AnimeSuki Forums

Register Forum Rules FAQ Members List Social Groups Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   AnimeSuki Forum > Anime Discussion > Older Series > Retired > Claymore

Notices

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
Old 2011-08-03, 17:22   Link #4101
Kinematics
Let's play a game!
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by FormerAbyssalone View Post
Well the good thing for Nina and co is that everything is set up for Deneve and them to save them.
Helen appears!

Roxanne: Oooh! Stretchy arms! I need to find out how to do that... Oh Helennnnnn~~ /Bounces over and gazes adoringly at Helen/

Helen: The secret to my technique? Sure! First /swings arm over Roxanne's shoulder and starts whispering conspiratorially/, you need a whoooooole lotta beer......

Deneve: /Facepalm/ .... Well, at least we only have to fight two of them now...



- random randomness, but probly better suited to fanfic thread than the discussion thread.
Kinematics is offline  
Old 2011-08-05, 05:19   Link #4102
haegar
mangaviking
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
I only ventured here by accident but good thing, nice pun
__________________
http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/5008/kibatabisig2.png
haegar is offline  
Old 2011-08-05, 10:17   Link #4103
Falcor
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Lurking in a forum near you
Age: 33
Send a message via MSN to Falcor Send a message via Skype™ to Falcor
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinematics View Post
Helen: The secret to my technique? Sure! First /swings arm over Roxanne's shoulder and starts whispering conspiratorially/, you need a whoooooole lotta beer......

Deneve: /Facepalm/ .... Well, at least we only have to fight two of them now...
For some strange reason, that makes me think of Ryus' sig... I can just picture an updated version with Roxy.
Falcor is offline  
Old 2011-08-15, 16:06   Link #4104
Bikerider
Senior Rider of Bikes
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Meanwhile in the Possible Near Future

A Lone figure of emense presence but no Yoki signature appears suddenly on the ridge before the Org. All see her and shake as fear vibrates through every cell of their bodies. The resurrected number 1's look strangely upon the warrior formerly known as #47. They don't seem to understand their fate and their time has come to an end. The ghosts rejoice in the return of Clare.

... meanwhile back in Rabona...

"Just shut up all ready you filthy creature." Gally slaps the now no longer hybridized and fully human Priscilla. "I don't care if you don't think it's fair Clare took all your power."

Miata chimes in: "Smelly... Stinky. Needs more soap."

Clarice adds: I don't think there's enough soap in all Rabonna to get rid of that smell."
Bikerider is offline  
Old 2011-08-20, 21:41   Link #4105
Blue Pentacle
Always Pondering......
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Send a message via MSN to Blue Pentacle Send a message via Yahoo to Blue Pentacle
Hi again,


I am here today with a little something that has been lingering in my thoughts for a few days, on and off.


On the subject, I am making some moves to get things going again with "Strange Consorts" which will hopefully prove nice too. Though, it is on that same subject, that I thought to maybe open a wider consultation with like minded others.


Considering the nature of the story in "Strange Consorts" and the developments seen between the new, unlikely friends of Raki and the Abyssal of the South, Luciela, I was intrigued by an idea that sprung up lately.


I was wondering as to the possible reaction Rafaela could have to this; if the Claymore and the Abyssal, her new nature and friend in tow, were ever meet? Or even if the younger sister was to hear of this weird, startling twist in Luciela's life?


Hypothetically speaking, it is interesting, and I was wondering what others might think or feel about it .


Thanks,


Blue Pentacle.
__________________


Fascination in silver eyes and ebony form.
Blue Pentacle is offline  
Old 2011-08-20, 23:18   Link #4106
Shiek927
Thread Hijacker
 
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In a hole, I just need to dig myself out
Sure, why the heck not?! Hell, I figured, even if you didn't bring it up, that such a meeting was going to happen anyway -- even if she wasn't truly in the first story, Rafaela did play a large part as she is simply too important not to be. Throwing in the fact that Rafaela and Luciella did eventually meet which (in my and many others opinions, and it's because it's been sooo long since we argued these points considering the events of the manga, but I'm throwing it back for old times sake; I'll see if I can find some old posts on them later on) in order for Rafaela to save her, meeting Raki would have huge affects -- especially since the accidental fusion of both sisters coming together would probably never happen.

Their is alot to think about it, but history is moving -- Raki is one person, yet pairing with Luciella is gonna have huge effects down the road increasingly as time goes on, especially if Rafaela does come into play. I'm looking forward to it
__________________
"You know, their are as many ways to live as their are people in this world...and each one deserves a closer look."
Shiek927 is offline  
Old 2011-08-21, 00:01   Link #4107
warlock7
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
i believed such confrontation is ubvious, go for it.
also publish the next chapter soon.
will raki's friendship progress to romance?
warlock7 is offline  
Old 2011-08-21, 02:16   Link #4108
lightsenshi
Author
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Age: 43
"Clare, I will protect you!"
"Not tonight, Raki. I have a headache."
__________________
lightsenshi is offline  
Old 2011-08-26, 12:51   Link #4109
Weird D
Just existing...
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Spoiler for Falling into the Abyss:

Well, here is my new fic, and definitely the most polished one to date. Shieky and I exchanged many messages, put a lot of thought into this and he sent me plenty of feedback to make it better, underlining where Riful seemed OOC and where I could add some details. Considering how little reworking humor fics require by comparison, I really thank you man! Now I just have to clean up my PM box!

This is really ironic since I do NOT intend to continue it (I may later on, but that's a very big maybe) : it is meant to be a challenge for anyone willing. I've never seen a Raki/Riful before, and I was wondering what would happen if she had mananged to survive and stumbled on the Org's recovery team .

Unfortunately, I have zero ability to plan ahead for a long fic, hence why I stick to short ones . I do have a couple ideas for long stories, but I can't turn them into complete plots.

There are several things to consider for this one:
Spoiler for questions:


Only one rule : these two must become real friends and eventually more. The start may be rocky, with a bit of manipulation from Riful, but they must be loyal to each other - no Raki dumping Riful if Clare ever come back. A triple relationship is still possible though .
Weird D is offline  
Old 2011-08-26, 23:14   Link #4110
warlock7
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
interesting idea, maybe someone also should try to intagrade a younger raki meeting riful, wander how that would turn?
warlock7 is offline  
Old 2011-09-22, 10:46   Link #4111
shelter
Every word must conjure
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: City of No Yesterdays
Send a message via MSN to shelter
It's been quite a long time since I had anything good enough to post here.

So, here's another one-shot.

Working title: A Sermon of Galatea
Words: 2,271

Summary: The children always ask her questions. And she reminds them that the kingdom of heaven can be found in seven warriors dressed in black. Features the seven ghosts and, of course, Galatea.

Some harsh criticism would be nice before this goes up on FF.net. Thanks


Spoiler for A Sermon of Galatea:


Section titles are the first lines of the Beatitudes (Gospel of Matthew Chapter 5:3-12). I apologise in advance if fellow Claymore fans take offense with the way I use religious references. If I overdid it, please let me know.
__________________

Last edited by shelter; 2011-09-22 at 11:16. Reason: spelling & grammar
shelter is offline  
Old 2011-09-22, 12:43   Link #4112
Kinematics
Let's play a game!
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Review of the first section:

Spoiler for section 1 review:



Will get to more of it later.

Last edited by Kinematics; 2011-09-22 at 16:26.
Kinematics is offline  
Old 2011-09-22, 16:16   Link #4113
Kinematics
Let's play a game!
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Spoiler for section 2&3 review:
Kinematics is offline  
Old 2011-09-22, 17:52   Link #4114
Kinematics
Let's play a game!
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Spoiler for section 4&5 review:
Kinematics is offline  
Old 2011-09-23, 00:23   Link #4115
Kinematics
Let's play a game!
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Spoiler for section 6&7 review:
Kinematics is offline  
Old 2011-09-23, 00:43   Link #4116
Kinematics
Let's play a game!
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Spoiler for section 8 review:



Overview:

I will note that the base story is very well written. It has no fundamental technical errors of the type that I usually spend all of my time correcting, so I'm actually free to make second-order technical corrections.

I don't do that often because such notes are of necessity far more verbose than fundamental technical corrections, to the point where my notes can end up longer than the story itself. It's a lot of work, but your story is short enough for it to be quite manageable. You're at a stage that's good enough that I can get serious about a review, and also not have to torture myself with the difficulty of explaining all the higher-order flaws.

While I made a lot of critique notes, you'll notice that most of them are clustered in the earlier sections. This is typical, as the writer often gets more into the flow of the story as it progresses, leaving less for me to correct. If you can write the early parts with the strength of the latter parts, it will serve you well.

You have a diverse vocabulary, and are adept at strongly flavorful text (though there is an occasional tendency to go overboard). The greatest weaknesses would probably be the pacing (as defined by the sentence structure), both in terms of consistency and appropriateness, along with difficulty in maintaining clarity with respect to the actors in a scene.

Overall, well worth reading.
Kinematics is offline  
Old 2011-09-24, 09:15   Link #4117
shelter
Every word must conjure
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: City of No Yesterdays
Send a message via MSN to shelter
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinematics View Post
I don't do that often because such notes are of necessity far more verbose than fundamental technical corrections, to the point where my notes can end up longer than the story itself. It's a lot of work, but your story is short enough for it to be quite manageable. You're at a stage that's good enough that I can get serious about a review, and also not have to torture myself with the difficulty of explaining all the higher-order flaws
.
.
Thank you Kinematics! I think in all my short time here on Animesuki I've never thought you were such a master proofreader.

Because of the lack of people such as you to keep me in check, I've developed a very brash, too 'flavourful' style. It's the style that I use because I've grown too used to it. But you're right, it needs a lot of maintenance to correct the clarity, pacing and appropriateness (all those metaphors come from an imagination that's gone a bit overboard)

Not sure if you'll want to see the amended version, but I'll notify you once I've done the corrections you've recommended. And, in the meantime, you should think about writing something yourself! With all your skill, I'll be interested to read whatever might be on your mind
__________________
shelter is offline  
Old 2011-09-28, 13:19   Link #4118
Shiek927
Thread Hijacker
 
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In a hole, I just need to dig myself out
Been meaning to review this story for awhile now; taking a few minutes to try to write down my thoughts.

Firstly, I'm far from the most religious person on the planet, so all the references and connetations didn't really make me feel offended or anything; though I did feel a few things that I'll get too. In general, what I enjoyed the most about this story is simply the focus on every single Ghost -- you made that previous story once where all the "lesser" Ghosts (Tabitha, Cynthia, Yuma) were in a centric-piece and got a chance to shine, and of course, the wonderful PTSD which I loved and fanned my interest in Tabitha. Here though, although small, lets each member a moment to shine which I liked since nobody is left out.

Yuma's was the first, and easily my favorite - I don't know what it was, but it just had the biggest affect on me: staring down at her hands just felt very emotional; the most insecure member looking at herself just felt strong. Whether it's because she feels joy, surprise, confusion etc at the girl's scribbling, or maybe she is just staring at herself trying to piece herself together...I can't even tell if it's either a moment of weakness, strength, or neither; whatever the meaning was (I'd rather not know), it just felt very good to me and reminded me of, as before, Tabitha in PTSD - that she could be so much more then meets the eyes. Tabitha was different in that we don't know much about her, whereas we know Yuma is meek; still, having a moment like this, resonants very strongly nonetheless and was my favorite.The title is 'okay' - since I'm a supporter of hers, calling her poor in anything feels like a bad thing (), but I'm being too defensive at that point (seeing her negatives as positives, or I'm just outright supporting her) . "The Meek" would have probably been a more appropriate title but I see what you were going for.



Cynthia, their isn't as much to think about, but in a way, it brings up the memories of when we discovered her mourning for Veronica. Extroverted people, who are just bubbling and full of outward emotion, tend to come across as invincible; that nothing could stop them because it feels natural to assume that they are just as positive on the inside as they are on the outside -- a common and gross misjudgement. For Introverted people, it's about coming out and bringing what they have inside-out; it's not backwards for Extroverted people - it's just that all that energy is already out and natural; it doesn't make them any less deep or emotional as introverted people; it's just that they don't have any, or as much, trouble showing it. Cynthia was suffering as all the other Ghosts; she was just surprising because, for many, it was just unexpected. Finding out her pain was a sort of return to reality, and this bit kinds of reminds us of that. No problems with the title at all.

Deneve's.....honestly, I'm at odds with this one -- the title just sticks out like a sore-thumb. I tried to figure out how you were thinking of her, or what you tried to get across; I thought that, perhaps, akin to Claire, that you were trying to express that she is much more emotional, weaker, gentler (etc) underneath then she was on her cool stoic surface. In fact, we know she is -- she's even more fiery and passionate then Helen is; it's just that this is all inside, whereas for Helen, it's out. The only thing seperating Deneve from Claire then is that, underneath even that, Claire is fractured, hurt, is more good then she would admit (etc)....Deneve, even though we know she has her traumas like everyone else (losing her sister), not so much. Overall, I got nothing but an impression of Strength from her, in her part. Perhaps in general, you tried to show just how emotional she is underneath her frozen mask, and of course I got that, but anything that somehow symbolizes that she's Meek? Not at all really; Meek has more or less, all the same consistent definitions and I just can't picture Deneve fitting any of them -- not in general, nor in her section.

Helen was another puzzling one that I wasn't sure that I "got", or understood how I was supposed to "get". I thought at one point, that, with the apple, that it was a reference to the Adam and Eve (with the snake and all), but that began to go away -- in general, i feel that goes too far anyway in describing her if that's what you were going for. After all, for everything that she is, she is not a bad person in the least -- perhaps in the eyes of the church (perhaps that's what you were aiming for?), but definitely no where near enough that you would compare her to the Devil. Even more so, the child's lines about Man not needing only bread, feels contradictory since, well, she's not eating bread....so what's the issue? Is the child approving her, or scolding her?

I honestly just don't understand this one. If Helen did something wrong, she certainly doesn't feel guilty (she handed over the fruit, but only after it was finished ; or is this a different one?); Galatea apparently doesn't approve, and the child...I can't even tell. I don't think this is a case of me thinking too much on it -- just that I'm not getting how you intended it.

Miria's was a simpler one -- it kind of figures that she would be curious at how Galatea works with the children; as a leader who takes command of her soldiers, and as a soft person underneath. We know, especially now, that Miria is far from perfect, and her emotions, overly presumptions of her troops, probable lack of communication etc etc...all in all, it's lead to what's happened in the manga, and although Deneve was perhaps too strong in her thoughts (Sock it to her Tabitha! ), she isn't far off in that she is very emotional and those emotions have been what has been controlling her decisions more then logic. In a sense, seeing Galatea working gently with children fits with that, since that sort of emotional relationship isn't how Miria should work with her troops (though their are huge definite good things from Miria having a great emotional relationship with the others; while she acted too rashly and emotionally, it was also spurred because of an ironic lack of connection and relationship with the others -- again, had she just talked more with the others and their feelings, she wouldn't have just gone off on her own). Nevertheless, both sides of her shine in this one and it makes for a nice complete piece. That kid calling her a monster was rude to say the least (), but her reaction was even more surprising; I guess she's so used to it that, and/or has come to terms with it, that instead of offense/indifference/anything else, she actually complies. Maybe it's sarcasm, or something else; maybe she is actually hurt by it....either way, Galatea's last sentence was a friendly and well-timed compliment (though she still called her a monster as well ; she isn't the nicest person by any means either, as I will get too later). The title, while okay, I didn't think was good enough to really fit Miria -- I felt that their could have been stronger ones that you could have picked, but it was okay.

Have to leave now; will try to get to the others later on.
__________________
"You know, their are as many ways to live as their are people in this world...and each one deserves a closer look."
Shiek927 is offline  
Old 2011-09-28, 16:44   Link #4119
Shiek927
Thread Hijacker
 
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In a hole, I just need to dig myself out
Claire's is probably the one most in-character of them all -- while not my favorite, you capture her the most, and in a way, it's not too hard at all: once you "get" Claire, she's actually one of the easiest warriors to figure out. I go into more detail here (http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=1310), but it's amazing just how many layers she has built within herself, to shelter and hide the fact that, really, she hasn't changed much from the petrified girl holding that severed head she was way back when. Galatea sees through all her flashiness with relative ease; in a way, she even sorts of plays with her by bending down to a child's level. It's sort of funny, in a teasing way, because it expresses that Claire does not need to 'act' -- she doesn't need to try to emulate Teresa by acting all stoic, or lie when she is going to save someone's life. She's not a bad or cruel person by any means - it's easy to push her buttons, and she is nothing like the fiery person and/or the cool-collected fascade which she has built to push through her insecurities. Really, I don't have much to say with this one -- it has the biggest feeling of being complete and everything feels and sounds right -- while Yuma was my favorite, this was probably the best written of them all.

Tabitha I don't see much to reply too as well -- unlike the emotional approach with Claire, their's not much underneath as it is just Galatea training her. Sure, I understood the religious connotations, but nothing really jumped out at me -- if anything, what I really want to talk about, is Galatea.

The fic is extremely religious-based to say the least, with Galatea taking center-stage - the fact however that it's so far into religion makes me wonder...why? We know recently that Galatea never actually believed in the God of Rabona, or any sort of religious deity until the remaining Ghosts started going toward Staff to find Miria.

So until then, she really didn't actually care for religion or anything; the whole guise was just a cover to hide from the Organization. We know she secretly did enjoy the duty, as she admitted to the pastor, but when it comes to a deity, or religion as a whole, she secretly did not.

I'm not making a fuss in that you're wrong for making her do so -- I just want to know what you were thinking. Tons of fics before that revelation have been made where Galatea is very sisterly as she is here (Revan's is probably the biggest in which her love for the church is humongous) and the news, as I said, is recent.....still, it is what it is. So, did you just ignore this bit and made her very religious nonetheless? Did your forget? All the Ghosts are together so this is clearly shortly after Agatha's defeat, and, if we're getting that specific, time-line-wise, before the Ghosts departure to Staff....again, all and all, I'm not saying that you were wrong for making Galatea like this anyway, I just want to know the 'why'.

Because, if she really is just acting, for example, it changes the whole perception of the story in that she doesn't really believe everything she is saying and what she teaches these kids. Despite her flutterly looks, Galatea, like Flora and Miria, are high-ranker commander-types and not secretly soft or regal or anything (on the inside, is a different story though naturally)....getting to the point (because I have to go now ), I just want to know what you were thinking on this when you made this story. I'm not making a huge fuss about it, but as I said, it's an important piece of information from the story which essentially changes the foundation and perception of the story depending on the answer.

Overall, it was a very well-written story -- it was probably one of the biggest you made because of all the characters involved, so I had many different reactions, from the simplistic ones, to the very emotional ones, and the ending, was very good in that I felt it ended on a very good and peaceful note, with all the expressions of the beauty all around. Really, all things considered, although not necessarily light-hearted, it was probably one of the "happiest" stories you've ever written.
__________________
"You know, their are as many ways to live as their are people in this world...and each one deserves a closer look."
Shiek927 is offline  
Old 2011-10-01, 09:45   Link #4120
shelter
Every word must conjure
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: City of No Yesterdays
Send a message via MSN to shelter
@Shiek

I've mentioned before that I get inspiration by reading the posts & stories on the Animesuki forum.

I try to rotate between Claymore characters so that I get a chance to write for each character (of course, my favourites are Tabitha, Flora & Clare). So I decided to write a Galatea fic because Revan's story seemed combine the two elements of devotion to religion & Galatea's domineering character to portray her as bossy, overbearing and moralistic. So my fic is a bit of a response to that - combine devotion to religion and someone as quirky/ attentive as Galatea together and you can have something equally unique.

As for other reasons why, I've always wondered how Galatea viewed the Ghosts, minus a one-dimensional approach to them simply as 'saviours of Rabona'. The fic is my attempt to make sense of that.

I used the Beatitudes simply because that's what I was reading when I got the idea. Each individual section was meant to represent senses other than sight that Galatea uses to identify each of the Ghosts. At the end, however, I try to make a point that Galatea 'sees', not with eyes, but with the familiarity of her yoki and with her own personal feelings towards the Seven Ghosts.

Actually I didn't know that Galatea "never actually believed in the God of Rabona". I must've missed that part while reading the manga. Can someone direct me to it?
__________________
shelter is offline  
Closed Thread

Tags
fanfiction

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:46.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
We use Silk.