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Old 2011-10-05, 20:56   Link #34561
Craxuan
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I think the relationship between Eins and Zwei are more to sisters than parental actually, like twins.

The reunion should be teary for the Wolkenritters and Hayate for sure, but I can't see Zwei feeling uh, tearful about the meeting. Writer's preference I suppose, but I probably would've went with awkwardness + wariness before this line, 'Would you me about yourself, Zwei?'. Yeah you're missing one word lol. The reasons being that Eins was her model, and Hayate most likely (If there's a confirmation on this do tell) created Zwei with the resurrection of Eins in mind.

And the end of the chapter felt like it was suddenly cut short.

Otherwise, good chapter. I really wish I could write Signum's dialogues as well as you. >_>
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Old 2011-10-05, 21:58   Link #34562
Sunder the Gold
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Old_Iron View Post
"If I did not know the cause, I would reprimand you most seriously for living like this," spoke Signum evenly
Somewhere, there's someone going, "Oh, yeah, Signum-sama. Reprimand me. Reprimand me most seriously. I've been bad."

But more seriously, she would be the kind of person who insists people be neat and organized.


Quote:
"I also believe that I told you to take up a hobby." A single pink eyebrow rose in a questioning look. The tease more implied than intoned.
Hahaha. If Signum has any sense of humor at all, it would be exactly like this.


Quote:
At one point, she was almost certain that one of the books tried to nip at her heels. Considering the kinds of objects that Yuuno regularly dealt with, it was not entirely out of the realm of possibility.
In fact, just an hour before, Yuuno had accidentally spilled a cup of the wrong sort of tea on the wrong sort of book, and had then needed to use a chair as a shield while snapping a chain at the tome like a whip, crying, "Back, Simba, back!"

There was little evidence of this, as Yuuno had already thrown the ruined chair away before the women arrived.


Quote:
Her first meal had been a tomato nearly as big as she at the time.
The D'aaaaaaaaaaaaw is strong with this one.


Quote:
Before Eins' supposed death, Shamal, Zafira, and herself had buried the hatchet with her. Old wounds and grievances had seemed inconsequential when finally given the chance to mend things. Vita had disagreed at the time.
This doesn't get across the idea that Eins was originally living with them normally, and it only later became apparent that she needed to die to kill the Defense Program. If they'd known from the beginning, Vita's decision sounds worse.

Instead, I imagine that Eins didn't give anyone much time after making her decision, so that they could get away with it before Hayate caught on and tried to stop them. Which left Vita inadequate time to get over herself after learning that Eins was going to die.


Quote:
"...Then there was nothing allowing the Defense Program to reconnect to her. She was useless to it,"
Nothing allowing, or nothing encouraging? Saying that Eins was useless to the Defense Program sounds like it decided to try going out on its own because she had nothing to offer it.


Quote:
The blonde gave a nod. "Pretty much, yea.
This bothers me. "Yeah" ends with an H.


Quote:
paused for a moment, she interjected. "Is there anything that we can do to assist you with the replenishment? It appears to be taking quite a toll on your well being."
Can't someone transfer energy from themselves into him? Nanoha did something like that for Fate in the first season, though it might have only recharged Bardiche.

But if he's refueling Eins, theoretically someone could refuel him. Unless refueling a Device is a far easier matter...


Quote:
The blonde haired man blinked as Signum's words sank in. "Well, now I feel like a fool," he stated simply, resting his chin on one palm.

"In your defense, we did only discover the truth of the situation today," she replied.
And he's been very busy, and he seriously need to get some sleep.


Quote:
Though she may be borne of Reinforce and Lady Hayate, Zwei would not exist without your considerable assistance and she knows that." Looking towards the bedroom, the pinkette continued.
I was wondering if that note from the Sound Stages would come up. Of course, I'm also assuming it IS based on young-Hayate's comment in the Sound Stages?

Still, I'm not sure exactly what young-Hayate expected Yuuno would be able to contribute to the creation process, beyond research.

Nanoha and Fate seemed to think he would be able to help with repairing RH and B, earlier in A's, but he's never actually given any indication that he's good with repairing or designing machines.

If he'd ever made himself a new Device, that would have clearly backed up their expectations of him (and made good sense beyond that, too).

I'm all for lauding Yuuno's virtues, but in these cases it seems like they were over-estimating him. At least in young-Hayate's case, it's more reasonable, she knew was the girl who knew him the least at that point.


Quote:
"She said as much on the drive over, much to my own surprise as well."
Wait, did you write that scene or not? I'm not finding it, so did I imagine it?

If I am, are you going to write it? Or at least the conversation where Yuuno (or anyone) asks Rein about it?


Quote:
Yuuno found himself agreeing with that sentiment. "I never thought that being forced to take a vacation would lead me to be reviving the 'dead' and finding out that someone I've known for years considers me her father."
Heh.


Quote:
"This one involves Lady Hayate, yourself, and I believe the phrase I heard was 'expecting the stork'?" she stated plainly. There were far too many idioms for pregnancy and she'd had to look that one up, not quite understanding the link between a large bird and a baby.
Why would Signum the terse-and-to-the-point bother with looking up an idiom she didn't understand rather than use one she DID?

If that is supposed to be characteristic of her, I don't see why. If it isn't, I don't see why she made an exception in this case.


Quote:
dubiously acquired magic shotgun.
I think the more dubious part is the "magic" bit. If it doesn't spew mass-based slugs or fletchet clouds, is it really a shotgun? If it's magical, wouldn't it have to be a Storage Device running spells Zafira doesn't know?

COULD you load spells you don't know into a Device to use them? It seemed to work that way for Nanoha with Barrier Jacket, Protection and Sealing spells, but oherwise just about anyone with a Device could be using any spell without learning it.


Quote:
His reaction slowly turned into shock as the rest of Signum's words processed. His cheeks burned and he began to stammer while making frantic gestures with his hands. "But. But. We. That is. I. Her. We haven't. We're not. How?"

The sight nearly caused Signum to go beyond her characteristic chuckle and into a full on laugh. Nearly.
If anything could get her to almost laugh, it would be this.

And if even this can't make her laugh, I'm not sure anything could.


Quote:
"Oh, Kaiser..." There was an audible thump as the blonde's head hit the table. He knew all too well the power of that woman's rumors.
Will Signum start cracking down on the rumor more seriously for Yuuno's sake, out of respect for the man as much as to ease the stress he's obviously under?


Quote:
Verossa's presence made Signum's skin crawl for reasons unknown.
He's not my favorite character either, for reasons in and out of story, but even so, this seems very harsh.

Making Signum's skin crawl should be reserved for malicious and twisted individuals, not goofy and unreliable tricksters like Verossa. I'd think he'd simply provoke a reaction of exasperation, irritation or simple distaste. Contempt at the very most.


Quote:
The other possibility was that Lady Hayate simply had an absurd standard set when considering a romantic partner.
Would Signum of all people consider Hayate's standards "absurd", or merely acceptable?

Even from our perspective, it's hard to call her standards unreasonable, instead of words like "high" or "understandable."

(They might be absurd if Midchild was really as low on men as the gender ratios of named cast might indicate, or if a larger percentage of that cast was obviously, totally straight.)


Quote:
was willing to go that extra mile for her
At this point, it's more of a marathon. Or one-man blood-drive.


Quote:
Signum looked a bit hesitant before answering. "I will accept your offer on two conditions." Yuuno blinked in surprise and confusion as the pink haired Knight stood. "The first being that you permit Zwei to prepare the meal and the second that you permit myself to obtain the groceries." Her tone brooked no argument.
Were Signum ever to date, she'd likely insist on splitting the restaraunt bill.

If her date is smart, he'll agree. (Of course, he might be too stunned at the sight of her in the dress Hayate picked out to be thinking properly, and merely agree to anything she says out of conditioned response.)


Quote:
A raised pink eyebrow was the response given with a small smirk. "I was unaware that we were competing."
Unless Signum is unconscious of her own leadership strategies, wouldn't she be more likely to say something like, "You are indeed a wise man."


Quote:
"Zwei, Yuuno has offered to let us stay for dinner." The powder blue haired girl's response was a happy exclamation. Before she could ask what they were having, Signum held up a hand and continued. "I have accepted under the condition that he allow me to obtain the groceries and that you do the cooking." Zwei didn't look so enthusiastic as moments before.
D'awwww.


Quote:
Eins stepped in to support Signum. "Zwei, Yuuno is doing a great deal to assist me. Cooking dinner is the least you can do as a show of appreciation."
D'aaaww, she's already acting like a mother.


Quote:
When Yuuno entered the bedroom , Eins looked at him quizzically. "Daddy?"
Cue more amusing blushing, possibly stammering.
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Old 2011-10-05, 23:03   Link #34563
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Craxuan View Post
I think the relationship between Eins and Zwei are more to sisters than parental actually, like twins.

The reunion should be teary for the Wolkenritters and Hayate for sure, but I can't see Zwei feeling uh, tearful about the meeting. Writer's preference I suppose, but I probably would've went with awkwardness + wariness before this line, 'Would you me about yourself, Zwei?'. Yeah you're missing one word lol. The reasons being that Eins was her model, and Hayate most likely (If there's a confirmation on this do tell) created Zwei with the resurrection of Eins in mind.

And the end of the chapter felt like it was suddenly cut short.

Otherwise, good chapter. I really wish I could write Signum's dialogues as well as you. >_>
Cursed typos...

Since Zwei was made from Hayate and Eins' Linker Cores, it made more sense to me for a parental relationship between the two. Zwei's being teary is indeed more of a writer's preference. I decided to give Eins a bit more time before her 'death' so that she could create more memories which would then be passed on to Zwei as stories about her 'mother'. So Zwei was raised on those stories and now she has a chance to meet this amazing figure who is also her mother.

So far as the Absence timeline is concerned, everyone believed that Eins was dead and gone. Zwei was a way for her to live on with everyone in spirit. Kind of like how someone may see the spirit of a long dead friend in their children.

Sorry if it feels cut short. My brain decided to stop working and said 'Cut! That's a wrap.' and nothing else was coming.

Still, I'm glad you thought it was good and I'm flattered that you like my Signum dialogues.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunder the Gold View Post
Somewhere, there's someone going, "Oh, yeah, Signum-sama. Reprimand me. Reprimand me most seriously. I've been bad."

But more seriously, she would be the kind of person who insists people be neat and organized.
I concur. She's just going easy on Yuuno due to the situation. Otherwise, she'd have given him quite the reprimanding.

Quote:
In fact, just an hour before, Yuuno had accidentally spilled a cup of the wrong sort of tea on the wrong sort of book, and had then needed to use a chair as a shield while snapping a chain at the tome like a whip, crying, "Back, Simba, back!"

There was little evidence of this, as Yuuno had already thrown the ruined chair away before the women arrived.
For the record, I'm not allowed to drink while reading anymore. Mostly due to snippets like this and the fact that I don't want to be the International Spit Take Champion.

Quote:
This doesn't get across the idea that Eins was originally living with them normally, and it only later became apparent that she needed to die to kill the Defense Program. If they'd known from the beginning, Vita's decision sounds worse.

Instead, I imagine that Eins didn't give anyone much time after making her decision, so that they could get away with it before Hayate caught on and tried to stop them. Which left Vita inadequate time to get over herself after learning that Eins was going to die.
I'll have to clarify this somehow. Its more of the case that even though I'm giving Eins some more time with everyone, Vita wasn't able to get over herself before Eins' death.

Quote:
Nothing allowing, or nothing encouraging? Saying that Eins was useless to the Defense Program sounds like it decided to try going out on its own because she had nothing to offer it.
Even though the program went on to try and consume more data to repair itself, it knew that Eins' code wouldn't benefit it in any way. She was indeed useless to the program at that point, so encouraging would be the better word choice.

Quote:
Can't someone transfer energy from themselves into him? Nanoha did something like that for Fate in the first season, though it might have only recharged Bardiche.

But if he's refueling Eins, theoretically someone could refuel him. Unless refueling a Device is a far easier matter...
I should add more to this for clarification. Another mage could indeed transfer mana to Yuuno. But because of the spell he's running, there is a chance for unknown complications to occur between himself and Eins. They may be minor, but he'd rather not take chances at this point.

Quote:
I was wondering if that note from the Sound Stages would come up. Of course, I'm also assuming it IS based on young-Hayate's comment in the Sound Stages?

Still, I'm not sure exactly what young-Hayate expected Yuuno would be able to contribute to the creation process, beyond research.

Nanoha and Fate seemed to think he would be able to help with repairing RH and B, earlier in A's, but he's never actually given any indication that he's good with repairing or designing machines.

If he'd ever made himself a new Device, that would have clearly backed up their expectations of him (and made good sense beyond that, too).

I'm all for lauding Yuuno's virtues, but in these cases it seems like they were over-estimating him. At least in young-Hayate's case, it's more reasonable, she knew was the girl who knew him the least at that point.
I'll be honest, I haven't read the Sound Stages.

I was mentally approaching Yuuno's assistance in Zwei's creation as being primarily research and programming intensive. He would have offered his assistance to Hayate in the beginning from a research standpoint and become more involved over time.

Quote:
Wait, did you write that scene or not? I'm not finding it, so did I imagine it?

If I am, are you going to write it? Or at least the conversation where Yuuno (or anyone) asks Rein about it?
I think you imagined it. I may write a variation of it, but at some point someone will ask Rein about it.

Quote:
Why would Signum the terse-and-to-the-point bother with looking up an idiom she didn't understand rather than use one she DID?

If that is supposed to be characteristic of her, I don't see why. If it isn't, I don't see why she made an exception in this case.
That was a bad choice of action on my part and it is being fixed.

Quote:
I think the more dubious part is the "magic" bit. If it doesn't spew mass-based slugs or fletchet clouds, is it really a shotgun? If it's magical, wouldn't it have to be a Storage Device running spells Zafira doesn't know?

COULD you load spells you don't know into a Device to use them? It seemed to work that way for Nanoha with Barrier Jacket, Protection and Sealing spells, but oherwise just about anyone with a Device could be using any spell without learning it.
Zafira's Dubiously Acquired Magical Shotgun is mostly for comedic value. It would be closer to Vice's rifle than anything, but it functions exactly like an Earth shotgun and uses modified magic cartridges to shoot magical buckshot. If you want an image, his DAM Shotgun looks like a 12-Guage pump action shotgun.

Quote:
If anything could get her to almost laugh, it would be this.

And if even this can't make her laugh, I'm not sure anything could.
If the situation were a little more relaxed, we'd have gotten to see it.

Quote:
Will Signum start cracking down on the rumor more seriously for Yuuno's sake, out of respect for the man as much as to ease the stress he's obviously under?
Possibly. It depends on how things play out. At the very least, she'll keep Zafira away from him.

Quote:
He's not my favorite character either, for reasons in and out of story, but even so, this seems very harsh.

Making Signum's skin crawl should be reserved for malicious and twisted individuals, not goofy and unreliable tricksters like Verossa. I'd think he'd simply provoke a reaction of exasperation, irritation or simple distaste. Contempt at the very most.
Skin crawling was the first thing that came to mind, but you're right. It does seem too harsh.

Quote:
Would Signum of all people consider Hayate's standards "absurd", or merely acceptable?

Even from our perspective, it's hard to call her standards unreasonable, instead of words like "high" or "understandable."
This was a case of my speech patterns worming their way into my writing. I have a habit of using words that fit the situation in my head and work, but could be phrased much more clearly.

Quote:
Unless Signum is unconscious of her own leadership strategies, wouldn't she be more likely to say something like, "You are indeed a wise man."
That was a line that sounded a lot better in my head...
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Old 2011-10-05, 23:37   Link #34564
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Lol, mind explaining the hatred for Verossa? Me don't get it that much.
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Old 2011-10-05, 23:49   Link #34565
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Originally Posted by Old_Iron View Post
For the record, I'm not allowed to drink while reading anymore. Mostly due to snippets like this and the fact that I don't want to be the International Spit Take Champion.
Hee hee.


Quote:
I'll be honest, I haven't read the Sound Stages.
How serendipitous, then. But still, it's a thing to research and enjoy.

Well, for now, just the specific scene:

Spoiler for Hayate/Wolkenritter scene -- the most relevant lines italicized:


Quote:
I was mentally approaching Yuuno's assistance in Zwei's creation as being primarily research and programming intensive. He would have offered his assistance to Hayate in the beginning from a research standpoint and become more involved over time.
That was my thought.

Except I you make a good point that he'd at least be really good with programming the software, if not designing the hardware. I was getting the two conflated.


Quote:
Zafira's Dubiously Acquired Magical Shotgun is mostly for comedic value.
It'd have to be. Otherwise he'd simply be threatening to use his fangs. Though even his bare hand would be enough to rip Yuuno's throat out.


Quote:
If the situation were a little more relaxed, we'd have gotten to see it.
But then Yuuno would have been so shocked that, in his state of weakness, he might have fainted. Or at least questioned his senses.
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Old 2011-10-05, 23:58   Link #34566
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Originally Posted by Craxuan View Post
Lol, mind explaining the hatred for Verossa? Me don't get it that much.
I'm not really certain why, but something about him makes me think of Griffith from Berserk. And I did not like Griffith, not at all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunder the Gold View Post
Well, for now, just the specific scene:

Spoiler for Hayate/Wolkenritter scene -- the most relevant lines italicized:
So that's how it went down. Hmm... This is good stuff to know. Thanks.

Quote:
It'd have to be. Otherwise he'd simply be threatening to use his fangs. Though even his bare hand would be enough to rip Yuuno's throat out.
Nobody tell Zafira that though. I'd like for Yuuno to stay alive for the duration of the story.

Quote:
But then Yuuno would have been so shocked that, in his state of weakness, he might have fainted. Or at least questioned his senses.
I think many of us would have done the same.
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Old 2011-10-06, 00:04   Link #34567
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Uh wow, Verossa = Griffith? That's a pretty impossible match in my opinion, both of them have nothing in common, you can't even call them opposites...
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Old 2011-10-06, 00:11   Link #34568
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Originally Posted by Craxuan View Post
Lol, mind explaining the hatred for Verossa? Me don't get it that much.
EDIT:

Took my thoughts and reposted them here, in the Strikers General Discussion thread: http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...postcount=2392

It's an off-topic conversation point, here.
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Old 2011-10-06, 00:17   Link #34569
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Nobody tell Zafira that though. I'd like for Yuuno to stay alive for the duration of the story.
But that in itself is "for the laughs", because while Zafira's fangs are sharp and his hands are strong, Yuuno's delicate throat is defended by mighty barriers, shields and chains.

They're too much alike; Zafira doesn't have the offense to break through.
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Old 2011-10-06, 00:22   Link #34570
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Uh wow, Verossa = Griffith? That's a pretty impossible match in my opinion, both of them have nothing in common, you can't even call them opposites...
Believe me. If I could tell you why I see a connection, I would.
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Old 2011-10-06, 00:43   Link #34571
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Moshi-moshi, I'm pretty new here.

(Well not actually new, if you explored 700+ post back)

I just recently revived my interest on Nanoha and just read Vivid again... I forgot her name, but this Meganekko-fighter is specializing Bind & Barrier

Would it makes sense if we make a connection between her and Yuuno?

(On aside note, my Nanoha-fan instinct is revived by Old Iron's impressive works)
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Old 2011-10-06, 00:51   Link #34572
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Originally Posted by NTFTH View Post
I haven't written many (good) fics, so hopefully this isn't too horrible and unreadable.
Nah, it's okay.


Quote:
Struggling not to lose her head
Blargh.


Quote:
Mami made a horrible mistake, a mistake everyone who doesn't know how to deal with a Weeping Angel makes. She blinked.

As she finished blinking Mami became terrified as she saw, and felt, the Weeping Angel's stone hands choking her. Unable to breathe Mami passed out.
She has the worst luck with reacting to surprises and suffering attacks upon her neck.


Quote:
After what she assumed was a few hours, as it was now dark out, Mami woke up and saw no trace of the Weeping Angel in the alley.
This is a very tortured sentence. How about:

Spoiler for suggestion:



Overall, though, without any more of the story to give this seem a rhyme or a reason, there's not much more to say.
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Old 2011-10-06, 00:55   Link #34573
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Well I was judging him for his character/personality stuff and not how he bloats out screen time... There are lots of stuff that didn't make sense in StrikerS to start with so I didn't bother with them.
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Old 2011-10-06, 00:56   Link #34574
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Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
I forgot her name, but this Meganekko-fighter is specializing Bind & Barrier

Would it makes sense if we make a connection between her and Yuuno?
Her name is Els Tamin.

A connection between them doesn't seem likely, since I don't think Yuuno will make future appearances in ANYTHING but Gears of Destiny and MAYBE the next movie. But especially not in something as yuri-subtextual as ViVid.

Still, it would have been cool if Els had learned combat techniques from Yuuno.

I'm definitely looking forward to seeing if she shows us anything new and interesting. Though I wonder if there's any good reason for her Device to be a pair of hand-cuffs.
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Old 2011-10-06, 00:59   Link #34575
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Originally Posted by Sunder the Gold View Post
Her name is Els Tamin.

A connection between them doesn't seem likely, since I don't think Yuuno will make future appearances in ANYTHING but Gears of Destiny and MAYBE the next movie. But especially not in something as yuri-subtextual as ViVid.

Still, it would have been cool if Els had learned combat techniques from Yuuno.

I'm definitely looking forward to seeing if she shows us anything new and interesting. Though I wonder if there's any good reason for her Device to be a pair of hand-cuffs.
That's exactly what I mean, I want to use it in my (currently hibernating) fanfics... Mentor figure would make some sense...

Thanks for the advice.
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Old 2011-10-06, 01:00   Link #34576
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Wouldn't that imply that she'd be good with binds and barriers? Because so far we've seen that her binds don't really stick.
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Old 2011-10-06, 01:03   Link #34577
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It means that her binds are more powerful and varied as compared to a normal mage, but that does not work on her brute opponent who just powers through everything. Kind of how you set a rule and expect everyone to follow it like God's law and BAM! It's broken like twigs.
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Old 2011-10-06, 01:09   Link #34578
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Wouldn't that imply that she'd be good with binds and barriers? Because so far we've seen that her binds don't really stick.
New problem arises.

Well, how about rather than a mentor, what about a FAN-GIRL?

Maybe sometimes in the past, she met Yuuno and he demonstrated his ability of using barrier & bind spells.

For some reason or other, she finds that Barrier & Bind fighting style of Yuuno is challenging and exciting, but since he's 'important and busy person' (in universe) thus she has no courage asking him directly as mentor.

There's a trope for that....

Now I started to talk like an idiot...
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Old 2011-10-06, 01:21   Link #34579
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That might work better, because then you can further develop her by using the two characters together to get them where Yuuno becomes her mentor.
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Old 2011-10-06, 01:25   Link #34580
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That might work better, because then you can further develop her by using the two characters together to get them where Yuuno becomes her mentor.
Thanks, now I have a plan to continue it.

Here's another good point:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Craxuan View Post
It means that her binds are more powerful and varied as compared to a normal mage, but that does not work on her brute opponent who just powers through everything. Kind of how you set a rule and expect everyone to follow it like God's law and BAM! It's broken like twigs.
Plaguing two person is the exact same problem...so much angst material....
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authorshipping, befriending, fanfiction, interactive fanfiction, nanoha

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