks again, Hayate-chan. I’m glad it was you.”
Something bugs me though. Hayate considers herself to a mother, yes? But had any of the Wolkies ever went through puberty during her time?
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Old 2011-06-08, 20:41   Link #31253
SilentOutlaw
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.... How did Hayate/Vivio end up absorbing this thread?
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Old 2011-06-08, 20:47   Link #31254
Kuroi Hadou
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Originally Posted by SilentOutlaw View Post
.... How did Hayate/Vivio end up absorbing this thread?
I rather quickly came to the conclusion that this thread has a herd mentality. Someone writes something; someone then comments. Then someone sees someone commented, so they make their own comment. It snowballs from there until another person sees all the positive comments the one writing is getting and then decides to write their own story related in some way it. Rinse and repeat.

How do you think the Shadowverse got to be so big?
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Old 2011-06-08, 20:50   Link #31255
SilentOutlaw
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Hayate/Vivio verse confirmed to be the next Shadowverse?

They really need a cooler verse name.
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Old 2011-06-08, 20:54   Link #31256
Tiresias
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilentOutlaw View Post
.... How did Hayate/Vivio end up absorbing this thread?
Boredom. As in "so bored with the similarities shared by the majority of the current fics available that when a (relatively) fresh idea came out well, others start imagining their own take on the subject"

The same thing happened with Zero no Tsukaima before. Someone made an interesting story of Louise summoning EMIya Shirou, and soon enough a horde of "Lousie summons X" stories starts to pop out
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Old 2011-06-08, 21:09   Link #31257
Nanya01
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Well, unless you like crossovers, you won't read my story, and considering I update like 4-6 times a week with my crossover story...

Yeah...
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Old 2011-06-08, 21:12   Link #31258
Kuroi Hadou
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Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
and considering I update like 4-6 times a week with my crossover story...
About that, Mr. Rocket Muse: Stop making us all look bad!
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Old 2011-06-08, 21:15   Link #31259
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilentOutlaw View Post
.... How did Hayate/Vivio end up absorbing this thread?
Tends to happen when you have two big names (deathcurse and RadiantBeam in this case) endorsing it.
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Old 2011-06-08, 21:22   Link #31260
Nanya01
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kuroi Hadou View Post
About that, Mr. Rocket Muse: Stop making us all look bad!
It's not my fault that you guys can't write like I can.
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