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Old 2012-03-04, 16:54   Link #10241
solomon
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Join Date: Sep 2006
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That is really nice.

I'm too stingy with my money to try it though. Every situations different but if there is someone compatable with me who is right down the lane, I don't think I am gonna drop a couple hundred to go see another cross border.

Then again that's me.
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Old 2012-03-05, 05:21   Link #10242
Masuzu
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Now that is just cheating.

I feel you, man.
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Old 2012-03-05, 13:18   Link #10243
Gamer_2k4
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crimson Cloud View Post
I'm really happy for him but also a bit envious of his lovey-dovey experience. Haha and I even told him that but he just pated my back assuring me that my time will come lol.

I won't go into discussion if that relationship will last and what will become of it later but the whole point was, that sometimes, good stuff like this happen to people. ^^
I would almost say that's the worst sort of relationship. You've found someone who's "perfect," but because of the distance between you, the relationship has no future! You can't hear their voice, you can't hold them, you can't do things together, and worst of all, you have no ability to advance the relationship.

I say this as someone who avoided pursuing single friends of mine for years because I wanted the relationship to ultimately become marriage. I was past the point in my life where I'd be dating for the sake of dating, and getting involved with someone I had no future with (due to religious differences, for example), was just a waste of time. In my mind, a long-distance relationship is a hindrance, and a long-distance relationship with the "perfect" person is just torturous.

So don't envy your friend. He may have found someone now, but it's someone who, though no fault of her own other than the circumstances, is passively stagnating his life. Given the choice between waiting for the truly perfect person or tying yourself down with someone who seems perfect but is ultimately unattainable, which would you prefer?
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Old 2012-03-05, 13:36   Link #10244
warita
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamer_2k4 View Post
In my mind, a long-distance relationship is a hindrance, and a long-distance relationship with the "perfect" person is just torturous.
How is it a waste of time, if they can any time decide to move together. All they need to do is to decide who will move to whose country. The choice will probably be the one country that offers better job opportunities or a higher quality of life.
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Old 2012-03-05, 14:08   Link #10245
NorthernFallout
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Not to mention that, if they are of different cultures, while it might create unseen problems, it also presents a unique opportunity to experience something others can't do as easily, in context of other countries and cultures. Yea, long-distance is torture, but in the end it might well be worth it, as it sometimes serve to bring couples closer together seeing how communication and trust, two of the main factors in a relationship IMHO, must be enforced even more.

If you don't take the jump, you'll never find out and you only live once. Speaking from personal experience.
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Old 2012-03-05, 16:07   Link #10246
Gamer_2k4
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Originally Posted by warita View Post
How is it a waste of time, if they can any time decide to move together. All they need to do is to decide who will move to whose country. The choice will probably be the one country that offers better job opportunities or a higher quality of life.
That's a pretty big if. I take it from your appraisal of the situation that you've never had to deal with this, since you're trivializing it rather significantly. Have you ever had to move to even a different state? It's not simple. You have to reset your life, lose touch with your friends, grow accustomed to new places and new people, and find your way in an unfamiliar environment. Now extrapolate that to a new country with new customs and new people and new currency and new pretty much everything. Can you even keep the same bank if you do that? What happens to whatever investments you have? How about something simpler, like your phone service? Your internet service? Your car?

Look. I have a girlfriend who lives only an hour away, and we still understand that she needs to move to my city before the relationship progresses any further. To do that, she first needs to find a job up here (no easy task even with the interview places being in driving distance, and yet MUCH easier than doing it in another country). After that, she needs to leave her family and friends behind, since an hour drive is too far to casually meet up with them anytime she feels like it. It's going to be a drastic change, and that's just from one county over.

And you think moving to another country for the sake of "love" is just something you can explain away with "All you need to do is..."? Really?
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Old 2012-03-05, 16:32   Link #10247
NorthernFallout
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamer_2k4 View Post
That's a pretty big if. I take it from your appraisal of the situation that you've never had to deal with this, since you're trivializing it rather significantly. Have you ever had to move to even a different state? It's not simple. You have to reset your life, lose touch with your friends, grow accustomed to new places and new people, and find your way in an unfamiliar environment. Now extrapolate that to a new country with new customs and new people and new currency and new pretty much everything. Can you even keep the same bank if you do that? What happens to whatever investments you have? How about something simpler, like your phone service? Your internet service? Your car?
All very true things, and I personally don't think everyone can do it. It's an extremely hard thing to do. It will require time and strength. There will be hard times.

But what does it achieve? Indeed, you could crash and burn and you will spend an absurd amount of time sorting it all out. However, I'd argue it also evolves you as a person. It gives you experience you wouldn't otherwise have if you hadn't taken the step, that you can later use in life. And that's not even counting if it all works out with the relationship. It's easy for me to say as my gf is almost certain to move to me, but if the roles were reverse I could still do it because I want to "live life", to put it in a cliche way. Not to be bound down in the ways that I've always been. "Take the chance."

But it's really down on an individual level, and I hope it works out for your friend. There is no definite answer to this whole thing. The only answer can only be found out once the deed is done.
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Old 2012-03-05, 17:44   Link #10248
warita
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Originally Posted by Gamer_2k4 View Post
That's a pretty big if. I take it from your appraisal of the situation that you've never had to deal with this, since you're trivializing it rather significantly.
I love the way you make asumptions about me.

And you are wrong, I am in a long distance relationship and we will eventually move together and either he or I will leave the family and friends behind. But thats what telephone, emails and airplane ticket are for.

I have moved before big time, I dont live in my country of origin. Its not a big deal for me, because you can always find new friends and always get a new cellphone contract, etc. The question is, whether you want to do this for the person you love?

So your gf seems to be the one to do this for you, since obviously you dont want to change your life for her. And thats your choice, dont get me wrong, so as long as she is fine with it, than there is nothing more to say to it.

But the way you post here sounds like you are talking for everybody, which you are not. Different people see things differently.
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Old 2012-03-05, 19:41   Link #10249
Gamer_2k4
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Originally Posted by warita View Post
So your gf seems to be the one to do this for you, since obviously you dont want to change your life for her. And thats your choice, dont get me wrong, so as long as she is fine with it, than there is nothing more to say to it.
It's not so much that I don't want to as it is that both of us agree it would be exceedingly foolish to do so. I have a job with a great salary and great benefits 15 minutes from my house. She has a near minimum wage job and is actively looking for real employment after just graduating college. It's only natural for her to seek jobs where I live, since the alternative is for me to increase my commute time by two hours a day or quit my current job in order to get work where she lives. Also, I live on my own. She has yet to move out from her parents' house. When she does, she'll need a new place to live. Why not look for somewhere near me?

We're doing what's best for both of us - what's best for the relationship. It's not about one person or the other changing their life because the other won't. It's about doing what's best for the couple.
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Old 2012-03-06, 03:17   Link #10250
warita
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamer_2k4 View Post

We're doing what's best for both of us - what's best for the relationship. It's not about one person or the other changing their life because the other won't. It's about doing what's best for the couple.
In that case it is only logical she moves to you than the other way around. Good luck with your relationship!!
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Old 2012-03-06, 12:55   Link #10251
Crimrui
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For crying out loud, even simple relationships where people are next door break-up because they get bored or just don't feel the love anymore. For those who are truly willing to cross it, no bridge is high enough. Or so they say, some are just unbeatable for sure.

AtomicoX I thank you in his stead for nice wishes and warita good luck to your relationship too. ^^
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Old 2012-03-08, 13:53   Link #10252
Samari
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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So me and my girlfriend are planning to get married. There is a huge obstacle ahead though. She's an international student from Macau. We've been together three years and gone to the same university. In order for us to get married though we'll both have to go through the process of her getting her green card and also her working permit for the U.S. later on. But the important thing is being able to get married first. From the research I've conducted thus far, I hear it's expensive and complicated. Any thoughts on where I should begin? There is so much information on the internet I'm not sure where to start. I was even thinking about making a separate thread on this.
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Old 2012-03-08, 16:54   Link #10253
GDB
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Well, if you don't care for frills, I think you can get married rather cheaply in Vegas.
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Old 2012-03-08, 17:41   Link #10254
Endless Soul
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Originally Posted by GDB View Post
Well, if you don't care for frills, I think you can get married rather cheaply in Vegas.
We got married at a county court house. Way cheap.

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Old 2012-03-09, 06:56   Link #10255
warita
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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I want a simple small ceremony with only the closest relatives (brothers, sisters, (grand)parents and a few close friends.
I also think it would be really nice to hold the wedding party in the garden and order some simple catering. Nothing big really. Maybe I could just order the main course from the catering plus the tables ..................and appetizers and cakes can be prepared by the woman in my family. In fact, that would be kindo nice.
I never was into big expensive weddings. Maybe the more important part would be to have nice photos from the wedding

Unfortunately, the family of my bf likes big showy weddings. Not sure how well my plans will sit with them.
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Old 2012-03-09, 12:10   Link #10256
Kafriel
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Athens (GMT+2)
Age: 26
Having worked as a videoman for weddings for a while, this is how things are like here:
- the wedding costs ~5k€, split between the church, catering business and filming/getting the digital album done.
- the after party depends on where it's done and how big the couple wants it to be, so that varies a lot per job and by area. It could be done anywhere from a house to a hotel hall.
- not entirely sure as to how complicated it can get, but there's a lot of organization that needs to be done. Perhaps you should open a thread for it indeed...
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Old 2012-03-09, 14:54   Link #10257
LeoXiao
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Vereinigte Staaten
Age: 22
I would'nt want more than twenty people at my wedding, and costs should not go anywhere significantly above the price of the food needed and whatever money it takes to get the government to accept the union.
If a place like a church charges an exorbitant amount: Wedding, say goodbye to Church. Public park, say hello to Wedding.

EDIT: WTF happened to Ascaloth? Why is he banned?
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Old 2012-03-09, 16:50   Link #10258
Dextro
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeoXiao View Post
I would'nt want more than twenty people at my wedding, and costs should not go anywhere significantly above the price of the food needed and whatever money it takes to get the government to accept the union.
If a place like a church charges an exorbitant amount: Wedding, say goodbye to Church. Public park, say hello to Wedding.
Well I don't know how things work in other places but here in my neck of the woods you can easily get a civil wedding done for a very low cost. In practice the only thing you need to pay is for the notary to authenticate the "contract"). Well that and all the paperwork to change the ID card I think.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LeoXiao View Post
EDIT: WTF happened to Ascaloth? Why is he banned?
I've been wondering that myself
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Old 2012-03-09, 17:25   Link #10259
Gamer_2k4
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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I'd have to talk to my girlfriend about it, but I can't imagine that our wedding will be especially large. My family consists of about 8 people, and I can see myself maybe inviting a dozen friends or so. That's only twenty people, and while I'm sure she'll have more guests (and that I'm forgetting some), I doubt it'll be that much more. So I'll say 60-75 people? That's not a big wedding, is it?
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Old 2012-03-10, 01:26   Link #10260
Masuzu
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Ascaloth? No way.

On the topic of weddings, I have never been to a single one.
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