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Old 2011-11-28, 04:58   Link #10141
ZeroXSEED
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Senpai - Could you please be more specific? I've been re-reading V7 and her reasoning is really vague. Also, I mentioned before that the "Knight in Shining armor" can apply to any of the three protags.
Not as in "protect them from bullies", but as in saved her from loneliness and despair. Remember everyone look too high (being Tatenashi's sister) and too low at her (being Tatenashi's Sister), only Ichika accept her as individual entity.
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Old 2011-11-28, 05:06   Link #10142
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How much conventional scientific theory can I use without breaking canon in half? D:
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Old 2011-11-28, 05:07   Link #10143
wavehawk
O GALILEO LET ME GO
 
 
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"Hi, Gramps."

Ange stood in front of the elaborate mausoleum, one that housed the remains of her grandparents. She never liked it, oversized and grandiose it was sitting in the center of the cemetery. Even in death her family called attention to themselves.

"I don't even know what I'm doing here. It's not like you were around when I was born." The girl began, scratching the back of her short brown hair. One arm held a bouquet of flowers--Edmund's idea, not hers. "An it's not as if dad's buried here. Nobody ever found his or Uncle Jim's body."

Ange went through the motions of laying the bouquet at the foot of her grandparents' grave, but thoroughly ignored the one that indicated her father's resting place.

"I don't believe he or Uncle Jim are dead. not for one second." Ange crossed her arms, more defiant than morose. "Dad would never let a couple of tanks or missiles take him down. No way."

There was a rustling of feathers. Not real, Ange knew. The mausoleum played tranquil, heavenly effects like small singing flutes and harps, and doves flying. No real bird ever set foot within these walls.

"Cheesy, Gramps. Real cheesy." Ange scoffed. "Let's get one thing straight: Dad's alive. I'm not mourning anybody."

As if on cue, the fluttering turned into the refrain from a halleluiah chorus.

"Dad always did say you had a sick sense of humor, Gramps." Ange couldn't help it--she was snickering madly at the change of mood. "I'll be back next month. 'kay?"

Ange Stark took her time before leaving the mausoleum. There was no hurry, as the school day had ended. All she wanted now was time to herself, to think through other configurations for her pet project.

"You skipped school again, Ange."

"Well, I would go to class if they actually had SOMETHING to teach me that I didn't already know." Stark replied without the hint of surprise as she smiled at the girl waiting outside for her. "Seriously, Shay. Professor Poppinsmock hasn't got the first clue about nanoskin gel theory."

"It's Professor Pollock." Shay Cunningham replied, the image of forced calm. One of Stark's few real friends in school, and barely able to handle her eccentricities. "Cut her some slack. The Professor's theories on exoskeletal frames were cutting-edge before the IS was invented."

"Whatever." Ange made a show of shrugging and walked on, causing Shay to follow. "I don't like Poppinsmock."

"Pollock." As the class representative, Cunningham was normally more taciturn towards her classmates. However, Angelina Stark always had a way of getting her goat.

And gaining her trust.

"She was pretty annoyed that you didn't turn up in class today."

Stark stopped and gave an exaggerated look of surprise. "My god. Poppinsmock misses me."

"Ange, can you tone down the smartassery a smidge?" Shay let out a breath as heavy as he world. "It's not easy having a friend who's a smartass genius tomboy with an electra complex."

"You just said 'smartass' twice."

"Ange!" Cunningham was about to let out a retort, then thought better of it. "Why do I even bother?"

"Change of subject." Stark spun around, her trademark smirk promising further mischief. "I think I've cracked the secret behind the 4th-generation IS Fold-Out armor."

"Normal girls talk about boys, fashions, and shoes. We talk about IS technology." Cunningham remarked flatly. "Dear god, we sound more like boys than boys do."

"Shay? Just a little interest would be good?"

"I'm sorry, Ange. But I don't believe it." Cunningham crossed her arms. "You're smart, true. But there's no way you could have developed a 4th-gen IS in your back yard. Just--no."

Ange had to agree with her friend's logic. Most of the world had only started research and development into 3rd-generation Infinite Stratos exoskeletons. 4th-generation Is in the world were rare. In fact, only two existed.

"Got it." Stark nodded with a smile. We'll see who laughs last. "Can I borrow your lecture notes, though?"

Shay wordlessly handed over her notebook. "You're lucky I didn't tell Ms. Hannigan about how you hacked those Rafale Revives."

"No lasting damage." Ange took the notes with a smile. "I just wanted to see what kind of protocols Dunois had to protect their systems from a hack. The answer is: none."

Shay rolled her eyes. "What will you think of next?"

"Now that you mentioned it, there's this hair removal liquid that..."

"ANGE. NO."
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Old 2011-11-28, 05:11   Link #10144
Eratas123
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@ Senpai - Here, the end of the flashback arc. It's just short but please tell me what you think.

Spoiler:


Please tell me what you think.
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Old 2011-11-28, 05:20   Link #10145
ZeroXSEED
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Senpai - Here, the end of the flashback arc. It's just short but please tell me what you think.

Spoiler:


Please tell me what you think.
Nice, is this a draft? if so, can you make a more detailed expression on Allen's despair (both physically and psychically helpless) in the full chapter? Maybe that'll help pushing the emotion a bit more.

@General Hawk

LAWL Ange is awesome!
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Old 2011-11-28, 05:24   Link #10146
wavehawk
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
@General Hawk
LAWL Ange is awesome!
- And the more i look at close-ups of this figure the more I'm convinced this is a perfect representative for Ange. I mean look, the way her eyes look and how she smirks is perfect. Right down to Ange's character...
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1EFM56MWvz.../s1600/111.jpg

...I predict that "Ange. No." will quickly become a popular byword on this forum...
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Old 2011-11-28, 05:43   Link #10147
Eratas123
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@ Senpai - How do I do that? I'm afraid I'm not very good in that sort of thing.

Anyway, here's a draft of the end of Michael's.

Spoiler:


Please tell me what you think.
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Old 2011-11-28, 05:45   Link #10148
ZeroXSEED
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Senpai - How do I do that? I'm afraid I'm not very good in that sort of thing.

Anyway, here's a draft of the end of Michael's.

Spoiler:


Please tell me what you think.
That was horriffic, now I'm chilled.

As for how do you it, just remember when you want to write Laura's Daydream, replace the emotion, then let it loose. Don't think, write.

EDIT: it's me or OC limitation for female >> male?
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Old 2011-11-28, 05:49   Link #10149
Masuzu
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Zero and Box - By the way, I'm thinking of adding Honne in daydreams. Agree?

@ demino_hellsin - She's a Yandere and blatantly attacks Ichika a lot of times. Authors tend to be put off by those and don't bother pairing her with OC's.

Houki - John Smith (codename: Kamizame)

Charotte - None yet

Rin - Adam (an OC of mine)

Cecilia - Inami Arisawa

Laura - Kyuukai Tokiwa

Tabane - Iori Senbei

Maya - Marvelous Maximillian

Chifuyu - Yoshi O'Brien

Tatenashi - Irish (Probably getting flamed to hell for this)

Kanzashi - None yet.
^ Updated.
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Old 2011-11-28, 05:50   Link #10150
ZeroXSEED
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Mangatron won't be happy....
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Old 2011-11-28, 05:52   Link #10151
Saint X
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ demino_hellsin - This is Japan! What teenager doesn't have a cellphone?
Yachiyo Todoroki wants to have a word with you.

*is sliced*

still typing left and right for me.
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Old 2011-11-28, 05:52   Link #10152
Eratas123
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@ Senpai - Of course it's easier to write a female OC, they don't have the limitations that males do about piloting IS.

Side note - I'm afraid I screwed up the draft since I don't know how to write about dying protags. Hm, maybe I'll write one for Irish.

@ Hawke - Where is Ange's story taking place?
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Old 2011-11-28, 05:53   Link #10153
demino_hellsin
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I misunderstood dark matter... particle physics is complicated...
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Old 2011-11-28, 05:57   Link #10154
ZeroXSEED
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Senpai - Of course it's easier to write a female OC, they don't have the limitations that males do about piloting IS.
That or we often fell to a trap about "In harem works, unbelievable girl is fine, unbelievable guy is no-no", incidentally because most of (normal) harem reader is male. You can just reverse the rule when it comes to reverse harem.

It's a challenge, but sometimes even my sister wonder about that (she helped me writing fic, but her English is even worse)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Side note - I'm afraid I screwed up the draft since I don't know how to write about dying protags. Hm, maybe I'll write one for Irish.
Wut?????

Well, you might try, maybe if you use a more fleshed out character as training wheel, it'll be good.

(As long as it wasn't goin to be inserted in main story of course....)
Quote:
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I misunderstood dark matter... particle physics is complicated...
That's why I said it's near implausible.
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Old 2011-11-28, 06:00   Link #10155
Eratas123
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@ Senpai - I meant more on the fact that these characters who are dying have time to monologue about what their thinking.
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Old 2011-11-28, 06:00   Link #10156
Yachiyo
~`Seito Kaichō`~
 
 
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500 pages, wow

Edit: Still no progress in my fic Imma take a break for awhile,,,....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Saint X View Post
Yachiyo Todoroki wants to have a word with you.

*is sliced*

still typing left and right for me.
SOMEONE CALLED ME? No, that's not me...

I forgot my name
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Old 2011-11-28, 06:10   Link #10157
ZeroXSEED
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Lawlz....

Still searching for scanner....
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Old 2011-11-28, 06:13   Link #10158
Eratas123
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@ Senpai - Chidodev project ia killing me! Anyway, the Daydreams chapter for Laura is being annoying me since I don't know if I should include the VT system or not
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Old 2011-11-28, 06:13   Link #10159
Masuzu
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Ichika: "Dammit, another crime scene wiped to the last corner of evidence, just who could it be!?"
Tatenashi: "Ah~ Ichika-kun, they weren't able to get rid of everything, take a look. *points to floor*"
Ichika: "*picks up* Mother of God, this is...HAM!!!! It all makes sense now."
Tatenashi: "*jumps up and down* Oh, Ichika-sama praised me, onee-san loves you too. *tries to jump on Ichika*"
Ushio: "*facepalm* They're actually pretty good at this...when they focus."

Oh God, the crack is consuming me.
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Old 2011-11-28, 06:15   Link #10160
Yachiyo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Senpai - Chidodev project ia killing me! Anyway, the Daydreams chapter for Laura is being annoying me since I don't know if I should include the VT system or not
Hi there, just asking about my fic now. I had a new idea in here, you can send me what you've revised in that chapter. I don't mind if it's done or not
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