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Old 2012-01-19, 04:43   Link #21
Triple_R
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Newfoundland, Canada
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I'm really glad you're enjoying the fanfic, Coldlight! I'll respond more comprehensively to you elsewhere.


Chapter 3 is now finished. The first half of Madoka Magica Episode 2 is kind of slow, so this might not be as fun a read as the first two Chapters, but hopefully it's Ok at least.

Also, naamio, I'll understand it if all of these secondary effects of choices can't be factored into the VN version of this. If they can't be, just go with what happened in the first half of Episode 2 for this Chapter 3.

Here's Chapter 3!

==========================================


Chapter 3

“I want you to form a contract with me and become magical girls!”


That request from Kyubey has dominated my thoughts a lot since he made it to Sayaka and I. It's probably why I had yet another weird dream last night, in which I met a beautiful buxom blonde girl named “Mami Tomoe”, who is a ninth grader at my school, and who proclaimed herself as a magical girl contracted with Kyubey. But lately my dreams seem to be turning into reality...

That's why even after breathing a deep sigh over this latest dream, I was only a little startled by Kyubey sitting amongst my beloved plushies and wishing me a good morning. It seems like I'm already getting used to all of the new weirdness in my life. It probably helps that I'm a fan of anime, especially SHAFT anime, and ironically enough, magical girl anime! I just love how creative and colourful they are!

But never in my wildest dreams did I think that magical girls could exist in the real world. Just as my brother watches super-sentai shows and dreams of being that kind of hero, I used to watch a lot of magical girl shows, and dream of being like one of them. I loved the idea of being pretty, powerful, pleasant. A heroic helpful hand to people in need. But now that this dream role appears to be a real option for me, I oddly find myself having second thoughts about it. I wonder why that is?

My mama had different wonders though.

“You were getting home late last night, Madoka.” she said to me, while we brushed our teeth alongside one another.

“An upperclasswoman invited me over.” I explained

Hopefully mama will be comforted by the fact I was with an older girl, at least.

“I'm not going to go on about your curfew, but you should at least poke your head in before dinner.” mama stated.

She had a point, I have to admit.

“Sorry.” I apologized to her.

I then noticed Kyubey bathing ever so contentedly in a small hot bath. Mama had somehow not noticed him at all. So people really can't see him unless he wants them to. As I continued to brush my teeth, I thought back on what it was like to visit Mami-san's home last evening....


Mami had invited both Sayaka and I over to her place so she could explain more about the many weird but wondrous things that we've seen and heard lately. Sayaka and I were really impressed by how neat, tidy, and elegant Mami's room was! It was truly wonderful.

“I live alone, so don't worry about bothering anyone” Mami said to Sayaka and I, while her hands were neatly folded behind her back, “I'm sorry that I'm not really prepared for guests.”

Wow, Mami is impressively mature for a ninth-grader! It's hard to believe she's only a year older than I am.

Mami treated Sayaka and I to some tea and cake, and it was delicious! It was splendid comfort food, and Sayaka and I both made sure to show our happy appreciation to Mami for it. However, Mami didn't waste any time getting straight to the point.

“Now that Kyubey's chosen you, you're involved” she said to Sayaka and I, “So I thought an explanation was in order.”

“Sure, whaddaya wanna hear?” Sayaka asked earnestly while nodding her head.

“I think she means the other way around, Sayaka...” I said with a bit of amusement.

After a brief chuckle, Mami showed us the yellowish egg-shaped gem she had used to transform into a magical girl! She told us that it was called a Soul Gem.

“It's a jewel born forth when a girl contracts with Kyubey” she explained, “The source of their mystic power, and proof that they're a magical girl.”

“Contracts?” asked Sayaka, wanting to clarify exactly what that meant.

“I'll fulfill any one of your wishes!” exclaimed Kyubey, while perched atop the lovely transparent glass dining table.

... Really?!” Sayaka asked.

Wishes?” I said, almost to myself, at the thought of something so whimsical and magical being granted in real life...

“It doesn't matter what!” Kyubey confidently confirmed, “I'll make miracles happen!”

After taking in a large breath of air, Sayaka started to openly muse over what this could mean.

“Fabulous riches?! Immortality?! Maybe even a feast fit for an Emporer!” were the instant ideas that she expressed to us.

“That last one is kind of...” I stated, once more amused by Sayaka's words.

“But in exchange” Kyubey stated, “Those who hold one of these jewels – a Soul Gem – has the duty to fight witches.”

“Witches?” I had asked, a bit breathlessly, a bit nervous over the idea of actually fighting something as mysterious as that.


I now began to focus anew on the present, having become a bit lost in recent memories.

“Hey, mama” I began to ask of her, as I really wanted her advice here, “Wha-What if you were told that magic would make any of your wishes come true? What would you do?”

“I'd get rid of both the chief partners at my company” she answered, without the slightest hesitation!

“Yeah, that's it” she continued on, “The President's getting way too old, but he says he won't retire until he has a replacement.”

I was surprised by Mama's answer! I thought she'd be taken aback by what I had asked her, and even question the very premise of it. But she accepted it so easily, and took it all in stride. Now that I think about it, I guess that is like my Mama. She's such a strong woman! She's so ambitious too. I was amused at how she instantly thought of a wish that would let her rise higher at her company. I guess that Sayaka's ideas for a wish weren't so strange. It's probably only normal to want to use a wish to help yourself in some way.

With that thought in my mind, I continued to think back to my visit over to Mami's place last evening.


“So what's a witch?” Sayaka had asked of Kyubey, “Are they different from magical girls?”

“If magical girls are born from wishes, then witches are born from curses” Kyubey answered, “If magical girls spread hope, then witches scatter despair. Made all the more horrible in that normal humans can't see them. Unease and suspicion. Consumption with rage and hatred. They sow the seeds of catastrophe through the world.”

“Quite a few unexplained suicides and murders are caused by witches' curses” Mami added, “Their formless malevolence eats away at men from within.”

Wow... witches seem so fearsomely terrible!

“If they're so dangerous, why doesn't anyone know about them?” asked Sayaka.

“Witches conceal themselves within a magical barrier, never to show themselves” answered Kyubey, “Like the labyrinth you two wandered into.”

“It was pretty dangerous in there” added Mami, “Most people who get sucked in never make it out alive.”

Now that I think about it, Mami is quite a courageous hero to face these sorts of extremely dangerous enemies and places. It's very admirable of her, but it's also very scary to think of. I felt a bit divided. Part of me wanted to compliment Mami on being such a wondrous hero, but another part of me wanted to tell her that she shouldn't risk her life like that. But one thing I wasn't divided on was how frightening I found all of this!


Choice 5

A) “And you fight against things that scary?”

B) “You're amazing, Mami! I wish I could be a hero like you, but I don't think I have the strength to be like that...”

C) “Are you sure you should be risking your life in such dangerous places?”


Spoiler for Response A:



Spoiler for Response B:



Spoiler for Response C:



“How about you come along on a witch hunt?” Mami asked of Sayaka and I.

Sayaka and I both perked up excitedly and with surprise over that offer!

“You can see for yourself what it means to fight witches” Mami said, “And it'll help you decide carefully whether there's something you want so badly you'd risk your life for it.”


And so that's what I have to look forward to later today, hunting witches with Mami! It was scary, but also pretty exciting. Before that, though, I had a day of school to get through. Time to meet up with Sayaka and Hitomi at the usual spot!


Read Lingering Effect 1 if you chose A for Choice 3. Otherwise, skip over it.

Spoiler for Lingering Effect 1:



“Good morning!” I shouted out to Sayaka and Hitomi, after finally meeting up with them.

They wished me good morning in turn, but Sayaka turned about in complete shock at the sight of Kyubey on my shoulder!

'Good morning, Sayaka!' he shouted to her.

Sayaka remain stunned by Kyubey's appearance, no doubt worried about how to explain this all to Hitomi. She didn't yet know, as I already did, that Kyubey can hide his appearance from anybody that he doesn't want to be seen by!

“What's wrong, Sayaka?” asked Hitomi, at the sight of Sayaka standing still while stunned by Kyubey's appearance.

Thankfully, Sayaka quickly deduced the truth.

“We're the only ones who can see him, right?” she asked to me in a whisper, after rushing next to me.

“I guess” I replied, as I myself still wasn't sure exactly who Kyubey would allow to see him.

“Um...” said Hitomi, perplexed at what Sayaka and I could be discussing.

“It's nothing!” exclaimed Sayaka, while patting Hitomi's shoulder, “Let's just get going.”

But Sayaka would soon be startled again as Kyubey chose to reveal another one of his abilities.

'You can talk just by thinking.' he expressed to her with some sort of telepathy.

That caused Sayaka to come to another sudden halt! She then turned around and looked at Kyubey.

'We already have that kind of magical power?' she expressed back at him, with a question in her mind.

'No, I'm just passing messages.' he answered, 'It's fine, though. Nice and convenient!'

'This feels kinda weird...' Sayaka responded.

“What's gotten into you two?” asked Hitomi, as Sayaka and I finally continued to walk on towards school, “You keep looking like you're about to say something.”

If you Chose C for Choice 1, read 1C. Otherwise, read 1AB.


Spoiler for 1AB:



Spoiler for 1C:




After we all sat down at our desks, Sayaka addressed Kyubey.

'Hey, you look pretty unconcerned about being at school' she expressed with a thought.

'Why would I be concerned?' he replied in question.

'I told you, that girl from yesterday just transferred into our class.' Sayaka answered, 'Isn't she trying to kill you?'

'I think I'm safer at school.' Kyubey explained, 'Mami's here.'

'But she's a ninth-grader' I chimed in, 'Isn't she pretty far away?'

'Don't worry' Mami suddenly interjected with a thought, 'I can hear you loud and clear.'

'She's within range of my telepathy!' stated Kyubey

After I wished Mami a good morning, she made a good point to Sayaka and me.

'Don't worry, I'm keeping an eye on you' she expressed, 'I don't think she'd go after him in public anyway.'

All of this discussion over Homura reminded me of what we had all discussed about her yesterday. It reminded me of how magical girls are at least a little bit competitive with one another. They sometimes compete over the rewards left by witches. So while a nice magical girl like Mami might simply want more friends and allies, other magical girls may prefer to work alone and not have there be many other magical girls around. That way, they could get more of those rewards without having to share.

But is that really why Homura said the things that she did to me? Was she just trying to avoid having to compete with me for the rewards that witches' left behind? I found that hard to believe, as I really don't think I'd be such a strong magical girl as to quickly gather up all of those rewards. So this left me very curious as to why Homura said the things that she said to me. Does it go back to the dream I had with her in it? But if such a large and powerful witch was to threaten the entire city, wouldn't Homura want help from other Magical Girls? It's all so confusing...

I guess that for now, I'll just go along with what Mami and Kyubey say. Also, I wanted to focus on happier thoughts.

So during the rest of the school-day, I started to doodle a bit. While thinking back on all the magical girl characters I had loved when I was younger, I thought of what might make the perfect magical girl outfit for me! First I drew Mami's magical girl outfit to use a point of reference, and then I tried to draw a magical girl outfit for myself that was similar to Mami's, but also with my own special touch.

To be honest, the idea of being a magical girl deeply appealed to me. Mami was very admirable and special, and I'd love to be more like her. I'd like to make a real positive difference in the world, partly since that would make me an useful person. But as it is right now, I'm not very talented, and I'm not very strong...

Becoming a magical girl could give me great power! The power necessary to be an effective hero. But then there's other factors to think about, such as if I'm truly willing to risk my life, and also what my wish should be?

I wonder if I should wish... for love?


So many thoughts flew about in my mind. So many questions. It occurred to me that I had already made some key choices simply to get where I am now. And it wouldn't be long before I'd have to make some more choices, and probably increasingly difficult ones...
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Last edited by Triple_R; 2012-01-22 at 12:04. Reason: Removed a reference to "Grief Seed" that would constitute a plot hole otherwise.
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Old 2012-01-19, 05:21   Link #22
Kimidori
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Age: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by naamio View Post
Yay, V0.2 with Chapter 2 is done, download link below. please report if there any bug or spelling error.
Code:
http://www.mediafire.com/?6mt3z107be7mact
Hope you like it. oh and if you want to get the Opportunity Choice 1 to show up without being a meanie throughout the visual novel (C for Choices 1 and 2). Press A button (on your keyboard. not to confuse with choice A in the VN) when madoka is in the record store, not before she in it or after she have already come to help QB.
quote this because it in the bottom of last page

Quote:
I'll understand it if all of these secondary effects of choices can't be factored into the VN version of this
don't worry, they all can be done
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Old 2012-01-19, 15:45   Link #23
Sol Falling
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Age: 25
Choice 5A for me in chapter 3. Heh, I originally thought it could just use these forum posts to keep track of my choices, but perhaps in the future I should also keep a text file just for convenience. Only one choice this time, but the two "lingering effects"/past choice effects were pretty neat.

I'm especially intrigued in the development coming from Madoka telling Sayaka about her dreams. Madoka's thoughts are very interesting; the idea that she (and Sayaka too!) is aware of the different futures she might have feels like it could lead into a different future entirely.

Keep up the good work!
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Summer: Sailor Moon Crystal 20/5 :: Hanayamata 40/5 :: Locodol 24/5 :: Yama no Susume 32/5
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Old 2012-01-21, 13:49   Link #24
Triple_R
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Chapter 4

“Hey, Madoka. Have you thought up a wish?”

That's what Sayaka just asked me, while we sat on the pure white rooftop of the school. 'What should I wish for?' is a question that has daunted me over the past few hours. I've tried to escape from it, but my mind kept being pulled back to it, as it is a very important question should I choose to become a magical girl.

“Have you thought up a wish, Sayaka-chan?” I ask of her, after expressing how I haven't.

“I can't think of anything” she answered, “I kind of figured everyone would have one, but...”

After trailing off with her answer, and stretching her arms to loosen herself up a bit, Sayaka stood up while more fully expressing her thoughts.

“There's plenty of things I want and things I'd like to do.” she continued, “But I can't get over the “risking my life” part. I don't want anything that bad.”

I felt the same way. There's also nothing that I wanted that bad. Except maybe... and ironically... being a magical girl itself. But it would be silly to wish for what comes automatically from contracting with Kyubey.

“Wow, I'm surprised” Kyubey stated to Sayaka, “Most girls go right for it.”

Sayaka gripped the thin lattice fencing on the side of the roof, while the wind whistled through her air.

“I guess we're just ignorant” Sayaka replied to Kyubey, forcing a smile towards him.

“I guess.” I stated in agreement with her.

“Yeah. Ignorance is bliss” Sayaka continued, “It's not like wishes you'd give your life for are that unusual. I guess lots of people have them.”

Sayaka tightened her grip on the fencing, and I could tell that she was deep in thought, and probably feeling conflicted. It made for an eerily tense situation...

“So if we can't think of any because of how lucky we are...” she continued, “Our ignorance is truly a blessing.”

I think... I think she was thinking about Kamijo while she said that. It's true that he would have an obvious wish to make in a situation like the one Sayaka and I were in.

“Why us?” Sayaka asked, seemingly of nobody in particular...

“It isn't fair!” she exclaimed, as she turned about to face Kyubey and me, “There are people who would love a chance like this!

“Sayaka-chan...” I said, as I felt a lot of sympathy for her right now.

She was right. Her and I didn't need a wish, really. We both had our limitations, wants, and dreams. But we didn't have any big problems that needed fixing. Or any grand idea that could inspire what we wish for. I felt... I felt very small right now. How many of the great men and women of history would have turned this wish into something truly monumental? How many would have changed the world for the better with this wish? And here I was, unable to think of anything...

But just as I was getting lost in thought, Sayaka and I had an unexpected visitor...

Homura came walking unto the rooftop from the far exit, and continued to walk towards us! Upon seeing her, Sayaka made a straight bee-line towards me, and quickly moved in front of Kyubey and me. Sayaka's always been so protective of me. It's a big part of the reason why I feel so comfortable around her.

But right now, I felt very uncomfortable, as Homura remains such a perplexing mystery to me. What does she want with me? Why does she focus so much on me? Is she here to try to kill Kyubey again? If so, I don't know if Sayaka is strong enough to defend Kyubey from Homura, and I think I'd be too scared to fight Homura...

'It's Ok' I heard Mami-san say telepathically to Sayaka and I.

We turned about to see Mami standing on a balcony not too far away from the roof Sayaka and I were on. That's a relief... But while Homura seemed to notice Mami, that wasn't enough to stop her. She walked with such grace and purpose towards Sayaka and I.

“Picking up where you left off yesterday?” Sayaka asked of her, preparing for a fight.

“I have no such intention.” answered Homura, “I wanted to finish him off before he met Madoka Kaname. It's too late for that now.”

She was referring to Kyubey of course. Sayaka still didn't let her guard down, but as for myself, I felt like Homura was being honest with us, so I relaxed a bit.

“So what are you going to do now?” Homura asked, while looking towards me, “Will you become a magical girl too?”

“I...” I began uneasily, as I wasn't yet sure of my answer.

“What gives you the right to ask?!” Sayaka angrily asked of Homura.

Sayaka-chan has clearly become irritated by Homura's unclear intentions, and even more murky motivations. Homura's previous intention to kill Kyubey also seemed very mean and unwarranted, likely to Sayaka as well as me. And yet... there was such directness and purposefulness to everything that Homura did. I couldn't shake the feeling that she had a very good reason for taking the actions that she's taken. I just wish she was more open about them...

“Do you remember what I said yesterday?” Homura asked of me.

I did remember it, yes. But rather than just answering that question, I wondered if I should use this opportunity to try to determine why Homura has been focusing so much on me. I was a bit fearful of what such a determination might reveal, but on the other hand, it's also good to be well-informed.


Choice 6

A) “Yes.”

B) “Yes, I do. Why are you so concerned about me? If I become a magical girl, I wouldn't be a threat to you. I have no desire to fight you.”


Spoiler for Response A:



Spoiler for Response B:



“Wait! Homura!” I shouted out to her, before I began to ask my question, “What did you wish for when you became a magical girl?”

Homura turned about briefly to look at me as I asked that question. Once more I found her gaze upon me to be so piercing... so penetrating. But she didn't answer the question. She then turned away from me, and began walking away. What is she hiding? Why won't she reveal it?! It is pretty irritating. But I guess she must have her reasons...


After school, Sayaka and I explained to Hitomi that we had something to take care of today. Hitomi... didn't take it too well. Hopefully we can make it up to her somehow. Sayaka, Kyubey, and I then met up with Mami at a nearby restaurant.

“All right, time for your first experience of what it's like to be a magical girl.” expressed Mami with a wide smile, after finishing off her drink, “I hope you're looking forward to it! Are you prepared?”

Sayaka perked up at that, as she saw it as an opportunity to impress Mami-Sempai.

“I'm not sure if this is enough, but...” she began with a confident grin, “look what I brought!”

Sayaka then plopped something on the table, that was wrapped in a grey blanket. She then removed the blanket, and held aloft what it was. It was a baseball bat! Sayaka does like baseball a little bit, and when she and I play Mortal Kombat-style video games, Sayaka always goes for the characters with hand-held weapons, like bats or swords. She enjoys the rush of close-quarters combat, whereas I prefer long-range combatants that enable me to stay a safe distance from the opponent.

“I figure it's better than nothing” Sayaka said, referring to the bat.

“Well, I'm glad you're prepared for that kind of thing.” Mami replied.

“Did you bring anything, Madoka?” Sayaka asked excitedly, eager to see what I might have brought along.

It would seem irresponsible or lame of me to not be able to show anything to Mami-san after Sayaka had shown the baseball bat, so even though I was a bit bashful about the idea, I decided to show Mami-san the magical girl doodles I had done throughout the day.

Mami and Sayaka were both surprised by my doodles, and were really looking them over thoroughly! I hope that they like my magical girl outfit designs!

“I thought I should start with a design” I explained to them.

After I said that, Mami and Sayaka both started laughing loudly for some reason! It made me feel very embarrassed... A small part of me wanted to say something in my defence, but I wasn't sure if I was in the best state of mind to do so right now...


Choice 7

A) Do and say nothing.

B) “I know that my design isn't as pretty as your magical girl outfit is, Mami-san, but I thought I should come up with something at least...”

C) “Well, at least it's better than a bat, Sayaka! Do you really think that'll work against those bizarre creatures we see inside of a witches' barrier?”


Spoiler for Response A:



Spoiler for Response B:



Spoiler for Response C:



After a short conversation, the three of us, as well as Kyubey, all left the restaurant in order to go on a witch hunt! It was exciting, but I still felt a bit of trepidation over it. The word “hunt” brought some unpleasant memories to mind.

When I was a young child, my mama showed me an animated movie that was over one hundred years old! It was the classic Disney film Bambi. That movie left me crying for days... Mama explained to me that she showed me the film since she thought some good lessons were conveyed by it. Lessons about how the world can be a cruel place at times, and that you need to find comfort in friends and other loves ones in times of tragedy. Now that I'm older, I realize that the lesson in the Bambi movie was a good one, but even to this day it leaves me feeling sad. Whenever I think of “hunt”, I think of Bambi, so I'm definitely not a fan of hunting. I decided to keep this to myself, though, since I get the impression that hunting witches is a lot different from hunting deer.

Still, they have at least one thing in common, and that's the importance of tracking! Mami explained to Sayaka and I how Soul Gems can be used to track witches. That's convenient at least. But it was taking us a bit long to find a witch. Between the cloudy sky and the sun beginning to set, the sky appeared golden, but also oddly ominous...

“So, Mami, do you have any idea where the witch might be hiding?” Sayaka asked.

“A witch's curse can have the most impact around crimes and accidents” Mami answered, “So it's best to check major roads and red-light districts where fights tend to break out. After that, deserted areas suitable for suicide.”

“It's worst when they haunt hospitals.” Mami continued, “They suck life force from those already weakened, with no one the wiser.”

Shortly after saying that, Mami came to a stop, and the intermittent glowing of her Soul Gem began to intensify!

“There's a strong magical wave” Mami explained, “And it's close...”

Mami then raced off, using the Soul Gem to track the exact origin of the magical wave. Sayaka and I sprinted alongside of her. We eventually came to the front of an old, abandoned, and wore down building.

“There it is!” exclaimed Mami.

“Mami, look!” shouted Sayaka, pointing upwards, after noticing something.

I tightly closed my eyes, cringed, and cried as I saw a woman throw herself off of a rooftop!

But Mami, to her credit, took quick and decisive action! She rapidly transformed into her magical girl outfit, and caught the falling woman with a net of yellow magical strands. She then carefully lowered the woman to the ground, while letting the magical strands slowly dissipate. Her, Sayaka, and I all rushed over to the fallen woman. She had a reddish butterfly mark on her neck!

“A witch's kiss...” Mami said uneasily, while she crouched down and inspected the fallen woman, “I knew it.”

Mami then stood back up.

“This woman...” I uttered, admittedly a bit panicked.

“It's Ok.” Mami said, “She's just fainted. Let's go.”

The three of us then rushed inside of the old building, while I held Kyubey in my arms. The old building was really in complete shambles! Broken glass, chipped walls, and encroaching tree vines, could be seen all about the building's interior.

Mami carefully walked forward. Her hairpin then glistened, which seemed to coincide with a magical gateway appearing at the top of a nearby flight of stairs.

“I won't let you get away today.” Mami said with a confident smile.

Mami then gripped Sayaka's bat, causing it to transform! The bat became much wider, and more metallic and ornate. It certainly looked much stronger now than before.


If you chose C for Choice 7, then read section 7C. Otherwise, read section 7AB.


Spoiler for 7AB:



Spoiler for 7C:



“This is more for peace of mind than anything.” stated Mami, as she walked up the stairs, nearing the magical gateway, “But you should be able to protect yourself with it. Stay close to me.”

“Okay!” shouted Sayaka earnestly.

Sayaka than sprinted behind Mami, with such zealous energy! I wish I could say I was enjoying this as much as she seemed to be. But it was all very interesting at least.

While I continued to carry Kyubey, the three of us leaped through the magical gateway!

The immediate interior of the witches' barrier didn't seem that much different from what was outside of it... except for how there were a lot of those butterfly-Pringles thingies all lined up in great number, passing flowers over their heads. The three of us started sprinting up several flights of stairs, eventually arriving at the top of them. Several grotesque-looking weird creatures then began to descend upon us, prompting Mami to shoot off a rifle at them! Wow, she was incredibly good and fast at that!

We then raced down one of the hallways just beyond the flights of stairs. Not long after, we were attacked again! I took a stance between Mami and Sayaka. Mami used her rifle to blast away at these enemies, while Sayaka swung her bat at them.

“St-stay away!” Sayaka shouted at them, while she deflected a couple of the enemies away with her bat.

“Are you afraid?” Mami asked, after we continued sprinting along, towards wherever the witch was.

“... No way!” answered Sayaka, after a brief pause.

Sayaka was adjusting to this pretty well. I have to admit I felt a bit like an useless third wheel on this witch hunt. Sayaka obviously wasn't as effective as Mami was, but at least she was doing something. I was just riding on their coattails, really. Not only that, but I felt scared.

At least, that's how I felt until I started to notice once more just how effective in battle Mami was. She delivered an incredible flying jumpkick from above, crashing through a vast array of enemies. As she continued her descent, I focused on her. She was so... so majestically magnificent. So beautiful. So strong! My fears started to wash away, as I found myself having complete faith and trust in Mami.

As such, I sprinted with renewed courage and vigor, following behind Mami and Sayaka.

“Keep going!” exclaimed Kyubey, “You're almost to the focus of the barrier!”

Mami summoned forth several rifles to blast away all of the enemies blocking the three of us from the focus of the barrier. She continued to look so very cool!

We then rushed through four doors, to finally arrive at the focus of the barrier, and the sight of the witch.

The witch... or at least what I think is the witch... was horrifyingly ugly. It was like a gelatinous bed of roses attached to a stomach organ, which in turn had large butterfly wings! I couldn't help but cringe at the sight of it.

“Look. That's a witch.” stated Mami.

“Eewww...” expressed Sayaka at the sight of it.

“You're going to fight that?” I asked of Mami.

I couldn't imagine even getting close to that, let alone fighting it!

“Don't worry” Mami said, with a brightly bold smile, “I won't lose.”

Mami then took Sayaka's bat, twirled it about, and brought it crashing downward, creating a large funnel of wind! It formed a sort of protective barrier around Sayaka, Kyubey, and I.

“Stand back.” Mami said to us, as she ventured forward.

She leaped unto the grassy ground all around where the witch sat, and she began stomping down the tiny enemies between her and the witch. The witch then growled like an angered lion!

Mami stretched out her skirt, causing two rifles to fall out of the sides of it. The witch then caused a humongous heart-shaped chair to come crashing down towards Mami. Mami did a backflip to dodge it, and then started shooting off her rifles at it!

The witch then took to the air, and flew about like it was some sort of fighter jet! To counter this, Mami summoned forth seemingly dozens of rifles, and started to pick them up one after another. She aimed each one of them against the witch, shooting them off in rapid succession. But the witch managed to dodge the blasts.

Mami then looked startled as several of the tinier enemies started crawling all over her feet. They then started to kind of turn into a large black vine, wrapping around her. They picked her up and sent her swirling about in the air, hanging upside down! Mami shot off more of her rifles, but this time, it looked like she was desperate. Some of the air of confidence that she had conveyed to Sayaka and me before started to fade away. The vines then flung her against the far wall, causing it to break into billowing dust due to the violent impact!

Mami looked hurt! My earlier faith and trust in Mami had turned into deep concern for her. Sayaka gasped in shock at the sight of Mami being on the ropes!

Mami-san!” Sayaka shouted at her, as she was as worried about her as I was.

Mami's face seemed to twitch and strain a bit in pain, as the vine continued to twirl her about and hold her upside down. But then, Mami seemed to regain her composure.

“I'm fine.” she said, while looking at Sayaka and I, “I'm not going to look lame in front of girls who're going to be my juniors!”

Mami then caused lots of yellow strands that looked like spaghetti noodles to come out of the cracks in the grassy ground. They held the tinier enemies at bay, while also wrapping all around the witch, holding her firmly in place!

“That was disappointing.” Mami said.

Mami then removed her necktie, and used it as some kind of slicing agent to free her from the vine. She then twirled about in mid-air, in order to come to a more upright posture. While she fell downwards, she twirled her necktie about like she was a ballerina... and she made her necktie transform into an gigantic glistening gun!

Mami gripped the handle and trigger of the gun, and aimed it at the witch.

TIRO FINALE!!!” she exclaimed with such power and poise, as the gun erupted with an almost deafening blast!

The blast struck the witch point blank, causing her to completely disintegrate within a wave of yellowish energy!

Mami then landed on her feet, again as though she were a cat, and... took out a cup of tea, and started drinking it.

With the witch defeated, she tilted her head towards Sayaka and I, smiling at us.

“...She won” said Sayaka, a bit breathlessly, as we were worried for a second then.

“Wow!” I exclaimed, once again so very impressed by Mami.

With that, the witches' barrier faded away, and Mami changed her attire back into her student uniform. She then walked over, and picked up something that had been left behind by the witch.

After picking it up, she showed it to Sayaka and I.

“This is a Grief Seed” she explained, “The egg of a witch.”

It was black and round, with a very pointy end.

“Egg...” Sayaka said, wondering what to make of it.

“If you're lucky, you'll find them on witches” Mami continued.

“Don't worry” chimed in Kyubey, as I held him in my arms, “It's perfectly safe in that form. If anything, it's precious for how useful it is!”

Mami then showed us how a Grief Seed can be used to cleanse a Soul Gem, as her Soul Gem had recently dimmed a bit.

“It cleared up!” stated Sayaka.

“See?” asked Mami, “It restored the magical power I used. That's the reward for hunting witches that I mentioned before.”

Mami then suddenly threw the Grief Seed away... or so I had originally thought.

The Grief Seed had been caught by somebody! It was Homura! Had she been following behind us all this time?

“It has one use left.” Mami stated to Homura, while Homura slowly walked forward as her presence was now known, “Here, you can have it, Akemi Homura.”

“It's her!” Sayaka stated sternly, at the sight of Homura.

This struck me as a very nice gesture on Mami's part. I was increasingly impressed by her, and I found Mami to be so elegantly endearing... I only hoped that Homura would accept the olive branch, and hopefully the antagonism between her and the rest of us could come to an end.

“Or do you have something against sharing?” Mami asked of Homura, as Homura had yet to reply to her generous gesture.

“It's your prize” Homura replied, “It belongs to you alone.”

Homura then threw the Grief Seed back at Mami.

Mami caught the Grief Seed, while looking very cross.

“I see.” said Mami, in a stern and disappointed tone of voice, “That's your answer.”

Homura then walked away...

By this point, Sayaka was completely exasperated by Homura.

“She really ticks me off!” Sayaka exclaimed, while clenching a fist.

“I wish we could get along with her...” I said.

“That's up to her.” Mami stated.


After we exited the building, Mami went back to the woman who had thrown herself off the building. She gently picked her up, while the woman slowly came to. The woman was clearly in a confused panic, but Mami calmed her down by hugging her and comforting her.

“Case closed, huh.” stated Sayaka, smiling over Mami's success.

I nodded in agreement. It's way too hard for me to decide on a wish that I want granted right away. But I really admire Mami working so hard to help people. She was like a dream turned into reality.

I thought it would be wonderful if I could become as helpful a person as Mami is. With that, I began to colour my magical girl design, deciding to use a lot of pink, the colour of love...

As I rested on my bed after a long but amazingly eventful day, I began to wonder if I was falling in love with Mami, especially given how she has appeared in my dreams, sometimes in a romantic context. I became more and more convinced that I really am attracted more to girls than I am to boys. It was only a question of how I should act on that, and if my friends would accept that. I sadly don't think Hitomi would, but Sayaka probably would. Sayaka... would she feel betrayed if I became closer to Mami than what I am to her?

These thoughts were front and centre amongst many that washed over me. But while I had so many hard choices to answer, I also felt comforted at making a wonderful new friend in Mami. I only hoped that the next witch we encountered wouldn't be as scary as the one we faced today...
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Old 2012-01-21, 18:38   Link #25
Sol Falling
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6A and 7B. The result for 6B was pretty interesting, but at this stage I guess I still don't feel like making Madoka that forward with Homura. Hopefully at later stages when Madoka and Homura become canonically more open with each other I'll still have a chance to turn their relationship around.

Alternatively, since I'm somewhat interested in keeping Mami alive, I wonder if it will be possible to do that and still maintain a good relationship with Homura. It's pretty interesting revisiting the events of the anime itself with this story, as I'd somewhat forgotten all of the tension and intrigue between Mami and Homura at the start of the series.

Glad to see the updates keep coming. I think momentum is pretty important to completing such a big project as this. I'm slightly worried that this update speed might be too fast for your other readers though. I guess I'm not in a position to make any suggestions about that individually though.

Good work!
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Old 2012-01-21, 20:20   Link #26
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Based on Sol's feedback, there's a few questions I'd like to ask people regularly following/reading this fanfic. I'd greatly appreciate any and all reader feedback on these four questions.

1) What do you feel about the pace of the updates so far? Too fast, too slow, or just right?

2) What's your take on the length of each chapter? Too long, too short, or just right? I went with a "1 chapter = Half an episode" format, at least for the first few chapters/episodes, since it's a simple format to stick to, and I think it enables for good-sized chunks of narrative content per chapter.

3) Thus far, I've maintained a strict 1st Person Narrative from Madoka's perspective, and I have to admit I've become very comfortable with that. However, depending on how closely a reader's choices adheres to the anime, we'll eventually get into a part of the narrative where a lot of key scenes are perceived primarily from Sayaka's perspective (sometimes while Madoka is off-screen). How should I approach these scenes?:
A) Maintain a strict Madoka perspective, and have her learn about them after the fact as necessary (i.e. these scenes become 'off-camera').

B) Have Madoka narrate the Sayaka-focused scenes from a sort of omniscient third person perspective.

C) Use a Sayaka narration voice for these scenes.

D) Use my own narration voice for them.
4) There's an OC (Original Character) that I've been wondering if I should use for at least some of the branching routes of this narrative, as I think it could spice up the narrative. This OC would be based upon one of my all-time favorite anime antagonists, but he's a more conventional antagonist than Kyubey is. As such, including him would alter the flavor of Madoka Magica a little bit. Should I include him, or should I leave him out?


Now, as for Sol's latest feedback...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sol Falling View Post
It's pretty interesting revisiting the events of the anime itself with this story, as I'd somewhat forgotten all of the tension and intrigue between Mami and Homura at the start of the series.
Agreed. One thing writing this fanfic has given me a greater appreciation for is just how tight and well-written Madoka Magica was. There's extremely little "fat" that I can trim when adapting it into a VN-style fanfic. There's something important happening or being said in almost every scene. Gen certainly knows how to make his stories very content-rich and thankfully lacking fluff.


Quote:

Glad to see the updates keep coming. I think momentum is pretty important to completing such a big project as this.
Agreed. This is the largest fanfic project I've attempted in a long time, so sticking with it and not taking too many days off from it is probably important.


Quote:
Good work!
Thanks! It won't be long until some of the most interesting choices arrive, thankfully.
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Old 2012-01-21, 20:56   Link #27
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Reaaally nice new chapter. Foreshadowing at the end was great. Now, onto your questions.

I'd say just right to 1) and 2).

To 3)... A is a bad option if things go really off the rails since there are a lot of things like details and foreshadowing Madoka cannot just learn after. B and D feel the same to me, and I think it's a good choice, probably the best. C can be somewhat dangerous, IMO, because not only must you choose the character that will narrate (ex: conversation between Sayaka and Kyoko, which one narrates?), you also reveal feelings from that POV, and to me at least, it takes something out of the VN.

4) Honestly, I'd prefer if you didn't include important OCs, specially if they are going to be an integrant and interactive part of the plot, but if they make it easier for you to write or are really needed... go ahead, it's your story.
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Old 2012-01-22, 01:26   Link #28
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Originally Posted by Triple_R View Post
1) What do you feel about the pace of the updates so far? Too fast, too slow, or just right?
-Maybe just a tad fast, but that's because I'm really busy with an assignment at the moment. I have trouble imagining many others agreeing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Triple_R View Post
2) What's your take on the length of each chapter? Too long, too short, or just right? I went with a "1 chapter = Half an episode" format, at least for the first few chapters/episodes, since it's a simple format to stick to, and I think it enables for good-sized chunks of narrative content per chapter.
About right. I don't think I'd want really long chapters.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Triple_R View Post
3) Thus far, I've maintained a strict 1st Person Narrative from Madoka's perspective, and I have to admit I've become very comfortable with that. However, depending on how closely a reader's choices adheres to the anime, we'll eventually get into a part of the narrative where a lot of key scenes are perceived primarily from Sayaka's perspective (sometimes while Madoka is off-screen). How should I approach these scenes?:
A) Maintain a strict Madoka perspective, and have her learn about them after the fact as necessary (i.e. these scenes become 'off-camera').

B) Have Madoka narrate the Sayaka-focused scenes from a sort of omniscient third person perspective.

C) Use a Sayaka narration voice for these scenes.

D) Use my own narration voice for them.
Is using Madoka's dreams as a narrative device an option? I could see that working.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Triple_R View Post
4) There's an OC (Original Character) that I've been wondering if I should use for at least some of the branching routes of this narrative, as I think it could spice up the narrative. This OC would be based upon one of my all-time favorite anime antagonists, but he's a more conventional antagonist than Kyubey is. As such, including him would alter the flavor of Madoka Magica a little bit. Should I include him, or should I leave him out?
I'm interest in seeing what you have in mind far more than I'm concerned about series canon.
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Old 2012-01-22, 02:50   Link #29
Dr. Casey
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1. If this was more like your normal Visual Novel and choices could block off certain paths, I would consider the pace a bit overwhelming. Thanks to this story's format, though, where the results of every choice are laid out for us, I think the update schedule is no problem. It's always nice to get some more story to read, besides.

2. I don't think there's any such thing as too long really, though the chapter length is good. I mean, if I don't mind the very very long and detailed Higurashi (That probably took me upwards of 100 hours to read )... I naturally gravitate towards long stories, at Fanfiction.net I use the >100,000 words option to find the longest stories. On that note, I do think the results for the choices are too short much of the time.

3. I vote C. I'm interested in seeing your take on Sayaka, and I think it might prove difficult to write the middle portions of the series that focus on Sayaka if you keep the spotlight on Madoka alone (Unless you fill up this portion primarily with original material, which is certainly a viable and potential-filled option).

4. I personally would like to see him. I think it would be very interesting to see how Madoka relates to someone that's overtly antagonistic... Madoka is so gentle and sweet that it almost seems impossible for anyone to earn her ire, as shown by the way she's so forgiving (More or less) of Kyubey. The others' interactions with him would be interesting as well, and there could be some nice drama and conflict from the hotheaded Sayaka butting heads with him.

And I'm really, really glad that a Visual Novel is being produced for this already. I haven't gotten the chance to try it out yet, and I think I'll wait until it's finished to do anything more than give it a short test run, but I am so getting it once it's done.

I'll give more detailed reviews for the later chapters, but I'm going to be strapped for time the next couple of weeks, so I'll just list the choices I selected this time.

Quote:
Sayaka and Hitomi started laughing loudly at that. I hate it when people laugh at me when I tell the truth, because the only alternative is to lie, and I don't like lying!
I have to mention how adorable this line is, though.

Okay, so...

I went with 3A because that's much more interesting than just keeping the dreams to myself. Sayaka's blush over Madoka saying that she dreamed about her in a fancy outfit was cute, and I liked the way Hitomi defused the situation... it's nice that Visual Novels can add characterization lacking in the original (And Hitomi didn't get much screentime). Oh, and I gave in to temptation and read Opportunity Choice 1 even though I chose 2B earlier. Sorry. ^^; I really enjoyed reading that, I like Madoka's relationship with Yahiro a lot. These opportunity choices are a really great addition to the story, I hope there's a number of them showing many different stages of Madoka's life. I think I'll read all these opportunity choices whether I'm applicable or not, because I doubt I'd ever be able to find them all in the Visual Novel. On that note, I hope 18 year old Madoka is illustrated in the game, because I bet she'll be bangin' once she gets older. (High school is three years in Japan, by the way Or at least, I think it usually is. Dunno if there's any exceptions or not.)

Moving on, 4B is definitely the way to go. It's cute, and I was wondering if it might result in something like Madoka molesting Homura in episode 10 (Which I shamefully admit turned me on >_>). I went with 5B because I wanted to see how everyone would react to Madoka's self-deprecation, and since the early parts of the series are lighthearted, that sort of warmth and togetherness seems appropriate for the early story. (I think C ended up being the most interesting of the three choices, though. Mami's slightly cold, almost testy response caught me off-guard.) 6B is the more interesting option, so I went for that. That logic is the reason that I chose 7C as well. 7B is a nice moment between the three and shows some nice insight into at least one of the reasons behind Sayaka harboring feelings for Madoka, the fact that she's passionate. As for 7C, well, I think I'm prone to choosing any option that might result in conflict or tension, and this didn't disappoint. Mami seems a bit irritated here... between 6C and 7C, it seems as though there's been more chances to lose affection points with Mami than the other characters. She might hate Madoka more than Homura by the time the story's done.

Interesting that the story takes place so far into the future, according to the Bambi being over 100 years old reference... if Hare and Shu are old enough to have children around Madoka's age, this must be set around the middle 2050s at earliest, maybe the 2060s-2070s. Interesting, interesting. I'm an old man when all this is going on.

Anyway, it's close to two in the morning and I'm getting pretty sleepy, so I'll leave it at that. Really enjoying this.
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Old 2012-01-22, 08:43   Link #30
Kimidori
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v0.3 with chapter 3 is done, download below, sorry for being this late, i'm been pretty busy.
Code:
http://www.mediafire.com/?f7z0irsb2tb3asb
since the VN got pretty long, this version not only cover chapter 3 but also include save/load system. but you can only save once you finish a chapter instead of everywhere. btw Triple_R, please inform me how a choice change affection point every new chap.

Quote:
I hope 18 year old Madoka is illustrated in the game
she is, please try the VN now if it possible
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Old 2012-01-22, 09:27   Link #31
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btw, this is a feedback from a forum i post the Visual Novel to
Quote:
My main concern so far is a problem that exists in the original fanfic... Breaking the fourth wall is something which should be done carefully. In just the first few scenes, there has been a Studio Shaft reference and an Akiyuki Shinbo reference. It's not like going meta is entirely bad, but it does break the illusion that this game is its own world. It's kind of like saying "Hello, welcome to the real world!"
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Old 2012-01-22, 12:39   Link #32
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Thanks a lot to MinuSeveN, 0utf0xZer0, and Dr. Casey for the feedback! Since they are a bit split on a couple of the questions, I'd love to get feedback from other readers as well.

However, what I have so far is pretty helpful, and I have a good idea now of where I want to go with the fanfic.

For key, essential scenes that Madoka is off-camera for, I might use the dream idea that 0utf0xZer0 suggested (that's a really creative idea, thanks!), or I'll go with B, C, or D given what MinuSeveN and Dr. Casey suggested. A is now ruled out.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Casey View Post
1. If this was more like your normal Visual Novel and choices could block off certain paths, I would consider the pace a bit overwhelming. Thanks to this story's format, though, where the results of every choice are laid out for us, I think the update schedule is no problem. It's always nice to get some more story to read, besides.
That's good to know then. I'll try to keep to a Chapter per 2/3 days approach then.


Quote:

2. I don't think there's any such thing as too long really, though the chapter length is good. I mean, if I don't mind the very very long and detailed Higurashi (That probably took me upwards of 100 hours to read )... I naturally gravitate towards long stories, at Fanfiction.net I use the >100,000 words option to find the longest stories. On that note, I do think the results for the choices are too short much of the time.
With Chapter 6, the results of choices will become longer and more elaborate, creating break points from which readers will start going off on entirely separate paths.

In fact, I might as well ask this here: Once that happens, do readers want me to write one route to its completion and then later go back to where the key break point occurred (picking it up to continue on with the other route), or should I write two or more routes simultaneously (like split the chapter into two halves, one for each route).


Quote:
And I'm really, really glad that a Visual Novel is being produced for this already.
I am too. Big thanks again to naamio for that. It makes things a lot more fun to see my writing turned into an actual VN as I'm going along.


Quote:
I have to mention how adorable this line is, though.

Okay, so...

These opportunity choices are a really great addition to the story, I hope there's a number of them showing many different stages of Madoka's life.
I'll try to throw in a couple more (aside from the obvious romance route-based ones) to make things interesting. In fact, that's partly why I thought of inserting an OC antagonist into the narrative, just to provide something really different.


Quote:
I think I'll read all these opportunity choices whether I'm applicable or not, because I doubt I'd ever be able to find them all in the Visual Novel. On that note, I hope 18 year old Madoka is illustrated in the game, because I bet she'll be bangin' once she gets older. (High school is three years in Japan, by the way Or at least, I think it usually is. Dunno if there's any exceptions or not.)
Older Madoka is illustrated in the game, yeah. Well, kind of. I used an image of a different, older anime character, and touched it up to make her look more like Madoka.


Quote:
As for 7C, well, I think I'm prone to choosing any option that might result in conflict or tension, and this didn't disappoint. Mami seems a bit irritated here... between 6C and 7C, it seems as though there's been more chances to lose affection points with Mami than the other characters. She might hate Madoka more than Homura by the time the story's done.
As people who watched the anime know, time is of the essence for Mami. So I have to throw in a lot of Mami-focused choices already.


Quote:

Interesting that the story takes place so far into the future, according to the Bambi being over 100 years old reference...
Good pick-up! Yeah, I'm intending for the story to be placed about 45 to 55 years in the future. That seems appropriate given the overall tech level showed in PMMM.


Quote:
if Hare and Shu are old enough to have children around Madoka's age, this must be set around the middle 2050s at earliest, maybe the 2060s-2070s. Interesting, interesting. I'm an old man when all this is going on.

Anyway, it's close to two in the morning and I'm getting pretty sleepy, so I'll leave it at that. Really enjoying this.
Glad you're liking it. I should have the next Chapter up in a day or two.
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Old 2012-01-22, 13:18   Link #33
Asuras
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1) I read every chapter eventually, so any pace is fine for me. Can't say the same for everyone else, but I do feel like your current pace is perfect enough.

2) Half a chapter is great. MM is only... 13 episodes long (?) so half-chapters would amount to about 26. I'm not a VN expert, but 26 seems like just enough.

3) I'll have to go with C.

4) Well, really it depends. I mean, I'm all for OC's (I rp all the time), but in certain cases it seems like they can completely warp a storyline into something unfavorable. I'm not saying this is what will happen with yours (how could I know in this case?) but I just don't know enough to give you a sure answer for this one, sorry.
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Old 2012-01-22, 18:53   Link #34
Sol Falling
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Throwing in my input too, as far as pacing, the current rate is fine for me. In the future, when the story splits into multiple routes...while it's true that progressing them all at the same time might make the chapters too long individually, I think choosing one route and writing it to completion before the others might ruin the suspense a little. Perhaps just alternating between the routes (i.e. one chapter for each route at a time, but still progressing them all concurrently) would be an effective compromise?

On non-Madoka story/perspective sections...of the original choices, my vote would have gone to 3C, but 0utf0xzer0's idea sounds interesting too. As for original characters, I am generally not a fan of them, but like others have said this is your story. There's no way I could say that it'd be bad without actually seeing it, so if you feel like you've got an interesting idea or concept for it, then I don't mind.
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Old 2012-01-22, 19:31   Link #35
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I agree with Sol. Progressing each chapter in a manner that allows successive route chapters to be seen at relatively the same time would be best. Those who are doing certain routes over the other would be saved from having to wait while others get all the fun.
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Old 2012-01-22, 22:51   Link #36
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Quote:
1) What do you feel about the pace of the updates so far? Too fast, too slow, or just right?
Very good especially considering how much you write for them .

Quote:
2) What's your take on the length of each chapter? Too long, too short, or just right? I went with a "1 chapter = Half an episode" format, at least for the first few chapters/episodes, since it's a simple format to stick to, and I think it enables for good-sized chunks of narrative content per chapter.
Some of them felt slightly long, but I am fine with that really.

Quote:
3) Thus far, I've maintained a strict 1st Person Narrative from Madoka's perspective, and I have to admit I've become very comfortable with that. However, depending on how closely a reader's choices adheres to the anime, we'll eventually get into a part of the narrative where a lot of key scenes are perceived primarily from Sayaka's perspective (sometimes while Madoka is off-screen). How should I approach these scenes?:
I think the dream idea mentioned before is best approach, imo.

Quote:
4) There's an OC (Original Character) that I've been wondering if I should use for at least some of the branching routes of this narrative, as I think it could spice up the narrative. This OC would be based upon one of my all-time favorite anime antagonists, but he's a more conventional antagonist than Kyubey is. As such, including him would alter the flavor of Madoka Magica a little bit. Should I include him, or should I leave him out?
I feel mixed to OC in stories generally they can be good or ruin it, so I'd prefer to leave that for you to decide on.
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Old 2012-01-24, 02:28   Link #37
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Chapter 5

“TIRO FINALE!”


That's what Mami shouted as she destroyed another witch, or at least I think it was a witch. This latest foe wasn't as large as the last witch we faced, and was thankfully much easier for Mami to overcome. Even so, Sayaka and I had taken cover behind a park bench during this latest fight. Sayaka had brought another bat with her, but this one had not been magically imbued.

“Wow, Mami, you're so cool!” exclaimed Sayaka, as she and I moved out from behind the park bench, and gazed up at Mami now perched upon a lamppost.

Since I think I'm developing... feelings for Mami, I also felt a bit shy at the thought of complimenting her so directly like that! However, I certainly wanted to...


Choice 8

A) “Y-yeah, you're the b-best, Mami-san!”

B) Just smile towards her.


Spoiler for Response A:



Spoiler for Response B:




“Yes, ma'am!” exclaimed Sayaka, as she lifted her bat up into the air as though saluting a commanding officer.

At the same time as Sayaka said that, Mami had leaped off of the lamppost to come to a clean landing on the park ground. So it seems that Mami is acrobatic even when not using magic! That worried me a bit. I had hoped that becoming a magical girl would bring added agility, and maybe even flight, but perhaps that wasn't so.

But as Mami walked and Kyubey sprinted towards me, I noticed something else!

“It didn't drop a Grief Seed.” I said, referring to the enemy that Mami had just defeated.

“That was just a familiar sloughed off of the actual witch” Kyubey began in explanation, “They don't carry Grief Seeds.”

“That wasn't a witch?” I asked, as I had previously thought it was a witch.

“Looks like we were way off” Sayaka said to me.

“It's not like we can just ignore familiars.” stated Mami, “If they grow to maturity, they become just like the witch they split off from. Let's go!”

We then all left to head to our respective homes, with Mami's being the first destination. It was a foggy night, but the sky was clear. It was an enchanting atmosphere that made for a nice leisurely walk home.

“Have either of you thought of a wish yet?” Mami asked, while we walked side-by-side.

Sayaka sighed deeply at that question, as she hadn't thought of a wish yet.

“Madoka?” she asked of me.

I also sighed deeply, as I hadn't thought of a wish either. Both Sayaka and I felt pretty embarrassed over that.

“Yeah, it's hard to decide when you're told to make up your mind right away.” Mami stated.

I loved how patient and understanding Mami was. She had carefully explained so much to Sayaka and I, and she had even taken us on a witch-hunt! She clearly wanted Sayaka and I to become magical girls ourselves, probably so she could have some help in fighting witches and familiars. I wanted to be more decisive so I could help Mami right away! Maybe I'd get a good idea for a wish by asking Mami what she wished for?

“What did you wish for, Mami?” I asked of her, while smiling sideways at her.

Mami came to a sudden stop at my question! She also sighed weakly. I could perceive an almost instant look of regret come over her. Oh no! I felt like I asked something that I shouldn't have, and that I had hurt her feelings...

“You don't have to tell me if you don't want to!” I shouted to her, as I hated the thought of hurting her feelings.

“For me...” Mami replied, as I think she began to reflect back on the wish she made, “I didn't really have much time to think about it. But I don't regret it. I'd rather live like this than have died there. But if you have the chance to think it over, I want you to consider it carefully. Because I wasn't able to.”

So Mami must have made a wish in order to save her life. She must have been in a life-threatening situation when Kyubey came along. It's a relief that Kyubey reached her before she died, but it's also sad that Mami could only use her wish as an emergency measure. My heart felt heavy with deep sympathy for Mami...

Sayaka similarly had someone special on her heart.

“Hey, Mami...” she asked of her, “Does my wish have to be for myself?”

“Heh?” asked Mami turning about at what Sayaka had asked, as I think it startled her a bit.

“I'm just asking hypothetically.” Sayaka continued, “What if there was someone far worse off than me, and I wished for something for him?”

“You mean Kamijo?” Kyubey asked in turn.

“I told you, it's just hypothetical!” shouted Sayaka, becoming a bit flustered over what Kyubey had asked

But Sayaka probably was thinking of Kamijo when she raised her hypothetical.

Before joining Mami on this most recent evening adventure, I asked Sayaka how Kamijo was doing since she had recently visited him at the hospital. She told me that, at first, he seemed to be uplifted by her bringing him a very rare Dawd Ostrakh music CD. Ostrakh is a great violinist, and was somebody that Kamijo had once hoped to be like when he grew up.

However, after listening to the CD, Kamijo broke down into tears. Sayaka explained to me that he was trying to sort of “play along” with the violin music that he was hearing by attempting to move his fingers to it. But they wouldn't move of course... Sayaka must be thinking of wishing for Kamijo's hand to be healed!

“There's no rule that the girl entering the contract has to be the one affected by the wish.” Kyubey stated to Sayaka, “There's precedent for it, too.”

“But you may not be satisfied by what happens.” Mami quickly interjected, “If you're fulfilling someone else's wish, you have to be very clear about what you yourself want. Do you want to fulfill his wish? Or do you want to be the person who fulfilled his wish?”

“Mami-san...” I said breathlessly, taken a bit aback at her cold frankness here.

“They sound similar, but they're completely different.” Mami said.

“That's a terrible way to put it.” stated Sayaka, as I could tell she was angered a bit by Mami's words.

“Sorry” said Mami, while forcing a smile towards Sayaka, “But I had to tell you. If you don't keep that in mind, you'll regret it.”

I think I could tell what Mami meant by all of this. It's kind of like the difference between giving someone a love-letter from a secret admirer, and giving someone a love-letter that's clearly signed as coming from you. In one case you'll receive any appreciation that might be felt over the love-letter, but in the other case you probably won't. The results are indeed completely different.

Sayaka was still a bit upset at Mami's words, but I think she calmed down a bit after giving it more thought, as I had done.

“You're right.” Sayaka said to Mami while forcing a smile, “I didn't even think of that. Sorry.”

“It's tough, I know” Mami replied, “There's no need to hurry.”

“I think they should hurry up!” Kyubey exclaimed.

“No.” stated Mami, “Girls hate boys who try to rush them into things.”

Mami and Sayaka then chuckled together over that line, as we continued to walk home. I was relieved that what looked like a potentially tense situation between Mami and Sayaka was resolved amicably.


Affection Calculation Time! An Opportunity Choice will now be made available to you depending on your affection level with Mami Tomoe. To determine your affection level, refer to the following data and calculate the net effect of your choices.


Spoiler for Mami Tomoe Affection Data:



Your overall affection level with Mami must be +2 or higher in order for Opportunity Choice 2 to become available. If it's +2 or higher, please read the following section. Otherwise, skip over it.


Spoiler for Mami +2:



“It's not as simple as I thought” I said out loud, while laying on my bed in my pajamas.

“I can't really hurry you” stated Kyubey, “Even suggesting something is against the rules.”

“I can't just wish to be something, can I?” I asked, as I stared at my magical girl design that I had doodled.

“Madoka, do you simply desire power?” Kyubey asked.

“That's not it...” I responded.

Well, I didn't want power for its own sake. But to tell the truth, the idea of being powerful so I could put that power to good use in being useful and helping others did appeal to me a lot! Such power could also enable me to help Mami more, and I'd really like to be able to do that.

“It's just...” I continued in explanation to Kyubey, “I'm kinda dumb and I don't have any talents... Just being an amazing, awesome person like Mami would make me happy!”

“If you become a magical girl, you'll be far stronger than Mami” Kyubey said.

“Heh?” I asked, stunned by what Kyubey said here.

“No matter what you wish for, I can't even begin to imagine the size of the Soul Gem you'll bring forth” he stated, “I've never met one with this much potential before.”

I laughed a bit over what he was saying here, as it seemed totally impossible to me.

“Come on, you're pulling my leg.” I said to Kyubey.

“Nope.” Kyubey stated to me.

Before I had a chance to discuss it further with him, I heard a knock at the door. Papa needed my help with mama as she had come home in a bit of a drunken stupor. I helped him get her prepared for bed, while she voiced a lot of complaints related to her job. It made me wonder why she chose to work at her company. That was something Papa and I discussed over hot cocoa before I finally headed to bed to get some sleep.

While I slept, I had another strange dream, although I wasn't in this one. In my dream I saw Mami and Homura having a tense disagreement over Sayaka and I becoming magical girls. Their disagreement occurred very late at night, near a sparkling fountain. It ended on a horrible note, as Mami stated that she didn't think her next meeting with Homura could be settled with words alone...

Even though it was just a dream, it left me wanting even more for Homura to get along with Mami, Sayaka, and I.


After school, I met up with Sayaka at the hospital.

“Hey, sorry I kept you waiting” Sayaka said to me.

“Huh? Didn't you get to see Kamijo?” I asked her.

“They said it wasn't a good day.” Sayaka answered, “And after I came all the way out here....”

After that, Sayaka and I left the hospital. While walking by the outside of the hospital, though, I noticed something very troubling!

“What's up?” Sayaka asked me, as she noticed that my eyes had become fixated on a certain spot.

“What's that?” I asked, referring to what I was looking at.

This prompted Sayaka to look at it as well.

“It's a Grief Seed!” exclaimed Kyubey, as he was resting on my shoulder, “Stay back!”

Kyubey was right! It was a Grief Seed embedded inside of a crack in the wall!

“No way!” I shouted, “What's that doing here?!”

“Oh no!” exclaimed Kyubey, “We have to run away! It's about to form a barrier!”

“Madoka!” Sayaka shouted to me, “Did you get Mami's phone number?”


If you chose B for Opportunity Choice 2, read Observation OC2B.

Spoiler for Observation OC2B:



I waved my head back and forth to indicate “No” to Sayaka.

“Oh man.” said Sayaka, as she thought hard and fast on what do do, “Madoka! Go get Mami! I'll stay here and key an eye on it.”

“Wait!” I exclaimed in response.

I appreciated Sayaka's courage and desire to help, but her idea seemed recklessly dangerous to me!

“You can't!” exclaimed Kyubey to Sayaka, “The witch may not have come out yet, but if the barrier closes you'll be stuck inside! We may not make it back in time to save you!”

“Once it builds a labyrinth, we won't be able to track it!” responded Sayaka, “We can't just leave it in a place like this.”

After a tense pause, Kyubey leaped off of my shoulder and addressed me.

“You go ahead, Madoka.” he said, “I'll stay with Sayaka. When Mami gets here, she'll be able to find me using telepathy. I'll stay here with Sayaka and watch the Grief Seed. I'll be able to show Mami the shortest path in.”

“Thanks, Kyubey!” Sayaka said, deeply appreciating this gesture on his part.

And with that, I raced off to get Mami! This latest witch had to be dealt with. So many innocent people could get hurt by it, given that it was attached to the side of a hospital! I could tell that this was a crisis situation, and that time was of the essence here. I could only hope that I would be fast enough, and able to make the right choices when the need was greatest!
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Last edited by Triple_R; 2012-01-26 at 09:53.
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Old 2012-01-24, 08:34   Link #38
Kimidori
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Age: 20
wow, you write fast, nice to see choices now making more changes to the event.
i guess the next VN release will cover both chap 4 and chap 5 at once instead of releasing 2 version for both chapter
keep up he good work!
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Old 2012-01-24, 15:02   Link #39
Sol Falling
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Age: 25
Haha, the choices this time were pretty tough. In the end, for choice 8, I went with B, but luckily enough I still had enough affection points with Mami to take the opportunity choices.

As for Opportunity Choice 2, after reading the results for choice A, I actually almost second guessed my decision to charge straight ahead with choice B. Will/would Mami really have a chance to talk about the gardening club with Madoka later? But in the end I stuck with B.

As for choice M1, I went with A, of course. This is a bit of a guess, but the M should stand for "Mami", right?

Madoka's dream about Mami and Homura's confrontation/conversation made me feel a bit guilty about getting so chummy with Mami while ignoring Homura, lol. Like Kanon suggested early on, I might be leaning towards a harem route myself? Though perhaps that's a bit greedy.

Anyway, we're coming up on that fight in the anime now, aren't we? Pretty exciting stuff. Good chapter, and good work!
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Old 2012-01-24, 16:42   Link #40
Triple_R
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sol Falling View Post
Haha, the choices this time were pretty tough.
That's good to know.


Quote:
In the end, for choice 8, I went with B, but luckily enough I still had enough affection points with Mami to take the opportunity choices.

As for Opportunity Choice 2, after reading the results for choice A, I actually almost second guessed my decision to charge straight ahead with choice B. Will/would Mami really have a chance to talk about the gardening club with Madoka later? But in the end I stuck with B.

As for choice M1, I went with A, of course. This is a bit of a guess, but the M should stand for "Mami", right?
That's correct. If you see a choice with a letter in front of it (M, S, K, or H) it means that you're near or on a specific girl's route, and such choices are of particular importance in determining if...

1) You fully go on her route.

2) How her route goes.

These choices don't necessarily change affection levels, but may simply determine how a relationship develops.


Quote:
Madoka's dream about Mami and Homura's confrontation/conversation made me feel a bit guilty about getting so chummy with Mami while ignoring Homura, lol. Like Kanon suggested early on, I might be leaning towards a harem route myself? Though perhaps that's a bit greedy.
The nature of the Madoka Magica narrative is convenient in that each of the other 4 main cast girls gets their moment in the spotlight, almost as if they were main girls in a VN-adaptation. With Mami, it's the first three episodes. With Sayaka, it's most of the middle episodes. With Kyouko, it's Episode 9. With Homura, it's the final three episodes. This works nicely in that, like a lot of "True Route" girls in actual VNs, Homura is the last one you're able to enter her route for.

But that also means you have to wait for her, of course.


Quote:
Anyway, we're coming up on that fight in the anime now, aren't we? Pretty exciting stuff. Good chapter, and good work!
Thanks! Glad you're enjoying it. I hope you end up liking how I choose to handle that fight in the anime.


What I'm most curious about now is how I'm handling relationship development between Mami and Madoka in the "fanfic-only" sections. Do readers find it too fast, too slow, or just right?
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