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Old 2011-10-02, 07:49   Link #2061
MeisterBabylon
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I guess because I designed IS by using canon technology in ways that is overpowered, I did come up with strange ways to break the system. In a way, like how Star Trek comes up with solutions...

ISpers have an insane advantage in that they know what you are going to do next. Let's pit combat instructor Trinity in an I-type MPIS with just the SAR-X2 SOPMOD rifle and a 4-bit SWORD Equalizer against Mysterious Lady. Even if the MPIS can't overwhelm the defenses, the unit being lighter and simpler can engage the unit in attrition until ML gives up or makes a mistake. Being an ISper helps that along. Being an experienced pilot first and a war veteran second closes the gap some more. And when she stalls long enough, the rest of her squadron would've gotten there. Now let's say it was Marvelous-san who set up the trap, and has Karon and friends Overdrive jump from BVR into melee. All of them have been given plasma disruptor Equalizers. ML is now exhausted by Trinity's assault, and reacts too slowly from being surrounded, and is stunned unconcious. So as long as no one comes to her aid, she's lost because her IS was just too bulky, and that she's just 1 person.

As long as there is a pilot, the IS always has a flaw.
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Old 2011-10-02, 08:10   Link #2062
Eratas123
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon View Post
I guess because I designed IS by using canon technology in ways that is overpowered, I did come up with strange ways to break the system. In a way, like how Star Trek comes up with solutions...

ISpers have an insane advantage in that they know what you are going to do next. Let's pit combat instructor Trinity in an I-type MPIS with just the SAR-X2 SOPMOD rifle and a 4-bit SWORD Equalizer against Mysterious Lady. Even if the MPIS can't overwhelm the defenses, the unit being lighter and simpler can engage the unit in attrition until ML gives up or makes a mistake. Being an ISper helps that along. Being an experienced pilot first and a war veteran second closes the gap some more. And when she stalls long enough, the rest of her squadron would've gotten there. Now let's say it was Marvelous-san who set up the trap, and has Karon and friends Overdrive jump from BVR into melee. All of them have been given plasma disruptor Equalizers. ML is now exhausted by Trinity's assault, and reacts too slowly from being surrounded, and is stunned unconcious. So as long as no one comes to her aid, she's lost because her IS was just too bulky, and that she's just 1 person.
Is anybody immune to the ISper's mind reading ability? I think some corporation would make millions of dollars by making a headgear that can null the mind reading and destroy the ISper's advantage.
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Old 2011-10-02, 08:17   Link #2063
ZeroXSEED
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Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ZeroXSEED-
1. Is my grammar that bad? >_< I thought for sure it was okay. *Sulks in corner*
2. Are you still writing the author fic?
1. Really? I don't know.
I'd say it's fine for me.
Of course, those who speak/ write English for real might say otherwise...

2. I'm concentrating myself with my college and sacred twins, but I believe I'll post Authorfic and chapter 9 at the same time.

@MeisterBabylon
What is MPIS? Something like Uchigane & Raphael?
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Old 2011-10-02, 08:21   Link #2064
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@Zero- So how was the story? Need to know if it was lacking crack or if it's enough to make the reader want to use brain bleach
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Old 2011-10-02, 08:24   Link #2065
StratoSpear
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Originally Posted by wavehawk View Post

Thing is, I'm not even finished with <Ren> in her regular story yet, and now I have to deal with ideas...I blame Gundam Evolve #8 for this, dammit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzrifKdrEss
Watch that. Now replace the Ginns with Drone IS and the Strike Gundam with <Ren>-chan and you'll see what I mean.

"But <Ren> can't pilot an IS, right?
Right. She won't be in an IS.
"Oh crap..."
Wow damn! My OC, Inami-kun, could also handle multiple opponents but not without getting damaged himself first.

<Ren> is just... wow.. I can just imagine her kicking drone butts while going "Can't touch me!"
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Old 2011-10-02, 08:24   Link #2066
ZeroXSEED
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Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@Zero- So how was the story? Need to know if it was lacking crack or if it's enough to make the reader want to use brain bleach
Huh? I'd say you did a good job alternating between light and dark elements.

(Compared to me...just look at the chapters without Blitz' fist of grim-dark, it's mostly just a lighthearted twincest with no real plot )
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Old 2011-10-02, 08:39   Link #2067
Eratas123
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Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
Huh? I'd say you did a good job alternating between light and dark elements.

(Compared to me...just look at the chapters without Blitz' fist of grim-dark, it's mostly just a lighthearted twincest with no real plot )
Good thing Tatenashi wasn't there She would've made things worse . Hopefully he wont be mistaken for gay forever

Can you please read the prologue for chapter 4 I posted in the earlier page? Sorry for asking but you and Blitz seem most like my beta readers now please say if it needs any improvements.

When do you think you can post sacred twins.
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Old 2011-10-02, 08:44   Link #2068
ZeroXSEED
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Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Good thing Tatenashi wasn't there She would've made things worse . Hopefully he wont be mistaken for gay forever

Can you please read the prologue for chapter 4 I posted in the earlier page? Sorry for asking but you and Blitz seem most like my beta readers now please say if it needs any improvements.

When do you think you can post sacred twins.
I think I'll finish the story in 2-3 days, and it'll need 1-2 days for Blitz to correct

(unless the tragedy that is chapter 8 draft is repeated again, which mean ANOTHER WEEK TO FIX!)

You want to know how broken the REAL chapter 8 is? PM me with yer email here (not ff.net, it's has habit of erasing net address).
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Old 2011-10-02, 08:50   Link #2069
Eratas123
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Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
I think I'll finish the story in 2-3 days, and it'll need 1-2 days for Blitz to correct

(unless the tragedy that is chapter 8 draft is repeated again, which mean ANOTHER WEEK TO FIX!)

You want to know how broken the REAL chapter 8 is? PM me with yer email here (not ff.net, it's has habit of erasing net address).
I can't pm you right now My laptop just got taken for the night and I'm using my iphone to type Sorry.

Have you read the chapter 4 prologue? Is it okay?
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Old 2011-10-02, 09:30   Link #2070
blitz1/2
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Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
I plan to use the Dunoa corporation as an antagonist for both Ichika's and Irish segments, need to know if I can use her since she'd be pretty interested in saving Ichika if that was the case

My story starts at the end of volume 1 and diverges from there, canon events still happen but mixing the events of both Kyuukai and Irish in which will expand more on them.
If only you saw Zero and my plan with the Dunois company.

@Zero: No spoiling it for him.
Need help with chapter 9? xD

PS: one more thing, I spotted some grammar mistakes in chapter 8, so once you polish up chapter 9, send it to me so I can correct it, so I can send it back to you before you upload it.
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Old 2011-10-02, 09:38   Link #2071
ZeroXSEED
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Originally Posted by blitz1/2 View Post
If only you saw Zero and my plan with the Dunois company.

@Zero: No spoiling it for him.
Need help with chapter 9? xD

PS: one more thing, I spotted some grammar mistakes in chapter 8, so once you polish up chapter 9, send it to me so I can correct it, so I can send it back to you.
Hmm, right, sorry, I'm anemic right now so my concentration a little off. Sorry Eratas, I missed your prologue, I'll read it later...my head hurts.

(And they say Nurse knew how to take care people, Ichika is going to scold me)

As for chapter 9, I might have problem with character interaction, but I'm confident with the battle scenes. It's 33% done so far, 5500 words to go!
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Old 2011-10-02, 09:38   Link #2072
Eratas123
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Originally Posted by blitz1/2 View Post
If only you saw Zero and my plan with the Dunois company.

@Zero: No spoiling it for him.
Need help with chapter 9? xD

PS: one more thing, I spotted some grammar mistakes in chapter 8, so once you polish up chapter 9, send it to me so I can correct it, so I can send it back to you before you upload it.
You have plans for the Dunoa Corporation too!? I guess none of us here like them do we. I hope you kick dunoa's ass

Can you please read the review the prologue and crack draft I posted earlier? I need to know if the grammar is ok and if I need to tweak the the sequences at all, be careful of the yaoi moment in the crack draft though
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Old 2011-10-02, 09:46   Link #2073
blitz1/2
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Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
You have plans for the Dunoa Corporation too!? I guess none of us here like them do we. I hope you kick dunoa's ass

Can you please read the review the prologue and crack draft I posted earlier? I need to know if the grammar is ok and if I need to tweak the the sequences at all, be careful of the yaoi moment in the crack draft though
Grammar is fine. I think the transition was a bit too sudden after he went, "I hate my life!"

I think, you should put a LITTLE of a description, such as: I tried to lose in her in the hallways, didn't work. Tried running into a crowd, she just blew them away (without injuring them of course) and then say, after X minutes of more running away.

I think the girls AKA Ichika's harem are a bit too quiet about this matter, knowing how possessive they are. Although, maybe you should add in Irish whispering to Ichika, "Go along with this for now."
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Old 2011-10-02, 09:56   Link #2074
Eratas123
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Originally Posted by blitz1/2 View Post
Grammar is fine. I think the transition was a bit too sudden after he went, "I hate my life!"

I think, you should put a LITTLE of a description, such as: I tried to lose in her in the hallways, didn't work. Tried running into a crowd, she just blew them away (without injuring them of course) and then say, after X minutes of more running away.

I think the girls AKA Ichika's harem are a bit too quiet about this matter, knowing how possessive they are. Although, maybe you should add in Irish whispering to Ichika, "Go along with this for now."
This is just the bare bones of draft. I was actually planning to write a fight scene for Talia and an escape scene for Yuu but I left it out since it would make it drag on, I'll write it when I start the real thing I also planned for a scene where Cecilia and Rin summon their IS and try to maul Irish but I left that out too. Irish didn't think of whispering to Ichika at that moment He was panicking and the skull suit wasn't there to keep him calm

Just needed to know if it's actually plausible enough to write first, didn't want to write an extended fight/escape scene if the draft was too convoluted.

So do you think it's plausibe or too stupid to include?
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Old 2011-10-02, 09:58   Link #2075
ZeroXSEED
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Originally Posted by blitz1/2 View Post
Grammar is fine. I think the transition was a bit too sudden after he went, "I hate my life!"

I think, you should put a LITTLE of a description, such as: I tried to lose in her in the hallways, didn't work. Tried running into a crowd, she just blew them away (without injuring them of course) and then say, after X minutes of more running away.

I think the girls AKA Ichika's harem are a bit too quiet about this matter, knowing how possessive they are. Although, maybe you should add in Irish whispering to Ichika, "Go along with this for now."
That problem plagued chapter 9 as well, I currently reworking it.

Anyway, how about we bring all those characters to Dan's place?

You see...Ichika wanted to bring Madoka home to improve her mood further...

But the harem (and Char) is tailing for the twins, mistook it for a date (yes, the girls already saw Madoka as a big threat at this point).

Of course, Ichika visit Dan (Dan and Ran, moreso than Rin, never met Madoka even once), and Dan recognized one of the 'stalker' as Rin. Cue jelly maelstorm happy party with Ran joining.

Meanwhile, Dan and Ichika met their enemies (the guys Ichika sent to hospital for bullying Rin) when they brought Char to arcade. For some reason, they proceed to challenge Ichika in a duel (which obviously a trap, but Dan said he does not afraid).

They're surrounded by 30+ people but those three managed to steamroll them easily, and no I.S. involved.

Umm, is the pacing a little too fast? Just saying.
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Old 2011-10-02, 10:11   Link #2076
Eratas123
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Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
That problem plagued chapter 9 as well, I currently reworking it.

Anyway, how about we bring all those characters to Dan's place?

You see...Ichika wanted to bring Madoka home to improve her mood further...

But the harem (and Char) is tailing for the twins, mistook it for a date (yes, the girls already saw Madoka as a big threat at this point).

Of course, Ichika visit Dan (Dan and Ran, moreso than Rin, never met Madoka even once), and Dan recognized one of the 'stalker' as Rin. Cue jelly maelstorm happy party with Ran joining.

Meanwhile, Dan and Ichika met their enemies (the guys Ichika sent to hospital for bullying Rin) when they brought Char to arcade. For some reason, they proceed to challenge Ichika in a duel (which obviously a trap, but Dan said he does not afraid).

They're surrounded by 30+ people but those three managed to steamroll them easily, and no I.S. involved.

Umm, is the pacing a little too fast? Just saying.
Dan and Ichika manage to steamroll through 30+ guys!? Either Ichika's superhuman at this point or Dan is a crouching moron hidden badass! If Charles is as badass as he is in canon then that would help a lot *remembers volume 4*

Pacing seems fine, just dont forget to add details for what they're doing at the time
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Old 2011-10-02, 10:16   Link #2077
MeisterBabylon
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Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Is anybody immune to the ISper's mind reading ability? I think some corporation would make millions of dollars by making a headgear that can null the mind reading and destroy the ISper's advantage.
Yes they would, but when Science hasn't even understood how or why it happens, how are they going to go about it?

Also, when ISpers are few and far between, (The entire Metroid Spacey has around 10, and there's no formal way to test the trait beyond the pilot claiming she can feel something backed up by performance in war games) why bother?

(Its a trait I believe to exist in Ichika. Explains why IS reacts to him as well, and all those lol-NEWTYPE reactions he has. So instead of deterring it, people would be focused on making their men ISpers first, before they attempt to find countermeasures.)

That said, IS Perception is limited in the sense that they can only feel strong intent and emotions, which empathic people can already accomplish to an extent. Are these so-called ISpers really a new human being, or just someone very good at reading body language, amplified by the sensors of the IS? The Metroids believe they are, but the rest of the world regard it as hogwash.

Notice how I always like to have neither here nor there themes in my work. It gives me a lot to expound about as the series rolls on. Gotta give you guys something to chew on when I have no harem antics in mind.
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Old 2011-10-02, 10:17   Link #2078
blitz1/2
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Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
That problem plagued chapter 9 as well, I currently reworking it.

Anyway, how about we bring all those characters to Dan's place?

You see...Ichika wanted to bring Madoka home to improve her mood further...

But the harem (and Char) is tailing for the twins, mistook it for a date (yes, the girls already saw Madoka as a big threat at this point).

Of course, Ichika visit Dan (Dan and Ran, moreso than Rin, never met Madoka even once), and Dan recognized one of the 'stalker' as Rin. Cue jelly maelstorm happy party with Ran joining.

Meanwhile, Dan and Ichika met their enemies (the guys Ichika sent to hospital for bullying Rin) when they brought Char to arcade. For some reason, they proceed to challenge Ichika in a duel (which obviously a trap, but Dan said he does not afraid).

They're surrounded by 30+ people but those three managed to steamroll them easily, and no I.S. involved.

Umm, is the pacing a little too fast? Just saying.
30+ guys are a bit too excessive without using an IS, and I think Madoka can help out with several headshots. xD
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Old 2011-10-02, 10:21   Link #2079
ZeroXSEED
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Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Dan and Ichika manage to steamroll through 30+ guys!? Either Ichika's superhuman at this point or Dan is a crouching moron hidden badass! If Charles is as badass as he is in canon then that would help a lot *remembers volume 4*

Pacing seems fine, just dont forget to add details for what they're doing at the time
Well, Charles is just as badass as Canon version, Ichika IS a superhuman (he has vision and reflex beyond normal human, add to the fact he has armored fist as default weapon), and Dan...well...Ichika has a LOT of enemies in Junior High, makes sense for Dan to be at least strong enough to protect himself.

And of course, certain sniper duo (Cecil and Madoka) is making a BIG DAMN HEROINES with BB gun, and then Houki and Rin just happen to be there albeit a bit late...

(Especially, Rin, who still hold a grudge toward the guys)
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Old 2011-10-02, 10:22   Link #2080
Eratas123
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10 people would make a lot more sense. Even if Charles is badass he still wouldn't have been able to take out those robbers without Laura. Make it more like they take out 3 each and Madoka headshots the last one.

@Blitz- Is the draft okay to include or too much of a whiplash?
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