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Old 2012-01-31, 08:52   Link #10021
warita
Dai-Youkai
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Vienna
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paranoid Android View Post
While his thoughts of eternal devotion is extremely common which I've also vowed once. When I broke up for the first time, I simply break that vow with myself. There wasn't even a trauma. I just simply felt embarrassed that I even thought such a thing would exist.
When my first boyfriend broke up with me I also vowed eternal devotion forever and ever. It lasted for about 4 years until I finnaly gave up on the idea. I never felt stupid about it.... because this was how I felt at that time. And sometimes it takes time to mature and realize, that some people are just not worth it. And that absolute devotion as nice as it may sound is not valued by others (at all). People dont want you to give them something they didnt ask for and yes it hurts, when you offer your entire heart and he/she doesnt care. But thats part of growing up I guess and that boy is so young, just 15.... damn, when I was that age we didnt go running after the opposite sex, thats like half a kid yet.
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Old 2012-01-31, 08:55   Link #10022
DonQuigleone
Knight Errant
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 25
I don't know, 15 seems about the right time. My first crush was 16, and I've always considered myself a late bloomer (puberty was ~15).
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Old 2012-01-31, 09:33   Link #10023
Paranoid Android
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Kitch-Water and T.O., Canada
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My first gf was grade 8 (14?). Oh boy, those days were funny. Sadly I didn't even love her. I'd say we were both simply really bored. So my first relationship was rather non-life changing. Where I grew up, boys and girls aren't

I think the biggest trauma/heartbreak was realizing how hard it is to actually give 100% into a relationship. I see myself as such a decent person in the drawing board but whatever comes out in reality is totally wrong.
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Old 2012-01-31, 10:57   Link #10024
Xenio
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Somewhere in Asia
@#1: this guy is clearly too childish and his love is too one-sided, gradually he will understand how one-sided it was and start thinking on how stupid he was and what was that girl thought about him then

i found it funny on how most people have their first crush about 14->16 (i didn't know that before i read it here), same as mine, but i was wise enough to know that one-sided won't lead to anything, so i'm tried to act cool when she is near but i never got further than casual chat (and often with a group of my friends). one day , she moved, end.(was sad for months after that)
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Old 2012-01-31, 11:32   Link #10025
Hera
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: USA
Thanks. The #2 guy seems more problematic and harder to fix .-. How to get him to open up and talk about it?

Last edited by Hera; 2012-01-31 at 12:13.
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Old 2012-01-31, 13:58   Link #10026
Gamer_2k4
Anime Cynic
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
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Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonQuigleone View Post
Is there anyone who hasn't gone crazy for a girl(or boy) and declared "eternal devotion" to them? Besides those few who are asexuals, I guess.
I haven't. Admittedly, I've only ever had one girlfriend (my current one), but I like to think I was sensible enough as a teen to not go crazy over girls that I was never going to go after.

That said, after a two hour talk last night, my girlfriend and I did decide that we love each other, so I guess you could call that "eternal devotion." However, I like to think that it was a result of realistically assessing where we are, what we want, and how we feel, rather than saying it simply because of crazy infatuation.
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Old 2012-01-31, 14:01   Link #10027
warita
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DonQuigleone View Post
I don't know, 15 seems about the right time. My first crush was 16, and I've always considered myself a late bloomer (puberty was ~15).
Sure sure, but he isnt just being in love, he is pushing for relationship and for that he is definately too young. You can be in love with somebody, watch him from afar and day dream about him, but you shouldnt start a relationship at this age. 17-18 sounds more fitting.
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Old 2012-01-31, 16:16   Link #10028
DonQuigleone
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Quote:
Originally Posted by warita View Post
Sure sure, but he isnt just being in love, he is pushing for relationship and for that he is definately too young. You can be in love with somebody, watch him from afar and day dream about him, but you shouldnt start a relationship at this age. 17-18 sounds more fitting.
You're right, but people at that age don't listen to reason in romantic matters(I certainly didn't). So it's perfectly reasonable for a person at 16, who has a huge crush, to be overwhelmed with the desire for a long term "eternal" relationship.

I remember when I had my first crush, I thought I'd end out marrying the girl. I was always too much of a coward too carry through though. There was also continuously this voice in the back of my head saying I was wrong, and that she doesn't love me back, and I'm just obsessing...

Fear and reason are a powerful combination to prevent you from doing something. Probably a good thing though. Who knows what idiotic things I could have done.
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Old 2012-01-31, 16:51   Link #10029
monsta666
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: London, England
Age: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hera View Post
Thanks. The #2 guy seems more problematic and harder to fix .-. How to get him to open up and talk about it?
Your second friend is older and the older you get the harder it is to change, generally speaking that is. Plus one thing to bear in mind before you try to change your friend's behaviour is the fact you must accept the basic concept that people will not change unless they want to. If what you do does not work even after a bit of repetition/encouragement then it is unlikely to ever work as he has no will to change.

Now, to me it would seem your friend seems to scared of the risk and what meeting that person would do to their life and how his life might be impacted should he fall in love. So it would seem he panicked and basically reacted like a deer in headlights and did nothing. This was an unfortunate reaction and he felt guilty and then shameful for it. I think that's the reason he blocked her from Facebook as he didn't have it in him to maintain contact with her after what he done. Then after the shame he had to justify his behaviour to others.

I am sorry if my post sounds harsh towards your friend. I do not mean to say negative things, I just feel on the big day he got stage fright and didn't show up. The rest was just reactions to that day. I guess what you could ask is why he didn't show up and was it a case of nerves or what? Ask why he got nervous and encourage him to be a little more brave in the future. As they say: fortune favours the bold(s)! If things don't work out after trying then we can live with that. But what is harder to live with is the regret of not taking action when we know that could have lead to something good. I think you need to stress those kind of points to your friend.
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Old 2012-01-31, 17:20   Link #10030
kitten320
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Age: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonQuigleone View Post
I think everyone is like this at least once in their lives. Love is intense!

Is there anyone who hasn't gone crazy for a girl(or boy) and declared "eternal devotion" to them? Besides those few who are asexuals, I guess.
I'm not asexual and I'm a girl of the age of 21 and I never went through the whole love drama

There was a guy whom I really liked and I still kind of like him but it was years since I last saw him or talked to him
As a teen I did get depressed a bit but that lasted just few days
I guess I'm weird.

Because truthfully love struck people like that annoy me and those who are even considering suicide deserve to be smacked on the head... HARD!

I really don't understand those people

So sadly I can't help here, all I can suggest is to slap him or something if things get really bad. Maybe that will wake him up.
All I can assure is that there are maximum 10% of chances that girl will respond though if she doesn't even want to be friends then chances are even smaller.

Such love dedication should be addressed to someone who accepts and returns it, that will noble. He will be a worthy guy then.
But going crazy over person who doesn't give a shit just makes him look like an idiot. There is nothing noble in that at all.
Bravery/Nobility and Idiocy stand really close together and a lot of people confuse them. Someone I know wants to be brave but always ends as an idiot
The best choice would be to try and to show that he is an idiot right now, though knowing from experience that will be a very hard task...


Ah yeh, I had a classmate back at school who was really into one girl. They did go out for almost a year but... he was a very jealous person and quiet clingy, eventually girl got tired with him and broke up.
I heard he made a HUGE scene out of it, won't go into details but it really could be called a disaster...
Now few years later he is happily in new relationship
I guess time really heals everything.
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Old 2012-01-31, 18:18   Link #10031
Paranoid Android
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I was gonna type something when I was at work but then I ran out of time. Your friend should not be considering suicide at the age of 15 for a love relationship. No on should. The only reason I can imagine someone of that age consider suicide is if they're on drugs, pregnant or suffering domestic abuse. If you friend is serious about that, then there is something extremely negative in his life that needs to be dealt with immediately from professional attention. That age is way too young.

----------
As for 2, you asked if there's anything that can be done. You can't be on his side. That's all you can do. Disagree and tell him he needs to grow out of it and be direct because those kinds of neglecting games are silly, emotionally disrupting and pointless. Or not do anything. You should not have to hold the hands of a 20 year old man and socialize for him. That's actually going to have a long term negative effect if you do something too interfering.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kitten320 View Post
I'm not asexual and I'm a girl of the age of 21 and I never went through the whole love drama
Are you sureeeee? Are you sure this doesn't excite you?


I'm kidding and budding.

Most people can heal a broken heart over time. But there's always the close-minded stubborn extremists, oh that friend of mine makes me worry sometimes but it ain't good for my own health to worry more than he is. x__X
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Old 2012-01-31, 18:23   Link #10032
Ledgem
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamer_2k4 View Post
That said, after a two hour talk last night, my girlfriend and I did decide that we love each other, so I guess you could call that "eternal devotion." However, I like to think that it was a result of realistically assessing where we are, what we want, and how we feel, rather than saying it simply because of crazy infatuation.
Hey, congratulations! Is this the one you initially had doubts over?
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Old 2012-01-31, 19:36   Link #10033
DonQuigleone
Knight Errant
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitten320 View Post
I'm not asexual and I'm a girl of the age of 21 and I never went through the whole love drama

There was a guy whom I really liked and I still kind of like him but it was years since I last saw him or talked to him
As a teen I did get depressed a bit but that lasted just few days
I guess I'm weird.

Because truthfully love struck people like that annoy me and those who are even considering suicide deserve to be smacked on the head... HARD!
I guess you're not a... Romantic!
I don't know, it may depend on the nature of the crush, and the person themselves. My crush lasted a year or so, and never had any resolution, so the heart ache lingered.

My second crush I didn't really have any lingering feelings for. I got over her pretty quick as I realised she wasn't the person I thought she was.

Nothing worse then ambiguousness.

Though I do think the teen cocktail of hormones combined with the novelty of the experience makes extreme melodramatic teen crushes very likely for most people. It's part of growing up and needs to be tolerated with a degree of understanding. It's also a pillar manga is built on!

Quote:
Such love dedication should be addressed to someone who accepts and returns it, that will noble. He will be a worthy guy then.
But going crazy over person who doesn't give a shit just makes him look like an idiot. There is nothing noble in that at all.
Bravery/Nobility and Idiocy stand really close together and a lot of people confuse them. Someone I know wants to be brave but always ends as an idiot
The best choice would be to try and to show that he is an idiot right now, though knowing from experience that will be a very hard task...
Sound words.
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Old 2012-01-31, 22:38   Link #10034
Tenken's Smile
Eternity Wish
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Above the Sky
To everyone:
If someone loves me and I feel the same toward him, I'll be more than glad to move forward
I don't understand how someone could run away from love. I tried to put myself in his shoes and still can't understand it. To me, the only time I would run was when I didn't have the same feelings for them (the case of one-sided love). That's the only time I would be "scared."

Last edited by Tenken's Smile; 2012-03-03 at 16:17.
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Old 2012-02-01, 04:49   Link #10035
warita
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Vienna
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paranoid Android View Post
I was gonna type something when I was at work but then I ran out of time. Your friend should not be considering suicide at the age of 15 for a love relationship. No on should. The only reason I can imagine someone of that age consider suicide is if they're on drugs, pregnant or suffering domestic abuse. If you friend is serious about that, then there is something extremely negative in his life that needs to be dealt with immediately from professional attention. That age is way too young.
I dont want to sound harsh.... but I think he said he is considering suicide just for the attention.

As a child and a teenager I used to suffer from heavy depressions and there were times I considered putting an end to it. But I never bothered my family and friends with it. I mean just imagine what kind of anguish it would cause your family, when they hear such a thing. In the end, it was also because of my family that I decided not to do it, I just couldnt bear the thought of hurting them so much.

So in the light of that whenever I hear somebody lets others know he is thinking about it, I feel very doubtful of his/her intentions. I mean, does he really want to die, or is he hoping that she will hear about it and take pity on him? In the end it boils down to manipulation doesnt it?

Well, I dont know this 15 years old boy, maybe I am doing him injustice and he is sincerely depressed. In that case, he should seek professional help and stop talking about suicide, because you know.... nobody can solve his problem for him and this what he is doing is quite contraproductive.
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Old 2012-02-01, 10:11   Link #10036
DonQuigleone
Knight Errant
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 25
This is true. In my depressive moments, I only told others about my consideration of suicide long after the fact. In truth I was always too scared to go through with it.

The most dangerous suicidals are the quiet ones. The ones who actually say something about it are unlikely to ever go through with it.
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Old 2012-02-01, 10:57   Link #10037
Hera
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: USA
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paranoid Android View Post
That's actually going to have a long term negative effect if you do something too interfering.
ugh... May I ask what kind of things can happen in the long term.....??

Quote:
I don't understand how someone could run away from love....
I don't understand either He was flirting and talking to this girl almost everyday, but at the same time, I saw him flirt with other girls, too, though not as much or as "deep" He's yearning for affection, I guess .-. Another problem is, he is distancing himself not only from this girl, but from other friends, too .-. I think he's taking time to think....

Last edited by Hera; 2012-02-01 at 11:11.
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Old 2012-02-01, 11:07   Link #10038
Gamer_2k4
Anime Cynic
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: USA
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
Hey, congratulations! Is this the one you initially had doubts over?
It sure is. Funny how things work out, eh?
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Old 2012-02-01, 11:24   Link #10039
Paranoid Android
Underweight Food Hoarder
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Kitch-Water and T.O., Canada
Age: 23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hera View Post
ugh... May I ask what kind of things can happen in the long term.....??


I don't understand either He was flirting and talking to this girl almost everyday, but at the same time, I saw him flirt with other girls, too, though not as much or as "deep" He's yearning for affection, I guess .-. Another problem is, he is distancing himself not only from this girl, but from all FB friends he knew, too .-. I think he's taking time to think....
1. You interfere too much and your friend will feel that he is competent without your assistance, it's bad for his ego.

2. When you make a big positive change to someone's life, you won't see it the same way that person does. You might have done something that makes the person feel extremely grateful and view you as a savior. My grandmother did such a thing for a friend of hers, her friend became SO grateful that she stopped living with her husband and spends her entire life trying to repay my grandmother and even moved in. My mom got angry because she doesn't like some outside woman hogging her mother. My mom filed a restraining order against this person because she was so dependent/overwhelmingly fond. This person immediately committed suicide.
Spoiler for Another example:


Now you might say those are rather extreme in comparison to your 20 yr friend. But understand that generosity is also very tempting. You help him out with something small and he'll come back to you for something small but marginally more than before. It's hard to turn down a friend if you know you can make them so happy and grateful for you. It's like lying, it gets deeper and deeper.
----------
Anything could have triggered your friend's sudden solitary attitude. But I don't believe he enjoys silence. It's a rather depressive way of showing he wants to feel needed or desired.

Let him know you are aware of his behavior at least. I'm not sure just how far you can go in helping him. I'm already jealous that he has a friend who pays attention to his well being.
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Old 2012-02-01, 12:48   Link #10040
Hera
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Join Date: Nov 2004
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paranoid Android View Post
Let him know you are aware of his behavior at least.
Let him know that "hey, I know you're ignoring us to get our attention"? lmao
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